Okay why is it that every time I ask this question it feels like the whole world goes weirdly silent because everyone else knows but nobody wants to be the one to tell me?

>>43177660
>>43177951
I don't understand the question

>>43177660
>
they wanna suck your gock

>>43177951
The question is too vague. Nobody knows your specific circumstances, nor your personality or that of the guys you're talking to.

It could be too many things if we don't narrow it down. So what are you expecting people to do, just make guesses at that information and print a reply? We're human beings, not ChatGPfuckingT.

>>43178108
>>43178178
I don't understand either tho.
I meet guys on the innerned, usually young and neurodivergent (which is great) and they tick all my boxes, like I got no problem giving these guys hole, but then they get all anxious and talk about emotional connection and shit, and then they seem to be getting less into it and I don't understand, and then they stop talking to me.

Am I just coming on too strong? Or am I not giving them something that they need to feel... something... in order to have a sexual relationship?

How do boys work?

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>>43177660
He wants a slow burn romance like in an anime. You hang out as friends, get more personal about your backstories, and become emotionally open about your quirks and issues. Eventually you become a "best friend" or verified trusted individual that they invite to parties or concerts, where you will inevitably confess your love for each other under a fireworks display.
You know you're in once you've made it to the beach episode.

>>43178339
I understand this post completely. I'm not okay with that.

>>43177660
sounds like you're talking to pooners if you're hearing fag shit like that

>>43177660
Straight man here.

It seems someone beat me to it >>43178178
but I'll tell you what IMO they meant by it, given the context you gave us here >>43178334

When someone's words are vague or ambiguous, JUDGE THEIR ACTIONS and check for CONGRUENCE (or lack thereof) between what they SAY and what they DO.
>like I got no problem giving these guys hole, but then they get all anxious and talk about emotional connection and shit, and then they seem to be getting less into it and I don't understand, and then they stop talking to me.
Translation: "They're looking for emotional connection, AND THEY'RE NOT FINDING IT WITH YOU".
So in essence they didn't CLICK with you as much as you clicked with them, and thus they said that as a JUSTIFICATION to later stop meeting with you.

>Am I just coming on too strong? Or am I not giving them something that they need to feel... something... in order to have a sexual relationship?
Maybe you are coming too strong, maybe not, but it DOESN'T MATTER, but the reality of the situation is that for whatever reasons they didn't feel enough attraction for you to PURSUE a romantic relationship with you. And there's nothing you can do about it, because everyone has their own personal taste and standards regarding that and can't be forced.

Instead of trying to force something that you've no control over and that clearly isn't working, MOVE ON and meet new guys until you find one that is really into you and isn't a coward unable to say what they feel.

Tl;dr: It was a soft rejection. Sorry.

>>43179600
How to be more emotionally connectable to increase the number of potential romantic partners?

Why don't boys like me?

>>43179658
>How to be more emotionally connectable to increase the number of potential romantic partners?
1) You're ALREADY emotionally connectable since you went ahead and chatted with the guys (instead of being purely passive and expecting them to come talk to you and carry the conversation).
2) It's not about how sociable or approachable you are (Besides, it's a MAN's job to approach women), it's about ATTRACTION.

I'll put it in simpler terms: they didn't find you attractive enough (either sexually and/or personality wise) for THEIR taste.
You're NOT to blame, it's just the chemistry with those guys wasn't mutual.

>Why don't boys like me?
I don't know why THOSE guys didn't like you, but what I'm sure is that statistically SOME boys WILL like you. And your responsibility is to LOOK FOR THEM and make yourself available for them to chat you up and see if you like each other enough to go further.

>>43179753
P.S. Sorry about the caps. They're for emphasis.

>>43179753
>I'm sure is that statistically SOME boys WILL like you.
I'm not.

Can't I just change the way I talk to guys so that they'll feel more emotionally connected because I'm understanding their wants and needs a way that is more emotionally satisfying for them creating the romantic bonds with mindful presence instead of just waiting for crazy random happenstance to maybe one day plonk me in the lap of a boy who actually likes me?

