What do asexuals actually expect from a relationship?For awhile I have completely written them off as potential relationship options, because I have a libido and enjoy sex and would want to specifically have it with whoever I'm dating. Asexuality, of course, being about having 'little to no sexual attraction'. So the obvious conflict point is 'person who wants sex' and 'person who barely feels sexual attraction, if at all'. But also a lot of self described asexuals are absolute freaks in the sheets. I even dated someone who after some time felt they were actually a sex repulsed asexual, and we ended up breaking up over that conflict of interest (and a few issues with how they acted in general) only for them to later become hypersexual once they worked through some shit. There's clear 'archetypes' of asexual that would clearly work with a lot of non-asexuals and some who wouldn't, but how the hell do you ever figure that out without explicitly asking which inevitably puts it on the table that "sex or no sex decides if this can be a relationship"? Chatting up someone who's completely sex repulsed is walking into a minefield, but there's also autists who don't feel active sexual compulsion but will suck the soul out of you because they think its funny. I just don't know how to gauge it and I especially don't know what an asexual would actually be looking for in a relationship with the knowledge that 99% of people they interact with, ever, are going to want to get their rocks off somehow other than jacking off.
>>43198246they literally want a relationship with everything but sex. my girlfriend is asexual and our relationship outside of sex is great. we communicate well, laugh all the time, spend time together, work well together, etc. she's just completely ambivalent toward sex. maybe it's a me-problem, but im also not the ugliest person and others didnt seem to have an issue. sex is something that i basically gave up on, maybe i'll reconsider in the future. idk
>>43198585I guess more what I mean is how do they expect that to work if the other person is almost always going to want to have sex in some capacity? Even people with pretty low libidos rarely seem to be content with the idea of ZERO sex, ever, so you are most likely an outlier, but you also even said maybe you'll reconsider - if something changes and you're still together, what would the plan even be? Leave them cause you wanna have sex? They give you a pass to fuck other people? They do it with you anyway even though they aren't into it just cause you want an outlet? Then you get to the layer of on who the responsibility lands to bridge the gap if you wanna make things work still. Some people will say the person who wants sex should just get over it but it doesn't really work that way and the options to kill libido often have extreme undesirable side effects. On the other, there are things that can induce libido in someone who barely has any, and to my knowledge that includes some that barely have any side effects at all, but the gaining of libido at all would be viewed by some as the 'extreme undesirable side effect'. Not to mention how they're just viewed super critically in general. Really just seems like it would be in an asexual's best interest to explicitly state their exact feelings towards sex and how they would be willing to work around it unless they exclusively wanna date other asexuals.
>>43198246>>43198585>>43198881there is no such thing as an asexualall asexuals i met sucked me off in a matter of weeksasexual = "i only bang 8.5/10 and above"
>>43198881She's offhand suggested a one-way open relationship a couple times before, but it's not something I've been interested in. Maybe in the future I'll feel differently, but I doubt it. The first half of our relationship, she compromised for my benefit. This 2nd half, I've compromised for her. But i agree with you that neither is sustainable nor is it the end-all-be-all solution for both of us. We've been together for over 1/4 of our lives, so it's not like we were 100% fully formed from the beginning either. We're still growing and learning about ourselves as time goes on. Bottom line, we both love each other and want to make things work in as healthy way as possible given the circumstances/mismatch of this one thing.
>>43199033I also wouldn't really interested in looking outside of the relationship myself either - if I met someone else I would like enough to have sex with everything else'd almost certainly be there to, so it'd just be a mess. I've had one sided sexual relationships, both ways. It was miserable when I wanted sex and they didn't, and when they wanted sex and I didn't, I just went with it because it never really felt like a burden. It's always going to be a matter of communication and finding something that works for both of you, but, from everything I've experienced and done, it would just 'make sense' to me to try out recreational drugs for that kinda thing, but I also know that'll be a tall ask for a lot of people, so I dunno how you would broach the topic, or if it'd even be worth trying instead of just passing every time like I have been.
