IWNBAW

>>43211808
i think tonights the night or maybe tomorrow idk i want to fucking kill myself

IWNBAW but I enjoy the short moments when I feel included among them. It's still worth it to try

>>43211954
good luck w/ whatever u end up doing

my lack of self control when it comes to eating ruined my life as much as being a troon did

I'm just tired man, real tired. I go through periods where I have a lot of energy and am really creative but I always fall into these periods where I'm just tired and can't seem to get motivated to do anything. I'm so tired of it.

File: z9jk8dty4fng1.jpg (129 KB, 1199x847)

129 KB JPG

Im head over heels in love with my best friend. She knows. I know. We talk about it now and then. It will never be (she's married, for one). Im okay with that. I just want to see her smile. Her embrace makes my entire world right for a little bit.
But in my mind... I picture... holding her while I fall asleep. Raising kids together. Actually building a home and a life that is warm and loving. (Compared to my cold and stressful home life) And so, so much more.
She is so gentle and kind. Smart. Perceptive. Caring. Diligent. And bar none the single most beautiful woman Ive ever known. I cant get her out of my head most days. How could I?
Im fine. The yearning doesnt hurt. But I do feel just a little pathetic. I love her. She means the absolute world to me.

File: 1564703467680.jpg (68 KB, 1022x731)

68 KB JPG

Im a fag, but I absolutely hate what the lgbt community is becoming, whether its the obvious "rainbow capitalism" that we see each year when June comes around, or the guys dressed up in BDSM gear, or dildo suits at pride parades, none of it helps us in the slightest, all it does is make hetero people despise us even more than they did before (around 2016 maybe). It's all just superficial pandering that gets us nowhere. If most gays would just "keep it in the closet" things would be much better for society as a whole.

>>43212211
Pandering from the democratic party has been a disaster for the queer people
We have a fuck load of problems as a community but democrats do fucking nothing but support the very worst aspects of the community like drag queens while our suicide and substance abuse rates rise

I really wonder if the LGBT community in other countries like Italy are as fucked as we are

Haven't been around here in a long time, I see it's about the same.
Heard from a former mutual that you went and got married a while back. I said, "well how about that."
I'm pretty stoked for you. Heard he's a pretty good guy.
I know we ended rough, but, still was nice to know you're doing so good.
Figured I'd toss my well-wishes into the void.
Cheers to the two of you. Here's to many happy years head.
Later days, amigo.

i have feelings for you and i shouldn't
i can't be having feelings like this so i'll suppress it and hope it's just attachment this is so weird so i'll just pretend there's nothing there and i'll pretend you don't make me smile the most or laugh the hardest
even though i imagine scenarios of you and i holding hands and being intimate and falling into each other's embrace i can't do this

>>43213674
What are they like?

>>43213674
Why cant you have feelings like this? Kiss them. Let love triumph!

I choose to believe bestfriend-anon and her crush both type yearnfully to each other in these threads regularly. I really want them to kiss and I know nothing about them.

>>43213842
not telling
>>43213977
it's weird and i'd rather not make things weird

>>43214052
Are you worried they could read this thread? Whats so weird about it?

>>43214012
It sure would be something, huh? There's no kiss in my future, tho.

my dad survived an OD and I admit I felt disappointed that he did.

>>43212211
Why do you pay attention to shit you hate? You have to seek out cringe fag scenes. I never encounter them ever.

>>43211808
i achieved a sense of gender agnosticism a few years ago, but didn't have the will to follow through. i then fell into the social gravity of transbianism, which would have made me happy if it were not for my realization

>>43211808
IWABAW. but IWAB too scared. I will die alone

i cant be a woman because of the misogyny ive inherited. i cant get rid of the misogyny ive inherited because i cant be a woman

your only saving grace was that you taught me that i can still make friends and not be lonely
other than that, i wish i had never met you in the first place
-m

>>43214065
yeah she uses the board and i don't want to come off as pushy

every time i see a man in any way i go into fight or flight

File: depositphotos_20030237-st(...).jpg (74 KB, 733x1024)

74 KB JPG

>>43214159
NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE

It was all a silly misunderstanding.

>>43214150
Aha~ I have the same concerns for not divulging further details about my sweetheart - tho I surely already said too much. Its funny how these kinds of things can so easily de-anonymize us. Very fair, I suppose.