I don't know if you've noticed by guys are kinda fucked up these days. I really don't think "just wait and see" is going to cut it.

>>43179792
>I'm not.
I seriously doubt it. Even if you didn't pass at all and had a bad (unpleasant for the majority of people) personality (which AFAIK is not the case), a number of men WILL definitely find you attractive.
You don't have to believe me, just take a look at GAY MEN COUPLES (or hell, even STRAIGHT CIS COUPLES). Men's sexual standards and preferences can vary to an extreme degree.

It's a numbers game: you have to keep meeting new guys until you find one that really likes you.
Some women have it easier, others don't, but ultimately there is no such thing as a trans or biological woman that SOME men won't find hot and dateable.

>Can't I just change the way I talk to guys so that they'll feel more emotionally connected because I'm understanding their wants and needs a way that is more emotionally satisfying for them creating the romantic bonds with mindful presence
You can only "improve" your personality and behavior (i.e. become more sociable and pleasant to interact with) to some extent. Besides, it makes no sense for you to FAKE a personality that doesn't feel good for you to get someone to like you. Otherwise you'd have to wear that facade for the rest of the relationship and you would get really stressed acting in a way you don't like.
What I recommend on this point is that you ask advice on how to better socialize from close relatives and trusted friends you have known IRL for a long time and who therefore KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH to give you better advice on how to behave in a more effective/better manner.

>instead of just waiting for crazy random happenstance to maybe one day plonk me in the lap of a boy who actually likes me?
It's NOT about waiting passively. Only very attractive biological women can afford to be LAZY (because they have a massive pool of potential mates). You as a transwoman (regardless of your beauty) have no choice but to put more EFFORT into meeting guys, because the pool of men interested in transwomen is considerably lower.

>>43180021
P.S. The solution is for you to keep meeting new guys, WHILE you self-improve or better some aspects of your personality and looks (if that's really needed).

Also consider that the guys you met were, in your words, "young and neurodivergent" (I.e. inexperienced and autistic) so don't take their rejection too harshly.
As far as we know they might have been virgin anons who aren't really into transgirls but accepted your offer out of curiosity or desperation. In which case it wouldn't be surprising if they later changed their mind.
Alas it seems some sexually deprived men choose to give transgirls a chance out of desperation rather than genuine interest. Never feel bad about being rejected or losing those.

Anyway, I got things to do, I wish you good luck. And don't give up.

>>43180021
I actually don't think that's true. I understand why that's the way you see it from your perspective, but I think relationships with men take emotional work for women. The super-attractive women, sure, but they just become ornaments and sex-toys and I don't think they like that very much (not that I'd know).

But for ordinary women, women who you don't notice because they don't immediately arouse you and can't possibly be a threat to you, relationships don't just happen, you have to make them happen.

It's not about pretending to be something, it's about improving emotional and interpersonal skills. For an autistic trans woman that would have been a steep af learning curve 40 years ago when men were still mostly mentally healthy, these days the average man at 20 years old has got more PTSD than an african-american WW2 vet.

And there used to be how to operate your man responsibly guides for girls everywhere, but not any more because that's bad for some reason. And I'm pretty sure there's a boyfriend operation manual someone that I didn't get.

>>43179658
Weird autist tranny brain

>>43180439
Speaking.

>>43180238
>but I think relationships with men take emotional work for women
I know. What I'm talking about is the courting/early dating phase. Hence why I said only very attractive biological women can afford to be lazy regarding meeting new guys.

>But for ordinary women, women who you don't notice because they don't immediately arouse you and can't possibly be a threat to you, relationships don't just happen, you have to make them happen.
True. And transwomen have to put more effort than biological ones because the amount of men willing to get into a relationship (and even just a fling, casual sexual relationship or fwb situation) with them is much smaller in number.

