You should never, ever lose hope that you can be happy dating men and letting yourself act girly without ever touching a drop of estrogen!

>>42575442
how did you get neetbux gincel? you couldn't do this all day every day if you had a job

>>42575442
>>42575456
Actually, yeah, what is your secret? I'm filling out like three job applications in other tabs.

it's not represser it's represSIR

>>42575432
>when did you lose hope?
I have actually tried to force myself to give up hope in the past and it's somehow impossible.

I just kind of ignored it for years becaue no one can really explain dysphoria and I can’t relate to a lot of trans experiences. Now I realize not choosing is still choosing. I’m balding (fixing it with fin and min, made massive regains), covered in hair and I have too much belly. I’m thinking about going further than my light “they them” identity but it seems risky

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>>42575432
>>QOTT: when did you lose hope?
in past? cant really pinpoint, but when i stopped reading about countriea i could flee to and troon... currently... hope still loves on. still heard stuff today. will get doped and play orinoco flow to test if its true... almost certainly she will lose her shit, maybe play goodbye my friend before,and poison by Alice Cooper... maybe mom took benzos or leftover pregabalin to pretend, but i had seen her red eyes two times and had hands so shaky she had a problem to open door with a key. soo of you read this act wisely, its (250mg of 70% heroine und 2g of morphin) enough to kill a horse, surely would turn me into a corpse. i need an hero. dad help me
>how do I get neetbux?
get a job. gender neutral one, somewhat fem leaning one preferably

aah and already nearly cried at job. ffs. dissociating hard, like controlling flesh robot made of bones with meats on it. warmer, stimless, veins showing, almost want to puke, seeing boymoder memes and photo of Xenia from archive almost made me lose my shit. maybe i jad a chance then. maybe not... was in a fuckton of debt withbscrambled and then wet brain. eeh. will see. now gotta start instructing pool gymnastics for geriateics at 10am as i am physio. warm turquoise waters. sail away sail away sail away

it's so incredibly over

I wish I hadn't been such a fucking coward
I absolutely deserve this

>>42575570
The exact moment I decided to rep i went from a beautiful twink to Norwood II

>>42576167
real and same.
there was no classic coming of age moment and self actualisation, just constant self betrayals and pushing the cart down the road.

>>42576366
i swear that repping somehow triggers the specific stress hormones that make you norwood at 20

>>42576688
I didn't think people went bald at 18 especially when your father and both grandfathers aren't bald

>>42576769
I started going bald at 17.

I honestly blame enviromental pollution. For this and adhd/autism/ mental illness.
There's SO MUCH shit in the groundwater.

Had that dream where i trooned out into a pretty twinkhon and am friends with the queer people i've met online when i was fifteen.

>>42576794
I would agree, but I have a little bit of doubt because the city i live in has been industrial for generations now with manufacturing and leather tanning. So I dont see why its suddenly worse now

its gotta be those darn microplastics

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jokes are over now, dont try stupid shit or else

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>>42575570
Sounds a bit like me, except I don't know how much fin and min have helped, but at least they're presumably stopping it from getting worse, and I'd describe my they/theming as selective rather than light.
>>42576799
I had a dream once that I looked in a mirror and saw a very plain, even dumpy, woman, and it was one of the most satisfying dreams I ever had.

Realistically how bad should dysphoria be to not rep. Like I am miserable and I feel like I can’t properly communicate myself to people I’m attracted to but I’m not going to kermit. Being trans is the “get discriminated ” button

>>42577550
John 50.
If you're high IQ you can rep indefintely the same way you could live through an apocalypse/in a death camp.

Low impulse control will make you troon out immediately.
With high impulse control you need to actively make the choice because you're the master of your own destiny(Even if you choose to do nothing.)

>>42577578
That’s true but I’m getting the trans dreams now. Not often, but enough to annoy. Just scared that 1) life might be easier as a woman in some aspects and 2) delaying it will make trooning harder

But yeah you are right. I’m absolutely not an impulsive person

>>42575723
>maybe I had a chance then maybe not
I'm starting to thinking there's never a good time to keep repping, there's never a good time to troon out, there's never a good time to do anything. There are only times we do things and times we don't.
The warm turquoise waters sound nice tho.
>>42577550
From everything I've gathered, being trooning out is not easy, so you might ask yourself if that slog is better or worse than the slog you're in now. life's less about the good decision and more about the least bad one sometimes.
I suppose you can also ask yourself how important different things are. Like, I don't know how trooning would help you communicate with people you're attracted to. Since it alters your relationship with your body and seems to spill into social interactions, I'm assuming it would change that type of communication. I can't imagine it would make it easier, but I know I've never committed to a relationship, and part of that is related to the tranny thoughts. It has made me less interested in relationships to the point where I'm socially asexual lol
If I do end up trooning, I don't know how that would impact my relationship status down the line. It's not important to me either way.

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>>42577578
>Low impulse control
double edged sword af. in a belll cuorve retard midtwit genius way. hence lowkey spectrum of "hsts"-reps-'agps" with reppers in the middle. or am i babbling b bullshit cause mildly doped ketteedd and baked. had ti chexk if iits freebase biit it workss nasaaallt actuallly. wowawow woo woo. gonna take a nap cause no nep. i will give them some. time to read. then orinico flow. will see what happennbs

>>42577550
Your brain literally protects you from bad dysphoria so it's not even a problem

low iq: i have no choice but to rep
medium iq: there's no such thing as no choice, repping is a choice and it is the wrong one
high iq: repping is a choice and it is the right one

>>42577673
Makes perfect sense. Nice ass. Are you a hrtrepper?
I also agree with what you said it makes sense. Hsts are more naturally female because they don't overthink it, they just are. AGPs make excel sheets of transition goals/progress where they note girlfail to voice training ratio.

>>42575462
>what is your secret?
autism diagnosis before 24

heard comments att job still. same coworker girl, that said is hhe to be made intoba woman said walks like a chick... could be still psychosis but... hmm... i want to belive. sigh... i need badly to belive.

>>42577709
Universe is giving you signs

>>42577673
how tall are you agpschizo? and what are we smoking tn
i read some of your other posts but its hard to understand mostly is that drugs or are you actually schizophrenic

>>42577698
axtually no hrt just big butt genes. ooold photo from late summer when i had to take care of neighbours dog.

>>42577659
I don’t like playing the role of a man in a relationship. I don’t like asking people out or specifically looking constantly for dates. In the relationship, I feel like I am clingier and affectionate in a non masculine way. During sex, I tend to be submissive. The way I cuddle tends to reflect this as well. Nobody wants to date a they (and those that do don’t want to date a man usually). If I’m on the cusp of transition, nobody wants to deal with it either. I’ve dated trans women lately and would like to try with cis women and I think most straight women dislike all of this. I feel like my relationships are lesbian with a man.

>>42577677
Yeah in the sense I don’t think I’ll kill myself but yeah you are probably right. It’s just that doing nothing messed up my body more compared to my early 20s and it got worse. Looking down and feeling bosy hair makes me want to vomit

>>42577727
6'1 not really schizo, just k with h. makes it hard to. type uunexpectedly and slept 4hours. goonna nap

>>42577759
>6'1
same worstie ;-;
have a good sleep try not to od in the future it's always the people who are really into drugs knowledge and talking about tolerance etc etc that drop out. stay safe <33

I dont even want to transition. I just want to change as a person. I don't like who i am whatsoever

>>42575432
>when did you lose hope?
When I realised that I'm broke and non westerner

>>42577673
unfortunate shoulder to hip ratio

Serious question. Who else killing/raping people in dreams when sleeping?

