ive gone all the way to get hrt but i just dont know what to do, i dont know if im trans or gay or staright, if im happy or if i hate my body or if i feel good or bad, i am so damn uncertain all the time i dont know HOW to know how i feel, i mean sure ive had troon thoughts since i was 6 but i dont know how i feel abt my self or anything for that matter,how do i become a person who knows how they feel how do i have opinions abut how i feel and how do i know that its true in my head, very confused anons please advice
>>42327095I cant help either but im also very much in the same situation rn.Am 3 mo hrt rn after more than half a decade of repping. And i was so fucking certain i was doing the right thing ~1 mo in and now im super unsure all the time again :c.i hate it.
>>42327095uncertainty is part of lifei'm 'faketrans' (according to this board) and i'm still unsure about things. i take hrt because i want to. that's reason enough>how do i have opinions abut how i feelwhat is this neurotic shit? just live, lolcomparison and self-doubt are the enemies of joy
>>42327965Not op, but I genuinely really struggle with not being neurotic about anything and everything. It feels almost impossible to actually trust myself. I think I probably do like the effects of hormones, but I still can't help but fear the possibility that I actually don't deeper down, and I'm only gaslighting myself into liking them
>>42327990Yeah i do the same (also not op).If i feel good about the effects of E i doubt if i *actually* do or if deep down im actually scared or dont care or if i just feel like i should like them but actually dont (whatever that means).If i feel bad about the effects of E i doubt if i *actually* feel bad or if im just scared of making such a big change in my life or if its just because im not used to it yet (this is mostly about breast growth desu tho, everything else just seems like an improvement).Repeat ad nauseam.
>>42327990>but I still can't help but fear the possibility that I actually don't deeper down, and I'm only gaslighting myself into liking themSorry to hear that nona :(I guess the reason I don't suffer from this is because I already failed at everything as a man. Hit the absolute rock bottom. So there was no way to go but up.
>>42327095the difficulty for me is that ive always felt ugly, since i was a kid, and this feeling has followed me all until now, getting worse and worse. i cannot convince myself that im really trans, but i need to believe i am so that i can transform my appearance, so that i have hope i can stop being ugly, because if i stay a man, im only going to get uglier, more monstrous, im so tired of being trapped here, i lost my entire youth to self hatred
>>42327095You’re just a retard being influenced by satanic demons and communist pedophile rapehon culture
>>42327095I dealt with that uncertainty by distracting myself and forcing myself to see it as unimportant.So... Just do it. If it works it's no big deal, if it doesn't it's no big deal.Nothing is a big deal.
>>42328047>Hit the absolute rock bottom. So there was no way to go but up.Same, except it's any up is actually inconceivable for me. It really feels like I should just accept that I'm just a man, as I will never feel any better than I already do, which is already horrible, but it can always get worse. I want transition to be the right path to not feeling this way anymore, but I can't help but worry that it just won't
>>42328136>except it's any up is actually inconceivable for meLearn to conceive it. I'm not joking.I started to write things down. Small things like:- i finally wake up calm- oh look, skin is better- today i was slightly less afraid to talk to peopleetc.Fake it till you make it works. Now I laugh at how fearful I was in 2017.
>>42328157That's actually what I'm desperately trying, but I can't stop myself from double guessing everything and constantly worrying "what if I actually hate this deep down? what if I'll come to regret it all? what if I won't feel any better, or even worse? what if I'm actually making myself dysphoric for no reason?". It's quite exhausting
>>42328201>what if I'll come to regret it all?unironically the answer to that is "we'll cross that bridge if or when we get to it"I was unsure about stuff almost 3 years into it. But slowly, one by one, I killed the brainworms with "so what?", "we'll see what happens" and "who cares?". I realize it sounds cliche but it works more often than not.
>>42328217It is pretty cliche advice, but you're right. I'm currently being needlessly neurotic, but it's extremely difficult to not be for me. Especially because I *want* this to be the right path, as I can't help but feel that being a man is akin to a death sentence
