I have an opportunity to be in a relationship rn with an old friend (we even hooked up) but i just know that I have too many mental health problems, i couldn't be there for them or do the bare minimum and im just consumed with these terrible thoughts so i have to spend most of the day in bed. as much as i know its all just distortions but i keep thinking people want to hurt me or kill me. i know its not true but then i get wrapped in these unending fantasies about it and then i really start thinking about hurting myself, like it feels like that would fix it or if she just hurt me herself, but all of that would probably make me a really bad partner. the thing too is that she's actually a psychologist and she's had her own mental health struggles, i know she would understand but i think it would be too much for her, i'd hurt her somehow or just pull her down with me. im already such a bad friend with how bad i am about reaching out first or responding to her (or anyone in my life). but i also just long so much for a relationship, to be taken care of and to take care of, for closeness and trust, for security and intimacy, and to have someone in my corner. i've been in therapy for so long and i live in a mental health residential and no meds or treatments or therapies have stopped it. im at a loss, do i wait until im better and deny myself all that comes with a relationship for as long as it takes or do i risk the wellbeing of someone i really care about so that i can have that closeness?>t. bi mtf
>>42334805be transparent with them and have seggs
>>42334822but she would say yes regardless and its not even just her its anybody really that i might find myself close to. besides nobody knows what they're getting into until they're in it
>>42334834take all of your bpdemon thoughts, put them in a jar and don't unleash it on themjournal or something
>>42334805As someone in similar shoes although maybe without as destructive tendencies you have (DPDmoder) I say go for it. I don't want to wait and lose what could be a good partner that things work out with in the end. All is fair in love and war
i got my shark at first for the meme but now he's all i have to hold and help me when i start spiraling. and i think i need to just crash out a little bit sometimes but i couldn't do that if i was with or near someone.>>42334871i really don't want to hurt myself and i've been trying so hard, i've only cut once in the past year. but its going to come out sideways somehow or just be some intense stressor or something>>42334873but i don't think all is fair in love (or war for that matter), and i might really fuck her up without even knowing or intending to, and it might just be so overwhelming for her.
>>42334929as long as you honestly lay out all your issues on the table and she as an adult agrees with full knowledge you are morally in the right for attempting to pursue romance. Love is important and it's worth risking hurt for. If you want to be self sacrificing and suffer without ever taking a chance, that is also a valid pathYou simply have to make the choice and neither is better than the other
