most trans girls repressed for some amount of time and then came out, what fought through your repression?
>>42306961I consciously knew I was in denial and repressing for quite a while, and nothing was able to break me out of it, except doing shrooms and acid until it made it impossible to deny that suicide was inevitable if I kept repressing
>>42306961i came out as nonbinary, but that was another layer of repression. saw these theyfabs who presented in the way i wanted to, and i wanted to be like that. since they didnt use HRT, theoretically i didnt need to use hrt either. i know how stupid that was now, i saw them as feminine and i wanted to transition into femininity...it took 3(!!) years of this. i finally resolved to take hrt when my hairline started to go (hrt recovered it). however, the first year i was still in nonbinary boymoder wannabetheyfab mode, not seeking what i truly wanted. new years my first year of hrt i decided i wanted to be a woman
>>42306961i basically have the personality equivalent of malefail. i would be an absolute embarassment as a husband to a woman. to be fair some of my unmasculine personality traits are not necessarily feminine either. I'm super timid and cowardly. I have severe executive dysfunction from a lifetime of severe abuse and severe (disabling level) ocd, and possibly autism but never was tested (ocd and autism are apparently connected too.) My only strength is by virtue of endurance for all of the surprisingly fucked up shit I've been through, I've had an abnormal life. i also hated the disgusting masculine parts of my appearance like my chin. I'm still able to look good in makeup but i just pass as a femboy for now. i increasingly noticed im really repulsed by appearing as a male, whats on the outside for me really doesnt match whats on the inside. my ideal appearance would be jenny kim. she is so pretty to me. if i could look like anyone it would be her. most of my repressing came from thinking i couldnt pass because i didn't look good without facial hair until i found out about plucking facial hair and makeup like around a year ago. i knew at 12, got offered hrt by therapist at 13 but was too scared to go on it, repped but started thinking again at maybe 16 because of a dream i had but kept repping, realized again maybe 3 years ago but kept repping for the same reason as in adolescence, repped for other reasons until a few weeks ago. the only downsides i think that could have happened if i did transition early was that a), i may have ended up detransitioning and hating my life for being a cis man with a small dick from taking hrt at the beginning of puberty and hating trans people because of it, and b), i may have been severely traumatized by all sorts of potential bad things that i may have experienced if i decided to live life as a (trans) girl at that age. i feel so awful about myself now though. i hate being a male. i genuinely feel disgusting in my body.
>>42306961It's really simple, I finally got some stability in life and had the freedom to be who I want without inhibition.
>>42306961>everyone online I interact with happens to be transfem>you know, they kinda have a point>ah, fuck it, might as well try>ffw a few months>yeah this is betterThe psyop worked. Thank you tgirl feds.
