I've been in denial of it for too long, and now I'm completely unable to accept it. I was never actually trans, all my dysphoria was fake and something I've gaslight myself into feeling, my desire to be a woman was fake, and I can't not perceive myself as a man, but I keep denying the only reasonable conclusion. That being me being cis.
This is not bait ftr. I'm just desperate to find a way to accept it and move on with whatever is left of my life. I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to ask
>>42343447do whatever the fuck you want who careswahhhh i dont feel bad enough about myself im so faketransshut the fuck upjust because im dysphoric doesnt mean you have 2 bewanna stop being a tranny anyway? cut your hair off and stop taking the pills. most detransitioners look like ftm though so keep your expectations mild.
>>42343447i thought i was just a fem gay boy until i realized i was super jealous of passing trans women. so if you have some deep seated feelings like this yourw probably axtually trans.
>>42343653bi* but i want to get srs.
>>42343633My issue is that I have to accept that I'm cis even though I don't want to. Estrogen is making me feel worse, I can't imagine ever feeling comfortable as a trans woman, yet I still dread my life as a man, even if I know that it's the only path forward
>>42343653I'm not fem, and neither am I jealous of passing trans women, even though I thought I was for a while. I really believed I had similar deep seated feelings, but I was wrong, and now I still am in denial about it
>>42343752You don't sound cis maybe you're nonbinary or something
>>42343791I know I must be cis, but just repressing my desire to be a man
>>42343785I'm not 100% fem either lmao i still also have some boyish traits like being a bit immature and liking funny boyish stuff like shittyboyz lyrics (listen to game breaker or cheat code by them if youre curious). maybe youre like mello from death note (hes male but looks and dresses like a girl but also apparently has a tactless and wild personality and is a mob boss, i havent gotten to the part where they introduce him yet) picrel
>>42343752>My issue is that I have to accept that I'm cis even though I don't want to. someone in a different thread like this put this very well, they said that a cis person wouldnt feel like this and that being scared that youre cis is a very trans fear.
>>42343872I don't have any boyish traits, I have only straight up manly traits. I've also never wore any womens clothes, nor can I imagine liking it
>>42343914youre here for a reason sis
>>42343914also for the second part that type of thinking literally was happening to me yesterday because i was depressed and didnt shave or put makeup or anything for a few days (i didnt go out) and then when i cleaned myself up and everything i was literally overjoyed. honestly sometimes you do have to force it a little but when you do the payoff is HUGE
>>42343967Except, there is never any payoff in my case, no matter how much I force it, because I'm cis after all
>>42343911It may be a typical trans fear, but it's not an exclusively trans fear
>>42344009have you ever feminized your appearance at all like trying makeup? i felt no desire to do anything towards passing for a long time until i actually grew my hair a bit (it used to be really short like almost a buzz cut) and also tried makeup and when i did i was really happy. you also don't sound like someone who's comfortable living as a cis man. >>42344038you are overthinking :(
>>42344162>have you ever feminized your appearance at all like trying makeup?When I tried makeup once, I almost had a panic attack when I saw myself in the mirror.>you also don't sound like someone who's comfortable living as a cis man.I am fundamentally not comfortable living as myself, and I happen to be a cis man
>>42344320i don't know what to say. it sounds like you're clearly still dysphoric but can't figure out how to feel that your sense of identity is female
>>42344320i was gonna make a joke that maybe you need to be forcefemmed but im against the principle of forcing anything on someone. so i was gonna say maybe you should be voluntarily feminized. but idk. i think it's better to be flexible in my case i legit got forcefemmed by insane life circumstances and i repped as hard as i could until i realized that i really do want to transition.
>>42343447op i think you have a personality disorder
>>42344607Please elaborate?
op i literally just saw this as soon as i opened pinterest it's for you
>>42344545In what way am I dysphoric? I don't think I ever said anything that might suggest that I'm dysphoric
>>42344641There's no life for me to want to chase though? How it is, is the best it'll ever be.
>>42344657you're spiraling that you're cis and dont wanna be cis. only a trans person would do that. i literally went through the same thing like some time within the last week i was like "i wish i wanted to be a woman like trans women" cis people don't think like this and even if it's true you seem to have the desire to not be cis. maybe you should just treat it as something mechanical and transition even if you dont feel "trutrans".
>>42344634read about dissociative identity disorderwhat you're describing is pretty textbook although i would go and get checked out to be sure
>>42343752>Estrogen is making me feel worse, I can't imagine ever feeling comfortable as a trans woman, yet I still dread my life as a man, even if I know that it's the only path forwardSo hypothetically speaking, if you were to pass 100%, would you feel better about yourself?
>>42344757Most likely not actually. I feel like I would feel fundamentally wrong then, even if I don't like who I currently am
>>42344697And what would gain from that? Ego diffusion and feeling even more wrong in my body?
>>42343752>yet I still dread my life as a man, even if I know that it's the only path forwardWhat exactly is it about being a man do you not like?
>>42344862>What exactly is it about being a man do you not like?There is actually nothing I can concretely define. It feels like I simply dread it as a concept by itself. As if it's synonymous with misery
>>42344896Well figure it the fuck out then. Sounds like you're just torturing yourself for no reason. If you have zero reason to hate hating being a man, and a million reasons to hate being female, then what's the issue? Just don't transition.
>>42344932>If you have zero reason to hate hating being a man, and a million reasons to hate being female, then what's the issue?You are right, there actually is no issue. But I still struggle with it, and making up this whole issue for myself out of thin air. And that's kinda exactly my issue, I can't stop myself from doing so. I can't bring myself to feel like being a man won't be the death of me
>>42344958>I can't bring myself to feel like being a man won't be the death of meWhere do you think your problem with being a man lies? Is it something unrelated to gender but you've subconsciously made that association? Like an undiagnosed mental disorder, poor lifestyle, etc? Is it the the gender role that's the problem? Like, you don't have a problem with being a man but you feel inadequate as one. Does it feel exhausting living in as a identity that's boils down to an overglorified dick measuring contest?Are you a victim of your libido and are disgusted for feeling a certain way towards a certain group of people? Do you think transitioning will somehow fix that or validate said attraction?You gotta give us something other than "idk" anon.
>>42343752same so much, i look in the mirror i see a man, i know im a man, im supposed to be a man. my parents will never believe im anything but a man, nobody else will believe it either, i dont even believe it myself. i just want it so bad, i want to esacpe it, the ugly little boy with no friends doomed to become a hairy ugly monster who just has to work and come home and work and come home and work and come home and drink and hurt myself because ill never have love ill never be lovable just ugly ugly ugly
>>42343447The solution here is to understand that nobody is "actually" trans in the way you're thinking.To be trans is just to go through a social and medical transition and take on the identity label. There is no way to distinguish someone who gaslighted or brainwashed themselves into transitioning vs someone who is truly gender dysphoric-- which means that this distinction between "gaslighted myself into transitioning" and "true gender dysphoric" is meaningless.So don't worry abt it and move on with your life. Being cis is always more advantageous if you can stomach it
>>42345033Maybe I did subconsciously make an association, but it doesn't really feel like it. It really feels like I just hate being man because it fundamentally is disconcerting to me. Nothing you've suggested really affects me, because it's just trivial to me when I'm already just a man
>>42345203Okay, I'm just gonna throw a few things out there.>do you have a job?>do you live with family >are you in school>do you have a history of self harm>are you physically active>is your room clean>what's your day-to-day like
