Ive been on E for like 6 months now, but im still not certain im making the right decision.One of the big things that makes me think i am tho is that i sort of like myself a bit more now...Like before E i never took pictures of myself, i also avoided mirrors as much as i could. I dont know if, pre E, i ever liked how i looked to be honest.But now sometimes its different. Occasionally in small ways, like ill be washing my hands and catch my face in the mirror, and ill smile just a bit because im happy my face looks more feminine now. Or i see how my breast buds dent out my shirt or hoodie a bit and i get a lil happy over that. Or ill decide to hold my tshirt tight against my body for a bit and be happy that i have like curves now a bit.And sometimes i get EXTREMELY happy. I think this might happen at least once per week or so, mayb a bit more. Where i see myself in the mirror, often but not always topless, and i get ECSTATIC about how i look. Like i start happy crying and hugging myself and jumping up and down in joy and laughing... This usually lasts around 5-15 minutes.I also started sometimes taking pictures of myself when im happy like this (small or big), like: Before february this year my phone has about 300 pictures on it, 95% of which arent of myself. Now, just in february and march, it has 900 pictures almost all of which are of myself, and a good chunk are topless too...But is this actually indicative of E being good for me or not?For one these extremely hyped episodes are short (15min max) and afterwards i often can go straight back to doubting if im even trans or if i should keep taking E. But also, mostly this happens when i look at the mirror, sooooo is this AGP? Like the fact that it mostly happens when i see myself in third person makes me think its somehow a lil AGP coded (there is no sexual arousal tho).
I used to get like that the first year. I'm not sure how common that is but you're far from the only person. Dono what to say more to help but it's normal to have doubts sometimes unless you longterm repped
>>43123621If you’re not cranking your hog to your reflection then keep AGP’s name out of your mouth
>>43123665alright not OP but I call myself AGP and I've never cranked my hog to my own appearance. I don't think anyone does that except like sissy hypno people
>>43123641> I used to get like that the first year.How did it change afterwards? Did you start doubting less? Because the doubting is fucking me up.Its so stupid i can go form being happier than ive ever been about anything, because i looked more female in the mirror or i liked how my breasts looked, to not being sure if im even trans and being scared that i might hate having boobs and that i might regret this and will have to get top surgery...Idk it feels like im going insane lol.> I'm not sure how common that is but you're far from the only person.Thats good to hear <3> it's normal to have doubts sometimes unless you longterm reppedWdym unless i longterm repped? Cuz i kinda did (6+ years considering i might be trans before getting on E). Tho it was more "questioning" (if im trans) than repping but also sometimes repping.Also my problem is that the doubts arent "sometimes" they are almost daily if not like hourly :C
>>43123665cisbians often have their sexual awakening in the mirror
>>43123683If you’re not getting turned on by it then it’s not autogynephilia
>>43123683>I don't think anyone does that except like sissy hypno peopleOk i gotta defend my people here a bit. I was unfortunately a sissy hypno person for a while when i repped lol.Its part of the reason i repped so long, but also part of the reason i suspect i am trans, cuz my entire sexuality has basically been just force-fem adjacent kink since i turned 12 or so. Idk if i ever had a normal male sexuality lol.Plus the longer it went on the less the "forced" part became important to me and it became more and more repper coded smut including stuff just straight up made for/by trans women instead of sissy shit.(eg: boyremoval greentexts are a lot closer in vibes to some more repper/trans coded feminization smut that is out there than some of you would like to admit i think)Point is i did all that shit and still never cranked my hog to my own appearance.
>>43123736>How did it change afterwards? Did you start doubting less?Yeah I guess I just completely quit having those thoughts and doubts after a while once it became so normal I quit thinking about it. >Its so stupid i can go form being happier than ive ever been about anything, because i looked more female in the mirror or i liked how my breasts looked, to not being sure if im even trans and being scared that i might hate having boobs and that i might regret this and will have to get top surgery...Yeah I mean I used to get all those thoughts. Like I would just be sitting there and think damn this is weird as fuck what if I'm making a mistake what if I'm not a real trans person. This was all a long ass time ago. >Wdym unless i longterm repped?Like someone in their 30s or 40s that ended up dead as fuck inside until they snapped.
