>25 MtF college passoid>Friends GF, good grades>Winning >Hypochondria and fear of mortality slowly eroding mental health the older I get>Dr said I almost certainly have the predisposition for bipolar>Lots of stress currently from school and anti trans news right now>Literally feel myself going insane in real time>Takes less and less stress for me to randomly start tweaking out, having violent fantasies like a lame moid>Still pass into more depressive modes of existence as always. No matter how good my life gets. It's over probably. Feels like my mind has a time bomb in it hopefully I can finish college first one year left. But the other part of me doesn't even care and just wants it to blow up already instead of teasing me with a slow decline that I'm aware of and powerless to stop.
>>43084521Mood stabilizers... Now please. Although they interact with estrogen making them less effective. So maybe try an a-typical antipsychotic. Caplyta has more or less erased my tweaker tendencies. Although the full dose is too sedated for me, 21mg is perfect for me.
>>43084734I'm never taking anti psychotics they shrink your brain. And honestly after the psychiatric abuse I received in highschool I want nothing to do with psych doctors unless I reach a point I can't keep up with school. Otherwise I have to much going on to risk getting dicked over by them again.I am a bit concerned about the fantasies I don't think I would ever do them and I think they are more Maladaptive daydream oriented but like idk still spooky that they take place In reality against like federal agents and general conservatives instead of in my normal fantasy worlds against fictional bad guys.Im trying to use meditation maxxing rn. To deal with this because I really don't want to end up like I was in highschool on Prozac where I pretty much lucked out that the cops decided not to press assault charges because I apparently kicked them while being dragged to the mental hospital. Don't think I'd get the teenage white girl pass anymore now that I'm 25.
Stop looking at the internet. The internet is where 90% of mental illness comes from.
>>43085815I've been trying to end my internet addictions for like 6 years and keep relapsing. I hate it so much like my brain is like unironically completely warped from it and I can't stop at most I'm clean 3 months before something sget me back into here tiktok or worst of all reddit. I don't even like it other than occasionally tiktok(anime edits go hard). Like absolutely obsessed with maki and toji edits when maki zenin mercing the zenin clan came out.
>>43085815I have nowhere else to go, nothing else to do with my lifeI don't want to go out and interact with normalfags
>>43084521do a semester abroad in Taiwan to learn mandarin
>>43085860>>43085870The internet is an addiction.Please really consider that and don't just hear patronizing bullshit.If you stop using the internet, you get cravings and you obsess over it and you feel like nothing is fun unless you check your feed.It gets worse over days and if you make it to a couple of weeks without checking, it feels much better and easier to stop reflexively checking it.If either of you have quit cigarettes you'll recognize the recovery feels exactly the same.
>>43085860just find a couple niche hobby threads to lurk in and avoid genpop
>>43085870>>43086001
>>43085974I really have been trying and 100% consider it one and it's so cooked because like since I've been addicted since like 13 basically half my life my entire mentality is warped around it. And at one point my scrolling time was literally all day at times.It's just hard because like my GF and friends use tiktok. And then I find my way back into reddit and get sucked in when I'm looking up questions on line if I'm having trouble with something. And developed validation seeking issues where I need to Google my choice online to see people agree with me it's so fucked up and NPC tier. And like idk the damage is way deeper than just time wasting and addiction like they talk about it like completely alters the way your brainw orks and what you think about it's like a mental resculpring device.
>>43086039I'm also super ashamed of it and no one IRL knows how bad it used to be or currently is.
>>43084521>>43085191a lot of the excessively cruel anti-trans stuff that you see online is intentionally designed to goad unstable people into sperging out, doomscrolling it is neurotoxic
>>43086204It's definitely doing that... But honestly even just hearing about registries and such is like frying me.
>>43086482That's by design, you sperging out would be a big win for the people behind that stuff. It's a very insidious tactic.
>>43085870So you want to devolve into a pathologically neurotic shit peel?You have to pick which one you want nona, you can't both despair at this oncoming problem and then say that you refuse to/can't do anything about it without sounding at least a little disingenuous and attached to the identity of "brain sick person"
>>43086597I have tried to make something of my life so many times before and I always failedThe more you fail, the harder it is to believe the next time can be worth it
>>43086616>make something of my lifewhat does that mean to you?
>>43086564Makes sense thanks for the motivation anon I got to defeat my internet addictions defeat gladioul the king of wicked hearts and his anti trans rage bait curse technique.
>>43086861you get it
>>43084521It's because of the news and the sick world we live in.
