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I’ve been questioning my gender since I was 16 and im 24 now. I go through waves where I think I might be trans and other periods where I feel like I’m probably not and maybe just overthinking things.

I’m autistic, and I know autistic people are statistically more likely to be trans. Sometimes I wonder if that means that i might be misinterpreting things or analyzing myself too much.
I don’t experience strong body dysphoria. I don’t feel pain or emptiness when I look at my chest or genitals. I’m mostly okay with my body, though I’d like it to be a bit more fit. Body/facial hair annoys me but doesn’t distress me.

At the same time, I do feel gender euphoria in certain situations. I enjoy being addressed as a girl in games or sometimes in public. I often imagine that I would like a more feminine body: softer skin, softer facial features, a more feminine figure, breasts, and even the idea of having a vagina doesn’t feel shocking or wrong to me

I notice these feelings become stronger when I feel very insecure about my body or about being desired. Part of me wonders if I want to be seen as a girl because women often receive more attention and are seen as more interesting, especially in male-dominated spaces like gaming or sports in which i spend the majority of my time. I sometimes think life and dating might have felt easier if I had been born female. I think it is important to mention that i have never had a relationship before but have always felt a strong desire to fall in love with someone

As a child, I didn’t feel like something was wrong with my gender. I wasn’t raised in a feminine way and wasn’t allowed traditionally feminine toys. I never felt that there was something wrong as a child, something i very clearly felt regarding my undiagnosed autism at the time.

There are also fears holding me back: fear of not being accepted by my environment, fear of making relationships even harder, fear of infertility and later regreting my choices