>>43211808
i wish i was a lesbian

File: image0-8.png (1.63 MB, 943x1131)

1.63 MB PNG

>>43212075
(Cont)
When she holds me, every single one of my worries melts away. I breath a deep sigh and feel the tension leave my entire body. When I hold her, I know she's safe with me. She is so delicate compared to me - Ive seen the horrors of the world firsthand and it makes me feel better knowing they can't touch he while I hold her close. Her voice makes my heart sing. Her gaze pierces right through me. Her hands fit perfect in mine.
What a cruel joke of a world. I am slow to trust and rarely-if-ever fully trust anyone and yet the only woman to actually gain that trust in decades is someone I can never show the true depths of my feelings.
I keep telling myself it doesnt hurt but on nights like tonight, I become viscerally aware of how empty the space in front of me is. A presence is missing that can't be filled by pillows or plushies or anything of the like. I pet the little doll she gave me and close my eyes try real hard to be somewhere else.
Goodnight

>>43214251
Gosh and hef smile... ive seen that truly peaceful content smile of hers a handful of times and gods... I would stand against the world for it. The way she smiles when she is *really* smiling just blows my whole world down,,,

I don't care what anyone thinks about me except for one person and she refuses to say any nice things about me. I wish she would just say something nice to make me feel like I'm wanted in her life.

>>43211808
Y'all is it just me or does anyone else really hate when people use the word "fem" as in "I look really fem in this" and stuff like that. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing but it's annoying and performative imo

>>43211808
I got a job as a cis man on estrogen and the new boss referred to me as "a member of the LGBT community" and my immediate supervisor asked me about pronouns and name. I'm fucked.

Im so embarrassed and felt so ashamed to trust someone who swore I shouldn't trust them and said they were just using me and then be genuinely surprised when my trust was taken advantage of

>>43214251
oh my god tell us more now

A few months ago I started dating my closest friend. I know for a fact she won't read this, so no, this isn't you, nonas (sorry). I've never known anyone who feels as right to spend time with, you gets so many pieces of my worldview or philosophical ramblings. She's adorable in just about every way but hardened almost how I am but that so few people can be without giving in to malic. I could go on for ages but it's so hard for me to put these feelings into words when they're different from every relationship I've been in.
Despite all that, I regret asking her out. Staying just friends would never have worked since there's no way someone would tolerate a girlfriend having the kind of relationship we had with someone else. I would have been futilely jealous as she slowly drifted away, showing me how replaceable I am. She would say she'd never, but I know perfectly well that friends are disposable... until your next breakup. Now I'm stuck with the reality that she' only sticking around because we're a couple, because our friendship was fake and built as a ramp.
I care about her, I know she cares about me, but it will never be real. The alternate to being together wasn't staying friends, it was blocking her permanently and trying not to kill myself before I moved on. Whether I succeeded or not, that would've been the smarter option. I think about her too much and care far too much. Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to let her go so I can finally be free of the distant past.
That said, I have someone truly wonderful who loves me even when I'm too broken to feel anything whatsoever. She's really annoying a lot of the time, but around her I feel less disgusting than around anyone else. I hate this.
But you know what? At least I'm not emotionally cheating on my spouse with "just a friend" I hold hands with and cuddle while professing love.

>>43211808
mtf
I'm crushing on this cool ftm guy who works at my local pharmacy and I dont know how to get him to ask me out and I cant just ask him out because I have a 100% failure rate in that area

>>43211808
I won't be able to transition if I don't stop being a neet and actually make some money. I know this and yet don't do anything about it

File: file2.jpg (478 KB, 1675x1340)

478 KB JPG

It makes me sad that I'm 19 years old and have the life experience of a 12yo. Never been in a relationship, never had sex, never even tried to talk to anyone. In fact, I haven't talked to anyone outside of my immediate family in over a year. I post my butt and tummy online sometimes, and admittedly I do get a decent amount of attention from it, but nothing else. And if I ever do find someone, I don't know how I'm gonna explain that while I'm a virgin, I whored myself out online beginning only a week after I turned 18. I genuinely do not want to hurt anyone, and if I did it'd only be myself. Bleh.

