For the last month all I could think about was the fact that I'm trans and to be honest sometimes I still think these are just some confusions but alas I somehow managed to repress it for 23 years and not realize despite being in a very queer friend group. I thought the depression I had randomly developed when I was 13 was genetics or bad luck or whatever but it makes so much sense. The intense hate and disgust I felt about my own body, the shame in the locker room, the uncomfortable feeling when I was in a cis male group. Heck I suddenly remembered how I pretended to be a girl online and tried on my mom's clothes when I was a kid.There are so many more things that were terrible in my life that are now explained but I thought that would at least give me some calm now that I have answers but nope. I'm so scared. Scared about what this means for my life, my relationships, my jobs, my degree etc. and worst of all: That hate I felt against my body, the fact that I found myself repulsive turned from sometimes crying in front of the mirror to thinking about it 24/7. When I walk past a mirror I actively avoid looking away as to not make me feel even worse. I never thought I had dysphoria but now it couldn't be any clearer. I hate this feeling, I hate this flesh prison and I hate how depressed I become even though I should be focusing on my exams right now.Luckily I have a therapist appointment soon but even if I get to convince him to get me started ASAP it will probably take up to a year before I can even get my hands on HRT. I have such an intense feeling of urgency suddenly. I feel like I'm watching my body change for the worse every day. I'm scared I'm already late but if I have to wait another year idk how I will cope. I will never be pretty or able to pass. I'll never be happy with myself. I know it's never late to transition and that's the mantra but that doesn't change the fact that I will always remain oddly shaped, clocky or just unhappy in my own body.
a GOON is born
Its never too late :)
>>42329402I've heard this mantra too much but not even estrogen can fix this gollum body
>>42329413Look I started at 27 and I pass better than youngshits after 1 year of injections
>>42329424my hope is that twink death will spare me until i get my hands on e. luckily i'm a 5'6 midget
waiting a year to be prescribed? are you insane just do DIY
>>42329445Same height for me too, 5'6" is a blessing for passing. When I was in your shoes a year and a half ago, I started going hard on voice training while I was waiting for E. In order to pass at an advanced age you need to learn and start working on voice, haircare, skincare, and makeup which may sound like a lot but will guve you something fun to do and loom forward to daily as you see incremental improvements in the mirror. Also get your ears pierced asap so they have time to heal.
>>42329470do i look like i have money?
>>42329481Luckily i have several ear piercings already and I take very good care of my hair since baldness runs in the family and I can't afford losing anything
>>42329519Im sorry to say that taking care of your hair will not prevent mpb, but if you can diy order some dutasteride or finasteride it should save you temporarily if you start losing hairq
>>42329535ah ik i'm on minox already trying desperately to convince my derm to let me have fin. An anti androgen before being able to start HRT? Yes please immediately. He's telling me nah you might develop breast tissue like that's sth bad
>>42329513it's under $200/yr for crying out loud
get on DIY right the fuck now, it's dirt cheap
Look if there are informed consent clinics in ur area. I thought i was fucked myself but turns out hrt is like a month away at any given point.Still not on it bc i'm a repper but yeah.If you go to an informed consent clinic you can go straight to an endinocrinologist and then its just a matter of blood tests before you can troon
