i would like to be your friend so badly, to actually get to know you better and form a connection with each other, and as much as i would like to continue bending over backwards, i don’t feel like my heart isn’t in it as much as before. you’re cool, you’re interesting. i just wish you would let me in

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>>42841909
I still think about how much I hate you, and how much it scares me thinking about that one time I blacked out due to stress and came to holding a knife to your neck. But, you had pushed me to my limit, and I snapped. I hear things aren't going too well for you, and not even gonna lie, that fills me with immense amounts of joy. I don't want anything to do with you. You ruin everything you touch, including yourself. Anyway, I'm moving across the country soon so you won't have to worry about seeing me ever again. I've said this before but I did see you one time while I was taking the train. My fight or flight kicked in and I didn't know what to do. Luckily you didn't see me.

p.s. it's really funny how quickly you went back to being poly after we broke up. lol. you could have just like, talked to me about it. i think you're falling for the meme. as someone who knows a LOT about you, you will never feel fulfilled in a poly shituationship. you'll get too jealous.

im sorry i said i didnt like michael jackson out of peer pressure in grade school

I really really miss you, E.

i wish i could believe that you love me. i know you do. you tell me often. but i can't believe it. i can't reconcile the feelings i have with this inconceivable reality you posit. i wish i could feel loved. i wish i could believe i have a future with you. i wish i weren't so far from you. i wish i could feel you at all. i wish i weren't so lonely. i didn't originally intend to write this about you, but i guess you're on my mind. you're always on my mind. i wish i felt i were worth something. i wish i were more able; i wish i felt i could do anything at all. i wish i could change my life. i wish it were easier to accept that i can, and that things will get better if i try, because it is so hard to try. i wish it were not so hard to try. i wish it were not so hard to wake up. i wish i could follow through sometimes. i wish i could get really really close to the wheels of a train. i wish i weren't selfish. i wish i weren't letting everyone down. i wish i cared more, i think. i hope that i die

back when i was in the hospital a nurse came in and asked if he could ask me some questions about being trans
he said that his friend's son wanted to troon out and that his friend was ambivalent about letting it happen and was asking for advice
i regret not telling him to put the kid in military school or something to keep the trooning from happening every day
instead i just said that he should listen to his kid like a retard

>>42841909
it breaks my heart seeing someone else get to do all the things I wanted with you. it breaks my heart to know you never really meant the things you said to me. I always knew i was undesirable and not good enough but you could have at least told me that instead of lying to me for so long. do the reasons you gave me not apply to her too? or is she just so much better that you dont care? you never even gave me a proper chance because you were so scared of what you ended up doing anyways. i hope shes worth it and makes you so happy. im tired of just barely missing out on the people I love. I wish you knew how hurt I am but you didnt even consider it. I really wish I could hate you but I dont feel mad I just feel sick.
if you see this somehow and think its about you dont you dare bring it up to me just ignore it please I dont wanna tell you how hurt I am and I just need to get my feelings out somewhere.

>>42842159
You probably dodged a bullet, even if it doesn't feel like it now

>>42842159
i think this is about me. if it is, you are a BPDemon and would never have been satisfied

>>42845533
if you think im a bpdmon its not about you lol. i dont think they use the board.

I love you. I love you so much. When we were on shrooms I just wanted to wrap you in my arms and hold onto you forever, but I didn't do or say anything because I'm a retarded fucking coward. I regret that. I regret all the times I could've told you how much I love you but didn't.

>>42846698
Your regret is needless desu.
If it was meant to happen it would have happened.
You weren't the only human being in the situation.

I hate you C. I hope you fucking get raped.

>>42847019
In the butt?

the last time we had sex I couldn't stop thinking about my ex instead of you

i like talking to you too much and it's scaring me
i spent all day thinking about you

I'm pretty sure I was just a diversion from your boredom and loneliness because the second you came back to the States you decided you didn't need me around anymore. I feel so stupid especially since I still think about you and wish we were close again. But I guess we were never really close at all in the end I was just a temporary entertainment for you. Not even human.

>>42847231
same

im mad at you that u took me out of school for five years and made me not have a childhood. thanks for teaching me how to be a good person tho.

I wish you would just tell me that you're seeing someone else already so I can give up completely

>>42850666
I am. Get lost.

>>42850674
you're not her... if only

>>42850681
i am. im jane. i have brown eyes. we met at a bar. its me anna.

