>>43060499
histrionic ass agp nigga

>>43060499
i wish i got to experience that. i started out with very little hope and havent gained any since

>>43060522
It was really good for a while. Everyone was nicer and more accepting than I expected, the changes happened faster than I expected, I was actually able to catch a dick, and I wasn't so terrified of public spaces.

Now I'm just really struggling to find a reason to keep going. I'm still a fat loser with no hope for the future, was this really just a lateral move?

>>43060499
same desu
it was fucking magical and absolutely amazing. now 5 years later I'm just a generic foid and don't even put much effort into things anymore.

I once looked at old chat logs from the time when I started my transition and holy shit I talked and acted like a teenage girl at the peak of her puberty

now I type and mostly behave like I did before my transition. apathy, nihilistic, emotionally blunted. all the flattering has gone. I actually truly felt like a woman then too

now I'm just...me, someone, something that injects estrogen once a week. sure I voice trained and completed all the steps of transition, it's kinda being at the journeys end.

some days I can close my eyes and think back to those days and feel a little glimmer of what it felt like. the euphoria, the insane hope, the intense happiness of finally being a woman...it's all gone.

I guess deep down somewhere during those years I came to face the reality that despite passing stealth I'm not biologically a woman. have become Agoraphobic, sometimes even experience reverse dysphoria, and have to constantly "change" things about myself to not let the dysphoria, which was fully absent in those first months, take over again.

being a woman socially comes with so so many downsides and I don't have any of the positives of being an actual woman

man, those days were so fucking beautiful. reading my own logs also has a strange effect, they feel disconnected from me and more than once I found myself thinking "man this was a really kind, cute girl". could fall in love with the early transition me which creeps me out lmao

life fucking sucks.

>>43060499
i feel this
compounded with the fact that my first year of transition happened to be 2019 of all years, and the pandemic/lockdown shit shredded my mental health and encouraged all my worst (a)social tendencies

>>43060923
i happened upon some old pictures and screenshots last night too (rarely happens) and what a trip down memory lane it was. i wonder how much of it was us and how much of it was the zeitgeist though? 2021 was a different time. everyone knew things would get worse but there was also a strange optimism that people had, the hope that if you played your cards right, you would be happy and immune to life getting worse

>>43060499
>trooning for gender euphoria
AGP shit, go back to preddit

>>43061155
it’s hard to know if my memory is just making the past look better than it was or if 2021 really was a better time

>>43060923
>now I type and mostly behave like I did before my transition. apathy, nihilistic, emotionally blunted.
im still in the first few months, but like cant doing things help with this? like diet and exercise? community volunteering? going to concerts/shows/events? continuing education? career advancement?

idk i just have so much i wanna do i make sure to check something minor off my list every week and monthly for the bigger stuff always looking to quit bad habits and start healthy ones so im always progressing and learning

>>43061234
it really was a better time but like i said everyone knew it was a last supper kind of year

this thread highlights why we really need a study focused on people 8+ years post transition. most trannies go crazy and think they're on top of the world the first 1-3 years of trooning out and it poisons any discussion about what transition looks like in the long term

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>>43062879
Here's what I'd like you to do, if you want to prove your theory that "always progressing and learning" will make you immune to what OP is describing.
I want you to write down this exact post on a piece of paper, then set an event on your Google calendar or whatever you use. 5 years from the moment you wrote that down. Put the piece of paper away and don't look at it for those 5 years. Once the 5 years are up, read the piece of paper out loud and feel how much it hurts. Then you'll understand why OP made this thread.

>>43060923
i've been mourning my first few trans friends who developed irreconcilable differences for eachother and now i barely talk to any, i miss when at first it seemed like a big thing that'd lead to my life getting way better. it's better being accepted as i am but it still sucks in different ways, like you said being a woman has significant downsides

>>43063318
>>43060923
what are the significant social downsides to being a woman? getting free shit all the time? having people be nice to you for no reason other than your gender identity?
>inb4 it's just estrogen-induced neuroticism

>>43060499
I was so hopeful until I tried to social transition..

>>43063925
its harder to make a living, people don't take you seriously, high social expectations

am i the only one who never had euphoria at the beginning? im 2 years hrt and feel much more comfortable and content but the changes are so slow i barely even notice them to be euphoric about it. although if i look at pretransition pics i feel very dysphoric lol

>>43064003
>its harder to make a living
not really, as long as you aren't a drug addict. just find a rich boyfriend and cheat on him like a normal woman
>people don't take you seriously
well yeah
>high social expectations
???????????????????????? what????????????????????????????

