I've been dating this girl for a year, also trans, but she is much more well adjusted than me even though we both pass and are the same age (She goes to college while I dropped out due to anxiety, she is extremely social while I have no friends but her and the ones I only interact with when she's there etc).So naturally she's always teased me a bit or acted a bit protective/maternal over me.Lately I've been introducing more childlike elements to the dynamic and she mostly finds it cute but doesn't like me calling her mommy or doing any roleplay.I've been building up to asking her if she'd be fine with me using pacifiers around her (she says why not just use the adult chew toys I already do use) or if she'd bottlefeed me. Which she said that she might not be able to hide her disgust if we tried but maybe we can try once...And I'd rather not mention the other things she gave a hard no on. I've spent the whole night crying, I hate this part of me and I feel I was broken so long ago and now I can't relate to anyone my age and my own girlfriend can't even stomach how I really am. Everytime I try to make friends it goes wrong and I don't know what the point of passing or having ffs is if every normal girl can tell you're a fucking freak, even if they don't know what kind like before I passed.I tried to tell her it was fine it's just something I thought might be fun but Jesus I think about it all day I just call for mommy and cry when I'm alone.I'm pathetic and not even in a way that turns me on and now I regret telling her cause she won't see me the same :/And yes my mom beat the shit out of me when I was a kid it sucked...
Why would you ever reveal this to someone you're dating
>>43100993To be honest I do try to indulge in it when I'm alone and it's fine but I think I've always since I was a kid fantasized about being bottlefed or treated tenderly and experiencing a kind of love I never had. But yeah I don't know why I thought an adult partner wouldn't see it as sad at best and fucked up at worst.
You didn't fuck this up completely but she seems to just not want to participate in this.
>>43101022nah if this is something op feels is necessary for a fulfilling relationship it'll show all over, it could have been passed off as vague discomfort until a name was given to it and now it will always be in the room casting a shadow over anything out of place
thats really cute nona, sorry your gf doesnt like it. im just like you, its hard for us to find people who are willing to engage
You’re not broken OP. Unfortunately your current partner is disgusted by a form of vulnerability and sensitivity that you choose to express this way. You’re not disgusting… unless you are a pedo which is another case entirely. Don’t worry. You will find someone who you can feel safe with. It’s ok to be you.
>>43100990i'm very sorry nona :( i hope she comes around or you can find someone who enjoys taking care of you in that way
>>43101022>>43101036This is a weird tangent and will definitely out me to anyone I know who reads the post I made but I've been very into the tv show Dexter recently and I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it's the (probable) autism and having to fake so many human interactions during the day, trying desperately to find real and friendship and failing, and knowing that there's a fundamental part of yourself that would freak anyone out, especially a partner.And then I wonder what if I wasn't broken as a kid, what if all that violence didn't get inside me so early and if things would've turned out differently that way.I just mourn the little girl I was who was exposed to so much violence and hatred and abuse who never deserved any of it. If it was just a kink I could live with just having my brain wires crossed somewhere. But I feel so fundamentally broken and I wish I could make it right. At least my thing is hopefully better than chopping people up but it's definitely still a voice in the back on my mind that just prevents me from being normal.
>>43101058Also, many people age regress, cis women, trans women, etc. it’s becoming less stigmatized and can be an ok way to process things. It’s ok to want that vulnerability with a partner and have that separated from sex/sexuality. It’s complex but lots of people make it work.
>>43101073To add to this I did have a period of time in my late teens where I was extremely suicidal and I would just watch extreme gore videos online or fantasize about doing violent things to others or myself. Transitioning was not always what I wanted it to be but it was healing and age regression is something I discovered worked from me through a friend who was also trans and it seemed to just make everything quiet down a bit. So I do love my partner I know where my priorities are and all the other ways she does take care of me but it makes me sad to show vulnerability and be rejected I've never been good with that.
>>43101093>>43101113youre an adult asking to use a soother and be bottle fed. short of getting her to change your diapers youve went as far back as you can possibly go. im going out on a limb and saying the people engaging with this that dont get rejected dont go quite that far back
>>43101047Thanks, I'd be happy to chat if you'd like to, this is my discord (or anyone ig cause friends are cool)pixelaether
