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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

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Didn't expect sig to die on us. Don't worry everyone, I will catch up from the not yet replied to posts from last thread. But not today. I need a break.

goodnight bump

Can I pledge something to you guys

Four months
That's how much time I'm giving myself to kick out all my vices and start fixing my shit
I'm talking no more cigs, no more alcohol, no more caffeeine, no more sugar
more exercise, more fruits, more walks, more sun!

I'm tired, nonas
I just wanna be beautiful

>>42779497
fruits are sugar eat veggies slacker

>>42779512
Veggies taste like shit :(

>>42779570
nta but skill issues
there are a lot of veggie dishes that are like edible romance!

try a veggie lentil thing with a little rice (just enough to absorb the sauce), maybe a bit of halloumi for texture and things?

>>42779570
drop recipes you like so we can make recipe suggestions (warning, slow thread)

>>42779613
>>42779658
Hmmm maybe it's because we do it differently at home
I'm jungle asian so we either stir-fry our veggies or eat 'em raw

>>42779675
i mean i'm kinda weak for a stir fry but i get that i can get old...
where you from if i can ask?

>>42779512
i eat a cup of fruit a day no way they can be bad for you right?

>>42779764
nta but meh kinda high on sugar?
not really bad but sugars are the silent killer of amerikkkan scum, know what i mean?
and.. no, natural sugars don't make a difference...
fruits are good tho! fr. ngl. best shit i ever put up my pooper.

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>>42779497
I understand what you want to accomplish and why. My advice is not to stop at deciding what you want to quit, but continue on to what you’re going to do instead.

Think about where you are, what you’re doing and how you feel when you smoke or drink. Be mindful of your triggers and look for alternative ways of self-soothing, relaxing, etc.

Interrogate the circumstances that led you into your current lifestyle. Think about what you wanted from them, what you’re getting from them, and what’s missing from your life that’s motivating you to change. That’s going to help you get what you really want, not just whatever you think living clean and getting snatched is going to get you.

Don’t rely strictly on ultimatums and willpower. You’ve got to build new habits. You know what you want to stop doing, but what are you going to start doing instead? That’s what you need to figure out.

I’d be happy to offer more concrete advice later but I feel like this mindset stuff is the best place to begin.

Speaking as someone who made a few attempts at turning my life around that didn’t take.

>>42779764
they have fiber and often lots of micronutrients
if you are healthy they are good for you

>>42779903
good idea

>>42756214 #
>I can't say that it is easy, but I have people to lean on. And that helps so, so much..
I am very glad to hear you have some sort of support structure in place.

>I'm glad. I enjoy doing.. this. I like being there for people
>Sometimes, when I have done everything I can about my own issues, there is comfort in trying to affect the lives of others positively
I can understand, it is a very noble goal to strive for.

I hope this week goes well for you.
Thank you.

>>42778259
How do you all combat dread and hopelessness?

The longer I stick around the more it dawns on me, just how bleak my fucking my life really is.

It's all weighing down on me, how bad I messed up and how bad things are for me.

>>42778259
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve last done it but every time my dysphoria gets bad I just wanna cut myself. I really don’t know how to stop. The longer I just push the urge down, the worse it gets. The first week or so after, I feel a bit of relief, then it just gets worse and worse over time. How do I stop this

>>42779897
Thank you, I'll consider everything you've said
Hmmm... maybe this isn't gonna be as easy as I thought

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>>42782313
>maybe this isn't gonna be as easy as I thought
Probably not, but this reminds me of one other piece of advice: Don’t think about your self improvement journey in all or nothing terms.

Every step you take toward improving your health is a win. The more you do, the easier it will get, and the further you’ll be able to go. It’s not about never making a mistake, it’s about always trying again. It’s worse to give up trying to quit after smoking a cigarette than it is to start over on quitting tomorrow.

If you smoke less than you used to, drink less alcohol, exercise more, eat healthier, you’re better off than you started even if you haven’t completely quit smoking and drinking in four months’ time. And that will make it easier to keep changing your lifestyle for the better if you focus on what you’re doing right instead of what you’re doing wrong.

>>42782090
I just focus on short- and medium-term goals

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>>42782090
The bad guys want us miserable and afraid; we’re easier to control that way. Creativity and joy and conviction are harder for them to handle. Don’t let the bad things in this world live in your head rent free all the time. It is no feat of intellect to fret about how bad the bad shit is. It’s all too easy to give the bad stuff more credit than it deserves by worrying about it.

Somewhere close to where you live there is probably something beautiful to look at. Every day there is a sunrise and a sunset. Food hasn’t stopped tasting good or nourishing our bodies. Enjoy the beauty of this world in spite of the wickedness.

I’ve got a pretty uphill battle myself. But you can focus on what’s wrong, and how terrible it all is, or you can look for solutions. I definitely feel better trying to make the best of my circumstances than focusing on how bleak it all is.

So I guess my advice would be negativity is just one perspective, and it’s not the best way to look out for yourself. We think that being mindful of danger protects us, but that’s a survival instinct that does more harm than good when you’re worried about abstract, modern shit and not whether like a bear has stopped snooping around the base of a tree you climbed into.

I want a hug.

>>42784174
me too

>>42756214
>>42781831
>I would not have the capacity to try and mend that, subversive approaches like VERA can help but the fact that he is on the defensive to that extent suggests that there is a lot of unprocessed stuff in the background that you can't deal with for him
I understand.
I just wish he hasn't so hasty with his actions, we all want a clean break from this family and its drama.
I just don't want anybody going without their needs, at least until everyone can go their own separate ways or set up a new living arrangement.

>How would he react being asked how he feels about a subject?
I'm not too sure but I have to assume he would be upset about it, considering the last time I asked him for an answer he just assumed that I was choosing my mother's side.

The reason I asked is because he stated he 'heard' things about my mother and her new boyfriend (the one my father interrogated and pushed my mother into the arms of).
He claimed he both hears things and has people driving by our home to confirm things. I can't tell if this is all true or not.
I have to say he is incredibly insecure, to the point that his paranoia gets in the way of his relationship with us.

>>42785629
>One thing that can through people off guard is to surprise them. For example when someone starts yelling at you, to respond with concern about their reaction ("Are you okay?") rather than react to it
I could try that in my next call with him, I have to be careful with my phrasing since he's eager to call me a back stabber (despite the fact I am the on he is forced to contact the most since he's made an effort to cut things off as much as he can).

Thank you for all of the advice, I appreciate it a lot.

He listens to drama that he helped create in this town, which just makes things worse for us the most.

He claims that whatever I say or do will impact the state of our house and living arrangements:
>paraphrasing a bit, my actions will impact whether I stay with my grandparents or on the streets as he put it
I really don't get it, he keeps insisting on selling the house and so on but then he would nowhere else to go except for his rental place or his girlfriend's house.

I really, I don't know what's going on anymore with him or life in general.

i feel closer to suicide than i ever have been and i don't know what else to do. i have no one in my life. no one to talk to about it. there is no one in the entire world that cares about me. i don't know what to do. i feel completely, entirely, hopeless.

i transitioned, but im ugly and clocky and horrible looking, i went to school, but i don't know what im going to do and i don't feel like im actually working towards or accomplishing anything. ive tried making new friends, but people don't like me. they can sense the desperation on me and i don't blame them, i don't like myself either. i know that being emotionally devastated and desperate for any sliver of human connection is a terrible basis for any kind of relationship. i understand what the problem is but i don't know how to fix it. i can't see a way out. i think i'm really gonna die. i'm so scared. i can't stop crying

the lack of sleep is starting to get to me real bad

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>>42786068
What I’m heartened by is the fact that you came here looking for answers besides suicide. You’re scared there aren’t any because you can’t think of them, but you don’t need to be convinced there’s something you can’t think of.