What I'm going to say might sound unsavory, but the men who are willing to seriously date transgirls:
1) Need to be, at least to a very small degree, bisexual or open to having sex with someone who is male, and who therefore will NOT look 100% exactly like a biological woman.
Even the most passable transwoman in the universe will have at least SOME subtle features that denote they're male.
The MAJORITY of men are either 100% straight or aren't bisexual/heteroflexible ENOUGH to not get turned off by said features. That's why some men who are curious end up getting cold feet during the process.
2) The men need to be willing to endure the social consequences of openly engaging in a relationship with a person who will make many people in their social circles to judge them negatively.
Despite all the great advances against discrimination, a large part of society still sees gay and bisexual men as lesser men, which is very unfortunate. And the judgement doesn't only come from other men but straight women too.
3) If we're talking about very long term relationships and specially marriage, the men have to be open to the idea of adoption or another alternative if they want to have kids. This isn't an issue for most men in their 20s and even early 30s... but around their mid-30s most men start to think it.

>>43181196
I don't think you've understood the problem.

Getting men to talk to me, knowing full well what I look like and that I'm trans, is very very very easy.
Getting men to keep talking to me is of unknown difficulty because I can't seem to do it and therefore cannot tell you how hard it was after the fact.

>>43179658
do you autism-dump?

>>43177660
they mean "i want to put my head in someome's lap and have them touch my hair and say nice things to me"

>>43181270
I mean, I guess? Like I wait my turn to talk and stuff. But they ask questions and then I answer them.
And I am positively selecting for autists btw.

>>43181272
Maybe I should tell them I would do that.
Wait, how do I tell them I would do that?

>>43181196
(Cont)
4) Even the men who satisfy the conditions above have to be subtle and make an EXTRA EFFORT and take extra risks when it comes to meeting transwomen. They can't ADVERTISE to the world they're looking for transgirls as freely/with no risk as they could with biological women, and to make things worse, transwomen are a minority TOO, and because they're one of the most (if not THE) discriminated groups of the LGBT, understandably they're VERY HARD TO FIND IRL outside of certain venues and contexts.
This forces these two groups of people to interact mostly online, which generally isn't as good compared to interacting face to face in a safe trusted place like a bar, restaurant, etc.
And because online interactions allow people to lie more easily or omit or conceal details about themselves they don't want to communicate to the other person, interactions are more contrived and open to misunderstandings and disappointments.
E.g. IRL you can more easily judge someone intention and perception of you based not only on their words but also their tone, microexpressions, body language, etc. Thus, online interactions don't bring the best results compared to IRL ones, where both people can more effectively judge the other and behave in a more natural/less contrived manner.

>>43181297
send him a text that says you want to do that.

>>43177660
most people dont mean anything with anything they say. They lack the capacity to produce meaning.

>>43181318
It seems like sending that apropos of nothing might be considered weird.
t. expert on being considered weird.

>>43180238
>It's not about pretending to be something, it's about improving emotional and interpersonal skills.
In that case I have nothing against you wanting to improve your social skills. I recommend asking your close family and trusted IRL friends, and your therapist if have one. There's also plenty of books on certain topics such as understanding body language among others.

>that would have been a steep af learning curve 40 years ago when men were still mostly mentally healthy, these days the average man at 20 years old has got more PTSD than an african-american WW2 vet.
The general state of men is not something you or me, or anyone (except the government maybe, if they gave a damn) can change or control, so there's no point in trying to stress about it. Instead focus on things you CAN, to some degree at least.

>And there used to be how to operate your man responsibly guides for girls everywhere, but not any more because that's bad for some reason.
That's not entirely true. Parents and friends still pass their knowledge, and while a lot of things have changed when it comes to dating and relationships, even if you don't have relatives or friends who can advice you, the internet has A TON of information and advice on the topic, since dating is one of the most important aspect of human life.
That said, most of the information is not effective or is suboptimal, but it's better than nothing. Of course, it takes your own deductive capacity and personal experience to judge, try and see what works for you and what doesn't.

>>43181259
>Getting men to keep talking to me is of unknown difficulty because I can't seem to do it and therefore cannot tell you how hard it was after the fact.
You're overthinking it and worrying about things that are NOT your responsibility.
It's MEN's responsibility to pursue and court women. If they're interested it's THEIR JOB to continue the conversation if the woman (i.e. YOU) finds herself unable to.