I'm not true trans

I don't like drag and I will always blame homosexual men for it

>>43215273
Last line was oddly specific, lol

>>43215273
Okay yea I reread that and that last line was very oddly specific and pointed in a way that stands apart from the rest of the post. Could you expand on that?

>>43215114
Idk. What more would you like me to tell?
I just woke up. I feel kinda gross for feeling this way. I should put up a wall. I have so many other things to do in my life that I could simply never feel again. But it's only a matter of time til my mind drifts back. Always is.

i like women sexually

Chances are I'll end up dying alone. It's moreso a choice, rather than a fate that has befallen me, yet despite it being my choice I can't help but second guess myself as a part of me desires more.

This isn't to say I'm lonely. I have more than enough friends and family to fill the many hours of my life with comfort and joy. It isn't to say I can't find anyone to date either. I've had plenty of opportunities, and if I were to start looking again it wouldn't take me long to find someone. Yet, while finding people to date is a given, finding the right one seems forever out of reach. I'm already quite selective on who I enjoy being around, even moreso when it comes to a romantic interest. With the few I did end up having a sincere connection with, things ended up not working out for a variety of reasons from my end. There was always something that confirmed the person I was dating wasn't the right fit eventually. It seems I'm forever locked out of finding someone that truly works for me. To be good enough to have plenty of choice, but seemingly never quite good enough to find a partner I can confidently grow old with.

Of course, you could call me spoiled and that I should be glad I even have had choices. Good choices, at that. In that, you'd be right, but I can't help looking at the people around me and noticing the difference between those who actually found a fitting partner and those who found a partner that was good enough and settled. The latter may seem fine for them, but I'm unable to reside in blissful ignorance like them. I would be less satisfied in life with such a chain, than if I were to be alone.

Part of me wants to keep trying, but the chances are slim for success and great for tragedy. Not just my own, but the tragedy for others as well. If I could keep looking at only the cost of my own suffering it'd be fine, but I so do tire of seeing others suffer in my search for someone I can happily grow old with.

File: 1758292861041908.jpg (67 KB, 500x500)

67 KB JPG

She probably thinks im disgusting. Probably thinks im using her to fill the gap left in my heart and doesnt want to tell me because she knows Id probably kill myself if left without any light whatsoever. I should just do everyone a favor and wall her out right now. Itd be better than to use her as a tool - a crutch - in my emotional affair. What kind of fucked up """friend""" am I even.

i was abused as a kid through and because of this board and im worried about the pictures of me that are out there. my country publishes cropped pictures to help identify victims and i think one might be me. i really hope it isn't

Feeling kind of sick tonight
All I've had is coffee and leftover pie
It's no wonder why

Ooh, still you take up all my mind
I don't even think that you care like I do
I should stop, heaven knows I've tried

One day, I will stop falling in love with you

>>43212211
without the generations before us fighting for liberation, you would literally be in a mental asylum right now getting a metal rod jammed through your eyesocket making you permanently retarded.

being a gay male is literally lgbt NG+ Easy mode. grow a backbone faggot

i want a boyfriend to sing csh to
i need a boyfriend to sing csh to
i wish i had ab oyfriend to sing csh to

I WISH I WAS A FAG WITH A CSH BOYFREEEN

>tfw i will never fuvcking ever stare at another male deep in the eyes and sing bodies while strumming my guitar
why fucking live

I'm a st4t chaserpoon and I really want a girlfriend to fuck and cuddle and be happy with. Scared no girl would see me as a man. Would cut off my arm like a sawtrap if the reward was a beautiful tranner girlfriend.

urmumgae
also my life sukku atm but mb might be able to get in the driver seat and if lucky squeeze some life from the fewer years remaining

>>43211808
If I had all my papers sorted in a way that I was undetectable as non-cis, I would be 100% fine with making all of this shit illegal and throwing all of you in camps.

I'm still just waiting for the other shoe to drop, I know it's only a matter of time

>>43217954
I'm not even a cuckservative, and even I think the left has become absolutely deranged with all of the forced gay pandering that we see, especially around June.