First of all, are you seeing a psychiatrist? Are you taking an antidepressant? Because that can make it easier to start doing the things that will improve your mental health.

A key issue you seem to be dealing with is thinking that because you tried something before and didn’t like the results, there’s no point in trying again.

But transitioning isn’t as black and white as you’re describing it. If you don’t like where you’re at in your transition, keep going. Just because you’re clocky now doesn’t mean you have to stay clocky. Change your wardrobe, your hairstyle, your makeup, etc. Exercise to change your silhouette. Voice train if you haven’t. Don’t assume the things you can’t change overrule the things you can change.

It’s the same way with friends. So you put yourself out there and it didn’t work out. That’s happened to me too. But the lesson I learned is that I need to do something different, not that making friends is clearly not for me. The fact that you messed up before doesn’t mean you’re incapable of succeeding. And if you think you put people off because you’re unhappy, that’s all the more reason to take better care of yourself.

It’s easy to give up, it’s hard to keep going, but keeping on feels better.

>>42787329
>First of all, are you seeing a psychiatrist?
no. but i do have a therapist.
>Are you taking an antidepressant?
no. i refuse. im sad for a reason, im right to be sad. i dont just want to make it go away i want to make it better.

my voice is actually the only part of my transition that's gone well.

thankyou. i'm sorry. i can't even imagine getting better on my own. i feel like i need other people to be happy, but i need to be happier in order to connect with other people.

>>42787442
First of all, I’m glad you were able to see my post and I’m glad you found it helpful in some way.

>Are you taking an antidepressant?
>no. i refuse. im sad for a reason, im right to be sad
>i dont just want to make it go away i want to make it better.
Antidepressants aren’t supposed to make sadness just go away, they give you the energy to do the real work yourself. It’s not a sign of weakness to take an antidepressant. That’s a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way myself. I went off antidepressants for a couple of years. I was doing other things and I figured I shouldn’t need them. And in hindsight that just made things harder.

>i can't even imagine getting better on my own. i feel like i need other people to be happy, but i need to be happier in order to connect with other people.

Think about it this way: Help the people who will help you by helping yourself.

>>42787329
Are the new P&S seasons any good?

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>>42789501
Yeah, I’d recommend S2. I feel like there’s more genre/style shift episodes, but there are several great ones. My bar (aside from screentime for Panty obv) was how often the show could surprise me, and that was often. And the soundtrack is great, and manages to strike a balance between sounding like the S1 soundtrack and incorporating newer trends. If you watch any of it, watch the first episode, which resolves the cliffhanger from Ep 13. Finally seeing what happened next was one of the highlights for me.

To keep this post on topic, I recently learned about ABLE Accounts, which is a type of savings account Americans collecting SSI can open and save up to $100K in. If you’re a Murrican collecting Autismbux, look into opening an ABLE account. You can do so anywhere in the US at any bank.

Here’s a website with more info:
https://www.ssa.gov/ssi/spotlights/spot-able.html

103lbs until my real life can begin

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>>42778259
Please no coomer advice to my question, HRT using transwomen responses only please.

But, im an anal virgin and worried if i ever get with a man, either i may be too tight for them or itll hurt me, so im considering ideas to train my bussy for a man. Are these things just toys/fetish/kink stuff or can they be used for anal training? Alternatively if this is stupid, is there better advice?

im higfh a bit nit much
i love you
im depresonal
iall the time
is this normal
i hate it
i have created this other self and it is me and i hete me
:(

>>42790347
I realize you’re asking a specific question, but my advice is to look for general information about anal sex, so you’re not at the mercy of gooners every time you have another question. There’s a guy on Instagram named bybobbybox who posts really frank, practical advice about anal sex.

>>42790310
How do you mean?

bump

a breakfast in bed lovingly prepared for sig

>>42778259
hi. im just passing by, i usualy just browse on co/ in the homestuck general thread. i used to hear a lot of bad things coming from 4chan, youtube videos all of that, but this thread and the anon whos helping people are really nice! thumbs up to you dud. i probably wont comeback here but dont take that as discouragement, what you are doing is awesome.

>>42795184
thank you, dear

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Does anyone have a good workout regimen that works for them? I want a nicer butt and to make my belly look less fat.

>>42790347
>>>/d/analgen and just ask without pointing out you're a tranneroid or getting upsetti, people there are world-leading experts at least when it comes to toys, and know how to do it properly (pain-free), as opposed to the gay retards in gay subreddits that are coomering about muh good pain (which I won't judge you if you're into, but that's for later coomerism)

>>42795945
anytime

>>42798591
now give us some sugar

i will die alone and worst of all bored

making friends never ends well
it either fizzes out or ends in disaster
im not human btw or asking for advice
just pointing an observation

I just think i genuinely hate myself
how do i tell this to my therapist?

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Just finished Lost Record: Bloom and Rage.
Played it with my sisters, and I partially had to go away here and there, so I didn't get all of it... Still it was really good, but being around others means you can't fully commit to the game.

I think I'll replay it some time, when I'm alone... Feels like a game where you can actually experience a proxy to a childhood/teenage years.
If I just fully commit to it, and say things I'd wanna say and so on, I think it'll be an amazing experience.

I don't know if Life is Strange would be as good. I remember the one with the brothers, it was good, but it was no "experience teenage life" type of game.

Hope they make more of those teenager simulator games.

(Holy shit these captchas are impossible)

>>42800658
yeah, the captchas are a fucking pain

>>42796646
>I want a nicer butt and to make my belly look less fat
I've got a lot of notes on that kinda stuff.

Give me a day or so and I can give you a rough program with a list of exercises you can try.
brb

>>42802212
waow

I wish I was good looking enough to be somebody's fantasy.

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>>42799231
you are my neighbour

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>>42803592
Shake it, shake, shake it (uh, oh), shake it, shake, shake it-

we have fun here in /sig/, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

Im horribly bald and also repressing trannysim.

Also fixed my sleep schedule.
But also im back to drinking.

lifting sig up like it’s my child and smiling at it before putting it down

>>42802321
people have weirder fantasies than you think

>>42778319
All good, no need to worry.
We'll be here, keeping the fire going as long as possible.

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Good evening /sig/ I hate my body so fucking much, and I can't escape from it.
I tried going out shopping today, and it's just been a constant reminder that in every social context, I am literally just a moid. Basically, I can't really go outside without setting off the dysphoria.

If you want a great joke, try being 10+ months HRT and openly talking to your NB coworker (who's trying to start HRT) about HRT to the point of offering spare E only for them to still not realise you're not just a cis man with an endocrine issue. That's how much of a fucking moid I am.

Oh, and I can't get therapy/diagnosis/etc till June unless I pay £500 on top of the £190 I've already paid + £90 sign-up fee just to access a private service.
The only relevant update is that I was able to get an earlier FFS consult in March, and I'm able to restart laser soon, but none of that's going to fix my giant ribcage.
It's honestly getting quite hard to not start self-harming or something, like I repeatedly have the thought of "I should take a knife to myself" even though I've never cut before in my life. Whenever I have to look at my body, I just feel anguish.

