manic episode over. here comes a depressive episode ONCE again.this time, i wanna apologize to my ex for dating her edition.even if bpd is a reactive disorder, i still had asspull spirals too often for her comfort throughout the 4 months :/i kinda feel like i wasn't enough as a girlfriend....which is 1 of the several reasons she cheated.she was very very manipulative when she tried getting me back, breaking me further in the process.I did tell her at some point before we were together, that I don't want to burden her with my problems, and now we're here. 5 months kinda-on-point after the breakup, with my sorry ass still mourning the fact I'll never have love again, so probably will she.I'm trying to be open to new people. Being nice to them, treating them with respect, yet near all of them just disappoint me. It ranges from simple stuff like their mental maturity, to leading me on to an elementary school ass humiliation ritual, expecting me to mind read that "oh it's just jokes" "it's the standard here" when I'm being demonized, and gross shit is being forced onto me.Maybe if I wasn't a fucking 19 year old, people who are let's say 25 years old would actually date me. I hate that the year I was born in forbids me from loving people I can, or at least I'm confident I can, somewhat mentally level with.It's jarring to even begin to make friends that are my peers by age. It's like rape-convict humor is Crack 2.0 freshly entering the market and every teenager is going absolute nuts about it.
4 months lolplease don't tell me you were e-dating her
>>43150249No. irl. Cuddled, had sex, etc.
