>Lateshit barely semipassoid, can't really boymode anymore because of C cups>Get she/her'd in a T-shirt and jeans a decent chunk of the time, other times not gendered at all>Girlmode only on occasion now after fagmoding for like a year, something broke in me and quit /tttt/ to try and maybe get better>Feel awkward when called she/her, sometimes even panic >Have this cute goth dress I wear once in a blue moon (I'm not goth but the dress is amazing)>Perpetually anxious midshit boymoder friend visits for a weekend (looks like exactly like picrel except she's 6' tall)>Wormy>So fucking wormy>Wormiest girl I've ever met>She constantly says that I'm much more of a woman than her when simply being around her makes me feel like a man in comparison because she's literally just a woman while I'm a moid with a decent cup size>Tall and really pretty pre-FFS, actual luckshit gonial angle even if her brow could use some work>Plan to take her out clothes shopping and then to a club for a goth event>Flakes on clothes shopping due to anxiety but lend her the goth dress for the club>Never ever ever been able to get her to girlmode but she spends over an hour on makeup in said dress>wtf when did she learn to do this>Transforms into the prettiest girl I've ever seen>So much prettier than I have ever been in that same dress and will ever be>Seriously she's drop dead gorgeous and next to her I feel like I should just rep and try to live vicariously through her(1/3)
>ffwd to the club>just kind of awkwardly sitting at a table>worried about her since she's always been very anxious>she decides to walk around on her own>worry worry worry worry worry>I see her come alive >Happiest she's ever been>Realize I'm never this happy when girlmoding>Trying to give her space but keeping an eye on her just in case she needs a quick exit>Disappears (turns out she hooked up with someone in the bathroom, didn't find out until the next morning)>She has the time of her life and as much as I'm proud of her I feel really weird about the entire thing>Leave the club together>Crying on the way home, can't really tell her what's up because I want to be able to see while driving>Mix of crab bucket envy issues, wishing I was a guy, being upset with myself because I was just unable to be social>IWNBAW not because of how I look, but because I literally don't have it in me>I have gotten more anxious, more dysfunctional, and more worthless as a person since I started transitioning(2/3)
>Next day>I tell her she should keep the dress, but I make her promise to wear it more>She flakes out on clothes shopping and doesn't want to go out at all despite everything the night before>God fucking dammit >Let yourself be a woman, wormy girl>She will 100% make it as long as she just lets herself be a woman>Rejoin /tttt/ >make this post>don't know why>hate myself>Wormy girl, if you read this, for the love of God let yourself be a woman >I don't know how much I believe in transition anymore but if there's anyone out there who is a real trans woman, it's you>I just wish it wasn't so painful to be around you because I feel like you deserve whatever scraps of womanhood I have far more than I doAnyways how was your weekend /tttt/?
U sound like a concerned mom thats endearing
>>42962728Unfortunately I'm a dude who lwk wants to fuck her and I hate it because it's not the dumb stupid bottom brain stuff that I actually like but the stupid awful top stuff that reminds me IWNBAW
>>42962752Im friends with enough with bi girls to know women want to top their cute friends too. Sapphic love is pure. A man could never feel so tender in their lust
>>42962669this thread and story is really cute. one of my friends forced me to girlmode while i visited her and after i borrowed some of her clothes she sat next to me and forced me to look at myself in the mirror even though i was so embarrassed. I'm trying to present fem in public now but i regret it i dont pass but in that moment it felt wonderful for a glimmer i felt something wonderful.
>>42962669you sound like a really sweet girl, don’t beat yourself up so much (as if saying that is actually going to help, i know). and hey, passing in a t-shirt and jeans is more than a lot of us can say, so it’s probably not over. if it makes you feel any better, my weekend was also pretty much just me crying over not passing, so you aren’t alone in your woes
>>42962775It does make me feel like a dude though in a bad faketrans way because like, I did manage to rep really well for *years*. Like it's not "I want to top her as a woman" like I have felt at other times, but "I want to breed her like a man" that's just gross. And also because I can actually like feel stuff in my genitalia (specifically my balls???) and that's deeply deeply uncomfortable holy shit. Genuinely convinced that there is a moral mandate to estrogenize every 18yo repper who doesn't transition because they're ngmi just to keep their brains from masculinizing like mine.