>>42578111
trvke..

>>42577751
Ok I’m bumping myself but any manmoders successfully been in long term relationships

>>42575432
take your HRT, retards

>>42578753
What if I’m like really really retarded

>>42578753
Did they invent HRT that works yet?

>>42578759
too bad

>>42578817
yeah it's been there a long time

>>42579200
Wow so HRT can fix my skull, jaw, shoulders, and ribcage? Amazing, why aren't people talking about this?

>>42579226
retard

>>42579230
smartest pinkpiller argument

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>>42577751
>don't like being the man
>don't like asking people out
>prefers to be submissive, cuddle
Those all sound familiar lol
I can tell you about my experience. I've only dated a handful of women, and only a couple seriously. No men. I never saw myself as a man with a man. I saw myself as a man with a woman, but mostly because that what was expected of me by my peers, to be a man in a relationship with a woman. So maybe that's why it was easy to drop the pretense of wanting to date as I got older. It would be nice to be in a relationship, but the same way it would be nice to have a new car. I like the idea more than the effort.
Of the girls I dated, there was only one I felt was worth it. Even that didn't keep the tranny thoughts at bay. It just made being a man something worth trying to do. I still couldn't commit, which continues to haunt me years later. I hate that I let her down.
I definitely didn't tell them about the tranny thoughts when we were dating, even the ones I was closer to, but I always assumed they suspected something. Unless that was just repper paranoia...
As for >>42578746, you might ask in manmoder general. They tend to be a bit more manic to our depressive.

>>42578753
HRT repping is no better

I see that rich and broke reppers are existing in completely different realms
Not even mention the hrt(not true) and non hrt(true) reps

>>42579226
and voice, and hair, and hands, and feet, and smell

but hey, you get cone tits, and smoother skin and slightly altered fat distribution (thats still mainly affected by unchangeable genetics)
You're a woman now!

>>42579405
What about middle income? Or are you comparing destitute to everyone else? But desu the overwhelming majority of tran women i know are super broke or irresponsible with their money

>>42579354
I hate being single it causes pain for me. It’s been a year since I kissed a girl and longer since I’ve had sex or been on a date. Online dating is humiliating and even if I could, I want to figure out my gender BS before dumping it on a poor woman

>no bf who wakes me up to play with my hair and give me a goodbye kiss before he goes off to work in the morning
why even live
>>42579405
having computer autism to get rich is cool, would recommend
>>42578753
no <3

>>42579405
It's almost like there are multiple factors to life

oomph. really beeded sllep, fear not havent OD. yet. if i will itbwill be on my own terms, 21 years of experinece in my trade, perhaps assuming its happening for real is part of reason dad was laughed at... too bad mom watches now corny cop pseudodocukentary dramas witth frandma now. whatever. will keep orinoko on phone, now shave, dope and skyrim... i visit dad in sundays, convenient... for both of us and now even moreso... dad knows for years that i dont attend church (his dad is a true commie, not bootlicker of prl, dads moms secular but cunty lil bit at times, perhaps has reasons to be...) and is most liklely to be at home at sundays, but hes elextrician so might get called... i will text him tomorrow if he will be at sunday. perhaps that will clear thinhs up... cant live in uncertanity like that. but sheesh really needed a nap. gotta keep ears all around head open... really if thats not real... speechles how real it seems and fuck how made me nearly lose shit when i heard HOPE RESSURRECTING words. i came back from dead aswell. sis in a room woth pillcutter, will use serrated knife to saw smaller half of 200mg retard morphin... please be true... oh fuck please be... if not... deathwish growing... no waybgonna tell anyone too embarassing shit...

>>42579513
Let's say in my point of view
>destitute to everyone else

>overwhelming majority of tran women i know are super broke or irresponsible with their money

But easier excess to hrt it's kinda privilege desu
That's what makes them transgender and not repper

>>42579637
nona you sound really paranoid, especially if you're coming down off an nep binge please try to get some sleep

>>42579674
Well yeah if you have no healthcare or too broke it’s different. But that’s probably a small population. And wouldn’t count no hrt trannys

>And wouldn’t count no hrt trannys
Isn't they just simple reppers?

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>>42579727
>Well yeah if you have no healthcare or too broke it’s different. But that’s probably a small population.

Yeah I love being a minority of a minority

>>42579850
I would classify them as complex reppers. I've come to accept the breakdown as:
>reppers
not on hrt or socially transitioning, at most taking small steps like playing with voice or improving skincare, otherwise just depressed and complaining
>hrt reppers
on hrt with no expectation they will keep taking hrt or socially transition, but continues to complain
>manmoders
committed to hrt, not socially transitioning but an expectation they might at some point, still complains

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>>42579688
easy i will. almost certainly zero stims pther than caffeine for 3weeks or so. morphine sets in... puff or two and will go woth dog to pee and maybe bake some with my doggygirl. easy leasy only have 0.35ish ket now fron more brainblasty things. but please understand me... its been years before i felt hope. want to cry...

i look almost exactly like this >>42576823 but am 6'2"

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>looked in the mirror

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i havent cut my hair in a couple of years at least but it hasn't grown beyond my shoulders. i lose truckloads of hair every day though. i used to have really long hair when i was a teenager... how can i increase hair growth or prevent it from falling off? min and fin or whatever? my hairline isn't exactly receding. i cut the tips at a hair salon because i've been told it would regrow faster (it apparently doesn't) and i hate it even more now.

>>42581008
Do both. Min is OTC but can cause body hair growth (dysphoria). I would use topical foam over topical oil but that’s preference. Oral may cause more body hair.

Fin is by prescription (super easy to get on goodrx) but can cause depression and dick malfunction in a minority of users. Didn’t happen for me but some people hate it.

Choose one or the other, I think most suggest fin. I started with min since it is easier to get

>>42581008
I've been on min and fin for a bit. It works and didnt give me broken dick or depression.
Less than 1% of all people stop the treatment because of side effects so its pretty safe.
Dermarolling works rly well as well as suplements but for balding you need min and fin.

Preferably do min topically bc then you get 0 side effects but some people have a skin type that doesnt absorb it well

>>42581404
>side effects
like what?

>>42581501
Dick issues(very rare) and mood swings(also rare but arguably more debilitating.)

>>42581501
Oh wait sorry. That was about Min. Its p late so i didnt catch that.

Min has more serious side effects
Rare still but it can mess with blood circulation and heart rhytm since it works on the principle boosting blood pressure to deliver blood to your scalp. Applied topically it works ONLY on the scalp but orally it does the whole body. Thats why you get hairy too

>>42579415
voice you train , hair and smell changes

>>42581404
it's not absorption that can be a problem, it's that minox needs to be converted to its active form
tretinoin can help if enzymatically challenged, i mixed tret gel in my minoxidil back when i used it and it made a difference
>>42581600
what? no that's not at all what minoxidil does, minoxidil is a hypotensive agent for fuck sake
it encourages growth of blood vessels, synchronize hair growth among a lot of other things

>>42581846
I apologize for being stupid

>>42581846
So what are the side effects?