Like I'm not even my own person, all my responses, way of speaking etc is hard-coded to a man, whoever I was once has just been systematically erased for maleness. I want my life back...
>>42687588
Honestly, I've tried, but I just don't think any of it helps. I'm at the point where I don't think I can really cope with just being a man anymore but my body is non-compliant with anything else.

>>42778259
Do any of you have any advice on how to hold myself more accountable?

It's becoming a recurring problem to keep myself on the straight and narrow path out of my messy life.

bump

>>42809228
thanks, babe

>>42809773
anytime

I wonder if non hrt reppers allowed to post here

>>42810769
I mean, anyone who uses this board can post here asking for advice.

It's all about self improvement anyhow.

>>42806711
I don't know if there's ever been a person who would fantasize about me, in particular.

>>42790347
Take it slow and start small, first of all.
Don't try to hurt yourself.

good (extremely early) morning bump

I wish twinks and femboys could get pregnant.

>>42813041
I wish i was a twink/femboy/tranny instead of an ugly horribly balding man

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just put makeup on for the first time since fucking new years eve lol
aint even going anywhere, it's just for a moderate self esteem boost since i'm sick of accidentally catching my horrid raw non-made-up face in mirrors. and also so i don't totally forget how to do it in case i accidentally stumble into plans somehow

>>42814025
update: have already taken it off because it looked horrible lmao
so i have to practice/relearn i guess. whoopee
positive spin to fit the aim of the thread: guess it's better to find out now than sometime/someplace where it matters how i look

hopefully other people are enjoying their sunday instead of bumping threads here

>>42812705
Thank you, have a good one.

>>42815962
I'm trying my best to.

>>42814025
bob looks tapped out mentally

>>42806923
I'm sorry things have been so rough for you, Navy.

>>42756224
^-^ ty ty! i appreciate you a lot ty <3

i've been away for a while glad to be back around here. a bunch of updates, i think this is the one i have finally locked in and started cardio as well, i'll give myself another week of cardio before adding weight training into it. starting taking magnesium which has been helping with my sleep. planning to get a fitness tracker soon, i'd love some recommendations if any of you have some <3 i know this wave of motivation is different and sustainable. i finally feel better physically and mentally. tasks aren't a constant battle with my own body and mind i do feel like doing things and going out. ofc still haven't been that social but it's okay i do kinda have a core group of friends i get to hang out with often. kinda funny but the way i finally locked in is by greening out and staring at my own nudes and realizing that everything i hate about myself is fixable. my body can be what i want it to be if i work towards it. it's still funny how that happened but hey i'm not complaining.

as always love you all /sig/mas <3 sending virtual hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃

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>>42778259
New month, new week and new opportunities for life.
I have to be more positive and proactive.

I'll pop in again after a few more job applications.

Wishing you all the best of luck, be safe and do you best.

Good night bump

>>42821611
Good morning bump.

>>42822441
and a good morning bump to you as well

>>42778259
What are your goals for the new month, /sig/?

>>42824393
Get a damned job

>>42824399
What are you in the market for these days?

>>42825345
Anything

>>42824393
get out of the wasted-days cycle, do proper prep, and find a mortgage advisor

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I returned from my vacation, expect a BIG series of catchup posts in the coming days.
I didn't sleep at all on saturday, traveled all day on sunday, and worked today.
I hope I have the energy to post tomorrow.

>>42827157
thank you as always
hope you rest well <3

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Mini update:
>Applied to four more online English jobs
>Working with grandfather on a contract basis, manual labor and office tasks
>Might join an old friend in an online business (big maybe)
>Father hasn't followed up in a while, not sure what set him off in thr first place
>I've been struggling with disassociation and procrastination, losing direction
>Sleep has been awful lately
>Trying to reinvent myself somehow

I'm staying more even tempered these days but I need to be more proactive for worthwhile change to come my way.

Nobody is coming to save me, so I may as well keep trying.
Goodnight for now.

>>42827157
>returned from my vacation, expect a BIG series of catchup posts in the coming days
Thank you for all your hardwork.
I hope your vacation was a good experience overall.

>I didn't sleep at all on saturday, traveled all day on sunday, and worked today
>I hope I have the energy to post tomorrow
Take as much time as you need, fatigue is very rough to deal with.
Be safe and take care.

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>>42824393
Here are some of my goals for March:
>Get a pedicure
>Get my eyebrows shaped
>Get my weighted blanket dry cleaned
>Wash my duvet at the laundromat
>Cook a fresh batch of pineapple curry and vegetable stir fry in mango sauce
>Make more strawberry sandos
>Open up some kind of savings account
>Buy some wig styling tools
>Read a few graphic novels from my hoard

I think that’s enough for now!

>>42827157
sleep well

>>42827157
thanks

After years of my arthritis being completely unable to be managed I have gotten to a point to where I feel generally asymptomatic and can actually exercise somewhat like I used to. I am doing 1 hour hard on an elliptical measuring how hard I go by keeping my heartrate around 155-160. I still have a lot of weight to lose before I feel comfortable running but I hope to start running again soon. Today the difference hit me from significant pain and needing to be careful going down any stairs to where I am now.

Tomorrow I need to take a bite out of cleaning up my dads stuff that's still in my car from when he passed.

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how do you break up with someone you still love more than anything?

we've been together a few years and we've both been in and out of addiction in that time (much moreso him than me but still both of us) and it's been the worst for him lately that it's ever been. there is absolutely no getting through to him. he refuses to even talk about it; that's how it's been for a while. only when he is beyond piss drunk will he sometimes open up, then forget it. we haven't been intimate in almost a year, he doesn't want to talk to me half of the time, he has no interest in the future.
i know that i can't spend my life like this. despite this all, i still love him just as much as i always have and he is still my best friend and the most important person in my life. i don't know what i should do or how to do it.

sleep eludes me

Do you think it is possible to have a clog made of trauma in the back of your mind at all times?

>>42832539
yeah

once again the deadline to apply to university is a week away and i am hesitating, what if i picked the wrong thing? (IT/network) what if i hate it? what if im just incompetent? so i will keep hesitating then let the deadline pass and still be a neet. this shit sucks.

i just want to end up with a job where its low stress and pays well, i dont know how people pick careers. feels like i may as well just pick shit out of a hat

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>>42831324
I know the feeling of wanting to help a partner that doesn’t want your help. It sucks.

I also understand believing that if you say something in a way that your audience finds disagreeable, you aren’t saying it “right.” But to think that you could break up with your partner in a way that isn’t upsetting by putting it in just the right way is just you staying in the rut you’re in. You’re ignoring your own wants and needs, and thinking your place is to make your guy happy no matter what that means for you. What if the pain you’re in deserves to be acknowledged? What if how you feel is important too? I feel like you’ve gotten so invested in how your partner is doing you’ve forgotten that his wellbeing is something *you* want. You want him to get back on the wagon, he wants to keep drinking.

Breaking up sucks, but like recovering from an addiction, sometimes the thing we need the most hurts before it feels better, and involves a change that’s terrifying to think about before you start.

Hope that helps.

>>42833981
The first thing that came to mind for me after reading your post is that there are things like career advisors and guidance counselors who can help you choose a career and help you plan preparing for it. If you haven’t met with anyone like that before, and you’re having trouble committing to a plan now, it’s possible to alleviate some of the stress and uncertainty by talking through the process with someone with expertise in the matter. They might even be able to tell you things you don’t know that are useful to your decision making process. Just a thought.