>>42962803She's drop dead gorgeous and I want to drop a pic so people will agree with me but that's like terrible terrible terrible opsec. I definitely regressed in my own girlmoding too. I feel like I got physically worse somehow. >>42962805Frankly idgi because I usually feel so incredibly far from passing. Like I guess my face isn't too bad but I am a shoulderhon/ribhon. Like wormy girl crashes out over her shoulders but her bideltoid is over an inch smaller than mine and she's taller than me.
>>42962810Ur sins testicle sins are forgiven if u cry about it at least one time after shooting a blank in her. Wormy is as wormy does
>>42962845I literally can't even get hard and that's like another source of frustration. Hate that I feel these ways and hate that I couldn't even act on them if I wanted to. I know she's in love with me too but I literally can't reciprocate. I feel nothing when she kisses me and I hate that that's the way I feel. >.>
>>42962894U want to breed her but dont feel anything when u kiss? Do u think ur dysphoria is complicating things? I have hard feelings around cute people i want to sleep with too
>>42962833yeah don't post her pic but I understand the temptation. Like i wear makeup and at this point i dont think i can really stop because people know me for doing it but it kinda sucks being seen as a fruity gay boy but i prefer that over saying "um can you actually she me?"https://litter.catbox.moe/i4tp2cgtdbtemixr.jpg
>>42962916I just feel kinda broken. Like, there's a man in me still who I'm trying to murder because I hate him so damn much. But my other theory is that my meds situation is messed up so I'm gonna try switching to a slightly lower dose of E and add Bicalutamide to see if that works out for me. I often want to kiss her too and I give her kisses on the top of her head all of the time when we cuddle (we only see each other every few months since she's like five hours away). But I have some weird complex around sex and sexuality separate from dysphoria too. Kind of weird incel-ish feelings paired with having been groomed as a child.
>>42962942she was assumed to be cis by quite a few people thereI've told her so many times that she is not this scary monster she makes herself out to be and that she's straight up just a girl and her FFS (in two months!!!) will help her so much. Brow shave, hairline, and maybe a zygoma reduction will do so much for her. Also trying to get her to start cycling her prog for better breast growth (before moving on to some more experimental stuff like topical corticosteroids and whatnot). I can at least post myself in the dress. It's a damn nice dress.
post yourself in the dress
>>42963018Im taking prog idk about cycling tech tho. I need to gain weight but its hard and im permanently stuck in "i need to be skinny" i wish i could get ffs soon i need to get financially independent because my parents would never approve
>>42963046https://files.catbox.moe/idl0q8.jpghttps://files.catbox.moe/ldkf6m.jpgShe wore it like the second one, with the poofy layered black skirt underneath it. Idk why these pics look so good when other pics of me in the dress are garbage.
thx for the reminder I need to ropemaxx asap
>>42963061She thinks she's fat but she's a healthy bmi but wants to cut weight to unhealthy levels, and she takes prog but does it orally rather than as a suppository. Medicaid is actually covering part of her FFS (unusual for my state but idk) and she's raised half of the remaining costs for it. I've tried helping her convince her parents to cosign a loan for the rest of it, and I think her dad is on board (he always felt more sympathetic). I've also considered covering the rest of the costs myself since I have the money to pay for it, just paranoid about losing my job and needing it later.
>>42963075you look nice don't doomer <3
>>42963104I know I look nice in these pics. It's weird! Like I don't recognize myself and go "giwtwm" when it's literally me. I think I have brain damage at this point.
>>42963099only my mom knows im on estrogen and i sold it in a way where i said "im like doing it in a chill way" and she still is upset about it i can tell. I want ffs asap but i know i can't get it while im dependent on them. im just trying to finish uni so i at least have a (albeit worthless) degree. im so sad about my face i can deal with twink body but my jawline makes me want to cry.