>>42575432
through a series of fumbles i just accidentally came out to someone fml

>>42582409
Hate it when that happens

>>42582415
dont mock me...

>>42582409
How did that work? What were the fumbles?

>>42582430
Not mocking you just relating and having a laugh

>>42582511
the friend has been kind of onto me about being repressed about it (he's gay and we live in a very high transsexual/homosexual density area so ofc hes familiar w stuff) and i kind of accidentally let slip something about it and he clearly knew exactly what it was because he said "you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to"

>>42582563
>you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to
lol
Yep. You're out. At least he sounds understanding and low intensity about it.

>>42582409
I get drunk and spam internet friends with indirect rants about the topic to the point i got muted from several groupchats until i transition(never)

>>42583243
i go partying with this friend a lot so im scared im gonna bring it up next time we get drunk together X_X

Think I'm not a normal repper. Not rely repping anymore. Its that I would like to be a woman but not willing to take a gamble on transition when 98+% of transitions fail imo, and at the end of the day it cant make me a real women. Technology isnt there yet, so I can be a man. When I was on hrt for a bit I started to see the positives of men and now I can pursue being a hot guy. Sure I would have liked to be a woman, but it's not possible. Its been so long now that I dont even think I really want to be a woman anymore. Not really.

>>42582563
so are you out as gay or somth already? seems fine.

>>42583268
i'm openly to people a gay man

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so... you ARE at least attempting voice training, right, /repgen/?

there's literally no downside to trying, you can figure things out without anyone knowing, and it's one of the biggest things that otherwise-passing troons often put by the wayside. even if you never actually troon out, it can at least be a fun party trick, everyone likes a good impression

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Dad thinks i'm a tranny bc he asked me when i'm getting gf and i genuinely tried explaining blackpill. I think the phrase "low value male" triggered him.

>>42583777
it's okay anon at least we know you're sigma and based

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>>42583472
Yes actually. I've gotten to the point where I can confuse people on the phone if I'm really trying. Picrel is me really trying one of the last times those "how's your voice?" threads made the rounds.

>>42583790
idk which detector this is but most of these voice gender detectors only monitor pitch. i don't even know if there's a detector that actually monitors your R1 and R2 resonance in addition to pitch which might actually be useful

>>42583472
do you have any tips...

>>42583785
The part that fucks me up is that normies fundamentally agree with the bp points you make. They get irrationally angry when they clock it as "incel talk" but he was onboard so far D complaining about women, the effects of global culture on dating, betabuxx and oofy doofy maxxing.
I just let the lingo slip and he's immediately like "Hang on my son might be faggot."

>>42583815
If you gave me a tool, I could show you how drastically different that is from my regular speaking voice lol
>>42583932
Do you think he just hears any weird online lingo and takes it for a sign you're gay? That sounds like something my father would have done.

>>42583981
>If you gave me a tool
You could just vocaroo it

>>42583287
based, more of you should be openly gay

>>42583472
I have, and I accidentally spoke in the voice (teasing my dog) while I had my mother on speaker phone and she thought it was my younger sister at my house.

>>42584073
I dunno. I'm probably too chicken. I would also sound like garbage trying to switch voices in the middle of a clip.
>>42584124
Damn. Nice.

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Just fucking hit me with a missile already. Fuck everything.

>>42583472
https://voca.ro/1i9iXsdAxX72

>>42584073
Fuck it. If >>42584902 will post voice, I'll post voice.
I too will never use this voice outside of the whole party trick thing, so, whatever.
https://voca.ro/11TCHFF5eAmV

>>42585172
https://voca.ro/18e7X4Xr8IDo

>>42582563
>We live in a highly homo area
>Oh no I've been outed as one too
Lol

>>42585196
https://voca.ro/1dxAPIaVLKl2

>>42585224
i am not going to transition

there should be some kind of government service where i'm assigned a maybe 7/10 trans girl to be my girlfriend and pinkpill me or an 8/10 trans girl to euthanize me like a dying animal

>>42575432
would it be a mistake to get my moustache shadow lasered off? It’s a hassle waiting for it to grow long enough to be properly tweezered and then actually tweezing it off. but would you have regrets

>>42585244
Doesn't matter you're already gay by proxy homo

>>42585407
Long enough to be tweezed is still smaller than long enough for shaving

>>42585172
Quite amazing, actually.
I'm slightly "ahead" of you but I made the decision last month that I'm done with dry repping.

will visit dad tomorrow, doped and baked at job rn, guy i am next to plays groovy 80s stuff my mom likes... hope is shining.

>>42586643
What do you do for work?

Another tranny nightmare.
Fml

>>42586781
physio but all is done. just waiting for right hour to go. i work more as a bathtub cleaner, exercise instructor, button pusher than doc of physio. also place i waork at is moldy prewar building low tier place where workers are bunch of drunks and crazies, it has such reputation in our city for a reason

>>42586636
real
what is this from? I should play it

>>42585407
I fucking hate having to rip that nasty shit out of my face every other day but I'm worried how I could keep a laser/electro appointment secret and also not die of shame going to the place get it done
also I'm worried it would just come right back since I'm not on hrt or anything

>>42586885
That seems rly comfy.
Would you recommend it as a job path for someone who's a NEET repper without any passions in particular?

>>42586929
well its ok job here in poland. i am interesden in biolohy and likes since childhood... had many thick books on topic. better to not be type of physio that diagnoses patients. higher effort, higher risk, not much more cash... still hearing stuff fitting story, deapote being sort if rested. i am really countingvon this being real...

>>42586954
I'm polish too!!!
So many poltrannies/reppers on the board fr.

I kinda don't care about anything anymore

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>>42586963
heres a clue what place is this. one of our handyman blew 0.4% alc other 0.32% appearing sober. during lockdown boss of hudraulics, electricians handymen and us physios cause no patients was one thiefy cunt, son of former president of our city, he stole containers ofbtrash withbour hands and got dubbed King of Scrap (metal). fucking crazy place. i fit in here perfectly lols

>>42586999
Podlasie? Łódź?

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only 1% of trannies actually pass and are accepted by people. repping is just the most rational thing to do.

>>42587545
nope. north from that. if you saw me irl and were from there you would know its me, i am kind of pecuilar

Im guessing Polands stereotypical trannyism is caused by Chernobyl. Lucky for me I only live near the spot where they built the atomic bomb so ill be fine

>>42586352
Oh stawp. Imagine that voice coming out of an overweight, balding, awkwardly tall man... If you've only thought about ordering pills, you're miles ahead of me.
>>42586643
>hope is shining
That's good. We could use a little hope.
>>42587710
>live near the spot where they built the atomic bomb
In the US? Are you in the Southwest? If so, we're actually not that far from each other. Relatively speaking.

>>42575723
>photo of Xenia from archive
wat
>>42576496
i know that feel, all my life ive just run from my problems, pushed it off to another day, another year
idk how much longer i can keep doing this
>>42577659
>there's never a good time to do anything. There are only times we do things and times we don't
its like what dr king said about waiting for a more convenient day for civil rights: that day never comes
i only have regrets in life, im no closer to happiness than when i began and no closer to having decent friends who wont care about being trans
>>42583472
my walls are too thin ;_;

>>42587710
LANL reppers unite!

