LGBT mental health thread. Talk about anything related to mental health. Do you take your meds? Are you in therapy? Or maybe you hate both. Wanna kill yourself? Me too! Let's talk about it.
I'll start. Yes, this thread is a thinly veiled justification for me to shitpost about my own issues. I've been depressed as fuck lately and just got put on lurasidone. Allegedly it's really good for bipolar depression but I'm skeptical. Not many psych meds have ever done much for me.I also see my new therapist this week. Nervous about that. I've been struggling to find one that I can build a good working relationship with.
>>43181026> FTM BDD passoid poon> probably OCD or just extreme anxiety trips> sadpost sometimesI sometimes feel bad now that I have transitioned. At first I felt very happy but I've realized the limitations and dysphoria does not really go away. I think with more transition things will feel OK but I really do feel insecure in myself in a way that makes being happy a challenge, but possible. Mentally ill in a way that makes me constantly challenge distortions. Idk. I hope things will get better with time. And effort. At least I am working out now. Idk
>>43181079ya things will be alright, maybe find something to help support yourself to take your mind of the stress.
>>43181026I'm 1.75years into social transition and 8 months on hrt and I've made a lot of progress for myself, lately I can't getting flash backs to my childhood and and trying to come to terms with lost time. I think I'm doing alright I just need to let myself grieve.
>>43181187*keep
>>43181026>MTF ADHD Plural larperI take my meds, spiro, prog, estra, methylphenidate, whateverI slipped into a deep depression in the past half year, lost all the progress we made towards some "Ideal life", decided to so the stupid parent thing and go sober. Haven't smoked weed in like, two months, haven't drank in one. All it did was make us realize we fucking hate life as it is, I could get into some inner dialogue between everyone but what's the point, it'll either come across as attention whoring or cringe. We've been suicidal since middle school, we never expected transitioning, moving out, dating someone new or any of that to fix us, and y'know what? It didnt. The only time one of us feels real is when we're watching blood drip from organized styro. Otherwise it's just an overwhelming, constant fog, nothing ever feels quite real, it's just a waking dream. It's stupid because we're plural but it literally feels like we're on autopilot.Plurality didn't help either, we decided to delve into it more years ago, we'd been doing it since middle school but one of our friends said it sounded like "zomg you're a system" so we actually tried to structure ourself. Now it's just, loud, and endless, none of us know how to talk to eachother to reach a conclusion, it's the same macrocosm of screaming it was before there's just faces on each of them now, and we have to make sure we're "giving each one the space to express themselves". Our boyfriend says he's plural but he just uses it as a way to express himself like fucking tone indicators. Our ex got it, and we still talk, but I forsake her for my current partner because he's more sustainable to one of us and it's fucking stupid. She gets to make all of the decisions for us even though the rest of us are fucking miserable, and there's never going to be anything we can do about it but whine about it online and maybe one day get lost in a comatose high state 24/7 again.(1/?)
>>43181187I feel you on the lost time aspect. I'm 29. I will never get to experience my youth as myself.
I am on adderall for add and perphenazine for DID
i hate when my favorite person talks about having other friends. i would feel more content if they only talked to me and maybe one other person. knowing they dont like me as much as i like them makes me sad but they make me happy so i can ignore it somwhat. all of their friends are weirdo freaks anyway. i fantasize about hurting their friends sometimes or threatening to dox them if they kept talking to my friend. whats keeping me from doing that stuff is knowing those people make my friend happy. i wouldnt want to hurt my friend.thanks for coming to my ted talk. itll be a few more days unil i can vent to my therapist about stuff so this thread is convenient
>>43181217I dont even remember where we were going to go from here, we shouldnt even be doing this, we'll just end up a lolcow for some fuckass lore collector because two of us decided we needed a fucking trip.We have mixed opinions about literally everyone and everything, sometimes most of us can agree but it makes talking genuinely with people impossible because it immediately requires we dump a fucking census of everyone in our system and it's insufferable, to both put up with and to watch.Who actually cares about each of our opinions on some fuckass topic like butter on the kitchen table, it doesn't matter!! So all it does is reinforce an incapability to talk to people, and half of the time we're so busy internally we forget people even exist and it makes people think we hate them. Personally?? People are expendable, nothing is permanant and I shouldnt have to give a fuck about maintaining the relationships we have just because we're too busy with existing in our fucked up observer state.Idk, what's the point, none of this is real, this is just vomit on some board to people who don't care on a device that provides illusions and lies. I'm glad Harlotte and Echo get a kick out of talking here, we sure need more mindless fucking self desecrative shit to do.