>>42834412
doesnt help, i usually just ask AI. how am i supposed to know what to do without doing it, but i cant do everything.

>>42834496
Have you talked to an actual person about this? I know some AI chatbots are portrayed as having certain kinds of expertise but also that their advice can be worse than useless.

What if choosing a school for a long term career is too big of a first step from your exit of NEETdom? What if you tried getting a part time job first, or started going to some kind of social event or support group? It’s possible to move forward in baby steps.

>>42834529
school is in some ways easier because i can just study online. so its a big step in some ways and not in others. i want to do both, but the difficulty is in picking something as my long term target... i seriously dont know what else other than IT though

>>42834577
If you want to start with online classes, but you aren’t sure what kind of degree you want to get, why don’t you just sign up for some general or pre-requisite classes first? You can do a lean semester and collect a few credits instead of waiting until you’re sure about everything to start.

Make the decision easier by not making it an all-or-nothing commitment.

>>42834815
I already did general classes. Im now reading reddit and its full of people talking about how they feel overworked, how they keep farming certs only to still be in helpdesk. Feels kind of sickening, why do people work so hard? I kinda wanna be like them but I also kind of dont see why people do this to themselves.

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>>42834838
>I already did general classes.
Got it, sorry it didn’t occur to me that you might have already.

There is a lot of bullshit to having a job, but it’s not all bad either. It sounded like you wanted to quit being a NEET, even though you’re intimidated by the idea at the same time. Having a job could still be better even if it isn’t perfect.

But you don’t need to agonize over this decision today if you don’t feel ready, either. You could some chores in your living space and take a break from thinking about the school and career stuff. It’s not now or never.

>>42834982
yeah im with you and i know that you dont get a career overnight, all my friends built theirs over the past 5+ years by just constantly doing something

what makes me scared is that while they were doing that, i havent been doing anything really. i cannot get my engine to go. i dont have the personality for success at anything. but im afraid of being poor in the future, or feeling like i let myself down. i dont know. i just want to do something. it feels like everyone elses actions just count for more and i just spin my wheels and stress myself out and stay still.

just got done pacing a few thousand steps back in forth within a 10 feet area thinking about what i'd do if i had a life. i actually feel satisfied for a bit doing that. would never actually act on any of it though.

>>42835128
I’m glad it sounds like you’re starting to relax here. And trust me, I understand a lot of what you’re going through. I’m a NEET right now myself.

But remember, despite all this insecurity and anxiety you feel, you can keep trying. There’s no reward for giving up. And even if you think nothing you do can be right, or as good as what someone else does, your effort can still pay off.

New update:
>My father wants me to confirm whether I am going to go back to Australia by April (I don't know what to say)
>Sister got harassed by a problematic student at her college, it got scary
>Mother had a bad panic attack again
>Municipality had to turn off the water due to maintenance
>My sleep was horrid last night
>I have had no luck with work
>Familial morale is low
>My head is constantly full of my past failures, shame and 'trauma'

I need to start journaling again, this is way too much on my mind.

I'm going back to sleep soon, best of luck, everyone.
I'm sorry I don't have much knowledge to share myself. I really hope you all are okay.

I want to go see a psychologist again but:
>past 4 or 5 times they did not mean an increase in wellbeing nor progress on life
>when I was prescribed medicines, it doesn't seem to help (3 antidepressants, one antipsychotic so far)
>one of the times I got busted by parents and forced to stop meds
wyd, also I am not an American nor an European nor life somewhere which is considered the Anglosphere, so if you want to give answer please make it generic.

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This will take a looong while to catch up...
>>42753633
>Your thread sucks. Sorry.
No need to be sorry, though I wouldn't mind you expanding upon it.
>>42757152
First of all, thank you for sticking around a whole ass week it took for me to respond. I want you to know I appreciate your patience.
>reconsidered due to risk of permanent organ damage.
Thank fuck, yes it is BAD bad. If you want to lose weight sustainably I can help you, it's not a big deal if you are patient, but it is tough.
>>the meds are working, suicidal thoughts are mostly supressed and i am functional
>i'll try this dishwashing approach, but i am very bad at sticking to habits.
Very good!
>i stopped going to the gym for now, and i also stopped reading out loud, if you recall that. but i'll try.
I do! I think it would be a great idea if we investigated why you do? Like, if you could log it (here for example) we could try a post-mortem if you fall off and adjust.
The key, more often than not, is to stubbornly try again and again with these things. Trust me, I failed many a habit too.
>i had an impulse of just killing a random person
Ahh, alright! Just wanted to make sure, thank you for clarifying.
>killing some of my friends that use hard drugs, because i am really scared of them and feel like they're a bad influence on me
>, even though i still like them as people.
It is a very difficult set of circumstances, that. I 100% agree your revulsion is a healthy self defense mechanism.
>the only thing that numbs it is being with others.
So it correlates with you being alone then after all? Yet playing games doesn't do it.. so is it the physical presence that makes a difference?
>but i don't think he'll be able to come back
I am glad he is okay but that is really fucking unjust. Perhaps.. hm, sometimes there are lawyers who specialize in cases like this, depending on the country. I assume that your friend is looking into things himself though, so don't mind my rambling.

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>>42757201
>the only thing i can say is that i value honesty a lot, but my thinking is very shallow.
>i will think about it.
Dwell on it, I am more than willing to talk it out and give you philosophical insights/perspectives to grapple with. After all, I wanna talk with you, not at you.
>it'd be more surprising to see someone who hasn't yet realized that they're in a home-job-home cycle.
Hm, you have a great point, although I 100% agree that it should not be like that, and a lot of people are starting to do part time if they can afford to because it is flat out better for them. I would like it to become the new normal, and wages to adjust accordingly.
>i feel like i want to do things and not just bedrot.
So they help you stabilize and make sustainable progress, as they should. That is perfect. I am far from an expert but they might even render themselves obsolete if you keep them around for long enough to wind up in a set of circumstances where you flourish.
>>42755189
Welcome, Anon! Sorry for the late reply, but I did look over the convo you had with the other Anon.
>I just have bursts of like WAIT i CAN fix all this shit in my life. and then its gone because i try too hard to understand the feeling instead of acting on it and making it stick
>ok sorry for the annoying autism rant.
It wasn't annoying in the slightest. Sadly, I don't think *I* can give you what you need, I think what you need is best taken from the lived experiences of others on the spectrum.. and THAT? That I can provide! Have you looked into our resources, we have several youtube channels and books that are from autists for autists, dealing with subject ranging from socializing to masking to coping strategies.
>for me the worst of the confusion comes when I'm emotionally overloaded,
Do you stim, by chance? Do you have grounding techniques?
>>42758252
>Peacock is adorable
She absolutely is.

