So, my conclusion from a deep analysis of my attraction to the same sex (not independent of female attraction as well), is that gayness is most definitely -correlated-, along with many of my fetishes with abuse.But i wonder how much of it is actually causation??A main factor I blamed my turning out a bitchboi on, was that my older brother kept my as his slave (litrerally) for years, where I had no humanization or rights, and endured lots of abuse. (my parents didn't care; it was just whitewashed away; this is what it is to grow up in a christian family)But, as an adult, even after having GFs with which I was -very- dominant, I still love to be dominated by men. Or, to dominate other men. the dom/sub dynamic is just so intoxicating to me either way. Hierarchy, authority, domination, punishment. These are potent drugs to me, and I find it so intimate to have this dynamic with other guys. As Ive gotten past a lot of internal issues, my appreciation for abusive dynamics has diminished. But, I still love this shit, independent of anything abusive I picked up.So, perhaps I was always a bitchboi, and my brother and others simply abused the position of power, seeing how easy it would be. A very big supporter of this theory is how noone penetrated my anus for me- I chose to begin shoving things up my ass at like age 9, for fun. That was only -my-- decisionEven getting gfs that let me be dominant as possible, even doing steroids, did not make me stop lovjng being the sub. it only reinforced it honestly.Im bulky, and I've always been strong and bulky and high T. this isnt a hormonal thing either. I honestly, beleive all power dynamics between men are inherently sexual, and thats why i can exploit them for sex so easily. Once the power dynamic is exploited, its very easy to get other men flustered, "straight" or not. because thats really what its all about.