>>42841909
I miss you Billy I fucked things up, but I feel like you were going to go anyways. I still think about you a lot more than I should. I genuinely love you and I liked you for you not just the idea of you. If you ever need help in anyway I will always try my best to help you. I'm sorry for everything and thank you for picking up the pieces of my life after my dad died and being there for me at pretty much every turn. I wish you the best in your life and I'm sure you'll meet someone much better than me.

i realize now that i don't really miss you, i miss companionship. but i don't think i can ever find companionship like that again, so functionally i miss you. it's been years now and i still feel so lost. just spinning my wheels. i grapple with this sensation like im waiting for something to happen, but i don't know what it is

>>42847231
preach

i dont know why we fucked that one day but everyday since i think about you. you clearly hated him enough to torture him and laugh at his misery and sent him out of the room, yes but also their was something more to it aswell, it was passionate and intimate in a way i hadnt ever felt before. it felt like we hated the relationships we were in and that escape with eachother was beautiful, we didnt care. you pulled me in by my hips with your heels and i came in you.. how could i not fall in love with you. i can only hope you leave him, you deserve better. i did too. you showed me that, thank you. also if u do decide to leave him tho please hmu plsplspls

i've lived my whole life like a jerk without a care for anything, i've lost countless chances and got my life into situations that got worse and worse without ever feeling regret or caring about myself at all but now that i know it's impossible to get back to you i truly feel repentant. for once in my life i wanted to live a normal life with someone and the tiny stupid mistakes i've made that made us part ways hurt me more than every truly bad thing i've done in my life put together. but i will never tell you this, you will still think i was a normal person when you met me and i went on to be the same after you left, even tho i am not nor i will, and you will go on with your life, and you will achieve happyness and everything you want because if someone is capable of reaching those goals, that person is you. i will have to live with what i've done forever and probably never stop spiralling down, i just hope that if something happens to me, you never find out. may my name never cross your mind again. i also loved the way you finally dyed your hair that color you always wanted to but never really felt confident enough to do so, i've always encouraged you to do it because i knew it would look amazing on you, and as always, i'm right...

>>42841909
You're such a piece of shit and I can't stand that you don't realise it.

You whine about me for months on end, threaten to cut contact, threaten to file false reports to the police about me, turn up to my house uninvited, spam me with calls, and when I pull away from you because I'm sick of your shit you tell me you're suicidal and then because I'm such a dumbass I comfort you.

I haven't been perfect but you are so emotionally abusive to me and you don't even realise. I'm sorry your childhood was shitty and you're insecure but holy shit don't take it out on me, the one person who was dumb enough to stick around.

And the worst part is I know, again, I will forgive you. I don't get why I'm so weak. I have this awful lingering part of me that still loves you but I know by this point it's an irritational feeling.

Why don't I want you to hurt? Why do I worry about you? Why do I routinely undermine my own comfort and prioritise yours? I can't be because I think 'he'll change' because you won't. You need therapy and you're aware of it but you have no plan for life, no outline, I can't stand being in a room with you, when you touch me I flinch.

Christ, I need to get my shit together

>>42841959
>one time I blacked out due to stress and came to holding a knife to your neck.
you should go to therapy

>>42846698
Hope whatever situation youre in with whoever works out for you. I did the same thing, was on shrooms with someone a couple of days ago and just wanted to wrap my arms around her and regret not trying either, its a shitty feeling in the aftermath so i hope it works out

I knew the whole time you were cheating on her repeatedly and weren't really technically dating. I did want to hold you that one time and hook up the time you tried to get me. It's not because I thought you were a bad person to her, it's because of what you did to me.
I know you probably know this but I'm really not mad at you anymore and I still miss you more than anything.its true that I wasn't interested in sex a few times but I rejected you out of a frustration that you assumed repeatedly that was what I was looking for. I went lengths to get your nudes taken down from where they were posted by your stalker and she's now targeting me. I don't really care what you've done, and I don't understand why we have to be apart. And I think you feel the absence too.

I miss you, you big jerk! It's been almost 3 years since you moved away and I still fucking miss you! What's even in Iowa?!

I wish I had a stalker

You were annoying and retarded.
All of my friends hated you.
I wish I hated you too.

>>42851972
Nah. I had one one time and it was a very unpleasant experience. They kept talking about how much they wanted to break into my apartment and rape me in my sleep, which in theory is very hot, but when they have your address and sit outside on your back porch looking inside it's not very fun

>>42841909
i love you eliza i always will. Im sorry for sperging out and scaring you. I was going through a lot and you being distant really just did it for me. You were my true first girlfriend and it will be hard for me to get over you. I love how you loved me.. I love how respectful and mature you were. I’m sorry for being a piece of shit but I love and miss you eliza.

>>42851972
I love stalking girls.. it’s my favorite past time

theres only one person i can vent to about dysphoria and i just cant bring up sh ever because im scared they will start too / how they will react

>>42851973
Is this about me

>>42841909
Idek if you still use this board, but if so I’m sorry I acted like a psycho when we were talking, it makes me so embarrassed thinking about how anxious I was. Everytime I pass you in person I wanna apologize for being so immature but I don’t wanna bother you more lol, I hope everything’s going well for you now though.

>>42842073
I think about you every day

>>42841909
i have been obsessively stalking my ex friends and enemies for years and i'm not planning on stopping any time soon.

i also masturbate to my own reflection. i am literally god. i am better than everyone. the world revolves around me.

how dare these filthy niggers oppose me. don't they know who i am?

(superiority complex aside, i'm miserable because i've been lonely for years. i genuinely miss being around others, but i hate humans so, so much.)

