Every now & then you people on this board can be serious and talk like normal human beings, so I'll ask:For you anons who've been in love with someone but aren't with that person anymore:>Why?>Do you know what they're doing now?>What was the last time you saw each other like?>Do you miss them?>Did your orientation/transition help or hurt your relationship?My partner and I really love each other and want to make it work but I can't escape the feeling we're only delaying the inevitable by continuing to date instead of calling it a day. We've just grown more distant, more fed up with each others' flaws, and more unsatisfied. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'll be okay one day if it happens.
>Why?i'm a lesbian :(>Do you know what they're doing now?yeah. we're best friends. it hasn't been very long, but we are both very lonely without each other and he is trying to find someone new who will love him and treat him well. i'm trying to be helpful and encouraging.>What was the last time you saw each other like?it was new year's day; we mostly had a nice time but it was underscored by stress. we had sex one last time, trying new things to figure out if there were any way it could work for me.>Do you miss them?very much. even if i wasn't really into the sex at all, i loved him. i still love him. he was warm and cuddling was my favorite. i liked watching him play games and cooking together. he got me to watch Gundam Wing with him and i want to finish it.>Did your orientation/transition help or hurt your relationship?hurt, obviously...it put stress on the both of us and it only got worse with time. it didn't change the way we feel about each other, though. i do so wish i were straight. he's so awesome.>I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'll be okay one day if it happens.i think it will. you can still be friends, no matter what anybody says. and there are always other fish. what sorts of issues are you having? my ex and i had all sorts of little problems that we worked out with each other by talking.
>>42384038i think i should add here that the stress was not entirely caused by my sexuality. it is just the reason we broke up, ultimately, on top of the stress. it wasn't worth keeping all that up knowing we were sort of doomed in the end anyways. i cried a lot but it feels okay, now. i just want to cuddle again :(
>>42383905Ive been through several relationships and my current one is falling apart fast, so Ill kinda mush em all together.>Why?Variety of reasons. Usually had to do with me being generally kind of fucked up ans not actually forming a proper relationship with good boundaries n' such. Usually I wound up giving too much of myself and setting expectations that couldnt hold when the facade broke and they saw the real me. Honestly I just kinda struggle to truly open up to people in a meaningful way, and when I do, Im never quite what they thought.>Do you know what they're doing now?Not really, no. All of my exes stopped being my friend. Breakups were always brutal.>What was the last time you saw each other like?Last one tried to manipulate me again. Lady before that was flaunting the guy she cheated on me with. One before that was just a solemn goodbye. None of them felt great. >Do you miss them?Yes and no. I miss feeling loved, I miss the sense of closeness... I dont miss the fucked up toxic relationships I formed.>Did your orientation/transition help or hurt your relationship?It destroyed my current relationship. I woke up to my real needs and realized my spouse was satisfying none of them. My relationship pretty much immediately broke.Sorry I cant provide more hopeful responses. Good relationships can end in good ways, but it takes a lot of courage and strength of character to do it properly. I wish you luck, nona.
>>42384038>what sorts of issues are you having?Neither of us feels sexually satisfied anymore, we take life at a very different pace, I almost never know if my lack of attraction to her is just because I don't feel for her the way I used to or because of my depression, she's very much an autistic creature of habit while I'm an ADHD person who does different things a lot of the time.And if I'm being honest I don't think she holds herself to a high standard and I feel like a snob for even feeling this way. She barely showers once a week, sits on piles of memorabilia that never do anything except gather dust & clutter the room, and never makes any effort to present nicely when we go out. I feel like a prude but honestly sometimes it's embarrassing just being with her.
>>42384228it does sound a bit like the two of you might be incompatible, yeah...have you talked about this stuff? sat down and had a real conversation about it? even if it doesn't solve your problems, it will help the both of you understand where, mentally, you are. this is pretty important stuff. if there's no way to reconcile your differences, it may be best to call it quits now, while you might still be friends afterward. i'm projecting a bit, here, but i think that's important...or at least being able to say it didn't crash and burn. i find so much joy and relief in being able to know that my ex still wants me in his life. he's been my rock for a very long time and if i lost that i think i would lose myself, too.basically you should have a serious conversation about possible futures, is what i'm saying.