>>43060923
This happens to all people fundamentally. It's literally just nostalgia. Cis people look back on their teen years very similarly.

I'm not really fully stealth passing, honmoding a bit right now but I'm 5 years in and mostly settled into it all and yeah idk, I look back on the first year and like you said, it was magical. But my life also got better in other ways and so yeah, I'm not as ecstatic magically happy as I was then, but I'm content with my life and feel decent about my future, so the nostalgia doesn't feel crippling or bad.

I think lots of us think transition is the magic bullet for solving our life problems, and its definitely a big step, seizing control of your life like that. But you also exist outside of whatever your gender is - same for cis women. It's why cis men and women that constantly talk about how masculine/feminine they are and how much they conform to the ideal suck to be around and are often deeply insecure and miserable.

Just work on building a decent future for yourself outside of transition and gender. Transition gave you a goal, and then you achieved that goal, now you're sitting in the "well, now what?" phase. Be proud of yourself! You achieved a goal! It IS hard to transition and put in all the effort and what not. But you gotta find new goal posts to kick the ball towards.

>>43064175
>find a rich boyfriend
people say there's an excess of rich men lying around, or like it's easy to snag a rich man or even come in contact with them. the average rich man is quite snooty and refuses to associate with other people that aren't also rich.

>>43063925
>getting free shit all the time?
Sweetheart I am the free shit.

>>43064175
i'm talking about finding work in my field now as a woman is way harder than it was as a man and people are very dismissive despite no difference in quality. i have found rich guys but like, i'm not going to marry one and i guess i dont really want to give myself up to them permanently for what i don't think are fair exchanges.

>>43064360
the average rich man is quite snooty because the average woman is quite snooty. i make enough to live on my own comfortably and in the past absolutely would have supported a woman if she didn't want to work. but i (and many other) men have been burned too many times at this point. there are plenty of men who are single and well-off out there but they've made the rational choice of choosing not to engage with women any more because they just aren't worth it. so i suppose in a sense, you are right that there effectively isn't an excess of rich men available for women to date. i guess you're gonna have to put the fries in the bag chica. thank modern feminism and its demonization of traditional gender roles for this.

>>43060499
i say this all the time. crazy how i used to just be such a happy blushing mess with her entire year made when she got called cute. now im postop and depressed even while laying there getting railed and told how hot and cute i am or whatever. i can never feel as girly and happy as i did back then. what happened

>>43060608
yeah sounds like you just stalled out, undoing the progress you made won't make it better. The early progress is easy since it doesn't take much effort.
try going to the gym

>>43063216
this is doomer thinking
it doesn't make you immune, but it's still good life practice anyway. the idea that you shouldn't do anything unless it has a 100% success rate is dumb and is a fast track to depression and suicidal ideation.

we feel for OP, we hope it gets better, but if you aren't actively trying to improve your own life and shit, then idk, sit and wallow, i guess? like you don't even have to be constantly obsessed with self help and growth - you can just let yourself have some time to be a depressed or nostalgic or whatever - in fact, its healthier if you do acknowledge it and let yourself have time to just "be sad" sometimes and work through it or rest or whatever, but the more you treat depression as an inevitability, the more inevitable it becomes.

you might not succeed in life, but if you resign yourself to that, then thats what you'll get.

>>43065301
The gym is fucking terrifying, not to mention expensive.

>>43065734
Don't listen to katposter, enjoy the euphoria. Get as much out of life as you can when you can.

>>43065774
buy weights and a squat rack

>>43065774
>Get as much out of life as you can when you can
that's what i'm saying, just replying to katposter so anyone reading can at least have a counterpoint to dooming about it all

>>43065821
>Can't afford a gym membership? No problem just buy tens of thousands of dollars worth of gym equipment and set it up in your one bedroom flat.
Genius nona! Why didn't I think of that!

>>43060499
can't cross the same stream twice

Chasing euphoria is addict behaviour. You're not supposed to exist in a constant state of euphoria dumbass

>>43065933
Why not tho?

>>43060499
Oh no! Fetish wearing off! Boners wearing off! Now I have to actually be a woman! Ohgod it's over!

>>43065958
Kys

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>>43065966

>>43065734
It's not doomer thinking, it's realistic. You're in the middle of the euphoria phase. In a few years it will pass and you will have to just live as any other woman does. And you will be ill-equipped for it because you spent your younger years chasing highs under the pretense of "living your truth". People change and move on. Friendships slowly fade away. The dysphoria creeps back in.