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>>42757795
>I can't get myself to do enough since my dad died.
Grief is a difficult, hard hitting thing, Anon. You have my sympathy. I fully understand what a sudden loss is like, I lost my mom to cancer last year. Sorry for being quite late to the party, I know your circumstances probably changed in the week of my absence but I wanted to make sure you feel heard.
>The biggest issue is that my dad loved hearing about the classes I took and I used to tell him about everything I learned.
I understand how you feel. I don't wanna come off as too presumptuous, but.. as much as it hurts, isn't there also a bit of.. company, in it? As in: looking back at the things that remind me of my mother, as much as it is painful to remember losing her, the things that remind me of her are still precious to me, and a small bit of her is still in them. Maybe you could use classes as one such precious keepsake? Idk if I am making sense. First and foremost, do take the time to grieve, there is no rushing this. Let yourself feel things, and feel free to talk as much as you wanna.
>>42761324
Recovery IS a roller coaster at the best of times, yeah. I am glad you count your blessings, I understand that it isn't always an easy thing to do.
>some advice on how to not be a creepy anxious attachment freak that scares the hoes would be pretty cool
>>bpdemon
Hm.. if you're diagnosed or strongly suspecting then it might help to look into some of our attachment/BPD resources, from what I understand the challenges and hurts you experience need slightly different approaches. The shadow library links in the resources are currently in poor condition because a lot of archives are down for reasons I suspect are linked to the AI slopocalypse.
>>42762447
>im only a few weeks ago but i can already see differences between my pics
I am super happy for you, Anon! I don't really use AI but I would like to hear more about your goals and plans.

nighty night

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>>42763622
>I keep making a habit of coming back here, making a couple posts, and not following up for a month+.
May I suggest something? Keep a file somewhere with links to your posts, if you put them here I can go back and re-read your posts on your next visit!
>i just do not have a support system, or really any actual close friends for that matter.
That is always tough.. given you're a student, what are your peers like? Have we talked about making friends before?
Sorry to hear about the blizzard fuckery, by the way. But the electrolysis news are a silver lining at least! Fingers crossed.
>i'm planning on taking a trip to another country in july, it would be the first time i leave the country in my life, so theres a level of anxiety about that.
I can help you feel a little bit more prepared, the biggest questions being travel visa and vaccines. Do you need a visa?
>passport photo
Ahh, yeah I get it. Make sure to factor in a month or so for your passport and set a deadline for when you want to take care of it latest. It STRONGLY depends on the country but I haven't seen a government take longer than a month and change for one, be it Brazil, the US, or a Euro country of your choosing. If you don't need a visa? I would suggest starting the process by end of May latest.
>i really need to change something about the way i do things, because i'm on track to...
what is your schedule like? What gets in the way of your studies?
>i had no one i can really go to when im feeling like this...
There are plenty of people going through the same issues here, but I get it's not the same as having someone IRL.. You have my sympathy.
>>42766434
>an early breakfast for me means an early bump for sig
Much appreciated!
>>42779497
Rooting for you, Anon! If there is anything in particular you feel stuck with, lemme know, okay! And feel free to share your experiences: progress, setbacks, whatever!

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Goodnight, /sig/..
>>42779675
Okay, in that case the question I have is: how do you feel about mushrooms? Are they widely available? What kinda veggies are common? Peppers are great for stuffing, a variety of veggies can be turned into fritters, sauces, mash, or baked in the oven with a bit of butter. Some veggies are also better blanched or steamed than stir fried, depending. Fritters are something you can make with just a box grater, eggs, flour and a root veggie of your choosing, for example. But zucchini or eggplant work amazing too.
>>42764746
>i guess constantly feeling what im doing is wrong is easier than actually unpacking why everything feels wrong
Sadly that is the case, yeah. Sometimes it can help a great deal to have things to focus on where you can insist to yourself you are making progress, telling yourself you can't tackle everything at once but will tackle things as they make sense to.
>>42833981
>what if i picked the wrong thing? (IT/network) what if i hate it?
>i dont know how people pick careers. feels like i may as well just pick shit out of a hat
Yes. It is basically 80% post-hoc rationalization. You can (depending on the specifics of the system) also change courses later on, in which case it literally doesn't matter if you spend a year studying something you don't end up wanting to settle with.
>>42782166
I am glad you resist the urge,
>I really don’t know how to stop. The longer I just push the urge down, the worse it gets.
It is, ultimately, a form of addiction from where I stand. We have some self harm resources you might find helpful, check the paste! Some of the resources are also courtesy of >>>/r9k/cut who very kindly shared them with us. One thing besides of course trying to push it away is to try and help you find alternative coping mechanisms. What you need is twofold: grounding techniques to help you stay on top and looking into the root causes of your dysphoria and mitigating as much as we can to nip it in the bud.

I feel like I need to up the weight on my dumbbells a bit since I'm not feeling very worked-out at this point, but if I go up by even just 3 pounds I then need to grip them really hard and thusly I get tendonitis after a week or two and then I can't work out for a week and I'm back down to my previous weights
idk what to do

>>42834356
this definitely helped, thank you so much <3

8 down, a harmless collision (bump in crossword speak)

>>42837196
When it comes to my exercising, I don’t think I’m ready to stay at a level that leaves me feeling it the next day. You might be ready for something more intense, but whatever you’re doing that’s giving you tendonitis ain’t it. There are ways to intensify your routine besides adding weight. You can try different moves with the same amount of weight or add reps.

You could also try just sticking with the routine and level of weight you want to quit for another week or two, and then see if upping the weight doesn’t hurt anymore. Sometimes there is still progress to be made between “This feels to easy” and “I’m ready for the next level.”

I should stop cumming as much it just drains me of all my energy

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I havent posted here for a while and I'm still in the same dump I was for years now and I honestly don't know if I can get better. I just rot for a whole day so I can rot the next day as well. I dont know how to transition I dont know how to get better I dont know what I want to do I dont know nothing nobody ever cared about me and nobody ever will. antidepressants havent helped me I dont have money for anything and I dont have anyone to help me everything is just getting worse and worse every day at this point I probably should just start trying to kill myself every chance I will get so I dont have to suffer day after day in this mind torment nexus

>>42839190
probably a good idea

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>>42778259
I just remembered something, I still need to follow up on a few posts from previous threads that I missed out on here.

I was wondering, could one of you please tell me what kind of archive site you all use to do that?

If I remember correctly, somebody posted a link to that kind of archive site in the previous threads, either in:
>>42721843
or
>>42507557

Trying to use 'desuarchive.org' doesn't work for /lgbt/ at all, so I don't where else to go.
I KNOW there's another site but my dumb brain won't remember.

>>42839168
7 down, I'm not sure what we are talking about

goddamn my fucking back hurts

>>42834982
>there is still time
I hope I can one day transition into someone who's living

>>42840922
archived.moe is the only archiver for /lgbt/
consider installing 4chan xt so you can read archived posts in the same page as current thread (in-line)

bump

>>42845001
thanks, I passes out

I don't like myself very much.

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Guhh… I tried to roast a butternut squash today, but I nicked my hand with the peeler and a big hunk of the squash slipped out of my hand and onto the floor. After a bit of agonizing, I threw the squash out. Better safe than sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to tackle the squash that today, I was feeling a little out of it, and it was something I wasn’t cooking to eat anytime soon besides.

I hate throwing out food but sometimes it’s the right thing to do. Before that I still managed to cut up some tofu and get it into the freezer, and roast some bell peppers to put into a pineapple curry.

I’ve still got to learn to pace myself with cooking. Because I don’t cook every day, I can try to do too much when I’m in the kitchen. Mistakes are learning opportunities.

On a more positive note, my mom ordered a new vacuum and it arrived today. I’m paying for half of it, so my mom felt up for getting a good Dyson vacuum. We’ve been using a secondhand Dyson for about 10 years, and it was getting worn out.

