Were you molested? When you have sex do you try to relive it or try to ignore it?
>>43184675yee at school i was prob in like 2 grade it was art class he bribed me with a yoshi card he was like "sit next to me then u can have this card" i sat next to him then he started touching me in a super sexual manner at the time i didnt care because oooo yoshi card i love yoshi hes a cutie pie but now that im like 28 its like wowzers i got problems
>>43184695>its like wowzers i got problemslike what.
>>43184675No. A pastor (or whatever the guy that runs the daycare side of the Baptist church on Sundays is called) started trying to when I was in 4th grade, but we’d had a sex ed class that showed a video of the process of a pedo grooming/molesting kids, and told us to scream and run and tell an adult if we recognized anything from the video. The pastor was acting like the guy from the video; he touched my lower back and tried to bring me into his office alone. I recognized the stuff from the video, so I screamed and ran and told an adult, the other person in the daycare area. They tried to get me to calm down and let him take me, so I screamed and ran out and into the church area where they were having service and screamed that the pastor was trying to touch my genitalia and I wanted to go home.A lot less people left the church than you’d think. They mostly gaslighted each other about it, and my parents kept going but left me home alone because I would make a massive scene and bite them if they tried to take me. This is why republicans want to get rid of sex ed, by the way. It measurably reduces child sexual abuse.I was vindicated when other kids started saying he molested them, but he killed himself before anything came of it, and before I stopped talking to them my parents would still talk about how I was such a “bad kid” that I would act like a demon possessed when they tried to take me to church.My brother got molested in Boy Scouts because he’s a spineless little bitch that just took it.
>>43184839>My brother got molested in Boy Scouts because he’s a spineless little bitch that just took it.are you saying he actually wanted it?
>>43184863Well as an adult he supports the same institutional homophobia that made the guy that got him mentally ill and repressed enough to grape kids, so apparently yes.He’s allegedly straight as an adult, but he was a mega incel for a long time and would talk about Ed Kemper like he was a mentor or close friend. Finally got a gf in his mid 30s. I don’t talk to him anymore because he had a meltdown about my transition, but I half expect to eventually get a call from the FBI because he finally snapped.But he was born like that; it wasn’t from being molested. Even before he got molested he would basically waterboard the neighborhood kids and myself by holding their faces in the snow so that the snow would melt and drown them. Basically any time I was stuck in an enclosed space with him, he would fuck with me so much that I would eventually bite him as hard as I could to get him to leave me alone, and then I’d get beaten for biting.Weirdly once we hit middle/high school age it went away and we were very close until I trooned out.
>>43184954i think the contrast is interesting how you rejected your molestation but he accepted it. i didn't even realize people might reject/accept it and how that choice might influence later behavior ie "what ifs" and "what would i do differently" i wonder if people flip flop between the reject/accept choice when they relive the event did you ever get over it?
>>43184675yes, i will never have sex i think i would projectile vomit
>>43184675I am a pooner and I have never been sexually abused in any wayIt's a miracle!
I was a very strange child who thought it was the morally correct to give myself up to a pedo in an attempt to reduce the number of other children harmed and that I would be less effected as I a thought I had a better understanding of sex and had already stimulated the sex acts that I'd be likely to encounter in a masturbatory manner by age 8. But there was never any takers, which kinda made me feel bad about myself weirdly.
>>43184675does this count as molested>meet 23 year old guy when I was 15>he becomes my first friend eventually bf. he finds out im 15>we have sex. I was really exited for it. Id given him bjs and stuff in the past. When we have sex, I don't enjoy it>I still have never enjoyed sex. I always wonder if it was because I was ace and thats how I found out, or because I was underage and somehow traumatized.
I was molested by testosterone
>>43185254>did you ever get over it?? Pretty much immediately, he only got as far as touching my lower back to guide me into his office.
>>43186735This is funny but also horrifying. Glad there were no takers.
>>43184675Ignore it, but im mostly avoiding sex bc of it
i dont know i have a half memory with a cousin that makes me feel anxious and nauseous when i think about it so idk if its real but it has also been referenced by other people in my family so i think it was real which makes me a little sad
>>43184675No. I have no sexual abuse history.
>>43186821Yea I think the suicidality made me come up with a bunch of ways to be self-sacrificial to give me a purpose to continue to exist.