>>43066018
NTA but that's going to happen regardless.
So many let her enjoy the good times while they last instead of speedrunning to shit.

>>43066032
You're misinterpreting what I'm saying. I'm saying the honeymoon phase is exactly what causes trannies to burn out later on. You have to be realistic and develop life skills that will serve you later on or you'll just spend the rest of your life wishing it was those first few years again.

>>43065980
good girl

>>43066018
...yes, this is why i recommended that you keep trying to live and find new goals and things to do. i'm not OP, i've been on HRT for 5 years, and while i don't fully have my shit together, i've managed to keep working on new things and live... as any other woman does, as any other person does

>set goal
>achieve it
>find new goal
OR
>set goal
>fail
>readjust goal and try again

i'm trying to argue against chasing euphoric highs, and to focus on the same thing every other functional person does - set a goal, and work towards it. that's not chasing a high, it's just how you get through life. maybe you hit a point where you're content with everything as is and no longer set major goals, and then your goal just becomes "relax and focus on the little things" like learning a new hobby or reading that book you always wanted to or whatever the fuck. maybe you save up to finally go on that vacation to spain or even just buy that collectible you always wanted or whatever, who cares. its all the same loop
>aim
>draw
>loose arrow
if you miss
>adjust aim
>draw
>loose arrow

>>43066086
Sweetheart I effortmaxxed to fuck.
There's no avoiding the 2 year blues. It's just another turd on the giant pile of shit that is being trans.

>muh euphoria
>>43065872
Cardio is literally free and you can just get a few free weights and do sets.

>>43066247
>I'm not trans and don't have the first fucking clue what I'm talking about.
Cardio involves walking around my neighborhood as the resident "man in a dress" while they all whisper behind the drapes.
And why the fuck would I use freeweights? that's upper body. What the flying pigfuck would I want more defined shoulders and bigger arms for you abject fucking retard.
I want legpress, hacksquat and a stairmaster.

>>43060499
>>43060923
When does this heckin euphoria kick on?
I’m very much babytrans but right now I’m just feeling very apathetic, nihilistic, hopeless, and emotionally blunted.

>>43066393
Month 3 or 4, once the breasts start developing and your skin and muscles start to soften.

>>43066358
You can absolutely do lower-body-only freeweight sets for your ass and legs and it doubles as great cardio if you keep up the pace. Have ChatGPT make you one. You can also get a cheap stationary bike. Do it. It will give you euphoria, make you prettier, and it’s insurance against ever having to discontinue HRT due to health concerns.

>>43060499
the first year of transition is meant to be happy? i feel more comfortable in my body thats it, genuinely had no idea it goes this way
irl mtf friend is the same. we both spend our days trying not to be clocky but also try to pass at the same time

>>43066477
>make le robot lift 10kg above your ass with your bare feet
im sure there are far better and probably safer ways to do this

>>43066443
I just hit month 4 a little while ago.
If I don’t experience this sometime this month I’m suing.

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>>43060499
>>43060923
Into my heart an air that kills
From yon far country blows:
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?

That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy highways where I went
And cannot come again.

>>43066515
It's possible you're not trans.
The best differential on gender dysphoria is HRT. If you take HRT and feel better, it's GD, if you don't it's something else.

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>>43060923
Shit like this is something I went through. Usually its because you're desperately running from yourself, honestly its just an aspect of juvenile thinking which I feel could very easily be a notable aspect of early transition. Its just part of becoming a mature adult and everyone goes through it. As you do you end up learning more and more about how and why your parents were the way they were and honestly its some really beautiful cycle of life stuff.

>>43060923
>>43068094
Oh yeah I forgot to mention.
T. Permafucked gigamanmoder that hasnt been gendered fem in years :/
The comfort of routine is a cozy one even if my body isnt and there are still sometimes times where I want to rip my skin into ribbons its less now.

>>43060499
im 1+ year and havent felt an ounce of euphoria

>>43066636
Hrt makes plenty of trutrans people feel much worse for the first months of transition cause it makes dissociating from one's dysphoria much harder, so if one feels worse while on hrt, it's still unlikely that it's not one's not trans

>>43068963
Honestly I don't buy that.
If you're not getting better from HRT, at least in the short term, then what's bothering you isn't gender dysphroria.
Your nervous system should be reacting positively to estrogen if it's actually female.

