i wish repping and religioncope workedi wish i couldve been the straight cis boy i mindraped myself into thinking i was for a few yearsi wish i wasnt so afraidi wish i didnt hate myself so muchi hate that my happinness, if it ever comes at all, hinges on me leaving my family behind - something i really intend to dobecause i know they would rather have me die than be what i am, a gay faggot who wishes HE was a girl so badly HE breaks down over it several times a weekand that's ok, i think i deserve to suffer and die for being like that too. i want my intestines torn open, my throat ripped out, my ribs crush, my skull caved ini'll never be a girl, i'll always be the shy weak little bullied gay boy i always wasbut if i can at least be an ersatz woman, if i could at least trick myself and the world..
in my experience unsuccessful reppers lament over not acting sooner or have some hope that there's a real possibility of passing with a different situation you have to truly believe that it's impossible for you to transition, no "maybe if this or that"
>>42345350the thing is you can cry into the void like so many people do, numb themselves with drugs or whatever coping mechanism works, the years pass by. you'll think your pain has apexed and then blink and its 5 years later, same thoughts, spinning your wheels.
>>42345350tbfh truthfully very very little of humanity has the force to exist regardless of and escape the circumstances they were born into, instead of being crushed and molded by them. your life wasn't meant to exist from the start, so anything you have right now, anything at all, is by virtue of your own strength. it's easy to redirect anger at the incompetence and evil of the world around you inward into guilt and shame, but it's hard staying that way, and impossible when you have a wanting hungry fire that knows better and prevents you from forgetting so much of the circumstantial air and earth you know little else than has to burn. even if every atom of your body is ripped apart and flayed, you won't stop wanting to be free. please don't forget that strength comes in all forms OP, even if it feels hopeless, even if what you're doing doesn't feel or look like fighting, you have to cut and strike as hard as you can. the world is weak. the world is the devil, and even little kids can kill the devil. fear is for the weak, and they wanted you to be scared, but you weren't weak, so they had to convince you you were, and build a cage around you so you would never know anything else. you can't convince yourself to be brave, you have to be disillusioned from the cause of the fear.
