Sometimes I feel like a woman trapped in a disgusting hulking man bodyBut only sometimesLike I'm AMAB and I've presented as male my whole life. My identity is as a man. And 95% of the time i'm OK with that. I feel perfectly ok being a boy, comfortable in my own skin. I'll look at myself and say "damn, bench presses have been paying off." But every once in a while this crippling dysphoria comes over me and I'll spend days avoiding mirrors and becoming jealous every time I see a woman. I feel the intense urge to become slim, wish I was a twink, start eating next to nothing. I'll stare at my disgusting stomach and think about how much I wish I could just slice myself open and take out the fat and muscle. I'll open the box of panties and bras I have in the back of my closet and wear them and I'll feel almost ok, before I see myself in the mirror and realize I look like a conservative troon basedjak. Then after a couple of days, it just goes away. I forget about the box of girl clothes. I just go back to my normal life. I don't care anymore. I start thinking about growing my beard back out and I wear normal clothes. Sometimes I wonder if it's just some kind of fetish for me and I don't realize it. I started jacking it to sissy porn when I was in high school. I don't know if that was just how I realized I liked the idea of being a girl, or if looking at it for years actually conditioned me to THINK I want to be a girl. Every time I think about posting to a trans forum with this I feel like a fucking fraud because I genuinely don't know if this is who I am or if I'm just making a disgusting fetishised moccery of people's genuine dysphoria. I don't know anymore. I just feel gross, uncomfortable, and confused.
I don't know why 4chan changed "onions jack" to basedjak please just ignore that
>>43138356fucking whatever you all know what I mean
>>43138337is there anything you can think of that leads to these episodes starting or stopping?
>>43138480Not really. I've had them start at malls, at home, seemingly randomly. Stopping just seems to be a matter of time. It usually goes away in a week, I think the longest it's gone for me was 3 weeks.
The idea of being something trapped inside something else is a spook that preys on the depressed and dissatisfied.
>>43138546it seems too inconsistent to be proper dysphoria, and if you want to and like being a guy most of the time i can’t suggest starting hrt in good faith
