> Be me. Mentally ill tranny.> I thought I was in a better place, but I never stopped being weird under the surface. I should have tackled the root issues.> Meet racist bpd tranner> Instantly something I can only describe as a prey drive takes me.> I used to feel this way as a kid, but this is a long forgotten memory. It feels incredible on an animal level.> Start looking into her online presence, find out where she lives (surprisingly well hidden online presence, but not good enough).> Fantasize about how I'll kidnap her and torture her for fun. Don't want to kill her by accident so I think of ways to mess with her head.> Genuinely want to do it and start making plans. Depression lightens significantly. I'm planning YEARS in advance, I NEVER do that.> Start documenting her mental state and things like her fears. It's not even 70% accurate yet but it's getting there.> Guilt and dysphoria keeps me from thinking about sexual elements (rape is malebrained, anon!), but they're obviously there. I think it's more of a control thing though.> Don't feel bad about any of it except for the sexual bits. Her racism just makes it so easy to glaze over in my head. Bad person.I don't want to be a bad person but this is the only thing that makes me actually happy. Please god tell me there's hope for me. I feel like a crack addict relapsing. She's also incredibly cute too. In a way that makes me Want. To. Hurt. Her. Nobody has made me feel this way since I was a teenager. What do I do besides rope? I'm not completely monstrous, I swear. It's just this BUG in my brain. What do I do??This is NOT larp btw, I rearranged stuff to make it harder to identify me but this is real. I have satilite of her apartment building. Please make it stop.
>>42306155Please say what state she is in at least, otherwise you'll have every paranoid tranny on this bored shaking tonight ._.
>>42306189I don't want to out myself or freak her out yet because she reads this board probably. Honestly you all should be scared because people like me aren't all immediately obvious and you leave breadcrumbs everywhere you go. I'm not even a hacker, I am just willing to dig and put puzzle pieces together myself.None of you are safe, and this post could be about any one of you.
>>42306230i stay strapped, so gl lol
>>42306230thank God I'm only racist in private, like every other white person
>>42306189To be nice because there's some part of me that wants to do good, here is a list of things that could put you at risk.Tripfagging, using the same or similar usernames in multiple places, posting about local ANYTHING beit events or places or people, appearing like an easy target, giving out places you've lived before even in general terms, posting selfies, posting real names, talking about your physical traits like height or race, posting about activities you attend that might have a publicly available list of people who attended, allowing new people into discord servers with a lot of old messages (do you remember every time you might have broken one of these rules, even in a server that used to just be you and some buds? i can probably find out!), and more. stay safe.
>>42306155getting more racist so i get kidnapped tortured and rapedPlease humiliate me also
>>42306274buddy, you can't even spell satellite, that's not very scary and reads more lispy angry fat nerd. I'm going to be actively more of a bad person just to spite you from this day forward
>>42306283based ily
>>42306246Smart decision making, but anyone with enough prep time and resources could get around it. Keep in mind, an attacker could be someone you're close to. Do you keep your gun on you when you're butt ass naked? Of course you can make your chances better, but you can't eliminate danger entirely, and it's always better to stay alert. You know those stories of people reading someone's diary and acting like their perfect partner to woo them? Imagine if that was someone who wanted to hurt you.>>42306257As with above, "private" is a relative term. Nobody is above being stalked. You all need to stay safe especially in our day and age. I could just as easily be a chud with a rifle and 10000 hours on the range, a fed with disposable time and even more disposable money, or someone you're thinking of marrying. Always stay alert. If you don't think it could happen to you, that makes it even more dangerous.
>>42306314only people who give af about being alive would care
>>42306314what made you want to target this bpd racist girl? describe her. i'm curious now
>>42306283>>42306285Okay! I wasnt trying to apear edgy or anything, just having a more lucid day today and wanted to get my feelings out / cry for help.You can be a bad person, it's not even gonna be a danger for you to be honest. I find her racism to be more of a green light in my brain that makes everything I'm doing okay. It's not, but I'm obviously not the most logical.>>42306276In my fantasies it's much more of a "you're mine forever and ever" thing. I feel a really sick blend of love and hate towards this woman and it's like i want to be the only person ALLOWED to make her cry. Probably not the cruel rapist dom you're after, sorry nona. Consider a consensual kinky relationship? It's much more rewarding, as my person doesn't even know i exist beyond a couple simple hellos.