>autistic bpdemon tranny

>>42841909
i really want to be yours and i think you want me too but every time we get close to kissing i think about how mad mom would be at us if she ever knew. you're so pretty now and i keep dreaming of your mouth on my tits, or how it'd feel to be pinned by you, or just how nice it'd be in your arms. i wish you weren't my sister. i wish i met you at work or school or in public or anywhere else instead. i fantasize a lot about that, too. it's going to be so hard when you move back here, especially if you push things in that direction. i'm sorry for drunk texting you and i know you knew i was lying when i said it wasn't how i felt after. i keep thinking about what it'd be like to live with you and fall asleep in your arms every night. sorry for being a monster. i think i love you. i hope you don't love me too

>>42853026
this post makes me feel things anon
i could never be as strong as you.

Dear anonette
4 years ago I was just out of rehab for my Adderall problem. You were sweet, comforting, and confident, all of which made me feel not good enough for you. We watched Severance and Miraculous Ladybug together and again i felt a level of relaxation and peace that I felt I didnt deserve. Im sorry I ran away from you, it was nothing to do with you and everything to do with my own shame and self-esteem. I'd give anything to just do that again since now 4 years later I'm unemployed and in the exact same situation, living at home and being shamed and berated by my father. I hope you see this.

>>42853923
i'm not strong, i drunk texted her and fucked everything up forever and now it'll be extremely awkward at best and at worst i'll need to kill myself

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I participate in soi 'ture but have never even visited the 'y or any of its splinters, only the 'ru.

i am disconnected atp
i could die and it would be days, over a week probably, before any of my friends or family realized
i did this all to myself
only my job would notice
and it's up to me to get myself out of this hole
but i dont know if ill start moving or not

>>42841909
we cannot change who we are Adam. i might never find the courage to say it to you, we may play this game forever and find ourselves a place of un-reality that allows us to keep playing, but underneath the paradise we might create in our heads a festering sea of lies will grow until it floods our unwilling minds and drowns us. i still think about what Sam told us last winter, and i think he was right, i think this ends up in misery and delusion, ive seen it happen in my family as you already know, and i think the same fate awaits us. i am scared. scared that the world we want, the one we say we live in and we crave will colapse once we stop playing.

also sorry about last night

>>42853026
just do it. no one will care if you do. the first time my sister saw me in a dress and after being on hrt for like 4 years she flirted with me and i still regret not taking the chance and flirting back. i pray i get a chance like that again someday..

>>42850978
holy fuck are you me

>>42854259
but you think she feels the same? i don't know...if you're expecting her to make advances when she comes home i think you're okay...desu i kind of agree with >>42855598 also...nobody needs to know or care about it. who says siblings can't live with each other anyway? if that's what it comes to, won't you both be happy? i think love between siblings is beautiful and if you both feel this way i think it is right. not that i know your situation better than you...but if it were me i would not be able to handle rejecting it.

>>42855963
yeah theirs really nothing wrong with loving your sister like that. youd also be suprised at how common it is too

>>42855598
>>42855963
>>42856366
it's wrong and i'm fucked in the head, sorry gang. i need to get over this and nothing has been helping. the instant we go in that direction our lives will fall apart. nobody can find out and i don't like keeping secrets. we have mutual friends who'd be disgusted. our mother would disown us. it isn't happening. it CAN'T happen.

>>42856420
if you love her, you love her. it happens, we cant choose who we fall for. also you'd be suprised at what people are ok with and how common it is. like its realllyyy common

Hey M.
Fuck you.

>>42857711
what did I do? :c

R. I'm sorry. I know I'm a wreck and you didn't wanna talk anymore. Thats fine. Its hurtful how you've treated me. My hope for the future, that I could be loved again, or love again, is all just dead and gone. My motivation for life is gone. I've grown to often feel disgusted with my identity as trans as well from what happened with you, something I'd never once felt before. I'm probably detransing soon. I still remember talking to you all those times when you doubted yourself about transition, how heartbreaking it was to hear you just give up on yourself, encouraging you to go for it. And I regret that now after seeing how much you changed and how horrible you could treat me AND yourself after. And I feel disgusted with myself that I regret that as well.

That last day you wanna know why I wanted to talk? After like 2 weeks of getting discord FR's that kept being deleted before I could see them. I was worried. I was fucking WORRIED that it was you being wishy-washy about talking to me if something was wrong and you wanted to. So I just wanted to ask if it was you and say its okay if it was. Now I doubt it was you. Idk though.

You know you said Feel Better reminded you of me, but I think it's projection. I've been striving for something nicer my whole life and keep getting kicked in the teeth every time I try. While you have no reservations about throwing away anything and everything for codependent abuse. It's really sad. I'm sorry. You can throw out eevee if you want, or not, it doesn't matter anymore. Despite everything, I still care about you anyway. For better or worse. Bye, im sorry. L

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Not a letter but I just want to say that it’s going to get better. You will all be okay, please take care of yourselves :>

>>42851783
This anon again >>42846698 theres like no chance thats its actually you, but this is a strange coincidence of timing if it isnt so im willing to hope at least a little. If youre still in here and see this reach out, we tripped Monday, from E.