>>43219023
i like csh a lot, although im mtf, my discord is imcorgi if you wanna talk

>>43211808
I made up about half the posts on /clg/ most days for the past 3-4 weeks. i'm a bisexual cis man who wishes his relationships with women had more mutualism. i considered transition but it's not really for me because i also like how there's a degree of mutualism in my male/male relationships. i don't believe that "bigender" or even "gender" is a real thing

File: Tumblr_l_6430035791844670.jpg (1 MB, 1393x2048)

1 MB JPG

neither of you will probably ever read this, but I'm sorry for failing you. I'm sorry for giving up. I can't hold on for your sake, You Who Wants to Carry My World. My Atlas, it will always crush you, because I can't help you lift it. I've rotted too much, to the bone, and no matter how much we love each other, I am beyond saving. I can't show you a life beyond your tragedy, You Who Seeks the Soul. The mysteries you want to unravel to fend grief are things I can't answer, because I am too rotten, to my core. Staying close, pushing away, we do our different dances together. I can't be saved; the knight arrives to an empty tower, the princess long hollowed away into the empty "I." I can't save; at sorrow's peaks, I can't show you a life where your pain won't destroy you. I am a failure. I am disgusting, and the cruelty you both recoil at is only self-reproducing proof. This body is disgusting, and even if you can love it, it's too far gone for me to ever not be repulsed by. I don't want things to be this way. I wish you could save me, would-be-Prince. I wish I could save you, hell-treading oracle. But as I am, my efforts won't ever be enough. I will give everything I have, but I have never had enough, been enough. I love you. I'm sorry.

>>43222990
i feel sorry for you miss tumblr user

>>43222719
i made up the replies
>t. ftm

>>43223015
people put good art there. thanks, also...

>>43223029
we were made for each other... (i do believe in transsexuality just not the concept of gender) (you can top)

>>43223224
i made up that i'm ftm to bait a response from you.
>t. ransbian

File: wain.jpg (112 KB, 976x850)

112 KB JPG

i've been a repper for years and its mentally getting really hard for me but im so scared and i know i wont pass and ill just ruin my life. i am so upset all the time by it and i know some of my friends would understand but im too scared to talk about it

>>43223224
we were made for each other... (you can bottom)

>>43223328
we were made for each other... (you can be the prey)

File: 5wsdzw2b9t9g1.jpg (1.59 MB, 2893x4063)

1.59 MB JPG

>>43222990
Geez this feels like it was written for me. It's insane how many ways the same story seems to play out again and again across different lives. My princess believes herself rotten and broken, but she is just hurt. I cant make her whole, but I could hold her tight until her fragments mend together, if fate would allow. But it will not, despite my long history of defying the fates and surviving. I can save people I dont know, but doomed to treat the depths of Hades itself, I can never save myself and no one is coming for me. I will carry on nonetheless, my crumbled away shade of a soul urging me forward. Maybe I will finally see the light on the blessed day of my death. But for a wretch like me, I would accept having born and died in darkness just as readily.

>>43211808
every day i come here and im so immature i laugh at my own riffs

File: Tumblr_l_591833086827720.jpg (163 KB, 700x988)

163 KB JPG

>>43223470
Maybe it was written for you, at least in part. I can't know for sure, I guess. One of the people it's written for has been here, but I've tried to make sure the other doesn't. I don't know, I probably don't know you. But seeing feelings like that, that waiting for death... It makes me want to try, it makes me want to be good enough to keep "you" from the brink. I want to show "you" a life that's not an exercise in waiting for relief... I want "your" life to be relieving. And I can't make it that way. I can't show that kind of life to you because I don't know it. I'm waiting to die, I squander the love everyone gives me, and I twist the knives they can't pull out because it's what I think I deserve. I don't want to think about how disgusting that makes me, but it's all my thoughts can revolve around. Maybe if I wasn't so monotone, maybe if I could actually be encouraging, maybe if I could make my own life worth more, I could make "you" want to stay. I hate this, I hate myself, I hate that I can't be better no matter how hard I try. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry.

File: 1766300839981327.jpg (682 KB, 1776x2485)

682 KB JPG

>>43224306
I promise you're not as evil and broken as you feel you are, familiar stranger. The world has ways of beating us down and making us into the architects of our own doom. You sound like you have a lot of love in your life. Even if you feel you dont deserve it, you should forgive yourself for whatever perceived sins you feel you've committed. The world doesn't run on justice and you dont need to be punished. You can always atone by just putting more good into the world.
Please tell me if you would, fellow traveler, what pains your soul so? Why do you feel so rotten? I could share a bit of my story, too, it you would like.