>>42963148It's tough. I am working my way to pay for FFS and my insurance should cover a chunk of it, but I delayed too long. The tranny gene is rampant in my family and my parents wouldn't pay for my sister's FFS so that basically pushed me to rep harder after I was already just repping because I was ngmi.
>>42963167im sorry. i know t's no longer in my system but I feel like the longer i wait the less ffs will work. I'm just gonna ask once i graduate and if i get disowned ill figure it out
>>42963209Highly recommend finding a job that offers a BCBS plan. Those seem to be the best for FFS coverage. Obviously certain states like WA, CA, and MA will have the best BCBS plans but mine (BCBS of Maryland) might fully cover it. Haven't had my consult yet because my dumbass didn't schedule it when I should have.
>>42963247we'll see. i want to move out to WA im just like an idiot in a 22 yr old body who had their parents do everything for me so im probably fucked. I'm in a blue state but idk if they'd cover it or how i'd even start.Sorry im just venting lol
>>42963271State coverage is all over the place desu. Definitely check what your current state might cover.
>>42963271blue states often cover things if you fight for them enough
>>42962803My best friend got me to girl mode for a convention when we were Kids I was convinced I didn’t pass, when I heard her trying to find me and call my girl name I basically broke down crying cause I was super happy, multiple guys asked my number and unfortunately a guy on our train groped my ass. Unironically was life changing but I’m looking back on this 15 years later lol.
op is a mommoder
>>42967302Am notUnfortunately too wormy myselfDid spend a lot of time trying to be a good big brother before transitioning thoughHonestly feel kinda like her big brother because it's the same way I handled my little brother, seeing her as someone with a future that was out of my reach and thus someone who I needed to help avoid my fate
>>42962669I was hoping I finally met another Nona who got turned on by the thought of hosting parasites….
>>42967469what is wrong with youI mean I had a weird parasite mind control thing when I was little bit honestly a lot of these weird fantasies became horrifying after starting HRT
>>42967505I got them to cure my allergies and autoimmune issues and it worked and now I can't help thinking about my squiggly little fwens because it's feels so good to know something depends on me to survive (ꈍ ω ꈍ)
>>42967593first of allhow?why?what?
>>42967603Nematodes (or roundworms) (｡‿｡)They keep my stupid fucking body from attacking itself because they calm my immune system down and I'm the only thing keeping the lil cuties alive they depend on me
>>42967675They can do that???
>>42967742yuppers. our bodies male or female evolved to be constantly filled with parasites, including compensating for the parasites releasing chemicals to make our immune system all docile(and feminine ;P), So when there's no wormies and no wormy chemicals those cells get angry and cause allergies and autoimmune and anaphylaxis, same cells!https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC1618732/https://kids.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frym.2018.00032https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/critical-thinking-health-and-nutrition-pseudoscience/gut-worms-immunityhttps://www.scientificamerican.com/article/helminthic-therapy-mucus/https://www.aithm.jcu.edu.au/hookworms-unlikely-heroes-in-the-fight-against-autoimmune-diseases/https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1471492223001460i love the lil guys so much
>>42967779the lil fellows give my stupid ass cells something to attack and also keep them all calm so they don't kill too many of the worms! My burning nerve pain went away and I don't get hay fever anymore!
>>42967791wait wtf Okay I have severe nerve pain and ANA screening has revealed nothing. How did you get tested for all of this? How did you get this kind of treatment?
>>42967818i've been sickly since I was young :( my stupid body was wrong in more ways than gender.And it's very easy to DIY ;), roundworms and hookworms(which also work, but they itch so nooooooo (ｰ̀⤙ｰ́ ) ) spread in humans easily. With round worms you just need to consume some eggs
>>42967841I'm not gonna diy worms. I was too scared to even diy hormones that's how much of a bitch I am ;_;
>>42962669>>So fucking wormy>>Wormiest girl I've ever met>>She constantly says that I'm much more of a woman than her when simply being around her makes me feel like a man in comparison because she's literally just a woman while I'm a moidlmfao
>>42969641And somehow she is still wormier. That's how bad it is.