And I had a virtual appointment with my psychiatrist today and she re-upped my prescriptions.

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>>42846885

>>42843159
Awesome, thank you so much for the help.

You all take care now, I gotta sleep right now.

Keep the fire burning.

Almost two years ago I was having a very bad time and decided to cancel my internet service and get a flip phone and posted about it here. It was a good choice.

Catsitting for a friend rn and using her internet.

>>42848607
I am glad it worked out well for you, Anon.

>>42842293
Stretches helped me a lot with that

>>42851225
What kind?
I'll do anything at this stage.

>>42853343
Three that helped me with my back pain: Side reaches, laying on my back and curling my legs up and re-extending them until I feel a pop, and toe touches

>>42836709
sleep tight

applied yesterday for an interview for a simple job/intern thingy over the phone and felt so crushed when i didnt have a good way to explain just being a neet... how am i meant to get out of this cycle when every person just automatically rejects you

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Today shall be another update cycle. There will be 6 posts in total this time around, I believe.
>>42781831
>>42785629
>>42786022
>>42820161
>I am very glad to hear you have some sort of support structure in place.
It is absolutely essential, yes.
>He claimed he both hears things and has people driving by our home to confirm things.
That sounds fucking unhinged, don't you think? His desire to compensate his lack of self esteem really does him no favors.
>I have to be careful with my phrasing since he's eager to call me a back stabber
Yeah you are not really in a position where any approach is easy, I hope any of my suggestions can be of actual use to you in spite of that.
>I really, I don't know what's going on anymore with him or life in general.
I think whatever meltdown got him to this point borders on delusional, given everything you told me. His erratic behavior is probably legally sane but deeply concerning.
>I'll pop in again after a few more job applications.
>Wishing you all the best of luck, be safe and do you best.
Wishing you all the best with your applications in turn!
>>42787298
>the lack of sleep is starting to get to me real bad
Stuck in a cycle on that front, Anon?

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>>42790310
Wishing you well! How is your progress going, overall? Feeling stuck in any particular way?
>>42790416
>is this normal
It is normal to feel miserable when stuck with shitty circumstances but I would love to hear more about yours in particular, to help you become a person you wish to be.
>>42795499
Thank you, Anon. We're really trying to create a bit of a sanctuary here. It requires great effort, but I feel we manage. Feel fry to pass by whenever!
>>42799941
Quite isolated, I wager. Is it one of those situations where there simply aren't many places to meet people around you?
>>42800247
>how do i tell this to my therapist?
Here's perhaps a useful way to reason about it: don't think yourself a monolith, but more like a bunch of legos stuck together: Try isolating the aspects of you that you hate, try to give them names. The more you can articulate what parts of you you hate the easier it gets to communicate them.

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>>42796646
We have a book for butt exercises, actually! It's in the resources. Shadowlibs linked are currently tits up but the ISBN will help you locate it on any shadow lib or store of your choosing.
>>42802212
Hey Anon, not the one you originally responded to but if you got something for me to add to the resources I am all ears!
>>42800220
>just pointing an observation
Would you indulge me for a bit so I can probe your observation? The fizzling out is a common thing with online relationships and I would love to hear about your experiences.
>>42800658
>Just finished Lost Record: Bloom and Rage.
>but being around others means you can't fully commit to the game.
Agreed, games as a social experience (just like movies) are very different from games you engage with on your own, the immersion is just different. Sounds like you had a lovely time though, overall! Do you do stuff like that with your sisters on the regular?
>(Holy shit these captchas are impossible)
It's fucking insane, yes. And they keep getting funkier. At this rate they will slowly devolve into some House of Leaves nightmare puzzle.
>>42802321
The trick is actually that you don't have to be good looking for that, you only need to have someone emotionally attached enough to do so. That is perfectly within your reach no matter your looks.

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>>42805243
That we do!
>>42805271
Sorry to hear about the drinking, but I am glad you got your sleep sched back in order. Would you mind sharing a bit about your repping circumstances? I assume you don't wanna rep indefinitely if you can help it. But I am sure you have your reasons to.
>>42810769
100%. Though I would ask you the same question as the anon above this response, if that is alright.
>>42806801
And I deeply appreciate it, I hope you know.
>>42806923
Heya, Navy!
>Good evening /sig/ I hate my body so fucking much, and I can't escape from it.
>to the point of offering spare E only for them to still not realise you're not just a cis man with an endocrine issue.
Your colleague must have a density just shy of their Schwarzschild radius.
>Oh, and I can't get therapy/diagnosis/etc till June unless I pay £500 on top of the £190 I've already paid + £90 sign-up fee just to access a private service.
What an infuriating grift of a system, holy fuck. Glad to hear about the FFS consult though. Silver lining I suppose.
>whoever I was once has just been systematically erased for maleness.
>my body is non-compliant with anything else
I think I get the general idea, manmoding combined with previous repping simply pushed you to a breaking point in dysphoria, I take it.. And that, in combination with things that make you dysphoric and that you either can't change or can't change *yet* leads to a death spiral of misery. Sounds like the most urgent possible thing to do is to find ways for you to be able to express femininity in a safe/comfortable environment?

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>>42807791
Hm, do you have someone who could double as an accountability partner, for example? That is what works best for me.
>>42814025
>>42814776
>just put makeup on for the first time since fucking new years eve lol
>so i have to practice/relearn i guess. whoopee
I am glad you are playing with these things and practice. In the end makeup is a form of artistic expression. There's self actualization to it, there's craftsmanship to it, it can be a form of self care ritual in its own right.
>>42819800
Always happy to be there.
>i have finally locked in and started cardio as well,
Awesome!
>i'd love some recommendations if any of you have some <3
Oh, for fitness trackers in particular? Unfortunately I don't know of many but among the open source ones https://github.com/wger-project/wger seems not unpopular. I can't vouch for it at all though. I'm elated to hear about all the wonderful news you got! I wish you nothing but the very best, it IS going to get even easier with time, and even setbacks will become easier to recover from. It's a beautiful progression to witness.
>>42824393
>What are your goals for the new month, /sig/?
Busy as hell month for me, just like Feb was. Mission objective "survive" is the best way I can put it but April onward will be smoother sailing.

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More soon, but not today.
>>42831217
Holy fuck that must be a MAJOR breakthrough, quality of life wise! What did it for you, physical therapy?
>Tomorrow I need to take a bite out of cleaning up my dads stuff that's still in my car from when he passed.
Oh, are you the same Anon I talked to about their dad's passing earlier? That's a tough one. Is it anything of great sentimental value, perhaps some things you wish to keep?
>>42832539
Oh, absolutely. From what I have seen it can be unclogged, if you will, but it depends on the environment you are in. Do you feel safe these days?
>>42835148
>would never actually act on any of it though.
Can you articulate why?
>>42828042
>>42835696
A shame the quiet of your dad didn't last..
>I hope your vacation was a good experience overall.
It definitely was, but the next week will be troublesome.
>>I have had no luck with work
Ah God dammit, do you happen to know others looking for the same kind of job? Might be interesting to get some insider info.
>I need to start journaling again, this is way too much on my mind.
Very much so, you seem overwhelmed. There are very clearly things you are actively working toward, so I am tempted to say that some procrastination is well within "your right" if you will. Perhaps a sign to take more breaks, I believe I pondered this before.

Gosh bless everyone, I gotta go to bed soon.

Have a goodie.