I don’t consider hons valid and they shouldn’t consider themselves trans until they do. Having a 5 o’clock shadow, broad hairy shoulders, and a gronk forehead covered in long, thinning hair does NOT make you trans.
I’m sorry, you either pass or you’re man.

>>43211808
i feel like im over my sexuality and gender completely, im just so tired, feels like fighting nature all the time, and it doesnt even work. i feel ready to give up, trooning was a waste of time.

>>43215273
WAIT ??? is this a bout me omg bitch

enslaving gay men in the chemical shackles of estrogen is just as wrong as making blacks pick cotton on plantations

>>43225089
The thing she doesnt tell you is that she is also having an emotional affair

>>43225243
NAHH i dunno maybe i just interpreted it wrong cuz idk what that's supposed to mean meow

File: 9m3oiqeuhgsf1.jpg (492 KB, 1620x2160)

492 KB JPG

>>43224306
I hope youre having the sweetest of dreams, precious little princess.

>>43211808
Bruhhhhh I want her to be my t4t gf soooo bad. We would be such a cute couple together. Damnit, I'm stuck between "we can't keep going on like this forever so I should just ask her" and "I can't bring it up yet I need to just be normal for now". We don't live in the same state. Opportunities to spend time together in person are rare and involve extensive planning. Maybe for now I'll just keep cool and save up more money. But I really want her to be my gf, I feel like we'd be so good together.

>>43225469
fake, and gay

>>43225498
Very gay, yes, but not fake!

>>43225141
Neither of these really rub me the wrong way. Trannies are not gay men. They identify as bisexual but they're primarily heterosexual males with no authentic attraction to males that aren't like underaged twink looking. Trannies castrating themselves is therefore a good thing because it keeps them from being able to rape.

>>43225538
hehe same, anon

I have the girl of my dreams who loves me, who sees me as the woman I am, but I have wasted my entire life frying my brain and soul to not feel emotion. I want to be happy and love her back, I fear its a bit of a act, I'm like a monster. But wanting to love is love, and if I would feel anything it would be for her.

>>43211808
im so fucking tired and I keep spiraling out. i dont have a life and i relied on her to give me some kind of anchor and now she is gone. im trying to make myself move on and be okay but im really really not

>>43214170
im sorry

>>43225553
What exactly makes you a monster besides "someone loves me but I'm not sure how I feel myself"?

>>43211808
i think i am doomed to die alone. you hurt me in the same way my family hurt me. in the way you promised you wouldn't. all of it was for nothing in the end. only results matter and what i am left with is sand running through my fingers.

i just wished you cared.

>>43216203
Christ, you sound like my ex

>>43211808
would you even really have cared if i had gone through with it that night? if i had killed myself? god knows i was close to it. i was hurting so much and i was so alone and you left me alone.

>>43225623
I hope I'm not bringing up any bad memories, anon.

I also hope I'm not actually your ex and that this is all a coincidence.

>>43225896
AND i hope ur not his ex and hes uh him LOL yup probably a coincidence

Even after I broke up with you and told you what the problem was, you still don't see it.
The problem wasn't what was said, it was what you chose to do.
Openly saying you're being petty and want me to get the message by giving me the silent treatment is just a way to hurt me.
You can feel upset with what I said, those are your feelings you have every right, but what was said was never meant to be about or related to you. It was a mistake I MADE that I shared with you, so you could learn off my mistake. It was never intended to humiliate or dismiss you but to guide you, even after I helped you.
Instead, even after clarifying, you went ahead and escalated things, hurt me, and said things to hurt me to your friends. Because it wasn't the response you wanted to hear.
And this was all over something so mundane, if we had moved in together, and this was something serious, and I don't even want to think how you would handle things, and that's why I lost all trust and safety in you. Because your actions show you don't care about me or respect me and that anything I say will always be taken in the most negative way possible internally. And once that trust and safety is gone there is no relationship left to salvage.
I don't think you will change. In the short time we were together, I could see so much emotional immaturity from you, most I could look past but this was just too much. I hope you do the hard work of fixing your insecurity and the next relationship you are in goes well for you. I still love you very much, but I don't think I could ever trust you as a partner.

