I’m very anxious and scared lots of the time and depend on others for reassurance and support. I really need constant soothing presences in my life to manage me or I get anxious and start having stomach issues. I really want to be pet and feel safe. I try my best to look as pretty and cute as I can to attract love and attention from people i view essentially as care takers. I can’t function very well on my own. I want to be essentially someone’s child ideally the same gender and sex as me so I can try to imitate them like I’m a miniature version of them. Does anyone else relate? And does anyone else know why or how people end up this way?
>>42299449Trauma. Persistent, low-grade trauma over a long period of time. Essentially you wind up feeling as if the entire world is unsafe and the only way to feel safe is to essentially put trust in someone who you know is safe to reassure you that things are okay. You end up with a thousand little micro triggers that tell your traumatized nervous system that things are getting worse.For a lot of people with these issues, parental figures become the sense of safety. The kids at school may have been mean, but you always had mom/auntie/dad/whatever other adult to run to in order to feel safe and secure.Put together you wind up with a pretty common presentation of CPTSD.Im pretty similar, tho for me it isnt a parental figure I crave (likely because the source of my insane trauma *was* parental figures and adults, so I wound up rebellious and anti-authoritarian). I need a safe person I can ground myself around. I end up a little emotionally dependent on "that person" when it happens, and try to impulsively "pay back" that sense of safety with acts of service. I also tend to rapidly develop strong feelings and a sense of loyalty to someone who lets me do this, and a strong protective streak.