>>42970178Like seriously I know I'm a wriggly wormy bitch but she is SO MUCH WORMIER. it's bad
>>42962669Friend of OP here.She is delulu and very cute herself.She has more worms than the worm girl she loves.She needs to learn obedience.She needs to wear pretty dresses more.She needs more cuddles and to take a massive mushroom trip.I'm encouraging her and giving her therapy not to be so beta.She needs snuggle wuggles so it is heard on the grape vine.
>>42971633I DO NOT HAVE MORE WORMS THAN HERRRRRRso mean
>>42970178So you tell me but I don't believe you.You both need to be impregnated by a proper husband.#Truthnuke
>>42971633>>42971655tfw you will never have this
>>42971655Keep up the defiance and you're gonna get spanked baka.OP reads novels about force feminisation camps.It's her ideal vacation i guess.In the past we just called that marriage.We need to discover that wisdom yet again.
>>42971661I cannot argue with the second bit but I struggle with intimacy a lot (except when I get hypersexual but that's unpredictable)
>>42971672Would you like to elaborate kind madam?
>>42971677trans girl or girl adjacent thing reads Dorley HallNo one is shockedBut also it terrified me because y'know being forcefemmed is scary half of the time because other times I just wish I was a qt3.14 twink instead
>>42971688I will never have a friendI will never have a friend who pushes me to girl mode moreI will never have a friend who thinks I could passI will never have a friend because I would push them wayI will never have a friend because I get violenty terrified at revealing information about myself to IRL people. I will never have a friend because of crippling autism, trauma and brainworms
>>42971678Very easy to predict, when a stud like me enters the room all women act like that;)
>>42971704Hey, are you sure this is true? Listen, wormy girl is someone I met basically through sheer luck. A series of discord connections and I happened to already be in her town visiting for other reasons and had a few hours to kill. There's a lot of circumstance that goes into meeting people. I hope you find someone eventually.
>>42971704You can have all of this sister.I'm a blonde 6'2 book nerd and I've befriended plenty of trannies.You can post your discord and make friends.You might even have them fly out to you and have passionate love making.Frotting in total zen and peace.
>>42971737I have a bf but I hate him now and never talk to him about anything serious because he knows too much and the relationship is ruined. Same with my dad.
>>42971712silence hwite boi
>>42971745Awww I'm sorry. Honestly, I get scared of this too. With wormy girl it's hard to be as close to her as I wish I could be sometimes because of similar issues. Same with my latest ex.
>>42971748Wigga don't hate me because i'm beautiful:p
>>42971835love you but the caucasity is off of the charts
>>42967469>>42967505>>42967593>>42967603>>42967675>>42967742>>42967779>>429677914chan heritage moment
>>42971885ngl I adore the literal wormy girl but I have enough health issues as is...
>>42971864Thank you for making me feel special and seen<3Read my book!!!!!It has a jew!!!!
>>42962983I hate you OP I hate you with a fiery fucking passion. You have a cute girl you love who loves you and kisses you but you refuse to reciprocate. She's supposedly a beautiful passing woman. You platonically(?) Cuddle with her.You don't look bad yourself, ffs could fix you.And your over here complaining. Your sabotaging yourself. You think your not woman enough, try harder, do makeup, do your hair, shave, ask for tips, get surgery. You piss me off you have the world in the palm of your hand and your worried about the bullshit. Get a therapist, get anxiety meds or something.You sound so kind and daring for her but refuse to take action, you clearly care.Quit being a fucking cunt.