>>43225923
Let dat man go lol

>>43225923
is that you?

>>43225956
no this is patrick

>>43225956
No, you don't type as nicely as he does.

>>43225999
ok also im a woman. also the details didnt really line up. sorry

>>43225923
The problem only had arisen because you had refused to acknowledge that what you had said hurt me at the time I brought it up.
I was interested in learning from you, because I respected you. You may not have intended to hurt my feelings with what you said, but you did. I mentioned as much to you DIRECTLY.
But instead of any kind of empathy or trying to see it from another angle, you coldly just told me again how you were affected by what I was trying to learn about, which is no longer what I cared about at the time, I just wanted you to care.
But that never happened, so I reached out to some friends where I felt comfortable talking about how I felt, and I shouldn't have to apologize for speaking transparently about my feelings to them, regardless of whether or not you saw it. You spoke of it like I was airing out everything in detail, and that was not the case. Sure, wording it the way I did, did me no favors, but I felt that unless I was absent, you wouldn't see that I was genuinely upset.
I'm sorry that I'm not the ultra stoic man who lies down and takes without a sound all the results of your stunted emotional depth that you wished I was.
I called your coldness autistic, because it was, I called it tone-deaf, because it was.
You aren't exactly the paragon of maturity either, every time you'd go off in a fit of violent verbal rage at something stupid, or get unbearably edgy about complete non-issues, I thought it was cringy as fuck but I looked past it also because everything else about you was perfect to me.
It still is, but that's something I'm going to have to live with moving on.
There will never be a perfect relationship, no matter how long or hard you search for it, but I was still willing to grow alongside you to at least make it one worth living for.
I love you too, more than you could ever know.

I saw this OP pic while I was tripping on mushrooms once like a year ago

it was pretty cool

File: Tumblr_l_3524754914355138.jpg (652 KB, 1224x2000)

652 KB JPG

>>43224488
Even if it's self-inflicted, I don't feel like there's anything I can do to be human. I try to help people, I try to make their lives better, and many tell me it works. But in my heart, the doing makes me feel nothing, and the gratitude is the same way. Since I was a kid, what's had the strongest pull on my heart is death - it feels like all I can do too make things better for myself and others is to die. I've tried to do it several times, but I got interrupted, or tried things that didn't work. I've tried therapy and medication, but nothing takes away that longing. I feel like that's one of my worst sins... There are people who want to help, there's someone whose whole life has been upended in dedication to helping me, but it never reaches my heart. And finding someone I want to help, someone visited by tragedy that doesn't stop coming... but I can't. I can't convince someone to live if I myself want to die. And that feels like another grave sin. As I get older, I'm becoming more disgusted with myself, probably because old vents for the pain aren't allowed to me anymore. But my body is just... I waited too long to try to fix it. I can't use it around others in a way that isn't disgusting. It feels filthy. I feel filthy, walking around as this, I feel dead. I feel like I'm rotting away. And that's more sin I don't know how to purify.

File: 71f55642-32da-439c-b812-7(...).jpg (517 KB, 1525x2000)

517 KB JPG

>>43224488
>>43227168
sorry, posted too soon. I would also like to know what of your story you're willing to tell...

File: IMG_7446.jpg (58 KB, 701x438)

58 KB JPG

all i want is for your wife to bring the girls over for queenies birthday tea party. no boys allowed.

i wanna have cake and snacks and listen to their gossip before sending them home. that is all. and you act like it's the end of the world.

File: __zagreus_and_persephone_(...).jpg (155 KB, 850x1503)