>>43184675i still don't know but i sometimes wonder about iti don't have any childhood memories before 15. everything i know from before that is from family, photos or my diaries, which i wrote in occasionally from 11-12 and more often from 14-15i do know, from these diaries and from someone who knew me in primary school, that at around 9 or 10 i started obsessively talking about sex at school to the point i lost friends over it, but i never talked about it in front of the teachers, so i knew there was something wrong with it. i probably traumatised some other kids. but probably this was just unrestricted internet accessi know i also started cutting myself at around 9 or 10, and i know that's when i started wanting to kill myself, and also when i started having really long showers and scratching myself in them i don't know what caused all these behaviours, if anything.i know i dissociate a lot. i know i'm really good at forgetting. i know sometimes when i have sex with my boyfriend i totally forget it. my boyfriend once asked me if anything traumatic happened to me. but i don't remember anything, and probably i just have a predisposition towards dissociative behaviours and found porn on the internet too young. i like to imagine something bad happened that caused me to be the way i am but i don't know if it's actually very likely at all
>>43184675Yeah. It was an older girl that did it and Im gay so obvs I dont relive it.
>>43184675i don't think i was ever physically assaulted but i was groomed and sexually exploited online for about a decade starting at 8 and now have cptsd yayshamefully i'm still very into noncon and ageplay stuff and get off to the idea of power imbalances (always with myself as the imagined figure being taken advantage of, never really the other way around) but i can't get off to actual memories or anything that hits too close to home, there's a thin line.
>>43184675Lol no
>>43186815>did you ever get over it?>? Pretty much immediately, not even the thought of it? the thought of someone wanting you craving you desperately? wanting you so much they feel like they'll explode if they can't have you.and not even the thought of defilement, of actually caving in to it and letting it happen to you despite knowing how wrong it is?you don't carry that around with you at all now? you're pure?
>>43184675Idk man mb
>>43187235pedo who totally lacks an understanding of the actual sociological and psychological causes and motivations for molestation and rape
>>43187260no, the desire to be violently desired is the source of most rape fetishes. the psychology has nothing to do with a rapist's psychology bc it's a rationalization on the part of the victim
>>43187291your message just made me really mad and i didn't consider what you actually meant by it. sorry. but it still disgusts me and i'm not rereading it sorry
>>43184675Not really SA'd but when I was like 4yo my mom forced (literally pinned me and pushed while I cried) suppository into me. It's my 1st childhood memory and the 1st time my bf tried to get inside of me that scene flashed into my mind and I just got so fucking suicidal we just stoppedI'm fine now but i kind of relived the pain of that moment, and remembering that isn't any confortable
>>43187364you're giving it power.
>>43185254i'm this >>43187207 anon and i definitely flip flop when reliving/revisiting memories. reliving and revisiting are pretty different imo though, revisiting is voluntary and reliving is involuntary at least to me. reliving is always negative but revisiting can go either way.i pretty much fully accepted what was happening to me at the start (~8-12) because i felt desired and 'mature' and was already incredibly hypersexual. chronic sexual abuse functions way differently in the brain than acute sexual abuse, though. almost all of my childhood that i remember was during sexual abuse and so that's the only brain i know. >>43187235i relate to this a ton, even now that i feel fully recovered 99% of days and i never have flashbacks or dissociate anymore i still have a massive complex about being desired and it interferes with a lot of my relationships, especially romantic/sexual. if my partner isn't constantly making sexual advances i feel weird and dirty and untouchable. i know that's obviously insane and it's just my own fucked up brain but it's something i haven't been able to get over yet.
>>43187498do you feel like you can't be loved, at least not ever fully and totally loved by another person? like all the way?
>>43187364nta. they said what they meant. you just interpreted it incorrectly bc of your trauma
>>43187235If you said this to me in real life, I'd simply violently desire all over you with a cattle taser and a bat. As would most adults. And if I ever have children, I will protect them in a similar manner.
>>43187635im sorry :( i didn't mean to. it just made me uncomfortable and i lashed out
stinky old men? is that the only people who would ever like someone like you? is that the best you can doooo haha
>>43187671no you're good. they should also understand that their sexualization of their trauma might be triggering to some people in the molestation thread. i just felt like i should point out that they were describing the sexuality of a rape victim, not a rapist. rapists, as you say, think much differently. because rape is revenge that must be enacted against the innocent
>>43187610hm hard question. there is absolutely a part of me that feels that way, but it's not really something that occurs to me as much as the sexual aspect. i feel fucked up and perverted for prioritizing that so hard but i think it's because i made peace with being at least somewhat unlovable a long time ago, but being sexually desirable was so integral to who i was for most of my life that it's still incredibly difficult to not equate it with some intrinsic metric of worth that precedes all else.
>>43184695>im like 28 its like wowzers i got problemsyou need to stop seeing therapists man. aint no good come from that shit
>>43187781you're so irresponsible
>>43187235I don’t understand what the fuck you’re talking about.Pedos aren’t like Lolita. It’s isn’t romantic or individual. He molested like 30 kids. It’s more like a too-drunk guy at a bar before closing time hitting on every woman in sight trying to find one to go home with.
