I befriended a bear, 10 years older than me. 25, and 35 when we met. We could relate on a lot, and we got close many times, but i'd get really emotional and clingy, and he wouldnt know how to handle it, so we'd always back off a couple weeks after getting too close. However, He also said he appreciated my caring for him a lot.We 're complete polar opposites. He's a big fan of authority, hierarchy, and punishment, etc. while I am obviously ultra left. I beleive this -was- a romantic dynamic, even though he said it isn't.He always talks about how much he wants kids, and always talks about women. I date women too, but i valued him the same as a girlfriend (if not more). He said gay stuff freaks him out, because of the fear of relating to it,and an aversion to ever relating to it. On shrooms one time, we talked about the power dynamic and he described the way he treats me as "fatherly yet forceful", apologizing for being hard on me sometimes. I found that really endearing..He works out a lot, is really smart, is pretty well off in most ways. He writes all sorts of theories on obscure topics, and would send them to me.We sopped talking because I made a gay comment to him, after a year and a half. It spooked him horribly. He blocked me on everything. Ive been trying to lure him back to a comfort zone with alt accounts to contact him on.What is anyones thoughts on this? I feel its obvious there was something a lil gay about it all. On shrooms, -he- even talked about how he bets ego death feels like getting fucked in the anus, after experiencing ego death, so I thought maybe it wasnt an unspeakable thing anymore.>Feeling pretty horribleHe may come around I think. Offer commentary, if possible.... id really appreciate it.
i dont expect good commentary, perhaps just emotional support if nothing else. In any case, I think this is a really wholesome story and I still want more people to see it. Even though it ended badly. It couldve ended better if id played my cards better