155 KB JPG

>>43227180
Im probably the most broken doll you've ever seen. Most are tossed against the wall once and left to rot. I ground into the dirt from my earliest memories. My mother was a schizophrenic cultist who thought I was some kinda martyr hero in the making. To ensure her vision, I was taught to hunt and kill... I was tortured, physically and mentally. Chains and needles were my reality. I was raped for the first time at 8 and watched a man die at 9. I died again and again until I was a hollowed out shell and it took me decades to finally wake up.
She... and Im pretty sure youre not her for her isnt suicidality unless she's been hiding it from me... she is the first person in decades to make me feel at peace. She warms my heart and lights my world in a way that is gentle, not blinding. She knew a calm life and was loved and yet... is still somehow broken. She doesnt deserve it and I find myself feeling that I would rather burn away the very last of my soul holding her together than to let her crumble for no cause.
She saved my life, you know. It almost feels deserved to me, my loyalty. I wish I could just be that ardently loyal friend, but of course in my cursed heart bloomed a love most foul and doomed. I can never fully express it - not in a way that would be comforting. She knows. Maybe im hurting her more - her thinking she will hurt me by growing these feelings. But... she saved me.
There isnt a single other person in my long, dark, ruinous history who is remotely as radiant as her - my love.
>>43227168
Thank you for sharing a bit. Im fresh awake so its hard to give longer form commentary. Im sorry these thoughts plague you.

File: Tumblr_l_1521065453845950.jpg (489 KB, 1562x1989)

489 KB JPG

>>43227420
Maybe I am not your her, but you sound like one of mine... I don't know what to do, or say, other than to wish I could shine like that. I had a similar upbringing to you, but definitely not as bad. My mother beat me constantly, screamed at me for hours and hours... I was isolated from so much of the world. There was nowhere to go for help, no one to turn to who could help even when I did try to confide. I guess, as an adult, I tried to make a life that feels worthwhile, and I failed. My mother said I was evil, and she was right. I can't save myself, and I can't save anyone else. My mother said I never should have been born, and she was right. This is a worthless life. I envy whoever your she is, even if that's wrong. I want to shine, too. It can't ever happen, I'm too filthy, I'm too rotten. Envious, rotted thing.

>>43211808
i want to be east asian, and i have since i was a child. this is wrong

(mtf) I never had an actual partner, never had sex and I don't even want to.
All my dating experience resumes to having two dates with one guy and we never talked again. I don't think I'm unattractive or a bad person, not all, but the thought of dating anyone or having sex IRL sounds unappealing to me, I only fantasize

>>43211808
I will, genuinely, love everyone I talk to, anyone I let close to my soul will forever be bones in my garden and yet, for what?
My boyfriend doesn't want me growing lush, he wants to be the only one to rot in my garden, and I love him too. Flowers will bloom and life will thrive but I know it'll never be enough, I, just wish, One day I could decompose in someone elses flowerbed too. I'm glad I met you, and should the planets align I would gut myself for you, I always will, and at least he understands that part of me. I will bleed forever for whoever wants to hold the knife, and he's long since decided he was never going to. So please, let us bleed for you.

File: 535030917_734183516098545(...).jpg (73 KB, 438x699)

73 KB JPG

>>43227984
My she, she tells me of a fairy-tale like childhood. And yet she is still broken. Ive seen her, light behind her eyes snuffed by tears and despair - its part of what makes her shine to me, knowing those smiles I see are special. But I also know she tends to lie and hide from the truth until it sneaks up on her. Her "okay" is a sliding scale, always moving until it is "okay" no matter how miserable she feels inside. She says people cant read her, they are often confused by her dry nature. But I see it written all over her. The glint in her eye when she's happy. The slight upturned smile. The way she bounces with joy and the limpness of her body when despair is taking hold as if she were a doll with cut strings. And that smile. The smile of contentment ive seen only a handful of times. It is an image of pure joy, gently and subtly painted across her face. So I can hear her "okay" but see what she really feels. I wonder what else she is hiding from.
The more you write, familiar stranger, the more I feel we are alike. If I feel we are alike and you feel I am alike your they... perhaps you are more alike them than you realize. Maybe I am more alike my she than I realize.
I find great comfort in how our stories tend to repeat. Like two souls strung together by fate, dancing across time and lives held just so painfully apart. It doesnt have to end poorly, kindred spirit. We can heal. I believe that for you with all my heart, even though I may scoff at it for myself. We are seldom as rotten as we truly feel.

>>43228019
Dang that's pretty crazy. I've always been a radical introvert and a shut in (except the latter half of high school) and even I've slept with 1 person, fooled around to various degrees with a handful of others, dated 4 girls and married one, plus a pair of emotional flings.

