As an autistic khhv ftm, I have fully given up on pursuing people sexually. I tried it online in the past, but it felt like I was putting in 100%, while the other person wasn't really interested at all. Then I stopped doing that altogether. I did it because I thought men were supposed to 'make the first move' and so on. But now, even with people who message me first and indicate interest, a single back-and-forth leads to them losing interest immediately. Not sure how I do it tbdesu. I always feel a hot wave of shame because in the end, it was still me who got his hopes up.All of this has made me very insecure, and I probably wouldn't even engage with people online who are first to show interest in me anymore because they lose it so quickly.It's not even just women, it's men too. I make sure they know I'm a bit awkward from the start and struggle with talking about sexual stuff despite being a big pervert, but then they expect me to somehow become really flirtatious and explicit in private messages. I don't get how socializing works and it scares me.
>>42318443I hear you, op. My advice might sound cliche at first, but bare with me. I think you should take a break from dating for a but and focus on yourself. I don't necessarily mean this in a looksmax self improovement way- sure that always helps, but I think the main focus here is less so how others perceive you and more so how you perceive yourself. The vast majority of social anxiety/shyness/awkwardness comes from two things imo: lack of confidence in one's self/lack of liking one's self and lack of social skills. The former is the most important. You need to discover who you are and find faith in yourself. If you feel negatively about yourself, its inevitably going to cause you to come off as inhibited and stilted because you're holding yourself back from expressing yourself out of fear. Self improovement stuff can help, but the key here is internally sourced self acceptance and confidence, not externally sourced. Reflext on your positive qualities. Experiment with different things to discover them if you don't know what they are (if your immediate thought is that that have none, then you just haven't discovered them yet). Reflect on what your values are and make an effort to conduct your behavior accordingly. This will help you form a solid base that makes you feel secure and confident in your existence. When you return to dating, you'll be less focused on wanting to find someone out of desperation and more focused on finding someone compatible and not as bothered by people that aren't. As for social skills, that's a huge topic, but my best advice is always ask questions bc it's the easiest way to get a conversation started or keeping it moving along. Ppl love to talk about themselves and it makes them like you more because you come off as giving them attention and being curious about them, plus it naturally helps an interaction to unfold bc it gives you more info to comment on. Just don't make the questions too shallow or too deep.
>>42318520Hmm alright, I can try that. Thanks for the advice, anon
>>42318443>>42318520ContinuingBy too shallow I mean the kinda question that typically illicits a one word response and too deep I mean like cold opening with a super deep, open ended question when the interaction thus far has been very surface level. You have to balance it depending on the vibe. Generic questions can work, but if the only things you ask are generic, it can feel like an interview and lack novelty and feel less engaging. Spice it up a little. Don't be afraid to ask about something unless it's like overly political, dark or overly personal for the current state of the interaction/relationship. As for the stuff about being expected to make the first move and all that, I wish I had more specific advice, but I'm a homo so I don't know what it's like for guys pursuing chicks exactly, but you have my sympathies bc from everything I've seen and heard it seems like a huge pain. Talking to strangers on the internet feels enough like a chore bc you have to stay engaging and interesting or they'll get bored, but trying to impress a chick at the same time with some masculine performance seems like misery. But my prior advice will help you, I feel, in general so that this specific aspect of it won't won't as bad. Best of luck and don't give up, man. Your insecurity is not because you are flawed. It's because you are currently dont see the king you already are.
>>42318560Ofc I hope it helps
