Ive been repping/questioning being trans for like 6+ years. And last year finally got over myself and decided to start/try taking E, its been half a year on HRT now.And im still so fucking unsure if im doing the right thing. However, somehow, no one around me is, they all seem certain im trans/doing the right thing??? I came out to nearly everyone a while ago and have now been fequently complaining about being unsure to all of them. And they all tell me that i seem happier/better off/"more alive" now that im on E, this includes:My mom, my dad, my brother, both of my sisters, my childhood friend, an online friend ive known for a long time, my old therapist i randomly met and briefly spoke about this with, an acquaintance/semi-friend from university. Plus like 10-15 online transgenders that told me im "obviously trans and just scared/anxious" (or some variation of that) when i vented about it on here and elsewhere.But i still keep being anxious about it near daily, like last week it was every day except like one. So what? Do i just try to believe all these people occams razor "theres no way all of them are wrong at the same time"-style and keep taking my pills?
Also to be fair, besides just others peoples opinion ive personally also mostly enjoyed the effects of E. All of them are pretty great, especially reduced hair growth, skin changes in feel and look, more feminine fat distribution, as well as that my face looks different/more feminine now. Like sometimes all these things make me quite happy and make me like how i look. Like they make me smile at my mirror image sometimes now or i take pictures of myself which is pretty new (before like february of this year i never took pics of myself and avoided looking into mirrors as best as i could)Im super scared about breast growth tho and semi frequently get anxious about it. Like, what if i dislike them (when they get bigger), or i just wont get used to having a new body part, or they just look bad on my male chest, or it turns out i just actually dont like having them at all, or they look bad or get too big for my liking etc.But then also i like them sometimes, and how they dent out my clothes a bit sometimes, and i like how much better they make me look in like a sports bra or sth now and that they give me some more curves. And sometimes i like that there is sth more on my chest and that its a bit more sensetive there and i like that they are soft and sometimes i also like that i can like feel them move about when i move.But idk then other times they make me anxious, its weird. It might also just be this focused and anxious on them because its the most visible and most drastic change from taking E, plus the least reversible one in case i wanna give up and detrans. But im still scared that my anxiety about it means im not trans/shouldnt take E and i might regret growing them and have to get top surgery later...
You sound like a troon and anxious but what if you started going back to your therapist again?
>>43184313Ok so ig now its 11-16 transgenders telling me im just anxious ig lol.Cant really see her again btw, she was for children only and ive aged out of the legal definition for that.Plus ngl she was kinda meh, i remember when i was like 14 yo or so and i first saw her she gave me a questionnaire to fill out. And one of the questions was sth trans related like "Did you ever want to be the other gender?" kinda thing and i already had tranny thoughts then so that one made me cry and i changed my answer like 100 times so it was super obvious that it had hit a nerve.And somehow she just didnt ask me about it???? iirc she noticed that it was sth that was troubling me but we didnt have time that session. But then next session she only brought it up briefly at the very end? Instead of it being like the first thing. But at that point i had already decided that it was some secret shameful thing id try to forget about and not speak about again so i just said it was fine now or sth, and she just accepted that lmao.I went to her weekly for years and it only came back up when i was 17-18yo and again seriously considered i was trans... I often wonder how different i might have turned out if she had took it seriously back then :C.Ok sorry that was completely irrelevant lol. But yeah ill prob try to get another therapist and like candidly speak about tranny shit with them for once. Tho given our medical system it could take a year+ before i get a spot lol. Plus i need to get over myself to actually book an initial appointment to begin with which i still havent lol.
>>43183661>they all seem certain im trans/doing the right thing???they are obviously biased. to them, the more trannies the merrier.
>>43184466Kinda my fear too. The one thing all of them bring up the most when i ask them why they think that is that i seem "more open" and "more alive".But i feel like maybe thats only because now im bothering them with my problems and get emotional about it (i think ive cried while talking about my "transition anxiety" with like every one of them). Whereas before i was super closed off and not very emotional at all and never really talked about myself and my personal problems.And like this is something i could have done without E, i just didnt.On the other hand its also because tranny/gender related stuff is the only thing i get super emotional about in my life at all. Tho idk if that is more indicative of me just being delusional and not trans since it is so all consuming in that sense. Or if it actually means im more likely to be trans since apparently so many of my emotions are locked behind transgender stuff...
>>43184466im actually starting to think i might try posting about my issues to some explixitly anti-trans spaces.like mayb terf or detrans spaces. they are prob gonna be biased in their own way but at least i can be pretty certain that there isnt any pro trans bias.Plus i might get to hear some new arguments. Currently i keep thinking about this shit over and over 24/7 but i usually just end up in the same arguments/discussions with myself anyways.Mayb getting input from one of those spaces might actually open up a new avenue there and at least make it less repetetive.