>>43228129
Gods and the way music suffuses her entire soul til it just oozes out of her... how could I forget that. The way she hums and sings almost as if she cant help it. Her song could entangle me til the end of days and I would pass on happily listening to her,,,

File: Tumblr_l_4726143434148414.jpg (665 KB, 2048x1354)

665 KB JPG

>>43228129
I want to believe healing can come, for you or for me, but I think I'm too tired to. I think I broke something I needed along the way, so trying just... makes me feel nothing. I worry that I just push whatever I lack outward, creeping entropy stealing away others' chances at a better life. I feel so fake, even as a fake I feel fake... I don't exist to cover up something more inconvenient, or to bring someone joy through just the act of engaging something created. People see me as someone worth engaging with, but I can't put the pieces together to give them worthwhile love. If things really repeat, I guess I'm just worried I'm a sign the repetition is wearing on. It hurts to dance like this. I don't know what to do, I'm just very sad and very scared and I want to disappear. I don't want to spread this, I don't want anyone else to be this, no one should be as empty as I am.

>>43211808
I had hoped the dysphoria was a cover for something else but even after those were resolved, it is still here
I dont want to blow this by ruining my life to be a turbohon but if this goes on, I'm not sure I can go on like this

File: downloadfile(3).jpg (67 KB, 467x467)

67 KB JPG

>>43228341
You have my deepest sympathies, friend. You are the Eurydice to someone's Orpheus, knowing they will always turn back to try to catch your gaze when they should continue their march out of Hades, forever damning themselves with you. Perhaps you didnt ask for it. Perhaps you hope this time they dont look back and abandon you as they rightly should. And yes, I hope they look back every time. Even as the claws of damnation lick at their heels and the God of the Dead himself laughs at their folly.
Would you like to connect over DMs? I think id like to talk to you more, if you wouldnt mind hearing out a broken soul. No pressure tho, I know the nature of this particular gen encourages anonymity.

File: Tumblr_l_2900167876835649.jpg (222 KB, 1536x2048)

222 KB JPG

>>43228520
yeah, we can continue in DMs. do you have a discord? I guess I don't know how to share stuff here, not sure if you just want to post in the thread...

>>43228598
I do. Here's my Disc:
pupplove.el91
It's a burner account. Besides anyone who knows that account has already clocked exactly who I am a long time ago. It's a little embarassing, really, how poorly I hide my affections.
Im a little slow to respond because I keep busy so please be patient. ^^'

>>43228664
just sent a friend request, my username is also dog related...

'm glad the rp is over

>>43229506
Nah Ill go back to yearning endlessly for my best friend in an hour or two. :> Gotta get it out somewhere so I can be normal IRL. And now Ill do it specifically to spite you, even!

just got the proof it wasnt real, lucky me ig

wwwwwwwww

I want to ruin my friendship with my highschool best friend because I want to kiss him and sleep with him. He was my only friend for a couple years. He’s always been my best dungeons and dragons player. He’s nice, silly, charitable, charming and handsome. He’s perfect in so many ways. And he tells me he downloaded hinge and he went on a great date with a woman. A cis woman. And he is having a good time. If I ever try a move. It will be after bottom surgery.

Istg I hate being skinnyfat anymore I hate soooo much I can’t even look at myself in the mirror and If I can’t stand myself how is my hypothetical boyfriend supposed to I hate ittttt

(mtf) i say i'm bisexual because it's trendy but i'm actually just a prison lesbian. i've always wanted to just date man and now i go with non passing trans girls just to get a taste of their bio male bodies. vaginas really disgust me and i cant imagine topping anyone

Message me right now.

>>43230481
Got it!

im infinitely bored and ive got nobody to talk to and im scrrd to talk to people because im socillay inept and im scared of fucking up our conversation or maybe coming off as creeoy and making thme uncomfortable and i end up choosing to jstu gloom in my room and feel bad anout mysefl and not do anything increasing my feelings of worthlessness and what i go through is mabye nothing compared to waht other people have to deal with but because ive got no information forom exteernal sources i cannot knowo and i jst idk

>>43230806
People are hard people are finicky and conversations are so weird. I don’t entirely understand them. I try and get better conversations, but I also know people people tend to just forget to message each other and all goes to the side after two weeks. We don’t wanna say anything weird if you wanna try and talk, I’d be down

i love you.

>>43234152
You are loved.

I'm semischizo cis f and I want to see my trans gf with a big dog