>>42972437I try to reciprocate but I can't. I feel nothing when we kiss and I hate it, and I am incredibly sex repulsed now and it sucks. I hate that I want to top her on some level but the actual sensation of anything down there is vile. Also I might just be straight but idk it's weird I have weird sexual trauma. We cuddle, yes. But I just notice how much bigger I am than her in every way but height and like hands/feet. Bigger shoulders, bigger waist, bigger ribs. I am on the wait-list for FFS. Consult is in December. Been saving up as much money as I can and fighting for max insurance coverage so I can get the works. Though I often still feel beyond saving due to overall head shape. I shave. Regularly. I get electrolysis every week. Makeup is another issue though. Bad sensory shit. Have weekly therapy too but I am fuuuucked up. Like, sometimes I wonder if I just gave myself dysphoria or have some other underlying identity disorder. A lot of the "not woman enough" is internal issues. Seeing inside of myself and not seeing that spark that I see in her, and I'm not a passoid like my roommate where she's a woman regardless of the lack of spark. Also recognizing that sometimes I just wish I was a cute little yaoi twink instead, wondering if it's just severe Peter Pan Syndrome from abuse trauma and fagslop addiction. I try and care for her. A lot. I push her to do a lot of things I know she wants to do but is otherwise scared to. Every time we see each other I try and get her to go out. To do things together.I've even offered to pay for the rest of her FFS. I'm trying to help her repair her relationship with her family so they will cover the remaining costs, but if they don't, I will. I'm just afraid that she still won't go out and let herself be a woman. I've still set aside money for her just in case, and at the very least am willing to cosign a loan so she has a guarantor in the event she struggles to pay it off.
>>42972536Yeah a lot of this sounds like heavy mental illness with sensory issues, bad dysphoria, anxiety, self hate etc. I really hope you can get it worked out nona it may take a long time, you may never fully heal but it will get better. Regardless of how much different you are than her, your pics look very woman like. Your too doomer for your own good.Please keep trying you'll make a beautiful woman some day I know it.
>>42972631Again, biggest worry is that I am not actually a woman on the inside, whatever that means. That I just wanted to be this cute gay boy twink, because that often is what I want. That's what was taken from me, I guess, and how I saw myself before the moidening happened, even if I had wondered if I was a girl or thought I had the soul of a girl or prayed to not be a faggot because of like weird AGP shit. That and some weird medical issues. Genuinely just feel kinda crap on HRT a lot of the times. Even quit it for a bit shortly after starting. Tranny gene runs in the family and my sister got really sick and died after she trooned out too. Weird feelings on her especially because I kinda wanted to be "a real guy like him" at times growing up before she trooned out.
>>42972691>>42972691Here think about it this way. There are plenty of cis twinks on hrt. Its a good way to look more fem. So even if you turn out to not be a tranny it's still good to look fem.Plus, men don't feel like this. Cis men never want to look like a woman, in fact it's disgusting to them. Cis men don't think they have the skills of a girl and neither do AGP's. The fact you are even disgusted by male characteristics means your definitely not a cis man. At the very worst you can just call yourself enby and be whatever you want.
>>42972739Okay but I also have weird AAP sometimes as well as like, aversion to being femme at times? It's bizarre. The AAP feelings definitely carried me through repping I can tell you that, but when they come back it's gross and weird and I hate it. Like I cried out of fear and panic when my ex bf painted my nails at 17 despite being a weird femboy (didn't call it that but I was a twinky little femme bastard) in early puberty. So, I'm struggling with mixed signals.
>>42972792I'm assuming AAP is the opposite of AGP?Yeah you just sound like you have a lot going on mentally, push through and try to come to terms with as much as you can nona. Things are hard sometimes you can get weird feelings about stuff. Maybe your genderfluid?
>>42972831Maybe but this whole thing sucks. I think I just got hit by a wombo combo of sexual trauma, growing up closeted, and severe brain damage.
I miss the actual wormy girl she seemed happy
>>42973039TRUEBundle of sunshine
>>42973130and parasites. Sunshine and Parasites
>>42973220Sunshine is obviously the name of one of her parasites
>>42971633assumed so. kinda obvious. they sound cute tooi hope they get together and live happily raising their worms together ever after
>>42975729I would 100% be her husband if I was like, a normal guy instead of this weird tranny thing. I want her to find a relatively normal, nice, unwormed cis boy to marry her and give her babies because that's what she deserves. Unfortunately our worms feed each other. Also she found the thread (okay she didn't find it she just asked nicely after I told her I made a post about it) so if she posts (she better not!!! Shoo!!! Stay away from this awful place!!!!) be nice to her.