>>43187803they're speaking from the perspective of a victim. it's disturbing and gross and totally illogical but when you're an isolated mentally ill child they can really make it feel like they're madly in love with you and they're risking everything just to be with you. it can be hard to let go of that feeling. but like i said here >>43187498 my abuse was chronic, so i probably feel very different from most victims of acute (c)sa
>>43187803so i guess you're pretty disgusted by it and deem the thought beneath you? you seem like a pretty cool person. you probably have interesting talents and abilities and some self esteem about yourself, to not need to siphon it off another like a leech. wanna be my boyfriend jk
>>43187789has anyone ever been cured by therapy or just made a lot worse and drugged to the eyeballs.
>>43187803of course its romantic. why would they take so many risks. Men who love children are the most ardent lovers
>>43188938expecting to be "cured" is begging for disappointment but yes it's helped me and a lot of people i know very much. i'm not 'cured' but i'm a happy person and i can navigate interpersonal relationships with far less friction than before.
>>43189000how many meds are you on anon be honest about this
>>43189019i don't remember to take my meds most of the time but zyrtec to keep chronic allergies at bay, prilosec for gerd, and trazodone prescribed off-label specifically for insomnia, not as an antidepressant.SSRIs/SNRIs never made me feel any different than i did off them because my problems were largely external and things i needed to sort through in therapy. i imagine there are some in this thread who also hate(d) SSRIs/SNRIs for doing jack shit when they have to work through their problems in therapy as well.
>>43188978You’re assuming they have a normal level of intelligence and self-control that’s overcome by another force.This is not the case with any sex offender. They are very much just retarded animals with poor impulse control.
>>43187375Honestly why are you folks so fucking pansy. I think some of you wilt in the sun if its more than 15 degrees. Jesus grow up man. For fucks sake stop being infantile little fucks for once. You mum was doing you welfare and fucking get suicidal about that!!!!???? What the actual fuck is wrong with you.
>>43189108suspected. you're on a pile of drugs to help you 'cope' you've become cattle for the drug companies. It isn't anything healthy but you'll never realise that.
>>43189000i think the thing that those like you can't put down is the thought that someone would be so desperate to be with you and that to you its an act of passion, theres no one else so desperate and depraved as the molester or whatever it is but this is just a title really its just this evil thing that desperately wants your body and knowing that nothing else could ever want you as much as it wants you. and i think the uglier he is the better because any trace of beauty takes away from the act of defilement and essentially sacrificing yourself to something evil.does it feel something like being killed?i think all this is actually the plot to legend 1985 with tom cruise where the young boy (jack?) tries to bring back his lover from the devil
>>43189203zyrtec is an antihistamine and prilosec is an antacid >>43189338you lost me a little
Call me dumb and paranoid, but I think this thread has pedos larping for fap material, and Anons in a "tell me yours and I'll tell you mine" circle jerk of mutual reinforcement of their wrong ways of rationalize their terrible experiences.
I was molested FOR being trans I guess, lol. One of my middle-school classmates who'd been bullying me.
>>43192911>pedos larping for fap material, and Anons in a "tell me yours and I'll tell you mine" circle jerk of mutual reinforcement of their wrong ways of rationalize their terrible experiences.Oh yeah. this is 4chan, after all. abandon healthy interactions, ye who enter here
>>43186769can someone answer me?
>>43186769well he was 23 and you were 15.. im sorry. that is not only molestation but child abuse as well
>>43184675NoI've never had sex
>>43193001yea but I wanted it. Does that really not mean anything? im literally still with him after 9 years.
>>43186769That's not what being molested means you fucking reatard.We are talking about rape and the like.
>>43193034statutory rape
>>43193030no, it doesnt matter if you wanted it. break up immediately. im not joking
>>43192933do you hate him.
>>43193052why? he is still my only friend. Im over 18 now so it's not a legal issue.
>>43193137im genuinely begging you to try to build a support system outside of just him. you deserve more people in your life, and it will make you happier in the long run. hes been involved with you since you were 15 and he was 23, and the fact that neither of you have major concerns about it is really bad.ask yourself this: if you were 23, would you be okay with dating a 15 year old? if the answer is no, then you already understand why this situation isnt okay.
>>43184675never molested (though my mom wavers between suspecting I was because she was and she's afraid for me) but bullied like hell growing up and it hits me like ptsd sometimesin my senior year of high school a guy got assaulted and raped by the school wrestling team and they left him with a broomstick shoved up his ass. A disturbing number of students assumed I was the victim. I wasn't, but it was kind of disturbing that I had such a reputation as a punching bag that I was the natural guess
>>43193186I wouldn't but only because I don't think they would be mature enough for me and I would be paranoid about being arrested. I was in college when I was 15 tho.
>>43193034>That's not what being molested means you fucking reatard.>We are talking about rape and the like.nta but anon for goodness' sake. that is clearly statutory rape and at least to some extent grooming.