>>42588059
>walls too thin
Real. The most progress I made was when I had a job that required a 40 minute commute. That gave me some privacy since I was just sitting in my car. I also got some "teach yourself English" CDs, so I wouldn't just be repeating the same two stupid phrases to myself.
>>42586924
>would get laser except would die of shame just going there
Far too real.

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>>42588059
HER! Xenia. times of Wheel, Vampchan and Laughing Bannermen. Mother Bat too but shes active from time to time tho

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>>42586970
My lack of empathy is borderline sociopathic these days

>absolute its mam-tier honbeast moved in next door
this is incredible, i was probably about t crack but now i have some proper repfuel again
i never thought id like having a creature like that around but its a blessing in disguise

>>42590417
>She turns out to be super nice and friendly and a great neighbor

>>42590646
Never happened in the history of honbeasts

>>42587883
>If you've only thought about ordering pills, you're miles ahead of me
Fair enough. I was referring specifically about the voice.
Not only ordered the pills but they arrived and started taking them too. Still not a month in though.
At 174cm and almost perfect health, I do have a chance. Maybe.

>>42586907
That’s Umineko, the longest VN with an English translation available

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>>42590719
>>42586907
Higurashi mogs umineko hard

>>42590772
Yeah but Higurashi also doesn't center around a strongly implied transwoman and her love for her cousin so it's much less repgen appropriate.

>>42590646
we met while i was collecting my mail today and he started spouting offa bout transphobai at work within 10 minutes
were barely even acquaintances so idk why he thought that was appropriate to talk about
i serousldy doubt hell turn out to be a decent person

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>>42575442
Fuck that. If I’m forced to be a man I’m gonna be the most manly straight cis man I can be not some sissy limp wrist faggot (I might fuck some twink bussy on the DL though no homo).

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>>42590676
Also fair enough. I suppose we're both advancing in our own ways.
>174 cm
giwtwm I'm a good six inches taller than you (that'd be 15 or so cm). Working on my health though. Presumably we'll both get somewhere better if we keep everything up.
>>42590778
I really liked the first season of the Higurashi anime, but the games never seemed like my cup of tea. I was still interested tho, so I ended up watching a bunch of videos about Higurashi and Umineko.
Eventually I watched someone playing through Umineko, and I really sympathized with one character...who was later revealed to be a crossdresser, effectively living as the opposite sex for years.
mfw I inadvertently identified with the tranny.
>>42590843
>idk he thought that was appropriate to talk about
Perhaps you seem approachable for that topic. You must have repper vibes. I assume we all do.

>>42591045
>mfw I inadvertently identified with the tranny.
Don't worry, you're supposed to empathize with her, that's the whole point.

Even if I could go back years into my life with the knowledge I have now I still wouldn't take estrogen. Cowards like me aren't meant to live fulfilling and happy lives.

>>42591045
>I'm a good six inches taller than you (that'd be 15 or so cm)
grim :sob:
Best you can hope is hrtwink esthetics.
Heck, I'm not sure at all I'm gmi.
But since I've been called "ma'am" even without 'mones several times, I just kinda have to give it a shot since I know these thoughts don't go away.

i was just out with friends and i want to kms. i want to kms. i need to kms. i wish i could kms. i think some people would be sad on a surface level. The way i get sad when someone i don't know dies but i still feel great emotion over it. It's not really anything to do with them it's more to do with me, and the same way it wont be my doing, but really whatever they have going on. i gave my friends a propagation of my pothos plant and a plant pot that was one of my favs but was empty so why not give it away. They just wanted to use my toilet. I hope they didn't see all the hair i stuck to the wall of the shower

i can't do it, i can't rep anymore

>>42592551
be your true self

https://voca.ro/1f9zrlsXqU1h

im lonely because im retarded

>>42578746
Manmoder here, my two longest relationships were both with women. I exploded them by the two year mark because being a man is not sexually satisfying to me. I could have kept the second relationship together, I told her about my gender issues and she accepted me and is still my best friend. She was bisexual and not big into being penetrated anyway so she was happy to stay with me no matter what I did, and even supported me having a grindr on the side. However she had crippling OCD, occasional drug habit and didn't work it all was very hard to deal with when I was the only one working.

So yeah, find a bi girl who doesn't have OCD I guess

is soul dysphoria a thing

whenever i notice myself thinking or saying or doing something malebrained i think about shooting myself in the head

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I really don't feel lonely. I've lived in isolation in all my formative years to a point where it doesn't matter anymore. If I could just get rid of these terrible constant thoughts about being a woman I would be completely set for a life of austerity. Why couldn't God just make me a woman but keep everything else the same. I don't need anything else but that.

i feel lonely all the time

>>42591573
>grim
It gets worse. I'm a naturally broad person also.
I have two brothers. One is as broad as I am, but he's much shorter. The other is as tall as I am, but lanky and, the worst, better hair.
Truly over before it began etc etc.
My one saving grace is I must live somewhere with a lot of tall women, because I found a way to date or befriend a few of them. They probably sought me out because I was around their height, but, whatever. It proves they're out there.
In fact, I was at the market today and there was an older woman almost as tall as me, which implies she was as tall as me when she was younger. At least, I'll let it imply that. I need the hope.
>called "ma'am" without 'mones
That's a definite plus. If I had that shot, I'd take it.
>>42592615
That's kind of pretty. Reminds me of the finger work on this:
https://youtu.be/_9pFdG2ca18
>>42592509
Did you grow plants in the pot before? What kind of plants do you like?

>my 2 healthy masculine brothers are both short while I got to be 6'3
why

>>42593571
Their high test made their growth plates close early, your low test and low e made your growth plates close late. This is the tranny curse that can only be beaten by having cis-levels of HRT during puberty but that triggers the normalfags and so we turn into giants and suffer.

>>42593777
>im tall because im less manly, actually
i love this cope and i will internalize it immediately.

>>42591573
>been called "ma'am" even without 'mones
is it even worth thinking about trooning if this has never happened to you?

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Reminder to stop being a retard.

多行不义,必自毙.
(Those who commit many unrighteous acts will surely perish.)

The more you indulge in fantasies about being a woman, the worse the pain will be.

Personally, I do things that make it fun to be alive instead. Like killing people in vidya games.

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>>42583472
Ok, let me QRD this for you TARDS:
>start voice training
>have to stare at fugly trannies for hours to watch tutorials
>practice talking to yourself in different tones and voices
>be aware for every single second how much you sound like a limpwristed, bitchmade FAGGOT and not a woman
>keep practicing
>eventually voice sounds much more feminine
>overcome social anxiety
>hop on omegle/discord/vrchat/overwatch vc and try girl voice
>wtf, you actually pass as a girl
>get AGP euphoria that feels like cocaine high
>keep larping as a girl
>feels better and better
>girlier and girlier
>befriend people as a girl
>now have small online friend circle of ppl who only know you as a woman
>TFW you realize you will never be able to show them who you really are because you are a mid 20-something moid with severe moidface syndrome, beard and body hair but you sound like a young woman/teen girl
>kys

You dont need to go down this path, bros.

I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a girl.

>>42593571
I feel you. Us potential heighthons gotta stick together.
Partly because solidarity and partly because we all hope one of us is taller than the others, so we'll feel short by comparison.

ive been castrating myself for over a year, have no libido and worst of all i dont even know why i want to do this anymore. its so driven by my libido. i dont wanna be a woman, i cant be a woman. i at most want to be a more feminine guy. this is so stupid, like really. im so so so so stupid.