>>43181026therapy is a MLM scam right? I have major depression and debating on giving up and going in. The fact they can throw me in the psych ward scares me
>>43181274They can't throw you in the psych ward unless you tell them you are actively suicidal or something. I've been in therapy for years and I just lie about that part when relevant. Never been sent to grippy sock jail involuntarily.
>>43181279I have suicidal thoughts, yes. Seems like lying kind of defeats the point. Even if I don't get into that, it seems like adult daycare or a jobs program. I don't see how talking for 50 minutes a week would do anything.I've had probably around 10 sessions between 3 therapists. idk
I have completely checked out of life for the past 2 years. I already had basically no real friends, and 2 years ago my ex cheated on me with a pedophile, and in the ensuing mental breakdown my only IRL friend sexually assaulted me because it turned out they had 'secretly' been jealous and wanted me for sex while openly admitting they had no interest in a real relationship - not that I wanted one with them either. from this I have come to the conclusion that basically everyone is functionally a sociopath. everyone I tell my story to says I deserve so much better and they hope things work out for me and blah blah blah. ive been told a million times over at this point that im a good person and im kind or whatever the fuck but I just dont care anymore. if the world was remotely fair or anyone cared about 'doing the right thing' someone, anyone wouldve intervened, at any point in my life prior. the only thing I want, and the only thing that could convince me not to off myself, is the right kind of person wanting to have a relationship with me. full on "manic pixie dreamgirl" shit. if I was actually just attracted to generic dudes none of this ever wouldve happened to me but I am cursed with an attraction to femininity in the physical, but exclusively traits and personalities I have never once seen in a woman.
>>43181300If you're suicidal you likely have other issues that you *can* talk about without mentioning the suicidality explicitly. I'm just a stranger on the internet though, I don't give a shit if you go to therapy.
>>43181026my mental health feels better on just E than any other meds I've ever takenwant to see a therapist so I can qualify for surgeries but none in my area who will actually meet in person (thanks covid) and there are things I just can't talk about over the phone when my family could hear
>>43181340this 100%. suicidality isn't something that exists on its own or that comes up on its own, there's often a lot to talk about behind it. as well, talking about struggles with suicidality isn't mutually exclusive with doing meaningful work and staying out of the psych ward. i know i've gotten a lot out of it and am doing a lot better for having engaged it in the work. trust is a very important thing here and its worth finding someone you can trust and being open about your concerns and struggles>t. someone who is very familiar with being hospitalized for suicidality and spent 2.5 years living in a long term psychiatric residential facility but does outpatient work these days while talking about present suicidal thoughts and urges and going to uni
>MTF schizophrenic autistI have no money for therapy or my HRT, benzos, sleep aid, or ssris, but luckily I can afford a psychiatrist and one of my antipsychotics. I feel the good part of my life has ended, I was always miserable, but for a while when I was boymoding I was making enough money and was pleased/hopeful with the hondose I could afford. I had a psychotic break and walked out on my job six months ago. Now I'm drowing in debt and halted my transistion and my life. I have a roof over my head and food, but the fear of running out of food and the dysphoria of being a fat moid triggered an eating disorder. I have crippling anxiety every waking moment. I think it can get better, my new job gives me a pitiful 12 hrs/week and I haven't been able to find anyone that takes a troon. My debt isn't so terrible I couldn't pay it off in a year or two living at home, but I'm SOL rn.
