how are you supposed cope with the constant suffocating misery that comes with losing the person you love most? i've never felt grief like this before. i'm scared of death but i feel like i have no other option. he was the only reason i kept trying. i feel like i'm barely living as it is now. i've tried anything and everything in a desperate attempt to distract myself but nothing works. not the pleasure of food or the beauty of nature or the pain of injury or a preoccupation with work or the shame of humiliation. i can never breathe properly. i feel like i'm always being choked. i don't know what to do. i know this torment will never end on its own but i'm so fucking scared, i don't know how to overcome my fear. even more than the fear of being nothing is the fear of leaving him. i imagine the moment of impact over and over and over in my head. i can't do this without him, i can't, i can't keep humiliating myself like this. i don't know what to do.
>>43036357he isn't dead anon, just create a tulpa
>>43036357It's heartwarming how someone THIS ugly has such a dedicated fan
>>43036357What happened?
>>43036388>he isn't deadbut he is gone, and things will never be like they were before, even after he comes back. i will never get to talk to him again. he'll be even more private than he was before. how am i supposed to imagine anything about him if i don't know anything about him? i want to what he's like now. i don't want to rely on old tumblr posts he made when he was 15 and 16 or recollections from sam about when they were together to form an idea of who he is now as a 24 year old man. i can't even imagine his face when i think about him. i try to imagine us embracing and doing things together but i can't imagine his face or even his body. i hate thinking about his life. i don't know how he dresses outside of the few photos i have, so i can only dress like him in a manner of caricature. i don't know what he's like to be around in person. i don't know him. i read the words he wrote to me, on my computer screen, and that's it. he's never spoken to me, he's never said my name, he's never going to be invested in me the way i'm invested in the idea of him, and i know this, i know it but i can't stop grieving him. i can't stop grieving the life i wish i had. with him, as him, i don't know. maybe nothing will ever satisfy me, maybe the desire for more and more of him will just continue to consume me more and more until i die. maybe i wouldn't even be satisfied becoming him.
>>43036422AFaBs are AFaBs and they have valueLook at these crazy ladies
>>43036357Nice drawing
>>43036727>and things will never be like they were before, even after he comes backWasn't that because he was grooming
>>43038367thank you>>43038520he wasn't. most of the people calling him a groomer and a pedophile haven't even bothered to look at the actual evidence against him. i can't blame him for not wanting to engage with the public after the way he's been treated
>>43036357Boo hoo, how about you actually deal with the grief of actually losing a loved one
>>43038965he is my loved one
>>43038898>haven't even bothered to look at the actual evidence against himIf he disappeared and acts shady now there's most likely truth to the allegations