>>42384370Scratched the surface a couple of times. Never really had the full hard talks though. She kinda has a tendency to just shut down when I talk to her about her habits. Not even sure just how ugly it'd get when I have the talk about how it's sometimes embarrassing to be with her
>>42383905>Why?I wasnt "in love" with her and there were major insecurities/uncertainties I had that were unfair to her. Wasnt sure if I wanted kids or to stay in the town. I wasn't a good partner to her, very jealous (projecting). We were very young when we started dating, 16 years old, & I wanted to experience more.>Do you know what they're doing now?She married the guy she started dating shortly after we broke up. She's a teacher and he's a doctor. I'm happy for them.>What was the last time you saw each other like?The breakup was sad, but it wasn't malicious. She said something like, "maybe someday when we're older we might end up back together." It was kind of her to say. We saw each other a few times in passing, but it felt awkward and we didn't interact outside of maybe saying "hi." It was a mess on me since my uncertainty caused me to hang on longer than I should have by trying to "be friends," but she was graceful about shutting that down. That made it worse on my part and I regret it a lot.>Do you miss them?I miss her in the way that she was my best friend for almost 4 years during some of the hardest times of my life and she was my first for everything. I really loved her and she's always been a good person along with her family. I have nothing negative to say about her. I have no regrets for breaking up, but I do wish I could apologize for my behavior and make it clear that it was my fault but I'm not that person anymore. I'm with my soulmate now and I have no uncertainties whatsoever.>Did your orientation/transition help or hurt your relationship?I came out years later, but my depression during repping contributed to being a shitty partner in my first relationship. It was similar for the first half of my current relationship, but we've worked through it and are stronger now than ever.
>>42384509mm :( would it be possible to make small, corrective requests? could you shower more frequently? could you clean up a little? what could we do with these things you have? etc...you can also take a larger conversation slowly, i think, and maybe you need to just allow it to devolve as it will. at some point this stuff needs to come up. either it works or it does not, but if you want to try, talking is really important.
>>42383905>Why?She had to move.>Do you know what they're doing now?She’s doing her best, busy with work. Spoke with her this morning>What was the last time you saw each other?I saw her on her birthday last year when she came back to visit.>Do you miss them?All the time. >Did your orientation/transition help or hurt your relationship?I think I helped her and pushed her further into her transition, and I couldn’t be prouder to have loved someone like her.
>>42383905>Why?I was their only emotional support, and had been for much of the relationship. I loved them, but it was draining, and I should have broken up with them sooner.>Do you know what they're doing now?He’s a grad student studying the same creative field I currently work in. (I always liked his work and am a little insecure since I never studied this field in school)>What was the last time you saw each other like?He moved to my city a couple of years ago. We got coffee last year, caught up. It was a little awkward I guess, but felt pretty normal. I was sort of expecting i’d be attracted to him again, but he went on T and I’m rarely attracted to masculine men. I had a reasonably nice time, and we’ve texted each other now and again over the past year, but we’re not friends again.>Do you miss them?Not really. I miss his creative mind though.>Did your orientation/transition help or hurt your relationship?He’s a true blue bisexual, so he didn’t mind that I was transitioning. He liked it, I think. Neither of us was on hormones when we were together, mind you. I supported him exploring his masculinity, he made a cute butch, and the fact that we were both sort of in the closet was a thing we had in common, we made good confidants for each other. Obviously, it probably would have still fallen apart eventually given my lesbianism and his desire to transition medically, but at the time we had much bigger problems
>>42385898My advice to you OP: your life will go on if you stay with her or if you leave her, if you stay friends or if you don’t. Try having the hard conversations in a kind, mature, and totally honest way, because if that improves the relationship? Great. If that ends the relationship? Then it needed to end, and you’ll be better off for not having lingered in it unhappily.
>>42383905ive been in love with someone but was never actually with them because:>why?because they never liked me lol>do you know what theyre doing now?making a "psychological horror" roblox visual novel based on a danganronpa-like game>what was the last time you saw each other like?talked* to eachother: a huge misunderstanding and ended in bad terms despite wanting to make amends and fix things>do you miss them?cant really miss them if i decide to make up a whole new version of them in my head to cope with it!>did your orientation/transition helpdefinitely not because he was straight but it is now one of the main reasons i decided to detrans (not really if i never was in the first place) and repress :>as for actual relationships i dont have much to say as so far i only have 1 ex but im certain that it ended up badly because of me. though i must clarify this was a ldr too. as for irl relationships, to no ones surprise, i have nothing to say.
