I love this person too much and can't let it go. We had such a good relationship and I was nothing but selfish and immature. Idk what I'm even asking here. I want to drive across the country and find them at their job and explain that I'm sorry and that I'm different than what they think of me. Picrel is me being insane
>>43136753I fucked up in so many ways
>>43136768I replied a couple months later trying to give them space and it just makes me look insane. I feel insane and misunderstood and it's completely my fault
>>43136783And this is the last thing they sent me in December. Their birthday is coming up
>>43136795>you are 27, be your own fucking person>you understand that you're fucked up but don't want to do anything about it>I don't owe you forgiveness and acceptance back in my life. Ever. Even if you do changeSounds like they're the reasonable person and you're the cretin.Leave them alone you retard!The world doesn't revolve around you and your precious feelings and needs. Other people have feelings and needs too.
>>43136826I don't understand what you're saying. I agree with what they said and I think they were just saying it for themselves. I have never lived my life in a way where I put my feelings first, I've always done the opposite and I don't even think that's a good path to take. I think that's partly why this relationship crumbled, I didn't have a good sense of self or my own boundaries. So it just made them feel like I was neglectful of them, and not just dealing with my own problems.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong in my life. I feel like everything I do is me subconsciously trying to get some kind of love or appreciation from something but none of it has worked and it either hurts me or them.I've been detransitioning for the last couple of months and now I want to go back on for some fucking reason. I really hope I get in a car accident and die today
>>43136753what's with all the bpdemon threads lately.
lol average theyfab and mtf relationship
>>43137196What about this is bpd at allBPD is a stupid catchall phrase that you can just pin on anyone who's having difficulty in life
>>43137223>lol average theyfab and mtf relationshipHow to I kill myself and stop being a tropeI would detrans and be whatever they want me to be. I wish they gave me a chance to learn
>>43137242bruh there's no way i was actually right on the nose... this is too funny... heteros are too predictable
Its like you get one chance to show someone who you are and never get to change that. Feeling misunderstood by someone who you revealed every part of yourself to hurts so much >>43137260Everything in life is a sad predetermined trope and im scared that I'm destined to die alone. Why couldnt I just have met them earlier and been more secure with myself
My autistic brain is telling me to drive across the country and find them at their job and beg for forgiveness
I haven't read the entire thing, but please don't look for advice here, or from strangers on the internet in general. I have been through a tough break-up myself and can get what you're feeling. We are all messed up in one way or another, and places like this can't provide empathy or understanding. I'm sure you are worthy of love and being understood. Try finding someone in your life who knows you and share your feelings with them. I wish you well.
>>43137227Agreed>>43137315I don't think they'll take it well my friend
This is unhealthy obsession and you need to leave this person alone
>>43136753leave them alone jesus christ. its clear you were a horrible partner and they dont want anything to do with you anymore. you need to grow the fuck up.
>>43137227no, we pin it on people who destroy others through socialization and then deny all responsibility. BPD is just another label they use to deny responsibility.
>>43137315in the messages you’ve shared, they’ve made it abundantly clear they do not want to talk to you. don’t do this. it’s unambiguous
>>43136853>I have never lived my life in a way where I put my feelings first That you're aware of.There's no text message that can repair things with them. All you can do is act in accordance with values that they will respect or admire and cultivate yourself as someone with self-worth and those things you lack. I also recommend you learn to express yourself artistically. If you can follow this path then only then is there a chance you'll get back together.
>>43137315this is more ocd than autism
>>43137371>its clear you were a horrible partnerI'm 28, never even conceptualized what being in a relationship would be like, and made mistakes. Its bewildering to me that so many people see that as a permanent deficit. >>43137394Well Im not "BPD" nor denying any responsibility. All of this is entirely my fault and I knew they were mistakes right when they happened. These weren't conscious decisions, they were fuck ups and misunderstandings that all added up.>>43137403I wish that was true
How about you respect their obvious wishes and leave them alone?