>>42841909
I wish I stayed over that night. I wish we had sex. I wish our affair made him leave you.

you fat greasy balding pooner fuck, you groomed me basically out of middleschool and used me. i had only ever known pain and i was very dependent and you knew that, you knew that because im disabled that i needed you and that i couldnt leave you. you knew that you could push me into non monogomy with people i didnt like because it got you off and i knew if i didnt i didnt have anywhere else to go. you knew i would never say anything back no matter how much you screamed at me or made me sob. you made a woman who can hardly walk and hold utensils fold your laundry and give you messages for hours and to think you would get mad if your underwear wasnt folded into thirds. you would look through my phone daily every day to see if i was talking to anyone else but the moment i try to do anything on yours im not allowed to. whats the deal with that. you would literally go through my porn image by image laughing at me. you knew what happened to me and you still chose to torture me even more for it. you would hurt me nearly every day for 7 years untill someone found me and took me away from you. i love her and the thought of treating her how you treated me makes me sick to my stomach. you have only ever known bitterness and a secret desire to hurt others through subversion and i was just your biggert punching bag. if only i hadnt waisted my youth with a gross chud loser like you who couldnt stand to better himself. i cant believe it took me finding another person to treat me like a human to relize just how fucked you were. for a person like you i really highly question the redeemablity of. i know you look off to the left at your dresser at night. the cubical drawer, you know the one. it has a plastic case. i know you think about using whats in it. do it.

>>42859940
same girl. i loved her. she clearly hated him

I don't think we should forgive each other

>>42858839
what an ironic tripname to have if i'm getting the reference right lol

>>42860190
Don't worry. We won't.

>>42857711
fuck you too

what sucks is that if this is it is that it wasnt like one of us abused the other, we just couldnt communicate effectively, which if this is beyond saving i could "live and learn" on if it wasnt like this every time i try to connect with someone. what the fuck is wrong with me i cant ever communicate my problems in a way that doesnt bother others, this has been happening for years and im still too fucked. im not mad at you, im just tired of myself. i think im beyond saving, i almost hydroplaned twice while driving home and now i wish i let it happen instead of instinctively braking the car, this isnt a life worth living

You're a self-centered asshole and the reason we drifted apart was entirely yours. You were in love with me for months, and now you're cold, distant, uncaring? But you deny this, won't give a reason, pretend everything's fine. You made an excuse when I tried to hang out. You asked me to hang out and then ghosted. But ultimately you're just an uncaring bitch who is jaded I didn't return your love.
When you asked me to be your boyfriend, if I said yes; would we be together now, still, over a year later? Or not even talking. I think the latter. So maybe the slow death of our friendship is preferable to a few month's love.
All told, you're worse than I ever realized, and it's probably for the best that we never were a couple.

>>42856420
i understand, nona. i would not push you to take such risks. but get it out of your head that it's wrong. it's wrong why? because people say so while appealing to some subjective moral standard? because they're too entrenched in such beliefs to question them? the only reason romantic love and even sexual intimacy between siblings is bad is because it has a greater chance of producing disabled children...which i don't anticipate will be an issue for you. not that i'm telling you to do it, still. but do not feel wrong for it. do not feel bad about it. i love my brother more than almost anyone in the world and if he were a girl i would probably be in the same position you are. it is normal and good to love people, especially a sibling, and it is also normal and good to fall IN love. you are okay, nona. believe you are okay.
at any rate, maybe you don't actually do anything...but if she does start anything, it really might be a good idea to talk about it. really talk about your feelings together. even if it can't happen. even simply acknowledging it and understanding more clearly how you both feel might help ease your mind. it's what i would do, anyways.

person 1:
i miss you too but i can't be in your life again until i get mine together. i'm not willing to sacrifice our last chance at getting it right just because we're both lonely and sad and miss each other. it didn't work the last time and it wouldn't work now. it's just not our time yet.

person 2:
you are one of the most deeply fascinating people i have ever met and i am pathologically obsessed with trying to figure you out and getting to know who you truly are, in all your many flaws. i know i have to mean something to you but i would give anything for you to let me in fully. i know we joke about how similar we are but i truly think there is a core commonality deep in our souls, which is an insane thing to say but i believe it.

person 3:
you were the first person i ever loved and i loved you with so much of my heart. i am terrified to get to know who you are now, and to let you get to know me. i am here for you always but i don't think i can be the person you want me to be. i think you know that. and it kills me to turn down what i dreamed of for so many years, but i know it would just make us both miserable.

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>>42860205
You are getting the reference correct. The name is emblematic of a darker time in my life, but I refuse to change it to cover my tracks. There’s no point hiding what I’ve been through.

If aspects of my life get better, it can get better for everyone else too :>

I don't know what to do

>>42862019
Me neither. I just ended up watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force. It's pretty good. You should watch it, anon.

listen bro. you should let me play pokemon cards with her. i'll crush her. NO MERCY! hit 'em with the otk.