>>42594329
Have you ever lowered your dose or paused it, or any kind of change up?

>slept for over 16 hours
well fuck my saturday I guess

>>42594360
yeah i injected hrt for almost a year then stopped completely and tried to detrans, was ok for a while then i didnt take a picture of myself for a year and suddenly realised how much id remasculinised. panicked and started anti androgens on top of my dht blockers, occasionally i use some estrogel. tried progesterone for a bit, did nothing good so i stopped. i feel like ive expended all my options at this point, at least before hrt was this nuclear button to give me hope, now i already tried it, it stabilized me for a bit but clearly isnt viable long term and now im actually screwed.

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>>42594383
>>voluntarily detransed and subsequently remasculinized
>[hrt] stabilized me for a bit but clearly isnt viable long term

>>42593777
grim
>>42594246
repper monastery in the Netherlands

does it count if you get called a girl but from behind

>>42594423
it gets to a certain point after being on hrt where the dysphoria flips and i feel bad that my sexuality is weak and my chest hurts and my dick isnt working and i feel like a weak man with boobs still.

like at this point im just always going to be sad about myself, i did try the options that were there and they arent working. i dont know what to do. im still afraid to stop but i hate hrt.

>>42594364
haha lazy
I only slept for 13

>>42594440
do you hate the awkward in-between phase or do you just not want to be a woman

it's bleak

>>42594454
both but thats not really how id put it. I dont even think I can be a woman, like I know my own personality and appearance that I know even if I could afford the surgeries and stuff I would never train my voice and try to look completely like a woman. It would feel so unnatural.

What I hate is masculinization. I dont want to look like a man, but that doesn't mean I can be a woman, my personality is male, my body is male. and im OKAY with that, so why do I even want to change it? Why do I keep doing this.

>>42594424
>repper monastery in the Netherlands
Yes, I'm down. A monastery is perfect actually, since we have nothing practical to provide society, but our service is psychic. We bear the silent pain of the rest of humanity.
Also cool robes.
>>42594502
So if you'd never try to look like a woman, but you hate looking like a man, what do you want to look like?
Also, is there any aspect of this that goes beyond looks? How do you feel about your social identity, for example? Or your self-image? What do you want those to be?

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>find channel of a schizophrenic homeless person
>can't really feel sorry for them because they're also a cute girl
i am become blinded by hate

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>>42593936
>stop being a retard
I can't help it. I've been one since birth.

not even anime is fun anymore unless I've drank enough

>Thinking about KMS
>Don't wanna do it because family would refer to me as a "he" and my deadname would be used during the funeral
>Thinking of coming out to my family on the day when I finally do it

gd has hit an all time high. I’m back to searching youtube “gender dysphoria before:2015”. Everyone was so much more real back then.

I’m so close to female presenting at work, but I’m too ashamed to go all the way. You are you are a fraud when you are more worried about being perceived as a weirdo than as a woman. The worst thing is everyone already knows except me. I’m dying

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After breakfast with Mary and Helen (Kate will be kind of late...) i am walking dog and visiting dad. wish me luck, i really hope it was not all in my head.

I am a man with an unfortunate but manageable mental illness (and that's okay). What some call repping is merely reasonable self preservation.

Well well well will Mary Helen and Kate in unison grand ma Triple Goddess Blessing to overcome all obstacles on a pathway towards freedom? wont hurt to try if it turns out it was all delusion...

every path sucks i hate being alive so much

sitting at dads. no talk about it... heard few words indicative of bit could be misintepretation. dad indeed looked like didnt slept for 2 nights. quiet, sad, red eyes. dad is avoidant too. maybe harsh to say but a coward like me. likely i am stupid for having a hope still. maybe too overhelmed to start the talk. good that i am doped enough to not be able to cry withlkit choosing to. not quite comfortably numb. tears are felt under surface of blanket... i want to belive... maybe next week...

reminder hrt kills your dick and if it doesn't entirely the reduced blood flow will result in deformations as callouses form: permanent bends

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They're "cute", I'm "elegant".

They're "beautiful", I'm "brave".

They get "smiles", I get "weird looks".

They get "she'd", I get "he, uhh sorry, SHE".

They look "stunning", I look "femme".

They are women, I'm an imitation.

HRT was the cure for them, for me it's palliative care.

>>42596465
peemanent gender bender...
now what do? fuck what should i do?
tonight? heroin and skyrim obviously, but overall how to cope? if not tru? having felt having it but then not... much worse than not having brief... i fucking hate my life. fuck.

>>42596465
I hate my dick so that would be pretty nice honestly

>>42596506
nta but I'm playing Oblivion remastered (well I was but I'm too drunk now and don't wanna mess up my progress)

O! Madbees most beautiful! Never say Godbuye to you. Neppy my Beloved Craze shall ressurect you.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nZXRV4MezEw
feeling like downing a bottle ang crying a river but i wont...

currently playing wood elf stealth archer named Nona in skyrim... cozy, comfy... hate kiling bandits desu, too empathetic for that, draugrs and sjeletons are goofy funny, doesnt rub un a wrong way like live enemies do. too bad dashion in skyrim is worse than in morrowind or daggerfall.. oh have arena and daggerfall to pwrhaps i should start playing... eh copes hopes dopes. will it get any better?

>>42596587
I hate stealth arch-ing, one hand sword one hand destr/conj is the only way
don't feel bad for the bandits, they deserve it for their life of brigandry

staying drunk for an entire weekend would be crazy
I was planning on going to the grocery store tomorrow to restock on food but I could just eat sardines and rice for a day and not have to go outside...

>>42596607
accidentally got into it when i did immersion run. trying to act as i would in such a situation. frigtened stealth arching. otherwise i also like playing mage. i dont get people who play tanks...

>>42596465
I'd do srs if I could afford it so who cares.

>>42596661
i am gonna get a cuntjob if i ever troon. the more feminized body is the more one feels need for it to go, as it sticks out like a sore thumb then. not having much thoughts or feels in that department now means little if your repper especially hbl type. if glabrous and twinky its at where it begins. around that, crossroads fron twink to either twunk or twinkhon... lil bitty bit of boobage and fat redistribution... messed with phytoestrogenics (lavender, tea tree) in past, its like that. on moid body pp is expected on womanish its feels like tumour...
some things point to it not being delusion, like mom askimg what mom of dad was saying and me being like umm not much, mommy yadda yadda me that grandma momma of papanwas in phone doing granny gossip thingy like grandmas traditionally do.... she (mom) said that she (granny) didnt wanted tobtalk to two idiots (me and dad, cause troon thing?). or when was upset in me and sis being noisy like two teen girls (sis 14) showing being upset in a way gramatically correct if we were both female (pojebane jesteście!?), and yeaterday asking queston and saw her few minutes later with eyes as if she cried, she asked: co z tobą ostatnio nie tak? ocipienie cie w dupe ugryzło? i grinned and chuckled. hard ti explain that linguistuc. wall of text would be. ask cgat gpt to translate and elaborate. hmmm. oh please please be true.