>>43181466
>You're overthinking it and worrying about things that are NOT your responsibility.
>It's MEN's responsibility to pursue and court women. If they're interested it's THEIR JOB to continue the conversation if the woman (i.e. YOU) finds herself unable to.
That sounds like great advice if I want to die surrounded by hundreds of cats who will eat me when they get hungry enough.
I don't.

>>43181466
(Cont)
And it's not only men's responsibility to pursue, but also to ESCALATE and reciprocate the sexual tension during the conversation.

If you need yourself not knowing how to keep small chat, there's books for that, and you could find tutorials on how to do it even on Youtube. Look for them.

>>43181490
Aren't you dating MEN? What the fuck happened to the newer generations?!

>>43181499
*find yourself
Fixed.

>>43181529
They all got brainfucked by the combination of their neglectful parents, retarded teachers, and toxic mainstream culture.
It is what it is.
I still want a boyfriend, it's not like I'm normal.

>>43181490
Well. If that's truly the case then I guess you'll have no choice but to learn how to lead and/or carry on the conversation in case the men you meet are too awkward or shy to be proactive.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

>>43181462
in what context did he say this, then, are you two dating?

>>43181608
OMG you are literally the least helpful male to ever male.

>>43181751
No, just guys add me on discord and we talk and I think it's going well and then they stop talking to me or block me.

So far this problem has resisted science.

>>43181608
P.S. One more thing.

Excuse me if I'm asking something obvious or being out of touch (I'm a millennial btw), but have you at least arranged or suggested an IRL DATE with any of the men you talked with (assuming they didn't invite you somewhere themselves)?

Because if neither of you have... well, NO WONDER the conversation eventually stalls.
If they don't make a move first then invite them somewhere safe (like a bar that is LGBT friendly, not necessarily a "gay bar", but ideally somewhere you both can have privacy and won't be pestered by other customers).
Hell, even a fucking McDonalds could work if it's in an LGBT friendly area. As long as you see each other and talk face to face it would be an improvement.

That's all. Good luck and good bye.

>>43181823
>OMG you are literally the least helpful male to ever male
My bad for trying to help. Won't happen again.

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>>43177660
they want an emotionally romantic connection. (Which is much deeper)

>>43182092
What website do I buy those from?

>>43182095
grinder i hear works well

>>43178334
Sounds like you're ready to put out on the first date like a grindr buttslut because you're insecure and you try to overcome it by being sexually open, and they want a real romantic relationship where they get to know you a little first to make sure you're not fucking insane, addicted to meth, or gonna give them AIDS.

>>43182140
Can't we do both?

>>43181898
The elephant in the room

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>>43177660
>What to guys mean when they say they're looking for emotional connection but you're already into them?
If I wanted to keep seeing you and fucking you, I wouldn't say stupid shit like that. They're saying that to soften you up, to easily get away from you, they're worried you're gonna be loud about it, and someone will find out they fucked you.
This is the advice i would give a friend, who would tell me "he doesn't know how to break up with someone, after he got want he wanted" - tell em your looking for a meme connection, some emotional shit not working, they're gonna think about that meaningless shit, while you can dump them quietly.

I've said things like this myself, after I regretted fucking someone. It's like paying a prostitute to leave, lie about emotional bullshit, so you can quietly slip away, and not keep it as a "relationship".

It's an excuse to dump you, we don't give a fuck about emotional shit, we're not sticking around unless someone is crazy hot.

>>43184254
b-but they they didn't fuck me.

>>43184317
Ok, maybe they talked to you, wanted to try, and chickened out. Got worried they'll regret it, or they wanted to, but got scared, cause someone might find out.
The emotional part is a lie. Men will fuck anything, without focusing on emotions.

>>43184325
>Men will fuck anything
Except me

>>43184327
What do you look like

>>43177660
You seem very eager in your replies OP and it's endearing, you should give this same energy to the men you're talking to if you aren't already