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I feel like I'm both demisexual and somehow the opposite of demisexual. Schrödinger's demisexual. Does demisexuality even exist?
I only feel sexual attraction towards people I have a strong connection with, sure, but aren't most people like that? But I do have sex with people I'm not attracted to sometimes because they are easy. People say my sex drive is too high but I don't think it is... Sometimes I just don't know what to do with my hands and start groping and petting my partner because I'm bored and think they'll like it, not necessarily because I'm horny. I've also slept with some of my friends even without being into them because I thought it would deepen our bond and make them like me more. I just feel like I have no qualities besides being hot so when I want to get closer to someone as a friend I just end up flirting with them. I don't always catch feelings after they flirt back but sometimes I do. I've lost a friend recently because I took their virginity and they thought it was too much too soon and said they weren't ready to start dating and when I said we could still have sex without dating they rejected me. Honestly, I'm kind of glad; the bad thing about being friends with benefits is that they can see other people. But it's also why I found it kinda weird when they said they weren't ready for a relationship, because like, to me, the only difference between dating someone and being friends with benefits is that dating implies monogamy (for me. I'm just not polyamorous. I know it's not like that for everyone) and I get jealous really easily and can get possessive. I keep alternating between seeing sex as a demonstration of love and not a big deal. I have periods of time where I'm obsessed with someone and then it's like a switch is flipped and I stop caring about them. I enjoy foreplay more than actual sex, which sometimes confuses my partners. I don't know if that's all normal or if there's something wrong with me.