>>43137459I think this is someone who has no other options so when their one relationship is over they go completely psychotic about trying to fix it
I got really sad when my girlfriend left me but she obviously didn't want me back so I left her alone. Something to think about
>>43137473nah this is like textbook ocd
>>43137459Because I think a lot of this is a misunderstanding, and I think that they don't actually hate me. I think it was just a lot of intense feelings and I fumbled a lot of my responsibility in making them feel appreciated.That's why I feel like I need to drive out there, to show them how much I actually did care about them.
>>43137448>>43137482What about this is OCD? I don't see what's OCD about it. I do have tourettes and people say thats related to ocd
>>43136753Please find some personal goals to work on that do not require the attention of another person to validate your own self worth, babe.
>>43137483they're surrounded by people that are validating them right now, that are probably reading all of your messages and even helping them to write those messages to you, reassuring them that you fucked up and they're right to hate you etc.you gotta move on, you will not fix things or find closure with this person. driving out to see them in person will definitely make things a lot worse for you and reaffirm whatever it is they believe about you. this is messy human relationships unfortunately. i hope you have an rl friend to give you a hug.the internet, strangers are not good places for advice for this kind of shit, everyone's projecting shit onto you and your situation including me
>>43137498i swear ive seen you post here before and in the texts you posted the other person said it's been going on for 6 months, so it's not something newyou're excessively ruminating and obsessed over winning this person back to the point you're willing to drive across the country to confront them in person, despite the fact they've clearly said several times they "hate you, never want to see you again, and laugh at your texts with their friends"everything here reads as very compulsive because despite everything going on you're still wanting to engage to take control over the situation/your feelingsit's actively detrimental to both you and this other person and whatever you think will come of this is certainly not the case, i really hope you look into OCD and find some support for this because it's really not fair for the both of you and everyone deserves some relief in this situation
>>43137483You want this to be the case but as an outside observer, no. If I was them and you turned up on my doorstep after a cross country drive I'd call the cops
>>43136768I don't know how you can read this and not understand that it is irreparably over. Please find another obsession. This person does not want any association with you.
You have been harassing this person for months. You have been repeatedly blocked and you have circumvented those blocks. If you acted this way where I'm from you would be committing a criminal offense.
>>43136853>I agree with what they saidthen why are you trying to see or contact them again?
>>43137483they literally tell you that you saying that their feelings are just due to misunderstandings is wrong, and they actually want nothing to do with you. take them at their word. right now you very clearly don’t care about them as a person, just as a prize to be won. leave them alone, please
>>43137455>I'm 28, never even conceptualized what being in a relationship would be like, and made mistakes. Its bewildering to me that so many people see that as a permanent deficit.Nobody is saying that. We aren't saying you can't be a good partner for someone else. We're telling you that this ship in particular has sailed. Leave them alone.
>>43137483never give up on love, op!
it's been 2 hours since op's last replyop you better not be driving to their workplace
>>43138724im not. everyone is right and it would make it worse. i feel awful
>>43136753I'm going to be honest, there is a really high chance that the person you've trauma bonded with was just as bad for you as you were to them. You write like a stock holme'd abuse victim, not a normal person. I'm sure you were a massive delusional piece of shit too. But you need to get help, even if you got back together she's not going change and you clearly haven't changed. She'll end up mistreating you, you'll go crazy, and you'll try to take accountability for the entire relationship when it was never going to work. Please just get help, your BPD can be resolved by pursuing DBT and once you find self worth and esteem you'll both treat people better and be treated by people better. I'm not telling you to hate her, but you need to be more realistic here instead of self flagellating yourself over someone who likely has just as many issues as you given her narcissistic replies. Get help dude, this chick will drive you to suicide and she literally won't care that she did if you don't. That's the hard truth that's difficult to accept. All the love she had for you? It was a product of her disorders. It was never real. You never had a chance. Even if you treated her right it would have blown up. The fact that you both had issues may have made you bond to her harder, but she has no qualms about you self destructing over how things went. She's moved on and is probably making another guy's life miserable as we speak. You need to cut your losses and try to rebuild yourself so you have the self respect not to get involved with that again.