>>42861619
this means a lot desu. i almost got a bit teary eyed. ty

we used to be best friends but now it feels like I'm a stranger to you, but you don't feel like a stranger to me. It sucks having to justify your presence in the life of someone you thought was a good friend. I guess I was just stupid all along and I should have known better. Nothing lasts in this world and everyone will get bored of you one day.

>>42860493
please stop trying to convince me, i need it to be wrong. i need her in my life and i don't know what I'd do if we broke up and suddenly she hated me. i don't know what i'd do if she was forced to house me if mom kicked me out. i don't think i would be able to handle the guilt of her paying for everything and lord knows i can't hold down a job. so it needs to be immoral. it needs to be impossible

would make a post but she’d recognize it and i can’t scare her away just yet xc
https://youtu.be/rGBEiPsPiHw

Dear S.
I don't care what you think. I've lived, I've loved, I've spent my life with the people who mattered to me. I've helped others, I've been there for others when they needed it, I've seen things more beautiful than the rainforest, the pyramids, a whale breaching right before my eyes, just in a small town with friends that I loved. I haven't wasted anything.

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>>42863198
Happy to help :>

Billions must try!

>>42863647
i'm not saying that you should. this is your life and you know it better than anyone. we'll call it impossible. but you shouldn't feel wrong or "fucked in the head" for it, is all i'm saying. and that you should definitely have some kind of heart-to-heart if it ever comes up in the future. if you both feel this way i really think you ought to talk about it. understand your feelings, understand why it is not possible, understand each other. i really think it will bring you peace of mind. it will no longer be a burning, secret stressor but rather a processed and reconciled thought. and you don't have to do this either!! do what you feel is right in your heart. i just wanted to share my thoughts. your posts make me a little sad. remember you are a good person.

I value our friendship more than anything in this world. Sometimes it feels like we are a couple, and I feel unimaginably lucky just to know you. I wonder if you know the extent of my feelings for you. Its feels like an open secret, or an inside joke, when you tell me your girlfriend is jealous of me or send me wistful songs saying they made you think of me. You are an angel on earth. That you treat me so kindly, that you would associate with a transsexual at all, and bare your soul to me. You’re so tender with me, and treat me as a woman, but I still don’t think you would ever be with me. I think I’ll be celibate for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be with just any man, and I know I’ll never meet anyone like you ever again. I am again terrified of death and of life circumstances, that the time we spend together is necessarily limited. My project in life now is to be as close to you as I can be, to dissolve all boundaries between us, to achieve total intimacy. I just hope I have brought you joy and comfort

I wish you would send me a picture of yourself. I've known you for four years and have loved you for maybe half that time, and it feels childish and stupid of me to feel the way I do about you not even knowing what you look like. I can't imagine a pretext for why you would send me one but I just want to finally see what you look like.

If I've been cagey about sending pictures back and forth myself it's because before it just felt lonely and pathetic. It reminded me of being 17 and sending pictures of my body to men who were older than me, or asking other people my age if there was anything wrong with the way that I looked or dressed. The act of sending a picture of myself over discord felt low, but I don't really have the same apprehensions about it that I used to, at least not with you.

Even if I stay faithful to my partner and all we'll ever be is friends I want to experience more of you somehow. I want to see you and hear you more, and when you move closer to me I want to meet you. Even if we don't date I would rather tell people about the cute ginger I was into for a while than the weird ftm whose face I never saw.

>>42863698
Banger song I liked it before but never paid attention to the lyrics.

I miss you H. I wish I could have held you and told you it will all be alright. I think in another life we could have been together. I think we would have been happy. I wanted nothing more than to see you happy. Every time I see you now it feels like a piece of cold metal is slowly pushed through my ribcage. I think about you every day and I don't think that will change for a long time.

I had multiple people from my past try to reconnect but every time I refused even though I would’ve loved to be friends again. I think it’s a mix of shame about my past self and an intense fear that they won’t like my current self.

>>42863177
thanks it's funny

im still getting flashbacks of you. i know what you and your little boytoy do about people youve cut off: obsessively talk shit about them and every once in a while do a little cyberstalking. i know youve done this because youve sent me messages with your whole name attached. leave me alone forever you fucking schizo retards i just want to live my life in peace and quiet

hi S. you said you stopped using this board, but that wouldn't be the first time you lied to me.

i know you're browsing this thread right now, hoping someone -- well, someone *else* -- wrote something about you. here it is.

all i ever wanted was to be with you. i wanted to be the warm little center of your universe, i wanted my glow to heal all your cuts and scrapes, i wanted us to hold each other and cry.

every day i miss what we had. even when it twisted and curdled into a neurotoxin, i felt blessed to have it.

what i wanted to tell you is this: i found the words. the atoms don't need to make us anymore. all i wanted was for us to heal together. i just need half a chance, to forget about you.

