sorry for blog posting but curious on this. Does anyone else feel as if they could die at any moment? Ive spent the past few years having the thought that I could die at any moment by any caus randomly pop into my head. It gets hard to concentrate or think about the future now, each time I do I end up thinking about how I could die. Sometimes I think itll be soon, not like in a specific amount of time but soon. Maybe it has something with being a tranny but I can't stop thinking about how I might die at any time and how this might be soon and how ill be gone but I won't know when ill die since ill dead. Sometimes i end up in this kind of spiral where I realize I can't think about what will happen when I die since I won't be there for it, but I cant stop feeling the fact I will die. It's hard to explain but idk, maybe being a tranny does this to you. I don't feel sad often anymore, I dont feel happy much but it's not like gone or anything it's just a little dimmer. More feel like I'm waiting
>>42303016I always feel like i'm going to die but that's because i'm a hypochondriac and fear the worst a lot. For what it's worth you shouldn't be afraid of death, it's the inescapable inevitability of being alive. The only thing you can do is balance enjoying life and the people around you with other less fun but necessary concerns.
I don't want to take over your thread with my own problem but yeah I think like this kind of. I went through a pretty horrible breakup back in 2022 and 5 days later I bought a mossberg 500 to shoot myself with. I kept pushing it back and going "you have the mechanism to die with you can do it at any time", so I kept saying to reach X point and then decide if its time. I decided if by the time I finish my degree if I am unable to get a job in that field and am poverty locked forever I can die. That date is getting closer and closer and I have been thinking about death quite a bit. I was talking to someone on discord and she said how her friend got the same degree and can't find a job, I didn't tell her this but after hearing that I've been thinking about shooting myself pretty much daily and how my life might be over soon
>>42303016Pretty much all the time at this point. I have few friends and they're getting more and more distant. There's nothing in life I truly enjoy and everyday it feels like I have less and less reason to stick around. People always say "it gets better" but I've felt like this on and off for a decade and I can't force myself to believe them anymore.
>>42304776finish your degree and stay hopeful. also apply to internships now and lie if needed
>>42304776Anon please don't kill yourself. Seriously I've been there and ended up impatient and got my gun taken away in November. Different situations at present but similar catalyst to that end I suppose. My partner just up and abandoned me and moved back home with family and I just fucking broke down for a solid month. He told me we'd heal separately because our relationship was a fucking mess to begin with and day one he stopped talking to me for days on end only to pop in barely respond to my messages and concerns then drop off the map again. Finally find out in a video call that he was fucking his "friend" out there and had a big ass hickey on his neck. Yeah that drove me over the edge. I'm glad I didn't kill myself then because shits looking up in some ways for me. Even long term is looking bleak with me being kicked out of the air force for being a troon and with my excellent pay being thrust into the job market with no degree and yeah... I'm probably gonna default on my debt and loans including my car but I can't just bow out and give up, neither should you anon. Whatever bullshit we run into will only helps us grow as persons. It'll work out some way some how. I dunno who you are anon but I love you and believe in you <3
if you're counting suicidality then yeah.there's an outside chance i make it to 2027 but like zero fucking chance i'm making it to 2028and i'm okay with that
Sorry OP this is my last post. It really has felt like imminent doom and like the end is near which is why I posted. The feeling makes it hard to breath and like 1000 tiny needles are poking my skin. I would have left it at that but feel like I owe people responses. >>42305859Okay I'll start applying to accounting internships and get some office casual clothes. I have 2 years left>>42305924It's just this feeling of attempting to turn my stupid life around and the thought of it all being for naught is terrifying. I'm the first one in my family to go to college and it's like the only way I'm going to get FFS or other surgeries or even have health insurance. I know you're right though, it's stupid to kill yourself. A relative shot himself over some financial stuff so there is probably a genetic component to it. I'm sorry the government kicked you out of your job and all that shitty stuff happened. Thanks for saying that, I've basically spent the entire holiday season contemplating going through with it. I'll keep grinding and thugging it out like you are
ive always felt since i was around 11 that im just not built for the world, ill always be pretending and falling short of the bar. will never have a career, will never have an active social life, will miss out on almost everything. these are givens for me. the pain just gets exponentially worse as time passes. it will come to a head at some point.
>>42306358Hell yeah anon you got this. Keep that shotgun but get some shells for home defense or something lolI'd definitely start trying to set yourself apart from other applicants any way that you can. What are you majoring in? I was compsci but paused my schooling this past year because of the job market just making me feel kind of blah around it. Might change to something else that's still STEM desu. My girlfriend is probably my saving grace now desu. She's been really rubbing off on me with her eternal optimism.I've come to terms with my situation I just wish they'd put me on admin leave until I'm out in April so I could get a job and get a headstart on saving some extra cash for when I'm free. That's the one thing that's going to be sooo nice regardless of my finances, no more government dictating my every movement and how I present myself.. Being able to grow out my hair for the first time in almost 6 years is going to be the shit.Btw this is probably gonna sound stupid but this time of year even if you do go outside there isn't as much UV for your body to convert to vitamin D and it's heavily associated with seasonal depression. It may or may not help but taking a D3/K2 supplement might alleviate a little bit of the blues. Worst case it helps your immune system lol
>>42306358>>42307528Oops just saw you're in school to be an accountant. I've got a friend from HS who's been one for several years now. Maybe I could ask him what stuff makes applicants really pop, and maybe that other anon is spot on with the internships, I'm not sure desu
>>42307545>>42307528I'm close to falling asleep. Thank you for the kind words. I started trying to reply to a lot of what you're saying but I'm really sleepy. I'm sorry for suicide posting. I'm glad you have a support system like that to help get through these times