>>42855545
I usually use the excuse of taking care of older family members while trying to find work online.

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>>42856105
>It is absolutely essential, yes
I'm glad you have support.

>That sounds fucking unhinged, don't you think?
I am begening to see that.
He's shown himself to be a very spiteful soul when he has the time for it.
I'm confused about how to feel about him, he's becoming more and more unreliable to be sure at least.
>His desire to compensate his lack of self esteem really does him no favors
I think it is a need for control over people, in some way.
It makes the thought of staying with him more unnerving, my mother said she worried about my treatment with him very often while I was away.

>Yeah you are not really in a position where any approach is easy,
Unfortunately, true.
>I hope any of my suggestions can be of actual use to you in spite of that
They are, I appreciate any and all advice you have given me.

>>42855545
I was gonna say to lie about working at some dollar store or gas station but google yelled at me and said that's illegal so I guess don't do that

i liek twinkles

I wanna go back to a 4-year university. I dropped out multiple times do to issue and of course family issues.
I don't even know why I am doing this, maybe some "chasing the "springtime of youth" experiences" that I miss.
but there's no good reason to do it honestly, even if I have "fuck you" amount of money:
>Job market
>unaddressed mental illness that partially caused the previous dropouts
>no desire for research
>a third-worlder too
why shouldn't I take a tradie/tradesperson certification and attempt to land a job at a first-world country, then start the clock into permanent residency?
t. SEAnig

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Panty again. I made some pineapple curry. They were out of cheap coconut milk, so I got a nicer kind, and I think I might stick with the better stuff, I think it made a real difference.

>>42859733
I love pineapple curry sauce with herring

>>42859733
Looks nice.

>>42837196
Tried an equivalent weight that had a somewhat less harsh grip (bigger and softer) and it didn't seem to strain me as much or require as tight a grip; maybe that's the solution

I need to get some aspirin.

>>42863273
Headache?

>>42863704
a big one

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>>42860253
I’ve never eaten herring before, but I might try it if you like it with pineapple curry sauce!

>>42861575
Thanks! Yeah, I was quite pleased with the shade of yellow the curry came out this time.

>>42865278
Panty is a cute.

>>42778259
Can anyone recommend a bottom friendly diet that is high in protein? I'm struggling to digest things cleanly lately and also need to keep bulking at the gym. The last meal I digested well was $200 Valentine's Day dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse (I went alone). Fiber pills and probiotics aren't working.

get bumped nerds

guess who’s back to bump you again?

i really don’t like being the way i am. someone should do something about it

Uh-oh! It's getting warm! That means I'm running out of excuses to not get anything done

hypothesis: /sig/ has 4 seasons
hopeful season
mellow season
despair season
horny season

>>42867928
S-stop calling me a n-nerd, you jerk!

>>42873994
bottom

Lowkirk hate myself and not even bc of any trannyism(im a repper.)
U just think im a shitty, worthless and boring person

I'm sick in the head.

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Well, I just got a pedicure. Not my first, but definitely my first in too long. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but I did have to hype myself up for this. I know I’ve mentioned it here as a goal more than once. Now I just need to make sure I start doing this regularly.

>>42875530
>>42875599
We should probably put together some kind of general advice document for how to start dealing with self-loathing. I feel like a lot of people post here just saying things like “I hate myself.”

>>42876840
Yeah, probably.

>>42876840
I'll make a long whine post where i go into detail once im drunk(2 hours more or less.)

Kk?

>>42778259
Hell yea /sig/ thread.
And helltaker posting.

BTW happy international women's day for all the ladies (cis or trans)

good kisses for sig

>>42879104
good night* kisses
whoops

>>42874922
I'm too ugly and skinny to bottom...

>>42879435
nta but bottom is as much a state of being as it is a position. it’s an entirely distinct thing from a sub

>>42879435
just lie on your tummy and let yourself be loved, if you wanna gain weight that can be helped. You don't need to aspire to being intimate with someone

good morning bump, happy time change for those who celebrate it

I need some advice as to where to go lifewise. In thinking about doing 1 year of paid millitary training and unless i go into a spendthrift that should net me like a bit above 30k in savings at which point i's go back into college and probably troon out given that i'd have enough financial security as to where if worse came to worst i could move out and not die in cold.(Living with my parents rn.)

Not very passionate about college either and atp i'm barely a functional person so it couldnt hurt. Since its voluntary service i could quit whenever too.

So the plan would be.
>1 year millitary
>Back to college for 4 more years with better financials
>Probably a hair transplant bc im fucking bald and ugly.

The reason im considering is is that i basically dont do shit at college aside from showing up to classes so it feels like a waste of effort and i dont care about the degree im studying for at all.
Just very directionless in life and i feel like i'm burning time every day.

>>42883164
good morning to you too

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>>42778259
I move into a new place soon. I've been living with a violent sociopath who gets mad at me whenever he's given the chance, so I think getting out is a good start. My circumstances forced me to heavily slow down with voice training too, which is a total bummer.

I also start a bartending course soon, which is scary. I've spent a long time in between worlds, trans to some but cis to others. I think this course is going to be the first time I step out of that box and into the real world. I do not wish to have cisgender shackles around my tranny angel wings by year three of my transition. It would be a tragedy of the highest order if I was still manmoding by then. I plan on stopping by the second hand store for new clothes and shoes. I want at least two decent outfits I can wear to the course. I've also been practicing my makeup a little, but it's admittedly shoddy, which is okay! I am learning, and I think that's what matters most. I would rather have slightly amateurish makeup than none at all.

I have also ALSO been working on a novella and getting at least two hours of outside time a day. I seek to be like Maomao the apothecary. My curls make this appearance unattainable, so if I cannot have her beauty, I seek to embody her character. I admire her ingenuity and her grit. She has faced a lot in her life, but regardless, she maintains a whimsical curiosity in the face of the unknown. Having an inspiration, even if it's a light novel/anime character, has a gone a long way in helping me find a sense of identity past my long history of depression, self harm, and substance abuse.

If I am ever married, I wish to have a Jinshi-like husband who admires my creativity.

Billions must try.

I don't know how to get anything done without having an external deadline that I personally can't alter

>>42856105
>I think whatever meltdown got him to this point borders on delusional, given everything you told me
He isn't completely insane obviously but he is quick to lash out due his paranoia and insecurities.
I can give you the full breakdown of why he reacted the way he did but regardless I think you understand why it worries when communicating with him.

>His erratic behavior is probably legally sane but deeply concerning.
That's the most difficult part of this, there's no way to really help or reprimand him for this.
Not without making him lash out again.

>Wishing you all the best with your applications in turn!
Thank you very much, I made some progress on my applications.
I will hopefully hear back from them soon.
I hope work is treating you well!

>>42883996
I can't even enjoy anything today because any art I observe fills me with envy over the fact that I attempted it before and abandoned my efforts

>>42778289
>join the discord
>people I know are on there and now I cant ask about the things I intended to ask about lest I shatter certain perceptions I've constructed of myself
AAAAAAAAH AAAH AAAH AAAAAAAAAAAH

>>42886567
you can dm people. OP himself is on there and has gone on record saying everyone can ping him because he can't keep up with the server.

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>>42886567

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>>42886567
I understand that temptation to perform, try to impress people, and seek approval. Just remember that we’re here to support each other and become better versions of ourselves. We’re so often taught to see everyone else as competition we’ve got to outdo, but that’s crab bucket mentality. It’s better to help other people and let other people help you.