>>43193206thats kind of the point though. youre focusing on maturity and consequences instead of the actual issue. theyre 15. youd be 23. that alone is the problem. its not about whether they seem mature or whether someone might get in trouble, its about the fact that a 15 year old cant be on equal footing with an adult in that kind of relationship. EVER. you being in college at 15 doesnt really change that dynamic. it doesnt make it okay for an adult to be involved with you like that.im trying not to get angry and im not trying to attack you. i want you to know i really think you deserve better than a situation where those kinds of boundaries were crossed and treated like it was normal.
>>43193241I guess. I was talking with grok about it a month ago and that was when I realized it was wrong so now im kinda questioning the whole relationship. it's really scary to think about leaving him.
>>43193137>why? he is still my only friend. Im over 18 now so it's not a legal issue.Anon, my best friend (" ") when I was ages 11-17 was a guy 11 years older than me. We never slept together but we treated each other in all other ways like we were dating. cuddling, sleepovers, pet names, etc. I genuinely believe that he had no intent to sleep with me and thought he was helping me, and you know what, in some ways he did. I bear him no ill will at this point.It doesn't change the fact that that is incredibly inappropriate and unhealthy and that most people that much older would correctly feel deeply uncomfortable being in that situation. A normal person in their 20s would not feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with you at 15 or even spending a lot of time alone with you.I have no desire to tell you how to live your life. and I am very familiar with relationships that are...let's say complicated. I can easily believe that you have a strong friendship and you love him and that to your understanding, you "consented." I will also tell you that if your parents were loving and attentive, they would probably want to fucking kill this guy, and those feelings of anger would be justified.
>>43193305my mom was out of the picture, but he met my dad when I was 16 and my dad was fine with the relationship. but yea 22 with an 11 year old is crazy.
>>43193206>I wouldn't but only because I don't think they would be mature enough for me Yes, that's healthy. 15 year olds are not mature enough to want to associate with all the time if you're 23. they're kids. It would be very strange to want to.another big issue there is that you at 23 have much more going for you than a 15 year old. they're stuck with their parents, would otherwise be homeless. you can find an apartment, much easier than they can. jobs, driving, managing money, etc. they have less ability to regulate their emotions, cope with being upset or temporary setbacks. they're more likely to get deeply and permanently hurt from adults they care about severing attachments with them. they're in the thick of forming their identity still, and are extremely sensitive to other people's opinion of them. you are more solidified in all that.in your 20s or 30s it is incredibly easy to impress or intimidate a teenager. you just have more life experience. you've read more, you've done more. even a dull 25-year-old can sound smart to a teenager.it is also very important for them to not get bullied or ostracized by classmates (as can happen when they get wind they're dating some older person), and graduate on time, without for example, having a crisis because their parents or classmates found out about you, or you break up and they're heartbroken because they'll never find another person like you. furthermore, a 15-year-old who will date a 23-year-old is more likely to have problems at home already, making them even more vulnerable.all in all, it is just an incredibly unequal situation. and it's not fair to do that to someone so much younger than you. if you loved them and wanted to help them, you'd engage with them appropriately.
>>43193375>adults they care about severing attachments with them. they're in the thick of forming their identity still, and are extremely sensitive to other people's opinion of them. you are more solidified in all that.yea we had a rough patch when I was 19 and he threatened to leave me and that scared the shit out of me. That is when any doubt started in the relationship for me. I think im just trying to rationalize it, the relationship is doomed. The stupid thing is that I feel bad for breaking up with him.
Nah but my dad is a pedo. He just likes women so he didnt go for me. Iwnbaw
>>43184675no
>>43193391>yea we had a rough patch when I was 19 and he threatened to leave me and that scared the shit out of me. That is when any doubt started in the relationship for me.I'm really sorry. yeah, I wish people talked about grooming and power disparities in a better, more nuanced way. there is a disparity that just comes from being a young person (who probably has few same-age friends) who loves someone else, who comes off as more capable, smarter, wiser than anyone you know. You're kind of stranded in this relationship with them alone because you don't have social circle overlap and maybe you have to defend your relationship to others, or hide it. and then when they cut it off it's what? back to your miserable teenager life, that you clearly were struggling in to begin with? and even if it's romantic (" ") you're still a teenager who has attached to them at least a little bit like you would attach to a caregiver. it's like parental abandonment + horrible breakup.it's awful. and it is completely unfair to put a kid through that, intent aside. it's an extra reason that these kinds of relationships are intrinsically damaging. >I think im just trying to rationalize it, the relationship is doomed. The stupid thing is that I feel bad for breaking up with him.you'll come to the decision you need to come to at some point. I won't say "don't feel bad," but so you know, it is completely okay, good even, to prioritize yourself and your own feelings. you have been more vulnerable and people have not been looking out for you as they should. It's a good thing for at least you to be looking out for you.there are so many great people on this planet you could be with, if you decide you want to. Relationships that are much less complicated and healthy. you'll find them sooner or later.