M

I knew you were lying when you put forth those conditions

im sorry you got stuck me with me t. you deserve so much better, at least a real man or a woman. not some stupid drug addled manmoder freak. i feel so awful that you not only have to deal with the absolute mess of being near me but you don't even get a good lay out of it. I don't understand you sometimes but I do love you very much and I'm sorry I can't be more for you. I wouldn't be mad if you left me for someone else.
-j

I wish I hadn't fucked up so bad with you, M. Biggest regret of my life.

>>42841959
run faster bitch

>>42852228
i do, and i genuinely get excited daydreaming of when i get the news you killed yourself

>>42853026
...what's youre first initial?

...im moving back to the same town as my sister soon and you and the stuff you mentioned doing sounds like mine to a T.

you were always really bad at hiding it, and you don't have to.

i doubt im the same sister you're writing to, but i hope so

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>>42870468
i know it isnt who i was talking about because i've never raped anyone
fuck you lol

>>42870584
thats what you convinced yourself but everyone in town knows otherwise :)

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>>42870600
>town
>rape
bitch i live in chicago and have only penetrated someone like twice because im a turbosub what are you on

>>42870623
my bad nona

youre writing style n shit you wrote about is identical to a psycho tranny i dated a while back and i thought you were the same one </3

i love you so much i would literally kill myself if you told me to. if you died tomorrow id just overdose on whatever i could. i hate that you understand me more than i understand you and i hate that you worry about me and i feel like all i do is just make you upset. how do i tell you everything that happened to you was my fault. i dont want to die i just want to start cutting and stop eating but if i do youll notice and youll get angry with me. if i tell you i did then youll be upset. i can hardly take care of myself i cant take care of you. above all im a failure. id be happy to just watch you from a distance. im sorry for being alive and im sorry for being in love with you

i need to die i need to die i need to die its all so awful its all so awful i need t diee i need to die

>>42870702
>>42853026
seriously you sound identical to her wtf is your initials nona :(

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>>42870662
its okay, sorry i called you a bitch and said fuck you

god im actually pathetic for thinking my older sjster would waste time on this hellsite like me

fuck my gay tranny life

>>42870744
ah sorry not her. i know full well my recipient will never see what i post here. im just nobody. dont worry about me.

ash
I still miss you even a few years later, I'm so sorry I didn't choose you, every relationship I've been in since you I've realized by the end of it that I never really stopped missing you. I wish you had said hi to me one of the times I said hi to you when we still lived on campus. I struggled for years after what happened to me after we broke up, and from what caused us to break up, but I've come to realize you're the only person who's ever really loved me in the way that I've needed. I'm sorry I was too immature to be good to you, and if you do ever choose to come back into my life I will welcome you with open arms, and maybe we can try again. I'm sorry about your mom and how she's acted. But I'm glad it let me reach out to you at least once more.. I miss you, I wish we'd finish better call saul someday.

>>42870910
L?

>>42870949
no. i hope you find whoever it is youre looking for soon

>>42870969
well, thats en9ugh internet f0r tonight om getting wasted. i hope you find your sistertoo nona.

one of these lives gotta go well for each of us souls at some point or something idk

veltail
why wont u love me back? u say u dont wanna edate but wouldn't you do it for TRUE LOVE. like us? love me back velly. LOVE ME BACK.

I low key wonder if getting swatted by the stalker in question will prove once and for all that we were never in allegiance or communicated or anything like that

>>42870818
just ask ur sister out, im very much considering it myself. i dont want to deny feelings iv always had anymore. im tired of it. i very much want intimacy with a sibling and im not terribly ashamed of admitting that. the worst that can happen is being a bigger disappointment or being a little more uncomfortable during my family gatherings. it already feels awkward locking eyes with her anyway so its not like that would be new. growing up for both of us regaurdless of our circumstances was hard. i wish i could have grown up with her instead of having a split household. i hope my feelings are shared but im really fine if they arent. its just really hard not to love your sister sometimes, it gives me a warm tinglinng feeling in my body thinking about mine

>>42851992
lol

>>42871708
not that Nona but she disowned me for several years when i did long ago despite often hinting at and blatantly admitting her own so no I don't recommend it

>>42872022
>the worst sister ever (me)
oh my god you already made a thread about this like a week ago where you posted like a million times. just tell your sister you love her dude.

>>42841909
I love the girl I'm with so much, I think shes perfect, but with how my ex left me and BPD'd out I still just have this overwhelming sense that she will do the same. She seems so genuine, smart and self-aware though it kind of gives me faith.