>>42596915
>hard ti explain that linguistuc
I understand enough Polish to get what you're saying.
I'm Romanian but I also speak russian and ukrainian. Polish to me is more complicated ukrainian with the "wrong" alphabet haha.
>i am gonna get a cuntjob if i ever troon
Well, I'm a month into the pills. I dry repped for so long that I have no expectations now. If it works, great. If not, oh well, at least I get to look more feminine and will enbycope.
But if it works, I want srs. I'm working harder anyway to pile up cash so I can afford crazy ideas either way.

it makes no sense how do some trans people just get to pass while i rot forever i cant take it anymore i cant

>>42593471
>did you grow plants in the port before?
i think there was a calathea in it before that died i can't remember i also just collect pots i think are pretty or i will have use for so i have a tower on top of my fridge lol
>that's kind of pretty
tnx it's a bunch of loops built up i like playing guitar like this but all my noodling kinds of end up sounding exactly the same

>>42595379
just tell them in your sui note
>>42595448
you will always be more weirdo than woman
the question is if you are going to own it even if it means getting fired and becoming homeless or if youll wait for a more convenient hour and a more accepting world
>>42597414
same nona same

>voice train a bit
>realize I don't like speaking in a feminine voice

It's been AGP all along, hasn't it?

>>42598844
opposite really. I'm practically a mute because I hate my voice and every time I speak I wish I could go back to how it sounded trained

I think zoomer straight men should voice train to sound like men instead of autistic gamers

fwiw I'm more agp than trans but does anything think they became computer addicted from a young age because how how "genderless" it is? It's like you can just exist in a world of abstract thoughtforms and not engage with the disappointment of physical reality.

>>42575432
repressing was the biggest mistake of my life and i regret every second of it i should have started HRT when i was 15 now im going to be forever a lateshithon

>>42599857
Same.

>>42599835
idk about any of that serial experiments lain shit but i love the internet because its so so so so so easy to larp as a woman and everyone will treat you like one

Trannies and normies these days all believe in just world fallacy. They will treat you badly and assume you are a terrible person just for being a hon. Especially the passoids, who believe they have earned being 5ft 4in with small ribcages and getting gendered female before hrt.

>>42600010
every time i see one of them post the ugly soul image it makes me want to kms because it really validates the world revolving around lookism to me. it was probably better if i just never tried and actually jumped instead of living and fighting a losing battle against my male pubertized body. they would defend rapists before they'd defend me just because they're pretty and i never will be

>>42575570
>>42576366
>>42576688
>>42576769
>>42576794
I'm diffuse thinning balding and scored a 9/10 alt bad bitch dyed hair tranny gf by trooning out and just being myself and making her laugh. I shave my head and wear leather jackets and identify as they/them because I accepted being nonbinary, but also accepted being trans fem.
Honestly being ugly does not ruin your life nor your transness I realized when I snapped, and since working on myself and going to the gym for a few years and working on myself I've surprised myself with the results.

Discovering your identity doesn't have to mean go being a hon outside RIGHT NOW with ur Norwood 3. It does however involve loving yourself to recognize what truly makes you happy in life, and working towards it with willpower. Which you will never do if you literally deny who you are. This is why you sit at home and rot and be sad, because it's not about being a woman. It's about facing yourself and being open about who you are in a public setting, attempting to find people who will empathize with you, which is scary as hell.

It's honestly a lot less scary once you try. I have only had one trans person judge me out of everyone I've come out to, and it was an 18 year old youngshit who I didn't introduce myself to when I was manmoding and not obviously trans. Otherwise, you'd be surprised how less toxic and vitriol the lgbt community is irl, as opposed to what you read online. Literally, nobody cares that you're balding and you will encounter other balding people. Are you going to give up on life because you have less strands of hair? Don't be a retard. If being queer makes you happy then go to queer spaces and be queer. If it doesn't, stop maladaptive daydreaming about it and go find a different hobby. Either way, log off the internet and go live ur life. Please don't repress.

>t. Balding and my soon to be wife calls me she/her

>>42600269
>It's honestly a lot less scary once you try
not any of the anons you're replying to
Yes, I learned that the hard way. Fixing my socials was a double edged sword, though.
I found wife and life got better, but the tranny thoughts got worse.
>Please don't repress
Finally found my balls to open up to the wife and, much to my shock, she's excited. She chastized me for repping lol.
We'll see how this goes. I probably won't go she/her in public anytime soon, but the seal has been broken. I am leaving repper hell.
>Either way, log off the internet and go live ur life
Yes <3

>>42600119
>the ugly soul image
do i even want to know
>>42600269
>identify as they/them
>wife calls me she/her
does she even respect you

>>42600422
Im glad for you, my wife seems to very much prefer me not doing that. I was really hoping she'd react the same way yours did

>>42600576
>does she even respect you
It's complicated but I'm overall a gender abolitionist and am at the point of acceptance where any pronouns work with me. In a home with two trans fems, avoiding she/her feels silly. I am obviously medically transitioning because I am happier as a trans fem, and she/her pronouns are occasionally part of that identity. I do not always identity this way in public and there are days I feel more masculine. I'm more any pronouns than I am they/them, and part of that is some level of cope I guess that I'm still working to overcome of not wanting to fully be either gender due to being scared of being perceived any way in public. But i guess on a deep level I do feel nonbinary as well.

Exploring nonbinary identities helped me discover who I am and I'm still figuring things out.

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I've still kept up my sober streak from Christmas, but I did buy some beer this morning. It's sportsball day in the States, so drinking wouldn't be a sign of weakness but of community. That's what I'll tell myself if I do end up drinking. At the moment I haven't even put the stuff in the fridge tho.
Alternatively, I could save it for when the tranny thoughts are overwhelming. Which is any day now.
We all knew the dry spell would only last so long. It's a question less of where I stop and more when I stop.
>>42597491
Ah, cool, same anon. I hadn't heard of that plant before, but it has striking leaves.
>>42596587
>wood elf stealth archer named Nona
I kinda keked at that.
I was a wood elf main in Vermintide, more crowd control that stealth. Is wood elf the most repper coded of the RPG races? It's an elf, so kinda gay, but it tends to get more hate than other elves from what I've seen.
>>42596465
I got on fin despite warning about ED and breast swelling/tenderness. I saw those side effects and thought they'd be perks.
By the way, neither happened. What a rip off.

>>42600775
So she calls you she/her but prefers you don't take estrogen?

>>42594886
i just dont want to be seen as a man, i dont want people to think of me as masculine. other than that im fine being called he and so on. id prefer to be androgynous.

>>42601220
>be androgynous
That's understandable. Presentation can be androgynous pretty much as long as you feel like keeping it up.
Chemically speaking, you really only have the two options: masculine or feminine, T or E dominant. Microdosing might be the best you can do.

>>42601170
I really dont give a shit about pronouns, but she has fun poking around with the idea of me being her wife and being submissive and feminine but when it comes down to it she needs a man of the house who smells like a man and has a functional penis and a lot of hair

>>42602080
Well, the smelling part is going to be a problem. Estrogen does change your smell. Everything else is doable (including the lot of hair).