>>42306341>as my person doesn't even know i exist beyond a couple simple hellos.oh phew, i thought you might actually be someone to worry about, but you're just a larping fag. huge relief honestly
>>42306320She's got the prettiest voice and she's so un-confident in herself and yet at the same time so self centred. She doesn't appreciate what she has and yet I think she deserves so much more. Her life is awful and it makes me sick knowing that I can't do anything to help from here, and all that love and hate at the world mixes with whatever is wrong with me until it just makes this pit of black tar that burns your mouth but tastes so sweet.Sorry, that got a little too me. She's a gamer, obviously, and she has all these real friends from pre-transition that all treat her so respectfully and seem to gravitate to her. When she leaves a call, everybody leaves too. She doesn't even seem to realize this. So many people love her and want her there and I can see why and I want her to be mine. Mine in ways that can't be escaped or broken. I know nobody can ever love me like they love her, and I know I'm too useless to everyone so nobody will ever need me either. The best I'll ever have is to trap somebody.>>42306349Okay that's not exactly 100% true, obviously I've spoken to her and she knows me but im nervous. I'm worried she'll see this even though I know she's asleep. Even if you think it's a larp, please, humor me a bit? Just tell me what to fucking do about this? It makes me sick that I'm like THIS and I can't change what I am without giving up all the sunshine in my life.
>>42306392>She's a gamerand suddenly i don't care anymore LMAOi was vaguely worried you might be talking about one of my friends, but we're good, so idgaf
>>42306392Adding on to the description, there's also real, tangible hate i have for her. She's ignorant and stupid, she embodies everything i hate in other people and myself. Almost everything, anyway, since she's not as awful as I am. My feelings are hard for me to understand.If you want a more general sense of why "normal" stalkers do stuff like this, it's mostly for revenge or lust or love. This sounds lame but I'm not the average person and the things i say here are uncommon. Obsession is a trait many stalkers have but usually it's a secondary thing. I'm obsessed because it's fun to be obsessed, and she's just who my brain decided it liked. I dunno.
>>42306155If your post is real and not exaggerated then it sounds like you have the energy and capability to create a world where you feel satisfied and driven in life without holding on to these kinds of fantasies. It seems like you value exhibitions of will and cunning, but also that you're having trouble applying those values to your own individual future (hence the protracted and distant yearning fantasy which is dependent on another person). When I intentionally applied those same drives within myself to creating a future which serves me alone, my life began to greatly improve! Therapy can help with that but finding a more reasonable outlet really makes a tangible difference. Perhaps law school?If this is just an exaggerated fantasy... well there are plenty of people into this kind of thing that aren't racist losers on the internet, but they will be drawn to these qualities only when properly displayed in waking life. Perhaps law school? lol ... you're gonna be okay, life's a bigger animal, take a bite and let the sweetness make you stronger each day
>>42306349Fuck it, i want validation that i'm a real stalker more than i want security. She's a history major at Troy University in alabama and lives in one of the dorms. I haven't narrowed it down beyond that but I'm being patient and waiting for more info to come naturally. She's in one of 4 buildings, doesn't own any jeans, and plays way too much csgo. She even has a clip channel on tiktok. I have most of the accounts she has hooked together as well as a couple of her past names, a list of people I suspect to be her irl friends, and more. I'm pretty much trying everything I can while i wait. All this from a public discord server. If I were to actually talk more beyond the once or twice we've spoken I could learn more, but again, autistic tranny who's awkward and nervous.God I'm going to regret this. And don't call me pathetic for talking big game, this was hard stuff to find! I'm not an expert. I hate myself so fucking much.
>>42306425I tried that but I just can't stand myself. I need something to turn my brain off and this shit is so fucking good for that. I was born to do this.>>42306478Regretting saying this already. Why why why why why do I want validation so bad. Why the fuck would I want some chuds on a dead bait infested board to think I'm some scary hackerman. I wish I could afford a gun to kill myself with.
