It can't be so bad, but i understand what you mean, i get mistaken for an ftm a lot

>>42982861
People gender me male, but when I look into the mirror or something I just think "everyone can see that I'm a tranny or that there is something wrong with me"

>>42982822
>I came to the realization that even when I'm boymoding I don't look like a boy, nor do I look like a girl, I just look like [a]...tranny
yeah of course you do! unless you're like a super lucky passoid, you're going to struggle to look like a woman in boymode. but that's because you're only using, like, 1/3 of your arsenal. there are so many tools to help pass and the way you dress and present yourself is one of the most important ones! get off 4chan and try girlmoding a couple of times. i was like you and had people use they/them pronouns for me unprompted when i was boymoding, but i get very consistently gendered correctly as a girlmoder.

and besides, better a tranny than a man, right?

>>42982900
>better a tranny than a man, right?
No because people judge me for it

In general I just think that I don't have what it takes to girlmode, I'm way too scared and I don't want to mess it up, I just don't want to be a hon... but what if I already am one... this is just so fucking hard

>>42982878
Why exactly you think you look like a tranny? If you looked like a man, people would just think you're a man

>>42982947
>Why exactly you think you look like a tranny
I have long hair and female glasses, but I always have a bit of facial hair, which just gets me clocked instantly. I also think that my facial features are not the best, my body is mostly fine tho

The fuck are female glasses

>>42982940
>No because people judge me for it
who cares? well, you do.... silly question! but the point is, you shouldn't care! i boymoded for 2 years starting at 19 and, then i started girlmoding at 21, so believe me when i say i know exactly what you feel! the only situation where you need to appease the median cishet person is like when you're trying to find a job. that's it. and even that's becoming less and less of a problem as trans people become more widespread. outside of that, it literally doesn't matter.

you will make friends as a trans woman, even if you don't pass. you will find romantic partners. you will find people to hate and people to love and all that stuff that other people do and that you probably want. if you really don't pass, people that are upset by that just won't interact with you. idk about you, but i live somewhere that has a decent number of non-passing trans people, and all of them had more friends and romantic partners than i ever did as a boymoder. being a boymoder is a shallow, halfhearted approach to life. people don't appreciate it, even if you think they might. most people would rather be around a hon than a boymoder or a repper.

you're going to be ok. don't worry so much. people really don't care that much about you. try girlmoding in small amounts first. i went to a ttrpg oneshot my first attempt at girlmoding, because i knew everyone there would be gay, and it went well! nobody cared! then i slowly worked my way up from there. i believe in you, nona.

>>42982969
>I always have a bit of facial hair, which just gets me clocked instantly
get laser. it's only a few hundred dollars

>>42983024
>you will find romantic partners
No because I'm too mentally ill, but that's a post for another day
>if you really don't pass, people that are upset by that just won't interact with you
But the problem is that I want to pass too, and just be a stealth woman without any issue, but as things are right now, I might never be able to get there
>idk about you, but i live somewhere that has a decent number of non-passing trans people
I live in the balkans, so everything that you said about trans acceptance gets thrown out of the window
>i believe in you, nona
Thank you, but the hardest part about this is that I don't believe myself, so I really just don't see any hope

>>42983038
I'm getting one right now, I've had about 3 sessions and it's still visible

>>42983076
>But the problem is that I want to pass
ok! we all do! but if you can't, then you can't. you can either give up and kill yourself, spiritually or literally, or embrace it and try your best to pass regardless. anyway, i said it earlier, but you probably can pass better than you think you do. especially if you're starting hrt at 18. it's so much easier to pass when you actually try to

>I live in the balkans
ok, i was just using it as an example. trans people exist everywhere, but they're just more visible in certain areas. i'd highly recommend moving to a big city, if you don't live there already.

>I don't believe myself
well then i don't think i can help you. you should try and find a piece of art that fundamentally changes your view of life and galvanizes you to change yourself drastically, that's what worked for me. i would highly recommend the stranger by albert camus, but i think that it would highly depend on the type of person you are.

remember that the world loves you and is trying its best to help you, nona. but nobody can help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. don't take that to mean that you're hopeless, nobody is. just take it as what it is: you're being stupid and should slap yourself right now and think long and hard about who you want to be and how you'll get there

>>42983186
>you can either give up and kill yourself
I honestly think that sounds better than being a hon
>big city
I live in a small town, but when I go to the capital city I have like a 50/50 chance of seeing a tranny
>you should try and find a piece of art that fundamentally changes your view of life
I already did that, but this isn't just how it works, a mentally ill person won't just get better once and then never go back to feeling bad, you say this as if having an art that comforts your feelings and thoughts can solve all of your problems
>remember that the world loves you and is trying its best to help you
I actually disagree with this, I think that this world has cursed all of us, but despide that we should try our best to live a fulfilling life just to make meaning out of a meaningless mess. We should strive to make each others lives better and help those who are in need to help them live with their cursed lives. This is a bit depressing ideology, but this is how I live my life. I have a lot of faith in humanity, but not in humans. That's the best way to describe my thoughts, I hope that it was interesting at least