>>42872022
eh well, its a weird situation for me. we rarely interact but whenever we have its a been flirtatious. like our whole lives. also uhm shes my half sister cousin technically, as i am inbred :P (its complicated) i dont even know if she knows that we're actually half siblings and desu. its something that our dad is very shameful of and its very rarely talked about. i mean she might know because we practically look the fucking same and it isnt really that hard to figure out but idk. i kind of just want to go on a date with her and talk about our family history with her and admit my own feelings to her. like i understand it might be a lot to deal with but my family is just fucked anyway so i think she'd understand. i really dont need my feelings reciprocated either. i just have to say them. would i like if they were? of course. but either way is ok. anyways its not like something id be disowned over, like i wouldnt be the first in the family lol

also i wont be answering questions about the fact that im inbred do not ask

yes, im genetically disabled and no, its not very bad

>>42872041
I mean first of all how dare you clock me like that but second no drinking is healthier than losing her thx nona>>42872626
I mean it runs in the family so you probably got a shot lmaoooo same here tho I'd if we inbred but all the other bitches in this family are fucking each other lmaooo

>>42872803
lets just tell them, at worst we make fools of ourselves. theyre never not going to be our sisters. i cant take it anymore, i think about her so often i just want to be held by her and watch charlie the unicorn vro. i want to share a connection with my sibling

>>42873021
i already tried once years ago and they ghosted me for over half a decade. you know how lonely that shit was?

Man we sure were retarded.

>>42873075
im so sorry, i mean you still express that you care deeply for her then and would do anything for her atleast. for me i just want to finally express to her how much she means and meant to me growing up together and that i do love her, even if its maybe more than a sibling normally should. i feel like their is a balanced approach that can be had

>>42841909
My confession is that I'd really like to meet my forever-person someday. She's out there somewhere, I guess we just haven't met yet.

>>42873113
i didnt even do that right bc i was going thru a psychotic break on lsd and my ex lowkey forced me to. it was a mess.

she knows now, but holy shit i was unwell back then. i cant ever lose my family again, so ill just take care of her and do whatever she asks of me in this life. itll have to be enough unless she ever asks for more instead of just weird hints like before.

>>42873136
just maybe be like 'i still think/care about you alot, i never want to make you uncomfortable like that again and im sorry that i did, thank you for still being in my life despite everything' or something

>>42873174
more times than i can count

idk why she let me back.

>>42873115
i'm right here baka

>>42873192
because shes ur sister, shes always going to be silly

>>42874507
I hope so

there were so many more things I wanted to do with you
I really hope you don't blame yourself

>>42879423
Of course I do. How could I not?
It's not like you gave me an explanation.

>>42858839
>>42861619
Do you life in Australia?
If so, why are you still here?

At one point I was convinced you were the love of my life. You had a boyfriend then, and I have a boyfriend now. You cut me out of your life abruptly without explanation. It was a toxic friendship, I know, but I still miss you. I sometimes wish you would hurt for leaving me, the way I hurt when you left, but I know you might not be capable of feeling that and I accept that about you. You were brilliant, and beautiful. You seemed to think I was greater than I was. Maybe I thought the same of you, but it didn't matter. I loved you. I love you. I miss you to this day, even though now I'm a stranger and probably not even a memory to you. But I remember you.

I don't think you are a bad person, but I don't think you are self aware enough to no cause a wake of destruction. You chased me for the record, you were obsessed with me, after months of you being obsessed I finally gave in and the second I returned those feelings you left. The only reason I gave it a shot is because you were so obsessed. It took over a year to heal after what you did but i'm almost back to the person I was.

Before you I was naive. I projected my morality or something close to it on to everyone. I assumed if I was communicative, if I expressed myself openly and honestly then you would do the same, but you didn't. You blind sided me and i've read entire books trying to understand how someone could 180 like that. I see you now repeating the same pattern with someone else. I used to hate when people used the term BPDemon but now I know why they do. I hope you become self aware enough to seek the help you need.

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>>42879752
I am Australian, but I don't understand the correlation.

I'm here because it's comforting, and I like to know that other people are going through the same things I struggle with. If I can, I'd like to help people too. I see a lot of people dealing with things that I was dealing with throughout 2024, and I want to stick around to support those people, because if they're anything like I was, they probably don't see things getting much better. But there's always a way out, always. My life isn't perfect, but it's gotten better, and I want all the sad trannies on this board to know that their life can get better too.

>>42880779
>I am Australian
it's to verify that I got the right person, and I think I am talking to the right person.
I did heard that you had much worse 2-5 years ago. Unfortunately my luck has probably dipped below yours.

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>>42880876
Vent to me if you need. Can't promise I'll always be around, but I'm on every now and then.

Discord is carotidmishap.

I'll always regret not sticking my dick in ur butt lole

>>42880779
>>42880945
May I ask, who is this "Towa" on your filenames?

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>>42882483
Character from the visual novel, 'Slow Damage,' developed by NITRO CHiRAL and published in America by JAST USA.

Like all of NITRO CHiRAL's VNs, it features ero guro elements and lots of problematic content. Be careful.

As you can see, when you talk to me, you'll always find that I'm actually pretty awesome

>>42882658
I don't remember making this post

>>42880712
i can tell the progress you think you have made is entirely in your head

>>42880655
i rlly hope this isnt her

it always sucks watching others move on and choose each other over you while you get phased out

>>42885437
Yeah. People always say it's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, but this is honestly so much worse. I miss my life before I ever loved.

