I accidentally came out to some of my friends in a bar last night and realized that what really bothers me about transitioning isn't the becoming a tranny no, it's the fact that I know I'll be extremely lonely once I do. No one will be waiting for me. And when I transition and get into a relationship? There will never ever be another person thinking the exact same thoughts as me. This is ridiculous but really no one else in the world will fully accept me outside of a person that's a perfect mirror of me.
>>42369927Even my fucking dad whose been married to my Mom "happily" for the past 50 years had a moment of clarity a few years ago where he just stepped away from a family reunion for maybe an hour. My mom was wondering where he went and when we saw him again at the end of the night he just said he was walking around. A few days later I woke up to my parents talking in the other room and my dad was about how he realized at the party that he STILL did not fit in with everybody else, that he felt exactly like he did as a kid when he got bullied at school. My mom tried to comfort him in the way she usually does by being happy but it was obvious that nothing was really getting to him. I suspect my mom is as lonely but doesn't verbalize it. Like am I just fucked? These are people that raised me and I'm also an only child. I'm sure people will love me at some point but I don't think anyone will ever truly match up with me and I can't stand it. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I'm so lonely. The bar last night was also so messed up because the trans people there were sorta helping me out but they weren't really listening to my concerns. Then the cis people could barely talk around me the whole rest of. the night. One of them gave me a hug but it was so hollow. As we were leaving one of the trans women stays behind walking with me and is trying to give me advice and then I ask her if she was trying to continue this conversation because I needed more and she was like "no, I have to go home" and left barely a minute after. Why? Just why?Even this thread is probably going to go unanswered and ignored. Sigh.
>>42369927this is EXACTLY why t4t transbians exist. it seems like you would fit in well there
>>42369927I realized pretty early in life that I was destined to be lonely and angry no matter what, it's not fun, but I've stopped trying not to be and focused on coping.>>42370119If your question is "will my insecurities end when I'm 50", the answer is no, they won't. You'll just get more accustomed to the feelings. Adulthood is the same petty bullshit as childhood except more health problems.
>>42370119Autism maybe? It's hard to ever feel like you belong when you have it.
I'm just so lonely so angry and frustrated at myself. I kind of want to deal with my self issues, I always used to say that about relationships that you should be secure in yourself but I am not secure at all and really afraid of becoming secure. I don't know why. Even when I think about fixing myself I still think that I need someone with me to cry to when I come home. >>42370139That all goes away eventually. This is the exact problem with my parents. They're still so lonely despite the fact that they've been in a relationship for 40 years. >>42370144>>42370145The loneliness issues seem permanent. Perhaps we should all just kill ourselves and hope the best for the rest of the world
>>42370273what goes away? dysphoria?
>>42370273I think you should kill yourself. No hate. I just dont know what else you can do when you are already set on being miserable in 40 years becauee your daddy was sad one time years ago.
>>42369927
>>42370313No I'm talking about the relationships. They all end eventually. >>42370321Nigga those are the only other two people in my life the most like me. I don't give a fuck about my dad being sad but I don't think it bodes well for me knowing that I literally biologically am him and psychologically too. Outside of inheriting his genes that contribute a lot, I was also raised by him! It's just objectively true that I could end up the most like my parents!I mean even in this conversation rn I resemble both my parents. They both are extremely negative and seek little things to be negative about when something minor happens, like I'm literally doing that right now. It's just destiny that I inherit their bad habits. >>42370342I didn't know they made that. Interesting.
>>42370396>They all end eventuallyso kill yourself. that's the logical conclusion of this worldview. nihilism triumphs, there's no point to anything, may as well die. if something holds you back from killing yourself, try to figure out what that is. there must be something holding you to life, other than fear of death. otherwise you would actively be planning your suicide
>>42370396are you an analog.man enjoyer
>>42370416I mean it's pretty much just the fear of death. I like masturbating, but when I think about how my sexual fantasies and the porn I watch are all fantasies I'll never get to live out I get pretty close to wanting to end it all. But the orgasm helps. I do like experiencing pain and sadness I guess? I also make art but that doesn't really keep me here. >>42370429No I just know information about guitar pedals.
>>42370662truly, if i can find a bf who helps me live out my AGP fantasies... there's no way you're more busted than i am. no matter how much money i spend, or how long i'm on e, there are parts of me that are just grotesquely unfixable. but i still have a bf. you haven't even tried to transition, but you're writing yourself off. this is a completely mental block that you have. you're just being a defeatist contrarian self-sabotaging only-child bc that's what your parents trained you to be. and that's ok, mine trained me to be that too. but you have to let go of this prejudice that you're doomed to fail, that prevents you from ever trying. it's a spiritual virus and i'm sure it's infected other parts of your life
>>42370714extremely real post. good work anon.
>>42370662like what do u know :O