>>43181265You need to pick a direction for your system and stick to it. I'm sorry life if rough right now.-system
>>43181274pirate the DBT workbook. if you've already decided to give up before you started, you're hopeless, but DBT is what saved me after 13 pointless psych ward stays in my teen years
>>43181534zamn how do you do 13 rounds in the psych ward b4 trying DBT, they were thrusting that onto me in the psych ward and making go do DBT phps. personally i didn't get much out of DBT (tho i know many ppl who find it immensley helpful), just kinda annoying to have to do the same workbook over and over again, especially considering that its indicated to not retry after doing it once if it isn't helpful. issues around being out of control were never really my problem
>>43181441What scares me is I cannot remember who I am. Who was I before this brainwormed husk? Was I always this obsessed with my voice, hair, and shoulders? Did I have real thoughts? Did I ever complete a task? I had so many loved ones. I look them all in their beautiful faces and feel nothing. My poor girlfriend.
>>43181579I tried to come out in my teen years and was treated as a stupid tranny instead of a schizophrenic. It took several doctor changes outside of that for my psychosis to even be taken seriously. Retard doctors in rural hospitals, more like jail, not much group therapy was ever done.
>>43181592i think even pre-transition i had a very hard time with identity, sometimes i don't really feel like anyone and i know my memories all fucked from ECT (and probably some brain damage from a suicide attempt too) so it's hard to remember things and to the identify with them. makes me doubt a lot of what i can remember, none of it really feels real. nothing feels as real as the fear about my future. idk ig i do have moments that are nice and beautiful and feel real, especially when im backpacking in the mountains, when i think about that it feels real and it feels comforting to think about.>>43181637ah that makes sense, psychwards really seem to vary in quality. i quickly found one to be a regular at b4 i went to the long term residential and it was very nice. im sorry you had to deal with untreated psychosis, i have friends who have really struggled with it and even treatment that is for it but just not quite right for whatever reason can be devastating.
>>43181026Estrogen made me start having psychedelic visuals when i woke up once and it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. Someone said its because if you ever took lsd it can stay in your fat cells and be metabolized when fat is burned. My ocd was pretty bad for a few weeks after. My ocd is also genuinely disabling and makes me notice multiple things that I cant do anymore because they cause bad luck when I do them, even when I try to do them anyway as an "exposure" (as in exposure response prevention therapy). I also was a fucking passoid on estrogen but had to quit taking it for this reason. I also started getting bad luck when I planned to do an injection and ended up throwing out the vial because of a bad mini ocd episode. Watching myself look like a fucking man again after getting off estrogen was depressing. I also have slight breast growth now so I can never be comfortable in a t shirt in public again. I also had weird supernatural stuff happen to me on estrogen but im scared to talk any more about it because its nighttime. This board certainly fucked my life up a bit, although it did make me realize i do have dysphoria and it at least taught me about plucking facial hair
>>43181975I also fucking hate using pictures of Light because it makes think im evil for wanting to take estrogen and I'm not justified in my decisions morally like how he was because he used the death note to kill people and the whole story is like a moral debate about whether or not he was really evil because he was trying to make the world better by only killing wrongdoers but I just like using pics of him because he's male and good looking. I also think it's a sign that I'm gonna lose if i try to transition like how Light lost in the end of the story. I overthink everything because i have a lot of life problems.
I'm an mtf therapist who posts on here sometimes. Mental health is bad and a lot of trannies don't have jobs to afford therapy sessions so I do a lot of sessions probono or reduced rate. My own mental health is not doing that great either. Feeling like the collapse of America is imminent and we'll be the first on the chopping block. It's kinda funny in that I have a lot of the same fears as my clients and help them through the things I'm scared of too. Sometimes I think that makes me a bad therapist but all my girls keep coming back so I guess they're getting something out of it.
>>43181274It's bad if you are mentally unwell but it's great if you are looking for skill development, CBT is amazing and helped me communicate in an HR approved manner
>>43182412thank you for doing a good thing. i hope my insurance gets approved soon so i can begin talking with someone
>>43181026Depressed, bulimic, paranoid and agoraphobic. Been in-patient a few times. Need meds to not kill myself but it didn't really do much but take the edge off. Wish I could try ketamine or something.