>>43123665>>43123747Yeah ik i (OP) mostly just used AGP to like indicate that im conflicted because it happens much more when i see myself in third person than first person.Like i dont think i had much (if any?) "happy crying till i sob"-level of happy episodes outside of when i saw myself in the mirror.Like in first person theres still stuff to appreciate, like the feeling of having sth a bit more on my chest. Or that i like much more how soft my skin is. Or how much clearer my skin looks and how much less veiny my hands are. Or how my body hair seems to grow a good bit slower and thinner. Or how my dick & balls are a bit smaller and less annoying now (less/no random erections/mostly staying just soft and smaller).But these mostly net like a brief smile or sth, not protracted episodes of sobbing in front of the mirror because im happy in completely novel ways i have never experienced before.Plus HRT nuked my sex drive (which is mostly quite nice but occasionally a lil annoying), so maybe theres a chance id be cranking it if i felt like this and was still on T? Idk tho ofc.
>>43123792> Yeah I guess I just completely quit having those thoughts and doubts after a while once it became so normal I quit thinking about it. [...] Yeah I mean I used to get all those thoughts. Like I would just be sitting there and think damn this is weird as fuck what if I'm making a mistake what if I'm not a real trans person. This was all a long ass time ago.Good to hear that theres a way out, i really hope i can get there too...Currently it literally just changes hourly whether i think my doubts actually have a point.Or if im relatively sure that evidence like the 800+ pictures and videos i have of myself grinning about hrt effects, in some of them straight up with visible teary eyes because i was so happy, almost definitely imply im doing the right thing and at the very least should keep trying it out for a bit longer.Ive also done shit like track how often i get happy about HRT effects in a week, or how often i like/get happy about my breasts (because breast growth is still the effect that scares me the most, everything else is 100% desireable to me). And im averaging like 18 times per week being happy about HRT effects and 11 times per week about my breasts specifically lol.> Like someone in their 30s or 40s that ended up dead as fuck inside until they snapped.Thats also part of what keeps me going. If i dont stick to it now, what are the chances ill just regret not doing it now when im in my 30s? I already often regret not doing or at least trying it earlier and repping for over half a decade instead.
>>43123863>Currently it literally just changes hourly whether i think my doubts actually have a point.The rate at which you're doing it is probably more to do with just being an anxious type of person idk. >Thats also part of what keeps me going. If i dont stick to it now, what are the chances ill just regret not doing it now when im in my 30s? I already often regret not doing or at least trying it earlier and repping for over half a decade instead.Yeah that was my mindset too.Idk I wish I had more helpful stuff to say I'm kind of drunk
>>43124181>The rate at which you're doing it is probably more to do with just being an anxious type of person idk.Yeah maybe thats the thing, i am a super anxious and indecisive person, so to a degree it makes sense that id be like this lol.But still the fact that the doubting is so constant (basically hourly), distressing, and has been going on for a while now (since around the start of the year) makes me scared there might be sth more to it :C.> Idk I wish I had more helpful stuff to say I'm kind of drunkNp it already helped a lil to know im not the only one who felt like this before. In my mind a "real" trans woman would just be happy and certain they are doing the right thing the entire time and completely certain theyd want breasts etc. So its good to hear that others have felt like this before and came out the other end still being pretty certain it was the right thing to do.>>43123641> not sure how common it isIm also not sure but this is far from the first time ive complained about feeling this sort of uncertainty (here and in other spaces). And at this point i got feedback along the lines of "i was like that for the first year/first few months as well" a couple of times already i think.So it doesnt seem to be entirely unusual/uncommon.