>>42885437
so real
i will always just be important when people are at their lowest then abandoned the moment they dont need me anymore

>>42885464
If we're being 'so real' though, have you ever abandoned anyone?

>>42885463
sometimes it's friends too, or people you thought you were friends

>>42886503
obviously
but i like to tell myself theyre the ones that abandoned me mentally first to justify my actions

>>42886711
Big of you to admit this. Strong character at least.
>>42886542
Friendship gets messy once feelings get involved.

>>42886950
not rlly
having enough self awareness to realize that only after its too late means ill hate myself knowing how i couldve done things differently for the rest of my life

I told her she made me feel warm and she told me I made her happy. But every time she takes time away I'm afraid she'll never come back. I feel bad for doubting her, but all this yearning hurts when it has nowhere to go. I didn't know I could still feel like this but I'm not sure I want to. She feels like my last chance at anything good happening to me.

you're too embarrassed of me for me to have met your family or been to your house but not apparently your other tranny friends, how humiliating

i have no idea what you look like, other than you wear glasses, and i've been kind of mildly stalking you on xitter for a couple of years now. but i kind of want to spend the rest of my life with you

I know it's already over and I'm just going through the motions to show you that you were worth at least trying and help convince you that it won't be your fault

im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorrry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im so sorry please make it stop please end my life i hate everything and everything hates me please make the pain stop im sorry im sorry please make it stop

Im done stalking you.
That was fucked up.

I wish someone would stalk me

I think its cute u like wearing my clothes but you panic sweat in them so often they always stink when u give them back

>>42889675
And meet up with you?

>>42889690
optional

>>42889696
So you just like the attention then

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>>42889705
yeah...

>>42889713
Did you ever post nudes?

>>42889738
plenty but not in a while since I've been involved with someone off and on

>>42889755
Oh it's not you then.

I'm not sorry for loving you.

>>42885437
so true bestie

>>42890969
it keeps happening in different contexts with only one common element

>>42882620
All I know about NITRO CHiRAL/Nitro+CHiRAL is DRAMAtical Murder.
My fujoshi/fudanshi days are beyond me though.

im so conflict averse that i afraid of talking to people where i had a disagreement, my brain really is playing evil tricks on me i always check if the person has stopped responding or blocked me i cant live like this forever

I usually purge outdoors but one day it was raining so i did it into a plastic container and left it on a corner of my room, but forgot about it. like a week later i found it and the vomit nearly solidified into a strange cake. it had literally risen like leavened dough and become spongey and emanated a smell closer to like, pudding than anything. when i threw it away it slid out the container in one big chunk.

>>42892620
:( what the fuck dawg

>>42892626
you could see the layers of what i'd eaten that day in chronological order as a gradient of yellow to white, it also developed no mold somehow. it was kind of fascinating. i've worse stories.

>>42841909
I already know it's over, even if you won't tell me. I'm going to be just as nice and supportive until you do, because that's what you deserve.

I'm low-key kinda excited that soon I'll be putting in an order for pickup at a Walmart 1,000 miles away and then go ad pick it up that afternoon. Yeah it's kinda dumb but come on how often do you have the chance to do something like that.

>>42892971
How can you be so sure?

>>42893017
It's been over a month since I last heard "I love you" even when I say it first. I'm just met with silence every time I say "bye I love you" or compliment them. Like it wasn't even said. Plans for the future went from something we'd excitedly talk about to receiving an uncomfortable look and "yeah" as well.

>>42893037
>>42893017
mfw situation so bleak even
>How can you be so sure
coper is left at a loss for words

i'm not gunna write you a love song~
cause you asked for it
cause you need one
i'm not gunna write you a love song~
so you'll
stay~~~

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I really don't deserve everything you do for me. I don't see this working out because it's not sustainable and I'm unfortunately not capable of changing. The resentment is inevitable and once it starts I can't do anything to change how you see me. Someday you will decide to be with someone who is at least half as capable as you are.

i'll be true
i'll useful
i'll be cavalier
i'll be yours my dear
i'll belong to you
if you just
let
me
through

this is easy as
lovers go
so don't
complicating
the
chance by waiting

and

this is wonderful as loving goes
it's telling me
what's the
sense in waiting

>>42893296
I know the feeling anon. I hope you find solace in the fact that if they didn't see something of value in you then they wouldn't be with you in the first place. They probably love you dearly.

>>42884586
I'm probably not her unless you have a Russian first name (don't say your name obviously) and we bonded over having similar interests but also trauma dumped on each other constantly. It was ultimately for the best it happened even though I didn't want to admit it at the time.

>>42893751
.......e?

>>42893762
My name doesn't start with an E so no. Good luck out there though.

>>42893769
oh i didnt see the russian part lol nvm sorry
ty though

It hurts to not be in your life anymore but I still cherish the happy moments we had together no matter how short it was.

You’re a beautiful person and an inspiration to me, I hope one day to be even half as charming and hardworking as you.

>>42858774
You better not be falling for the notorious R on here lol

>>42895157
whomst