>started hrt in mid 2016 at 27>now 36>exclusively gendered male>keep getting hair cut short as i'm too scared to let it grow out>still have facial hair as i got too anxious to keep going to appointments>haven't voice trained>haven't come out to any friends or family or coworkers due to fear and anxiety>threw out any women's clothing i had years agoi am terrified of being visibly trans and it's only gotten worse over the years
Girl what the fuck. Go get some klonopin and a therapist. Anxiety is controlling your life.
>>42370435this
>>42370339accepted that you have wasted ten years of your life, and let this light a fire under you to waste no moreeither that or accept you unironically just aren’t trans, hrtrepping without things boiling over, keeping hair short and facial hair in tact for ten fucking years suggests it’s significantly more livable a situation for you than it was for me
All you can do is stop caring. At first you'll burn with anxiety like skin is on fire but after 6-12 months it'll burn off and you'll be a better person. Stop saying the word "can't" and just do it.
>>42370455>either that or accept you unironically just aren’t transyou're probably right, i've tried to stop hrt a few times but always started again because i feel better on it. i'm not happy as a man but i don't have the drive to do anything about it
>>42370339please post unseei'm genuinelly curious how you look
>>42370339this is what the /tttt/ "manmode till you perfectly pass" narrative results in btw
>>42370435i take medication and have tried therapy a couple of times but didn't keep it up
>>42370339lol
>>42370339How does it make you feel knowing I started at 35 and in a couple years I have already had extensive body and facial hair removal, I am growing my hair out, I am out everywhere, and I am half way through voice training?
>>42370989idk, i get jealous of a lot of people, i'm used to it
>>42371013I was hoping it would light a fire under your ass
>>42371046i'm just kind of numb i guess
>>42370551Have you been on antidepressants? If you lack any motivation to this degree, you're probably extremely depressed
>>42370339This is going to be me in 7 years lol
>>42371097i am on them yes
>>42371115Which ones? Have you tried different ones or only the one kind?
>>42371122i've only used sertraline
>>42371145Ask your shrink to try a different one because you're clearly still very depressed. When I started out, they put me on lexapro and after a few weeks asked if my suicidal ideation was gone. It was and that was enough for them to never bring it up again. I had to bring up myself that I still was completely anhedonic, as you seem to be. Since you also seem to have anxiety, might be helpful for you to switch to an SNRI. Those give you insane withdrawals if you miss a dose, fixed my social anxiety though and was what I needed to actually take steps to transition beyond taking hrt
>>42371170i'll look into it
>>42370339>started hrt in mid 2014 at [redacted]>now [redacted]>kept getting hair cut short cause I got no clue bout long hair>don't own women's clothing>still happy clamHonestly you do you op
>>42370339you are self aware of that your tranny thoughts are fake, so stop doing a half measure and just detransition. hop on tren and become gym bro
>>42371248You literally have srussy
>>42370339>i am terrified of being visibly trans and it's only gotten worse over the yearssamefor me it's so bad i am afraid to get into an uber or see doctors
>>42371461I mostly stopped going to kebab stores since being visibly trans. Occasionally I still go and they're usually very nice anyway, which makes me feel racist afterwards
You've let anxiety control you and trap you in a Hell of your own making. You could've solved most of that with a little work but you instead robbed yourself of any chance at joy. Bravo!
>>42371473>I mostly stopped going to kebab stores since being visibly trans.i stopped going outside besides for work and even that scares methe average person hates trannies but just doesn't show it or make a big deal about it>Occasionally I still go and they're usually very nice anyway, which makes me feel racist afterwardsthat's how it is. they're nice to your face and then they talk shit to their friends about the weird fag or troon they saw at work the other day
>>42371564I've stopped worrying about what people may or may not say behind my back. It doesn't affect me and I also have no way of knowing if its even happening so it quickly just becomes baseless paranoia. Also you can usually tell how much a kebab guy actually likes you by how much meat he puts. Its an occupation incompatible with deception
>>42371581>It doesn't affect meif they're my doctor or my driver or coworker it kind of matters what they think of me
>>42371695Not really. None of those people are your friends. They fill a utility role in your life and beyond that, you don't need to care
>>42371709>Not really. None of those people are your friends.NTA They are people that can affect the outcomes of your life, what they think of you is important.
>>42371739Sure, but if they do that you'll usually know. There is no reason to worry about people talking behind your back in the absence of an indication that they are
>>42371408Yes and?
>>42371872You have done infinitely more for your transition than op has. Your situations are not comparable
>>42371709>They fill a utility role in your life and beyond that, you don't need to careif their perception of me affects how they fulfil that role or puts me in danger i do have to care
>>42371897Every transition is a unique exploration of oneself Ofc they aren't comparable
>>42371919Yeah, and OP hasn't done any exploring in a decade>>42371909You have no way of stopping people from perceiving you how they're going to. If people are going to be shitty because of that, that's just a thing you're gonna have to deal with. Some things are just out of your hand
>>42371960Maybe that's her way of exploring herself, taking the slow and scenic route
>>42372005lovely way to put it