>>42886817
Good evening ms. Stocking and Panty.
May you give me advice in regards to >>42883542

Sorry to ask but i dont rly have anyone to tall about it with. My family is just staunchly against it and kinda doesnt believe i could even hold employment...

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>>42836002
Gotta ask a few questions to hone in on what kinda advice you may find helpful.
>past 4 or 5 times they did not mean an increase in wellbeing nor progress on life
How long did you go to each?
>>when I was prescribed medicines, it doesn't seem to help (3 antidepressants, one antipsychotic so far)
The big issue with medication (which I assume you saw a psychiatrist for instead of a psychologist) is that it is trial and error, so it makes a huge difference if you went 3 three different people once or had one guy go through a rigorous series of attempts and ran out of ideas. What kinda situation was it?
>one of the times I got busted by parents and forced to stop meds
Are you still in a situation where your parents can interfere with you like that?
>so if you want to give answer please make it generic.
Will do my best! All I need to know is how sustainable it is to go to one financially, what is and isn't covered. I don't need details but if something is unaffordable where you live, do mention.
>>42837196
What happens if you only add one pound, or increase repetitions?
>>42839190
Important questions I feel: do you do it out of boredom, to cope with stress, something else?
>>42839703
Welcome back! Do you remember what we discussed last time? There are several angel posters so I might mix you up with other people, but when it is about depression like that the very first thing we gotta do is try to establish a daily routine for you as a backbone to build around, and slowly but surely add incremental challenges. Especially near rock bottom the first step is always to help you get out of bed every day, consistently.
Tell me about your current day to day, and the things you wish to do, we need to break them down into small, manageable pieces.
>>42840922
If you need help finding stuff on archived.moe, let me know.

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>>42846991
Oh I hate it when things go awry in the kitchen, one of the things that can really ruin my mood for an evening. I'm glad you made the best out of it! Glad to hear things are going well in the other departments at least!
>>42848607
Chances are you're not gonna read it, but I am happy for you, Anon!
>>42855545
It is frankly absurd a situation, the modern hiring landscape. Tell me, how long is the gap you have to justify? If it is a year or two you can always bullshit your way out of it saying you had to drop everything because of a family emergency. It is not in their right to probe you on that. I would love to hear the input of other people on this though.
>>42858032
>I'm confused about how to feel about him
That is perfectly normal, I have seen people grow up around genuinely psychotic parents and even they struggle with how to feel about them. Humans are just wired like that.
>I think it is a need for control over people, in some way.
That flag is a crimson so bright you can use it to guide traffic at 1 in the morning, bun. Your mom is right to be concerned.
>They are, I appreciate any and all advice you have given me.
And I am, and will continue to, root for you!
>>42858503
>why shouldn't I take a tradie/tradesperson certification and attempt to land a job at a first-world country, then start the clock into permanent residency?
Frankly? That doesn't sound half bad at all actually. I am an academic and even I don't think everyone should feel obligated to follow an academic trajectory. The academic path *can* offer you great opportunities for permanent residency, however.

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Not much of an update today, next week is gonna be rough.
More updates as soon as I manage.
>>42859733
Oh yes, the quality of the coconut milk makes one hell of a difference, same with regular milk too for many applications, after all. Speaking of, I have come to make a lot of milk based soups and pasta sauces recently..
>>42866409
From what I know the trick is to stick to soluble fibers. Citrus, white rice, figs, apples, nuts.. As for protein, fish and peas are afaik more bottom friendly than beef.
>>42871594
>>42846885
I think it is worthwhile to address both of you at the same time here.
The first question I always ask at that stage is: what do you dislike, try to articulate it.
Then try thinking of things you like about other people that you feel you lack.
>>42872739
What are you procrastinating?

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>>42886847
Since you’re asking me, I don’t think you should do the paid military training. If you’re feeling listless and unmotivated, a military training environment might give you no choice but to get things done, but it’s probably also going to condition you to disassociate from your own thoughts and feelings in order to robotically do what you’re told. If you’re thinking about transitioning, there’s a good chance that participating in any kind of military training under your assigned gender is going to be traumatic.

Finally, even if you crash out and want to leave, you might not have been given a fair representation of just how easy that will be. There could easily be fine print or strings attached that ads or recruiters are misleading you about.

I understand the frustration of being unhappy with where you are in life, wanting a change, and dealing with the added insult of feeling underestimated by your family. It can be tempting to dive headfirst into some ambitious undertaking to reveal your true potential and prove everyone wrong.

But I learned the hard way that it’s possible to bite off more than you can chew and just get yourself into more trouble than you wanted.

You’re dealing with a false binary here. It’s not a choice between changing nothing or doing this military training. You can try something different that’s lower stakes, like getting a part time job. I’m sure your family will be more impressed by you demonstrating self-reliance in smaller ways instead of aiming high and crashing out.

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Like idk to me the totality of troonism is: some fucking israeli kike made fuel that was less loud but had a lead catalyst so now you fucked up developing while in the womb and have brain damage.
I kno for a lot of ppl thats a spiritual undertaking but i think its just trying to alleviate the harm done by kike scientists. No wonder Unabomber was a repper.

And b4 you say that Thomas Migley Jr. Wasnt jewish he was spiritually s fucking kike by selling out the fucking soul of humanity for a payday

Fucker knew what he did too and didnt tell anyone. The whole story is shit.

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Should i go to a femtanyl show? Shes gonna tour iny area soon.
Will they kill a repper with bricks?
Idk.
Would a cis boy get hate crimed at the femtanyl show?

Im pretty happy rn but its prolly booze talking. I think im gonna have it all figured out. I know what i gotta do. I can do it. I will. Its all good. I actually yhink i've got this.
In part bc i ran a shit ton today and that always makes me feel better about myself but eh. Life is a very limited experience and ill try to make the most of it. Troon or not. I feel like i can do it despite the kikery. The faustian spirit is alive and well! Flame reignites in spite of it all!
I want to live!!!

Fuck thought this was mmg.
Pardon the inflammatory comments LOL

>>42887834
I think you're right. I primarily want to go for it for the money more than like, "to get my life in order." Thats kind of a crutch anyway.
I dont pay much attention to stuff like "trauma" bc im so disassociated most of the time i legit think i could get stabbed and probably be fine a week after but eh, maybe it'd fuck with me..i have no idea how bad it gets.
Im very reluctant to transition for a number of reasons and probably wont ever but generally being in dudebro spaces does make me uncomfy.
I think you're right in that i should start small and try to get something part time. I do have the time for it.

I gotta reply again tomorrow or much later at least.

I am so damn tired.

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>>42887056
I’m going to see if I can save some money by ordering better coconut milk in bulk. And yeah, I know dairy is an underrated ingredient in good Italian-style sauces. I’ve been making a pasta sauce with roasted sweet potato and cream cheese for a couple of years now.

Also, on the pedicure front: Getting all that coarse skin taken off my feet has made them more sensitive, so I think I’m going to get some house slippers.

>>42888383
I’m always glad when people I reply to find my advice helpful. I’m not going to tell you to transition — I know it’s complicated. It’s hard to feel ready to transition in a world where being transgender is so stigmatized, and it’s hard to do it even when you’re sure you want to. But since you said you were thinking about doing it, I’m going to advise you to account for that. Simple as. It’s harder to transition in some settings than others.