Scream into the void with me, /lgbt/MTF/31/PNWI truly deserve death and forced detransition.Transition has been an attempt at escape from my karmic debt - to live as though the years from 17-27 never happened. It’s been toxic positivity and an attempt to hide. I haven’t ever even fully committed to it. One foot in the coping habits developed in my repping years and one foot in the mindset outside of those years. It’s why I can never let love in, why I bristle at compliments. I am a liar and a fraud playing demure and innocent while I neglect my community. I fetishize care, nurturing, and community because it feels like it offers atonement but then never do the work. Endless cycle. At the end of the day I’m just a lazy, entitled faggot who won the passing lottery and is a silent poison in my community. My life has been falling apart every day since starting HRT 4 years ago. More distant, more shallow, more obsessed with men and stupid pleasure. Yet so disgustingly masculine in my tastes, habits, and karma. Just shit. Detransition has been heavy on the mind. Not out of want for masculinity, but for necessity of honesty and a refusal of something that feels undeserved, the acceptance of a pain, a sacrifice.Maybe it’s time I donate all of my belongings, clothes, HRT and just go be a woodland firefighter and die for my home. It’s all I’m good for. My energy never disappears. I’ve worked a physical job the last year and went from a little femboy to a top-heavy monstrosity with no ass. My body has turned to that of a whole-ass man with the face of a 23 year old girl. I’m so fucking stupid and gross and a complete drag on society. I had a chance when I was 15 to DIY and I wussied out and repped for 12 years. Waste.I do sometimes fantasize about meeting an abusive man who locks me in a cage and forces me to stop eating and be a good maid so at least my stupid biological estrogen urges could finally be put to good use. Fuck this shit.
that was a lot of words for IWNBAWWW. Learn how to write.
I'm so tired of being disappointed by trans women. All of them need or want help in one way or another but then never accept any actual help to better themselves. If the least amount of effort is required, they just give up right away. None of them really act like girl friends, I can never find someone who will just hang out with me like I would with my cisf friends
>>43132391>tfw no bf
>>43132391portland?
>>43132391My sister hates me, im out here for a memorial and she's left me cooped up in a shitty hotel room doing nothing but drawing and painting because of how things went between us years ago she rightfully despises my existence.Im so close to killing myself and the only reason I haven't is I can't do it this close to my gma dying.I genuinely believe she just likes to make me suffer at this point. At least she said goodbye to our gma, even if I couldn't.My bank is empty almost and in a few days im gonna be camping or im a shelter instead of in a hotel so I don't miss another loved ones funeral. Im surviving entirely off of vodka and cigarettes bc I can't afford food and don't deserve it anywayShe hates me and I hope our next life comes soon because I don't think I can fix this one."Your my little sister but you act more like my big brother"It would be easier to be either if you didn't close me off. But it's what I deserve.
that’s lucky i dont pass at all
>>43132391go to therapy now