>>43069239
>Your nervous system should be reacting positively to estrogen if it's actually female
This is either genuine bs, placebo, or it's highly individualistic. I felt literally no difference going from testosterone to estrogen, and neither did I feel any difference when I went back to testosterone cause I was stupid enough to detrans. All I know is that I felt worse on estrogen at first, despite loving it's effects, because I was actually consciously engaging with my dysphoria instead of being permanently dissociated

>>43069256
Then what the fuck are you taking HRT for if it's not actually making any difference to your quality of life?
You're talking about it like it's a placebo, like it's just sugar water labeled "girl juice" as a marketing gimmick that doesn't actually do anything. It does shit, it does lots and lots of shit.

In the first six months
-I lost 80% of my strength
-My skin became softer and more sensitive
-My core (mangut) evaporated leaving me with a flat tummy
-My sex drive went from overwhelming to practically non-existant
-The way I related to sexual partners completely changed
-By testicles shrank

And I enjoyed every fucking minute of it. If you didn't get that, was your dose high enough? did you forget that you also need an AA? or are you actually just a twink worried about losing your looks?

>>43069276
nta
>or are you actually just a twink worried about losing your looks
What's so wrong with that?
t. hrtwink

>>43069294
Nothing at all, I think estrogen should be over the counter.
But stop pretending you're trans and that you're on a "different journey" to the other trans women when actually you're just a vain little poof?

Gender dysphoria is a very very serious thing.

Also the fact you're aging out of rentboy status is really something you should learn to cope with.

>>43069316
Least homophobic tranner

>>43069321
>I am actually just a vain little poof
Okay, but that still invalidates >>43069256
Don't come into a trans thread telling me HRT had no effect on your gender dysphoria/euphoria when you didn't have gender dysphoria to begin with.

Congratulations on not being trans, but also you're not trans.

>>43069316
anon you are responding to
>Also the fact you're aging out of rentboy status is really something you should learn to cope with.
Yeah, >>43069321 is right: this is basically homophobia atp.
I've been with my bf for 5 years and we live together. You're just a seething hater.
>stop pretending you're trans
whether I like it or not, I am transsexual. The only real difference is that I don't consider myself a woman. Although soon I might have to for practical reasons.

>>43069276
>>43069346
Wow, you actually lack theory of mind

>>43069383
>I've been with my bf for 5 years and we live together. You're just a seething hater.
How the fuck does that impact the conversation in even the smallest most miniscule fraction?
I know gay people who have been married since it was legal and "monogamous" for 20 years. They've got kids and shit. Not an ounce of hate in me for any of it.
>whether I like it or not, I am transsexual.
But you're not. You're not a woman, you straight up admit it.
The only reason you're pretending to be trans is for access to estrogen, which I don't have a problem with.
What I do have a problem with is you telling me about your experiences with gender dysphoria when you've never experienced it.

This shit actually matters, can you understand that? People who present with gender dysphoria are usually in severe crisis and often suicidal. They need high levels of expert care.
When you larp as us you tell the normies that gender dysphoria is no big deal and they start defunding or even banning gender affirming care (which is a lot more than HRT). And then I start losing sisters.
You also tell people who don't have gender dysphoria to take HRT which might actually cause gender dysphoria.

I'm all for your rights, but don't tell people you're me when you don't know anything about the living fucking nightmare of actually being me.

>>43069411
No, I don't.
What you lack is the recognition that transgender people are actually real and not just men larping as women.
My nervous system is all kinds of fucked up. If I lose access to HRT I'll have no choice but to end my life.

>>43069276
I literally said that I love all the effects of estrogen and that I'm actually genuinely dysphoric. That doesn't mean I feel much better overall cause injecting estrogen obviously won't make me cis, nor fix everything how testosterone ruined me

>>43069424
>schizoposting
yeah, whatever girl.

>>43069432
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU
I'm talking to like three fucking anons now, don't cite a previous post without linking it you disengenuous cunt.

>>43069441
Fuck off Jew.

>>43069429
Tenderqueer. If I lose access to hrt I will also want to end my life, but that doesn't mean I won't put up a fight first. Being a woman doesn't preclude me from having a backbone though.
And I never said that trans women are larping men, cause I myself think of myself am a woman. You seriously need to work on your reading comprehension

>>43069462
>The only real difference is that I don't consider myself a woman.
>I myself think of myself am a woman.
ACTUAL FUCKING BULLSHIT OF FULL FUCKING DISPLAY

BE FUCKING CLEAR ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

>>43069445
>WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU
I'm >>43069256, and don't call me a disingenuous cunt just cause you lack object permanence

>>43069480
Three fucking anons, none of you using trips, all of you equally fucking Jewish.
My point still stands, don't larp as trans when you're not trans.