I thought I was AGP.... I was informed AGPs don't get turned on by the thought of getting railed as a girl but like transbian shit so I should be HSTS... it doesn't matter I'll live life as a male...

i wonder what the actual john50 meltdown looks like in practice
is it just a full on panic attack in public for no reason at all? lately whenever i'm outside i just want to go back and hide, can barely get myself to do the things i know i should enjoy.
maybe just depression meds would help, since those are supposed to be good for it. tell a shrink that i feel bad but i dunno why, hope i don't have the repper stink too bad

i don't believe voice training is real
everyone is in on it to trick me

>>42601889
yeah i take anti androgens and microdose rn. its ok. still get mogged by more fortunate cis males though and always will

>>42602815
>yeah i take anti androgens and microdose rn
nta but you shouldn't be doing that for too long. You're gonna get yourself bone deterioration pretty fast.
At the very least get on bica so at least you postpone the bone issue by quite a lot.

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>>42602309
>AGPs don't get turned on by the thought of getting railed as a girl
Wait what? I get extremely turned on by that, it's literally the only thing I cum to. But I'm agp. Does that mean I'm not agp??

>>42602309
Wrong, agps do get turned on by the thought of getting railed as a girl

Think this might really be the end this time

>>42604185
The end of repping, or the end of something else?

>>42602879
yeah thats the anti androgen i take

Really if you look ling and hard, no tranny actually passes. So there was never any chance in the first place

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>>42604885
That's probably true. For the repper two main questions that emerge.
First, is the length and intensity of the look people give trannies to scrutinize them enough to matter for your general comfort if you did troon?
Second, if you are putting that much time and energy into looking for flaws in trannies, what woudl be a better use of those personal resources? Not necessarily saying trooning. Maybe something else, like learning piano.

>>42600422
>>42600775
Mine went nuclear TERF on me. I most likely will still have to transition, I'm not doing well.

>>42602677
watch i saw the tv glow

>>42605159
that movie unironically broke me and made me quit repping

its like being visited by the ghost of christmas future and seeing what your life will be like if you dont change your ways

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>>42604885
correct

>>42605159
hm based off >>42605255 i don't think i will

>>42605119
>Mine went nuclear TERF on me
I am sorry to hear that.
Please don't take this as a judgment but it is a blind spot not to see it.
"Not into radicalism" was a criterion for me. Bonus points if antifeminist. I'm already 'far right' myself, no need for another radical in the house.
Worst case scenario with mine would've been a peaceful/amicable divorce.
Set myself up for at least not being disappointed.
>I most likely will still have to transition
Sadly, you're probably right.
The second I told her, something broke in my brain too. Even if she would've not been accepting, it's almost a literal "seal" in the brain that's broken once you blurt it to the spouse.

>>42605269
I'm from Romania and I know people from DIICOT and Bucharest Police.
I can unironically check if Tate is a pooner.
Now you made me curious and I will check.
Lol, this sounds like a meme. A repper/babytrans (me) goes to the police to check up on a potential tranny.

>>42605296
I was a radical too, I think it was part of my denial and repression.

>>42605296
>seal broken
Not just to spouses, I felt that once I admitted to anyone what was weighing on my mind as a 19 year old it would become unavoidable, and I was partially right. Telling my friends didn't make me feel any lighter it just made it real.

>>42605439
If my transition will be a success, I'll simply be a chudette. If not, I'll be a chud hrtwink with tits, lol.
Never hated trannies and I'm generally libertarian on most social issues. In 1970 I would've been a centrist(-ish) but nowadays believing in borders is radical.
>I think it was part of my denial and repression
Iktf.
I got involved in all sorts of non-mainstream activist as repression cope. I don't regret most of it. I just wish I hadn't repped that hard.

why are so many people here talking about repping in the past tense

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>>42605551
>nowadays believing in borders is radical
i know this isn't the place for polfaggotry but kek come on

>>42605551
I just don’t see any space for troons on the right anymore, that time came and went
>>42605561
Because I haven’t graduated to manmoder yet

>>42605586
I'm in Europe. When I was a kid in 2000, belief in strict migration policies was a center-left and normie position. Until Merkel in 2016.
Things got slightly better after 2023 (but not on the center-left) with people like Merz and Meloni showing that you don't have to be a raging lunatic (or a /pol/fag) to implement common sense policy.

>>42605763
>I just don’t see any space for troons on the right anymore, that time came and went
Terminally amerimutt brain.
The world is large anon. And most of the rest of the world is no longer giving a shit about the internal politics of Burgeristan. For better and for worse.
In this case, it's clearly for the better. My country doesn't have a hate trannies episode at all. Heck, there's clocky trannies in every party at local level. Nobody gives a shit. There's bigger problems to worry about.

>>42605586
I live in a coastal city and have been hugely exposed to all cultures throughout my life. Most brazillians/mexicans/Chinese want to stay in brazil/mexico/China.
I love america and its better than any other country if you ask me, but in the grand scheme of things its not that special.
Most of the immigration schism is racially motivated and we'd save a lot of time of people just admitted to that

oh good we're all not reppers and also we're all on /pol/
good work team

>>42605798
Ok? I live here nona, things aren’t looking good.

>>42605561
i think its just a weird form of the graduation phenomenon
like how trans spaces tend to be inhabited by babytranses who eventually stop needing the support/resources or just feel out of place because they realize theyre surrounded by babytranses and no longer feel a part of that crowd, repgen acts as a place reppers commiserate and eventually graduate from, either because they rope, they "figure out" how to rep forever, or they realize they have to transition

>>42605561
because they need to gtfo

>>42605857
Maybe. Although things were looking bad for fags too in the 1980s.
What bothered me was your assumption that what happens on certain segments of the right in the US are somehow a definitive thing on all of the Right anywhere in the world. Which is simply not true.
Since >>42605806 mentioned Brazil, there the far right has a mainstream troon candidate for the Congress. And she will likely make it because the left made a fool out of themselves attacking her because she's a troon who likes free markets (so she can access quality-tier surgeries). Total backfiring.
>>42605817
Not on /pol/. Been dry repping until January 2026. Barely took three injections and the only one who knows is my wife.
It's a loooong road till I gtfo from this hell.
>>42605870
I hope I graduate. Even if as 'hrtwink' or whatever the term is. Goddamn it I really need to. Repping forever is a meme.

>>42575432
>QOTT: when did you lose hope?
Don't remember.
>QOTT2: how do I get neetbux?
Don't know. My application was denied.

>>42605806
I live in a border state, and I'll say the only politician I saw who got it was a Texas representative, Democratic and Latino if that matters, who said the border was both a security and humanitarian crisis. It is.
Our border policy is really flabby. It's very feast or famine. Compare it to Canada, which is much more selective (but they are considered nicer guys compared to us for some reason).
In the meantime, I am quietly amused that states in the north are having to deal with the shit we've deal with regularly for decades, but that doesn't mean I like seeing people get shot. Everyone should probably calm the fuck down.

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Does anyone fear Pennhurst level horrors the next time they get sent to the funny farm with the current admin wanting to re-institutionalize people?

>>42606057
>What bothered me was your assumption that what happens on certain segments of the right in the US are somehow a definitive thing on all of the Right anywhere in the world. Which is simply not true.
true for now but the american right has a tendency to metastasize
for instance, uganda's homophobia was barely existent until american christian missionaries began spreading the good word of lynching faggots over there
now they literally have a death penalty for "aggravated homosexuality" which can include straight people attending a gay friend's wedding
so be wary of the american right, if they infect your country you will see your rights stripped away eventuall

>new tranny at work
>actually cute
>i thought i was cured of this stuff
>most of my time is occupied on tranny thoughts again, even on weekends
I dont know what to do anymore…

>>42606430
this is why, despite sincerely wishing them the best from afar, I go out of my way to avoid any interaction with trannies irl

>>42606430
>>42606455
The only irl friend who I've told about my tranny thoughts is a theyfab. She said she'd connect me with a troon friend of hers so I can "ask any questions" I want, like I haven't already done that in solitary agony over the years.
But I'm also afraid I'd feel so awkward around this girl. If she's even a little passable, I'd feel miserable. And if she's not passable...I'd feel equally miserable.

