This isn't what was supposed to happen. I knew it would, but I hoped it wouldn't.I never wanted to feel reverse dysphoria. I wanted to be able to enjoy the effects of estrogen.But now, I constantly feel as if my skin is melting off and I'm constantly in a state of panic because of the effects.I really don't want to be a man, but it's what I always was and always will be. My regular dysphoria was fake from the very beginning.I cannot ever be a woman, simply because my very own brain refuses it against my will.I really hate, really despise being a cis man, but I will need to accept it.
>>42338649please talk to an actual professional about this
>>42338684I would if the waitlists weren't so fucking long. For now I really don't know what to do but despair
>>42338649>he thought he could escape his self-loathing by becoming someone elseMany such cases.
>>42338816That's definitely a big part of it, but I also genuinely thought I wanted to be a woman and hated being a man. Unfortunately and apparently that's not actually the case ig
>>42338649This doesn't sound like dysphoria but a bad reaction to E. Take antihistamines. What's your dose?
>>42338965My dose was 5mg of EEn per week, but I upped my last dose to 7mg to make sure it actually suppresses my testosterone.I know it doesn't sound like reverse dysphoria because I don't actually want to be a man, but right now it really feels like I extremely dread the effects of hrt and looking more like a woman
>>423389977mg is a crazy high dose desu just up back down to 5
>>42339002I will in case I won't stop taking hrt outright. I've basically been bedbound since my last dose
>>42338720You could turn your despair into art
>>423389977mg is intense i've been trans for years and i currently take 2mg 3 times a day(6mg), although now i'm not sure what to do, because it seems like i've been recently cursed with hematospermia, i'm waiting to see a doctor about it, so right now i'm just going off vibes on figuring out what it is
>>42339048Oral and injection doses don't really line up tbhon.
>>42339056it probably could have worked if i just took it sublingually
>>42338684Therapists are useless and help with nothing
>>42338997Lower that dose, nona! you're gonna fry your receptors like this!!!
>>42339035I definitely should, but I can't even really begin to describe how uncreative I am. There's also plenty of art already out there better encapsulating despair, so at best I'd just create a poor imitation. I'm aware good art requires practice and experience, but I'll probably be dead by then
>>42339105I'll definitely lower it if I won't stop outright, as I'm genuinely horrified of becoming even more reverse dysphoric. I may hate being a man, but that doesn't mean I could ever be a woman
>>42338997i think its just your high dose making you feel like shit tbhon. happened to me once too.imo you really shouldnt quit hrt or anything. especially considering you dont wanna be a man.
>>42339220The higher dose is almost certainly making me feel worse, but as mentioned previously, I really can't help but feel that all my normal "dysphoria" is fake as well. It feels like I deeply despise being a man, because I just loathe myself
>>42339270i mean does it matter if its fake? i also feel "inherently male" sometimes but at the end of the day i really do hate the effects of testosterone and enjoy the benefits of estrogen so why does it matter if im actually trans or just faking it?also i mean i think its natural to dread living as a woman. its obviously something you havent done before and the social expectations and stuff are pretty scary especially when you havent been tought them.imo you really shouldnt worry about it too much. i think what you described is pretty normal and common among trannies. it sounds to me like a combination of dysphoria, impostor syndrome and the higher dose making you spiral.
>>42338649same, i hate the boobs, i hate being a man, i dont want to be an ugly unpassable tranny, i cant be a man. its just suffering, is it better to suffer towards an impossible goal than to suffer by giving up? who am i? am i what i am physically forced to be against my will? am i whatever my petty desires tell me i want to be? am i just nothing? i feel like im just nothing
>>42338649i think estrogen actually has an inflammatory effect on the body which is why it rises and falls in cis women and is counterbalanced by other hormones.high levels of E are not good and will make you feel crappy. it also blows out your estrogen receptors and makes them less sensitive, slow and steady is the way
>>42339427Estrogen is a histamine liberator and testosterone is an anti-inflammatory so it makes sense. I actually have an MRI today to check to see if high E levels are causing some kind of inflammation there. Too high and I get headaches. Too low and I get depressed. It's hell.