>>43198246I do not categorize myself as an “asexual” but I do hope to never practice sex as I believe it is a useless thing to do.>What do asexuals actually expect from a relationship?The feeling of romance? Being able to improve yourself with your partner? If a person is so inclined on pursing their hedonistic desires, then someone like an “asexual” shouldn’t date them.
>>43199580Really, a person can make this question about any form of pleasure that a person wishes to abstain from. “What do non druggies expect from a relationship? I’m never sober and I can’t understand them!”
I would never get into an actual relationship with someone just for sex but the thought of one entirely without is intensely depressing
The asexuals being freaks observation stems from the fact that asexuality is mostly a cover by perverts and degens to feel better about themselves and deceive other people. Similarly how the most aggresive and vocal homophobes turn out to be turbofaggots, asexuals are pervs who feel bad about their fetishes and desires. Note, not all, some of them might just have a hormone imbalance, but for a lot of them it is just a cover.
>>43199580>>43199636There really isn't much to do in terms of engaging someone who has tried to rationalize the utilitarian applications of basic earth creature biology, but comparing it to drug addiction really just shows you're not even remotely attempting to engage in good faith.>>43199719This is ultimately how I feel and given that I have had exceedingly few people I felt I could actually connect with, this also means that I could and likely will meet someone who I would work very well with, only for them to be asexual, and induce a sort of moralistic dilemma over if I should try to convince myself that I should effectively 'settle'.>>43200116I have met a few asexuals who had truly bizarre and sometimes fucked up fetishes but typically those types have almost no libido in any other capacity still. What I specifically mean are the "I still enjoy sex" types where it feels like either they're too autistic to understand the distinction or some kind of disconnect exists where the act of sex is still enjoyable to them but there's no desire to act on it. Also the types that for whatever reason are down to fuck the shit out of their partner because they know THEY like it, which is supposedly how JoCat's GF handles shit.
>>43200116I think often it's an excuse to not address serious underlying trauma. Like sexual repping
>>43200215>but comparing it to drug addiction really just shows you're not even remotely attempting to engage in good faith.How so? There is deeply rooted decadence in both practices. Even being dependent on substances could have possibilities for being an upside, if they act as an actual performance booster.
>>43199636What do you eat other than onions and why?
>>43200378I eat meals that aren’t a waste of time to make for the sake of a better taste, most of the time it is a sandwich with vegetables as a side dish. And if I ever do wish to indulge in big meats, like steak, I try not to waste my time during cooking by doing other productive tasks.
>>43200338Decadence exists in most things that aren't purely utilitarian, but humans are also not built to function in purely utilitarian ways. Even then, a healthy relationship with and regular engagement in sex has a million and one studies pointing to a slew of benefits, most commonly higher life expectancy as it tends to prevent shit like heart failure and of course a lot of mental health related complications. A study recently found that even just esex, where you don't even physically interact with the other person, leads to noticeable improvements to focus and productivity. Our brains are built to compel us to reproduce, of course that's going to entail a ton of other benefits to further incentivize it other than it being "fun". The actual issue is how much time is spent devoted in the pursuit of it, but even without a sex drive, people will still look for relationships for the things you described - and I don't really know how you can list 'romance' as a reason to engage in relationships while dismissing sex as "a waste of time".
wow i’ll never have a romantic relationship ever in my life >t. asexual
>>43200431Sandwiches? You spent the time to put little bits of different ingredients between pieces of bread? All for the sake of base indulgence? Why aren't you eating nutrient paste alone?
>>43200495Well said, your description is far better than my own. But romance is not something that is relative to sex, it is a feeling that is too broad for its own definition. The attachment, or bond, you have with a person due to romance is typically unlike any other; with that attachment, the result is your own depersonalization, your reality slowly shifts to incorporate the reality of your loved one. This is not useless. >>43200553It is more expensive for me.