>>42606223
I feel you, I feel like there never was a chance, I just at times was stupid enough to forget that for a while. I'm not even sure what we're supposed to do. I wish for peace for you all, I'm sorry that it's like this, we should have been born with different biology and perhaps in a different time.

you people have ruined my life

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You are trans, you know you are trans and are miserable because of it. And you know it won't go away.

If your life is worthless anyway, why not transition? Like why care anymore

>>42606430
A world where troons are going around being normal and happy would be hell thank God I don't live in it

>>42606689
other people

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>>42606689
Only when you are westerner
This cup of piss you my repper friends
cheers!

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>>42606689
Literally one of my main drivers the last month or so. Starting to think I should just troon, optics be damned. I'm unhappy now. Might as well be unhappy with cone tits, softer skin, hopefully thicker hair, and more emotional ups and downs.
>>42606629
What did we do to you?

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Are there any other rappers here who punch themselves in the balls? If you know what I mean.

>>42606858
>What did we do to you?
put Bad in my brain

>>42606858
Troon now and permaboymode
>>42606830
Cкилл issue
>>42606739
Who? Is they wouldn't accept you for being trans, they fucking suck and deserve to suffer

>>42606957
>Who?
parents who i live with because houses cost one quadrillion dollars now

>>42606980
Hide that shit well then, if you wait you'll end up a neverpasser and your life will be worthless anyway

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>>42606957
>Cкилл issue
Aгa. Whatever you say. I bet you are not there)
There is no such thing as skills. Only luck and money. Only possibility. There is no free will.

i just wanna accept that its over and get a job and pick up a drug habit or something but i cant even do that

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>>42607202
>pick up a drug habit
Isn't you already?

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>>42606689
Because I am a lion.
I will never be a woman and that's my cross to bear and the suffering that comes from that is righteous.

>>42607241
okay yes but i meant something more potent.

>if you're homeless just buy a house

>>42607241
what are some good ones?

i was thinking pain pills once or twice a week

>>42607266
>something more potent
More destructive


>>42607290
>i was thinking pain pills once or twice a week

Sounds like stupid idea to spend money. I can't really advise you. You need to choose yourself. I don't want to take responsibility for you nona. Like some of the stupid evil pinkpillers here.

>>42607345
it feels nice though, i cant think of much else worth spending money on. i buy things for myself and i feel nothing.

>>42607350
Why spend money at all? If you don't know what you want? Just deposit it and that's it.

>>42607370
thats what i do, and i buy nice food for myself sometimes, other than that meh..

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I will create a great nation that will endure against all odds, and I will NEVER EVER troon out, I am the Roman of the Slaughter Age, I am hungry for politics, for ideas, I will never transition, I will raise great armies that will conquer, and create an Empire, and I will keep my feelings out of public view, and roar like a soldier

>>42607373
Based

>>42607378
You are not Il Duce nona, please take your meds <3

>>42607345
>Like some of the stupid evil pinkpillers here
nta but I'm thankful to those. Sorry, not sorry.

just beasted a genie random event 950 woodcutting xp on accident

I really wish I could cry without the repulsive noises I emit

I thought I was gonna be good tn but some memories got triggered and now I'm kinda going through it lol

>>42594886
>We bear the silent pain of the rest of humanity
I know it's cope but I honestly do feel that way sometimes

>>42607164
>I bet you are not there)
that's right, I left, and so can you.

Start, there's genuinely no point in life repping

>>42575432
haven't been here in like a year since i got my heart broken by a tranny, what's good repper bros

>>42608272
hi
I still want to kms around the same amount I did last year
fuck you for trying to date as a repper you know that's unethical

>>42608207
>I left
You russian or something?

what a waste this is

>>42608297
Yes dunce, I clocked you by >)

Get a tourist visa, claim asylum in EU and never return. And get on HRT ASAP

>>42608327
>tourist visa, claim asylum in EU and never retur

Germany? Who's helping you with all of this shit? Embassy or Agency?
Where you got money from the start it's a long road actually isn't it?
I'm Ukrainian anyway it's not going to work sweetheart. No way.
Literally it's all sounds just like >successful success stories if you know what I mean
Confusion intensify
Idk maybe I just too retarded to that kind things
No skills

I forgot to sleep and now it's 7am and I'm drunk but I'm supposed to go to class in a couple hours
whoopsies

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>>42575432
Is just an impossible task, there’s no amount of estrogen and surgeries that could make me look the way i want to look

When i look at the most average cis woman i sometimes get jealous and wish i could look like them but when i look at trans women that have been taking estrogen for almost a decade i feel absolutely nothing, in some cases i just feel like there’s something off about them and in a lot of cases if i check their social media they seem to be porn addicts, which immediately makes me feel disgusted

I just can’t do it i feel like im guaranteed to fail is better to just be a guy and live my life focusing on other stuff

>>42608383
nta but so many ukrainians are here in my country . if even the old alcoholics who sit on the benches all day and night getting drunk somehow made the journey how can you not. you may have missed the boat though, the welfare supports for Ukrainians are drying up

>>42600269
That’s nice but I feel incapable of being happy (semi unrelated to gender) and even then… this doesn’t cover the discrimination trans people face. You get worse job opportunities and less income. So it’s not like a quick choice for me. My issue isn’t other trans people

But I do agree with the do it or don’t logic. At least my hair is like norwood 1ish right now.

>>42605310
Keep us updated. Allah bless

Next thread >>42609123

yesterday i heard through wall mom here and dad being somewhere else aruing fiercely if i am agp (says dad) or hsts (says mom). mom sounds prejudiced towards agp ,dad does not.he berates mom for saying i was posessednby demon (demonica x3) and then flipping like that with take on childhoid stuff. prolly auditiry hallucination but fuck if i am to die repping i will in a circus. reoping while nepping mir carefully... need to keep opio tolerance low and stash high for kniwn strategic ourposes plus it doesnt hit same opios i mean but likely overshoot dose Helen stronk af, surely not your normak streetshit of 20% but i heard monoacetylmorphine is stronger than h and it occurs as unitendioned byoroduct of acetylation. anyways. later was 100%real. mom came to a room where i was and wanted my opinion on a purses she wanted to buy online didnt asked if for herself or sis they were intentioned for. i said subtly purle one.. today i heard tru schizo uncle talking with grqndma about mincers and brojen bones, yesterday i got asked about cousin when i cakenback from dad's... also big pupils mean big power this is why 70s pacifists failed due to h:k ratio, 80s glam ended in a wigger chuddification caus stronkest of them all the rokbwas given to ghettochud niggas. gonna buy neppy 10 i will fly on your back towards freedom My Beloved Craze, show must go on as without hope everyone dies, opios are paliative care for hopeless i fell to alert of hope even when nodding which i even didnt liked back then...