>>43182412I was effectively doing this for a long time and managed to help a good number of people, so I started to go to school to make it my actual job. Wasn't specifically looking to be a therapist for trans women, mostly just people who were terminally online shut-ins, a lot of them didn't trust therapists and viewed it as a scam cause the ones they'd been to had basically just ignored everything they said or just acted as yesmen and I hated that about the practice. Anyways, after the last person I stopped from killing themselves went on the person my ex cheated on me with (see >>43181305 ) I feel like the goal was utterly pointless. There's a million and one problems in the world and it feels like no one does anything about any of it and when I tried to do what I could about a small slice I was punished for giving a shit, so maybe the world should just rot.
i am dead and there is nothing
>>43181026I take my meds because without them I'd be dead. Vyvanse keeps me alive in the day and weed at night. I speak to nobody most days and have no friends and very limited family.I think traditional therapy isn't helpful to most people, but I'm a cynic judging off my own personal experience. It's something built as a product to hit KPIs around practices that I think most of us understand innately but struggle practicing. Maybe it's better if your life is stable, which isn't the case for those most in need. For people like me who's lives are unstable I think counselling is better - personally I do better with a pseudo parental figure nurturing and nursing me through my life, back to my feet until I can stand on my own. That's how I treat it anyways, weird as it sounds.
"mental health" was just a quirky trend for teenage foids during the pandemic, it's not a real thing
>>43181026Mental health is when you are irresponsible and self destructive in an amusing way instead of a vicious way
>>43181975I used to have severe OCD but it went away with time. You kinda just have to keep going doing the things that give you "bad luck" until you stop caring.
>>43181026I'm a 23yo mtf LGBTZ woman and take my HRT since i'm 14. My mental health is fine and i'm in a happy relationship with a 22yo that identifies as a german shepherd. He is applying for knot reconstructive surgery rn but i'm scared he will overdo it and it will strech me too hard. Any advice?
>>43181026>mtf 18yo boymoder>high iq, narcisistic, constant mega mood swings. I don't have depression but not a real diagnosis eitherI feel like mental health workers are useless and unprepared for people who doesn't have depression nowadays, and they also have a 0 knowlegde about trans ppl which makes it hell to go forced by my family.>dumb psychologist literally just did an internet personality test on me today>mental health ppl all call me autistic for the sole reason i don't socializeI have suicidal ideations that come from psychosis (yeah yeah laugh, demons talk to me) and it just makes it even more difficult to socialize in general, as I often just wanna chop the head off from ppl that disagree (i think before having opinions and such) and have 0 interest talking to normies>First med i got for my anger made me faint day 2, the other made me a useless piece of meat. Now i can't trust any doctor and just wanna shout for them to go to hellCan't relate to ppl too, everyone seems to be lobotomized by the system or it's just too dumb. I really cannot understand sadness as all I feel is murderous anger towards the one who hurt me (myself included)So yeah, i don't feel lonely I guess. I'm really alone.
>>43184972>You kinda just have to keep going doing the things that give you "bad luck" until you stop caring. It always threatens me with the worst possible outcomes that are just too far to risk it. It's like dealing with a hostage situation but every single fucking scenario involving decision making is the hostage situation and it is going on 24/7. I have experienced this myself as well as heard it from other people, sometimes I've even had dreams where I'm doing ocd compulsions or making decisions with the influence of my ocd. I think if I try to rush at it and attack it by doing all the stuff I'm scared will bring bad luck, I honestly think the outcome could be me being homeless. I'm not in a good situation to do that. But the few times I tried, good things really did happen afterwards, even though the bad luck did happen first. I figured out some things that cause good luck, but I was thinking that if I do them all the time then they will eventually lead to bad luck because change is a fundamental aspect of reality. I think that because of Taoism. So you might be right. It would be hell to bear in the beginning though.
>>43181026It’s pretty hard to not spiral back into horrible depression but focusing more on hobbies that are purely enjoyment and tuning out the evil shit happening in the world has helped. Been a while since I cut, anxiety has gotten pretty bad cuz of that but I’ve been good at holding off. Still passively suicidal and extremely anxious and lonely but better than a few months ago, thank you hololive. Still refusing therapy tho I swear it’s every therapist’s mission to be fucking useless
>>43181026>MtF bipolar DID fuckhead>Ended a good relationship by being a douchebag>two days later mom died>a week later came back to work and got fired for missing work when my mom died>got called back to work and attendance forgivenMy life is a fking mess and every day I wake up trying to go in a new direction to solve it and in the end, all thats left is half asses solutions because I cant stick to one plan.