>>43200740Literal nutrient paste being "more expensive" doesn't explain why you waste time on "side dishes" and other such frivolous bullshit. You even admit that you choose foods based on nothing but indulgence. Wherever you live, there is a diet that is easiest and cheapest while meeting certain nutrient requirements, and there's no excuse but decadence for deviating from it.
>>43198246I just wish I had someone to cuddle with sex is too scary and gross. tbhon i think it’s mostly just germaphobia for me
>>43200864Vegetable side dishes are important for my health. Yes, I would choose the cheapest and most nutrient diet if possible, but all the food I use is gifted to me, so I have no reason to deviate from what I have currently.
>>43198246Just a relationship but without sex, its very simple! Romantic dates, future plans, spending time together, being there for and supporting eachother, living together, headpats and cuddles and falling asleep together... AND HAND HOLDING
>>43200909Your health does not care at all how your food is prepared, portioned, or presented. There is no excuse whatsoever for not just eating everything in whatever form is most immediately edible.
>>43200966It takes more time eating ingredients one by one rather than all together?
>>43200993It's the same amount of food and will look the same after it's chewed and swallowed. Explain how making a sandwich before you eat it and separating out a "side dish" saves time over just eating the ingredients straight out of the fridge/pantry. Next you'll be telling me that transferring it into a different container and carrying it to a different location before eating it is somehow a necessary time save, too.By the way, eating bread at all is highly questionable. There is no benefit to grinding grain into flour for any purpose other than to make hardtack, which is unnecessary in the modern day. If you're going to eat wheat, the simplest preparation is bulgur wheat porridge.
>>43201074It saves time because we don’t eat in a vacuum… We do other things while eating, and, eating ingredients alone is much messier and doesn’t allow you to multitask…And I already said before, my food is gifted, so I don’t have a choice on whole wheat. I never said any of it was necessary, either.
>>43201179>eating ingredients alone is much messier and doesn’t allow you to multitaskExample? What are you eating, little pinches of pepper and spice? None of that is necessary and serves no purpose except base indulgence.
Everytime this question comes up all the aces (sexually traumatized SA survivors) get extremely butthurt and refuse to articulate what's going on in their mindsThat's probably what got them SA'd in the first place, not knowing how to communicate and expecting other people to read their mind and act according to their desires without crossing any red lines, somehowThreadly reminder that ace isn't a sexuality, it's a trauma response by women (always women unless "heckin masc ace dood")
>>43201307>my food is gifted, so I don’t have a choice>I never said any of it was necessary, either
>>43201355Why are you eating unnecessary things? I thought you cared about avoiding hedonism?
>>43201343>Threadly reminder that ace isn't a sexuality, it's a trauma response by women (always women unless "heckin masc ace dood")Trve
>>43201442>my food is gifted, so I don’t have a choice>I never said any of it was necessary, either
>>43198898buddy just called himself an 8.5+
>>43201459Answer his question. You admit the way you eat isn’t necessary, so how is it unlike the sex you disdain as hedonistic and akin to drug use? While we’re at it, do you have anything like art or pictures on the walls where you live? Do you have any music or movies you consume purely for pleasure? Maybe you’re just a retarded little hypocrite?
>>43201733As his explanation is rooted in the belief that we live in a vacuum, so there is no point to continue that discussion. No, I don’t have art, nor do I listen to music.
>>43201771Explanation of what? All I've done is ask questions. You're the one failing to explain your position, and failing to provide examples to substantiate your claims.
>>43201816An explanation as to why I didn’t drink from nutrient paste, then, as to why I didn’t eat the purest meals possible, then, as to why I didn’t eat the cheapest meals possible, then, as to why I didn’t eat ingredients out of the box.
>>43201840Are you retarded? Those are the explanations that we're still waiting for from (You).
>>43201887The answers for all of your questions had already been given.
>>43201896I’m >>43201733 this guy again and I changed my mind, you aren’t retarded—you are just severely, cripplingly autistic