>>43085191First gen antipsychotics shrink the brain retard (not modern atypical antipsychotics) you know what has been proven to cause brain shrinkage? Untreated schizo. You're a fucking adult. You don't have to tell the psych you have plans to kill yourself and nobody's gonna force you to take the meds. God I fucking hate trannies like you who just refuse to accept help and get better then bitch about the suffering. Have fun being a street schizo and then ending up in a men's prison and forcibly de-transed because you were too fucking stubborn to take your pills. Many. Such. Cases.
>>43087138I don't even have any conditions and I'm not delusional. I only have bipolar predisposition. Which may or may not turn into bipolar. Tho I do feel like the may is becoming more and more likely than the may not. The trump election, some other stressers and maybye doing weed more(1-2 a month) might of f'd up my brain a bit.
>>43087138But also Im pretty sure the studies on schizos and bipolar getting brain damage only used medicated patients for ethics reasons.And like of you knew what psychiatrists did to me you'd get my hesitation to consult one.>Be bullied for being a tranny in highschool>Develop eating disorder>They never diagnosed my ADHD the one condition I actually had at the time lol>Go to hospital>Oh no your crying because unfamiliar environment with noaccess to your friends or hobbies> Low dose Anti psychotic, benzo, hydroxyzine some other bullshit at some point>Get more destabilized>Go home and get off that stuff>Getting bullied makes me sad and idk what to do with my future>Psych here's Prozac >Refuse it parents hold me down and force me to take it at night>Actually have full manic episode>Mental hospital >More poly pharmacy that makes me feel sick>Get off meds cause it was just the Prozac that time>The one they kept making me take I flushed to prove it wasn't needed>Become med free>Later dx'd by therapist when getting letter for SRS with ADHD because I couldn't stop fidgeting with his scissors and talking really fast and suchTho apparently my primary care who I do trust says my moods cycling and reaction to Prozac plus family history means I have the predisposition for it even if my symptoms aren't bad enough to be clinically bipolar. So chance I'll have to get meds someday but I'm going to wait until it's bad enough to be worth the side affects. Like I don't want to get brain fog and become a fattoid or lose my creativity.
>>43087138Are clozapine and quetiapine first gen?
>>43087167Weed def fucked me up but I was using daily. Quit years ago tho. Meds for you may not be a forever thing but if they can help you get over this hump then by all means take them. Is recommend staying away from SNRI's and SSRI's. You may not be full blown bipolar, I'm not either, but the meds could def help you. Since starting mine my violent thoughts, crash outs and general schizo shit have gone down by 90%. Sorry for being fucking mean in my reply, I just really don't want another trans person to experience the suffering that comes with this shit. I've seen too many refuse meds and eventually fall down the drugs (yes weed counts) pipeline to worsening mental illness and poor life decisions. Most of them end up NEET, homeless or service industry slaves.
>>43087246Both are technically second gen but are classified as atypical. Quetiapine I don't really like because it's just so heavily sedating and can cause weight gain. The other med I don't know enough about to form an opinion.
>>43087290I'll consider it. Def staying away from serotogenic drugs and honestly even stims for my ADHD because like even tho they helpd mey other issues they made me more impulsive and such plus the issues with crashing off of them. And I mostly only do weed when I'm with my GF or friends and she wants to and it's timed to not interfere with my school and I just go along with it.Might be something I pursue a year from now I'm currently doing like good in scohol even if the mental health is getting worse it feels like its getting worse at like a constant negative derivative and low key if something went wrong dicking around with meds could mess up my whole future by making me stupid, or go to the hospital like when they gave me Prozac. Plus I'm scared of losing my spark like genius is part madness and all that.
>>43087234I'm skinny but not ana, still have my creativity and don't have brain fog on my dose of caplyta. Mood stabilizers never really fucked with me like that either. Only the first and second gen antipsychotics gave me brain fog. And seriously. If your struggles were notable enough to post, then they must be causing you some kind of issue. Also your doctor is right (sorta) while having mania as a reaction to prozac is an indicator for bipolar, that doesn't mean you're necessarily genetically predisposed to have it. You'd be better off looking at your family history for that. And look, I get you got trauma. But you are an adult now. You have control. Go to a good psych after having done your research and you can more or less pick what med you would like to try. If they try and make you take an ssri, mention your previous reaction to prozac and if they're not brain dead retarded they'll realize the connection to possible bipolar.
>>43087372Every tranny with a ketamine problem was once a gifted kid. The problem with intelligence is the ego that it comes with. It's the fear change because you think you know best and that you have it all under control. Even when you don't.
>>43087455the problem with intelligence is that there is very few ways to use it so you just feel wasted and nothing fulfilling so your turn to drugs to feel normal
>>43087397It's not great but not so bad I can't keep on going through school. But def has been worst semester so far... Which is concerning. Changing variables mid semester is spooky>>43087455I mean In still getting the grades. It's mostly everything but school and gf relationship getting worse