>>42306478>>42306495how old are you lolprobably around 19? maaaaybe early 20s?
im going to assume this is a slightly played up fantasy and say there's a lot of people who are really into this but on a consentual and cool way. ive been a masochist all my life and only recently found another trans woman who really gets off on it instead of just simply indulging me. it's really hot and hearing about her lifelong impulses to torture pretty women makes my chest flutter. i need a woman to stalk me lol
>>42306495Allllright I guess I'm throwing dignity out of the fucking window tonight. Why don't I just start drinking and cutting myself too while I'm at it? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE MYSELF IM GONNA CRY FUCK I hate being this I hate being this I hate being this I hate being this please GOD FUCKING KILL ME I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE ALL I DO IS FUCKING HURT PEOPLE WHY. WHY WAS I MADE JUST TO BE A FUCKING FREAK.Genuinely, GENUINELY do I kill myself. My family would never find out why and they'd hate me and miss me but I would stop being this.
>>42306516go to bed babeyou'll feel better after some sleepthere are plenty of girls out there who are into being chased and obsessed after. just find one of those and talk to them. hell, i am one myself. we're out there. don't waste your time on someone who won't appreciate you
>>4230650522. I should have my life together by now. Can you just say I'm worthless so that I can have the catharsis of having my thoughts confirmed.>>42306509I FUCKING WISH IT WERE. Do you know how hard it is to genuinely convince yourself your life matters when you have no marketable skills and your "hobby" is just showing signs of mental illness. As an able bodied faketrans. Fucking hard. And now I will never even get to pretend to respect myself because saying all of this outloud is so cringe I could fucking die. Someone please just end my life.
>>42306535no, see >>42306530you're desirable to the right kind of person. just need to find her
>>42306155Are you attracted to her because she's a fucked up person as well as you?As an ASPD tranny I felt that way with a BPD girl who did prison time...
>>42306530You mean it? I fucking hate being so pathetic that you saying that made me cry real fucking tears. God I hate having feelings I wish i was a butterfly. Oh god this is a real low point for me man. Damn. I;m so tired.>>42306539I don't think I am desirable to anyone. I know I have traits people like, but I am so all over the place and so weird, I KNOW nobody would genuinely love the naked truth of my soul like how I feel when I think about her. I want to see how she is when she feels like nobody's watching, because then I know I'm not being lied to or lead on or that I'm not making her uncomfortable. I just want to be perfect.I'm sorry for losing my train of thought I'm really woozy from all that and trying to recover my scraps of dignity and hold-yourself-together-ness.
>>42306561Nobody is fucked up in the ways I am fucked up. Or at least nobody like me would ever show that. She's got problems but overall I think she does a net good for the world. I do not.
>>42306591yes, i really mean it. we really are out there, and we really would be flattered to have someone like you show interest in usyou should sleep so you can feel better tomorrowi don't think you need to worry about not being desirable haha
>>42306607nothing is stopping you from doing good things tomorrowbut a good night sleep sure helps(:
>>42306607Ohh trust me there's absolutely more fucked up people, you just haven't meet them yetYou don't know also if you will push her to her limit, maybe she will try to kill you, think about it
>>42306620>>42306632You are so nice and that really scares me because any time I have real feelings it makes it so obvious to me how I could easily be broken in half by someone who knew the very basics of me and cared even a little to hurt me.I'm going to go to bed and try not to puke about how much I shared tonight. And delete my folder on her and just go back to interacting regularly with her (because thank GOD for compartmentalization!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)Oh i do wanna ask one more thing. Hypothetically, how do I find someone who likes this sort of thing without embarassing myself like this? Lol. I fudged a couple details here out of habit so. I dunno. Sorry. I'm going to bed.Probably won't see me again, but i'll be seeing you! muahahaha. was that good? i dont know. okay seriously bye gn
>>42306687really cuteif i weren't compulsively schizophrenic about my online presence, i would offer to keep in touchi don't really leave my house much, haha. your best bet is definitely going to be to find us onlinesleep well silly
ok im paranoid now lol
>>42306392ok nvm its not about me because i dont have real friends
wholesome ending to the threadgl op hope you find the right girl for you
>>42306155Wow based. All tranners should have a mindbroken chuddette slave in their basement.