>>43136753>>43136768>>43136783>>43136795It sounds like this relationship was not healthy for either of you. You may be putting all the blame on yourself and idealizing her at the same time. There are concepts here you should probably research and be aware of:-Trauma Bond-BPD-Black & White ThinkingYou deserve to feel stable and respected, and that probably won’t happen if you stay stuck on this. It might really help to talk to someone or look into therapy like DBT. Not because you’re broken, but because you’re struggling and deserve support.Try to focus on rebuilding yourself instead of trying to fix what already ended. I can't say, with certainty, what the dynamics of your relationship truly were but I can say that your case seems a fairly common case of BPD and trauma bonding.It's important to note that relationships are complex and that there's no true 'good' and 'bad' side. Your emotions are completely dysregulated to the point that, even if she were a particularly good person, she wouldn't be able to handle you. I'm not saying that to put you down. If you were capable of doing a fair, self aware, review of yourself right now you'd notice the instability and recognize that you're in a panicked state that spells danger for yourself and others. I advise you disconnect from the internet, speak to real life family or friends, and pursue therapy.
>>43138764One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with, coming out my 5 year relationship, was that nothing I could say or do could change the situation, that no amount of clarification, explanation or atonement could change the fact that the man in front of me no longer loved me.And it hurt.We were practically attached at the hip, planned to get married, spent and experienced so much together, so much of my life was attached to him, us.But that was that.Whatever was said is said, and whatever was done is done, and whatever we do we cannot change the past, only move forward and atone for it.I still loved him, cared for him, and as such, while it was painful to accept, I had to let him go.I wanted him to be happy, but I had to accept that, despite the fact I wanted to be the one to make him happy, it would never happen.It took me years to "get over", but the only way we can do so is by moving forwards in life, leaving the old life behind and forging a new one. I did nothing but smoke weed for ages and cry. I stalked socials, it kept setting me back. There was a lot of trauma bonding to unwind. He monkey branched to someone we mutually knew. It really hurt to process.Remember: the person in your head that you remember, isn't them anymore. It's romanticized, the best parts, limerance. They're a different person now. It's not reality. That relationship doesn't exist.They've moved on, and now you have to try and move on. For your own sake as much as theirs.
>>43136768>>43136795Honestly this person seems like an immature narcissist and you seem like you're just going to be another victim at this rate. Why do you think she responded at all? She gets a kick out of seeing you suffer. She'll be happy when you kill yourself. You need to wake up dude, bitches ain't shit.
>>43136753are you mtf, op?
Nigga I ain't reading this fucking bible. Learn to summarize shit. Also, from the comments you're digging yourself up to a restraining order.
feels like a trauma bond breakup support group in here atm it's kinda nice and makes me feel less alonelove you OP
man the bitch sounds toxic, just get over her and find someone worthwhile
thanks for the support and advice i appreciate it. I do have to say that i really wasnt being attentive and i did say some awful things, so this isnt just them being callous. I do have a problem with how I attach to people and im not gonna bother them anymore. thanks
>>43136768She was cooking you before the slurs thing. Maybe I'd let it pass if she contained it in a sentence or two.Anyways, I'm usually an optimist on such things but it seems to me that it's fucking over. Be glad that she gave you the closure with multiple long texts.
>>43140082we get that retard but you're clearly trying to crucify yourself over a toxic bitch, get the fuck offline and go to therapy nigga
Lmao I remember these being posted a few months ago. You have to let people like this go, all she does is catastrophize what youve said/done due to never liking you in the first place and wanting an out because shes obviously not queer. Theyfabs are tricky, self centered, and manipulative like that. She was sent to further your destruction of self instead of heal you
fucking crazy that you were writing your messages yourself but hers are clearly just an LLMdisgusting behaviourshe was at fault too
>>43140376>catastrophize what youve saidthey've had their own issues with abandonment and already gave me multiple chances before >wanting an out because shes obviously not queerI would easily detransed for them. And I kinda already am
>>43140559my nigga i swear to god you need to log tf out. you let a bitch abuse you for months upon months and are too trauma-whipped to realize it. get to therapy. or church. or somethin nigga. talk to your mom. your friends. tf you doin here?
