>be me>turn 30>finally except the fact that im trans after years of running from it and suppressing with weed>go to therapy and tell girlfriend of 3 years>lots of long hard conversations>decides to stay together and not transition to live a happy normal life>stop going to therapist>the pressure of knowing never goes away>all friends and family start getting married and having children>she’s ready to get married and have kids>family and friends all ask what I’m waiting for>she’s perfect>the need to transition gets stronger everyday>4 years together now>turn 31 next weekI feel like I have to do the right thing for her and my family and friends. Get married, have kids, keep strong career. But I can’t escape my thoughts of “who I really am” I’m lost and desperate. I’m please help if you can.
I'm a little younger than you are, 29, but the honest truth is that I don't think the tranny thoughts go away. I tried meds, therapy, drugs, repression, positive masculinity, hobbies, friends, distraction. Nothing makes it better.
>>43234364Here's what you should consider:- the tranny thoughts never go away- you'll never be satisfied or happy with a cisman's life- repressing doesn't get easier as you age (the opposite happens)- a family, while seeming like a terminal solution, i.e: "I'll never troon now since I have a family" - is actually a terrible idea because John 50s still transition after having kids.- you were a complete moron when you decided to rep for your gf because you wasted valuable time for a complete lie
>>43234364You need to dump this chick and live your own life, do not have children. There's nothing more pathetic than someone who knows a better life is possible but is too scared to do it. Don't let some cis woman dictate your life.
I transed and wish I had a loving relationship with a wife and kids. Having a relationship as a tranny is hard.
beautiful pic
>>43234364the heartache of changing your mind later on will be much worse when you get real commitments, be grateful you found out before you actually ruin their life with a marriage and kid, best to break it off now instead of living a fake life because you are temporarily influenced by your peers starting families
your kids are going to be completely miserable with a repper for a father. if your girlfriend won't let you transition then what happens if your kids get the tranny genes? do not condemn them to your fate because you can't cope with being trans
>>43234364First- you really, REALLY should not ask for advice from the people that frequent 4CHAN of all places.Second- reflect. How much do you love your girlfriend? Your family? You'll throw that all away if you decide to transition. Is it really worth it, for this "feeling"? You really should not have stopped going to a therapist. I don't know why you would stop going to a therapist and then go on here to ask. Go to a therapist, dude.
>>43234364Sweety the right thing to do is to be true to yourself. She's still young enough to find another guy, if you get married and repress for another 10 or 20 years, you're still going to blow everything up only now she'll be too old to start again and there's probably be kids in the fallout. Don't do it. It's progressive, it gets worse, eventually you will not be the sort of man anyone wants to be around, and you will resent all of them for not worshiping you like Jesus for all the suffering you're enduring for them. The right choice is to be true to yourself now.
>>43234629Being trans isn't a "'feeling". It's a basic necessity of being comfortable in your own skin and with who you are. Fuck off.
>>43234707seconding this
just take hrt and say you're following that anti aging thing that rich guy promotes
bad place for advice but i get it but i hope you have some good people irl to talk to about this (that aren't your family or connected to your partner)my piece: relationships do not last forever. none of them do. even the ones that feel like they will - especially those ones. and whatever you end up doing you're still going to hurt a lot.
>>43234364I think the first thing to do is admit that you have a real problem here. Your girlfriend does not support you transitioning. Your family will not understand it. However much you sacrifice in order to keep this suppressed, the person you love most and your family see this as a temptation to be resisted, like how gamblers are supposed to stay away from tables and alcoholics away from the bottle. They will never recognize this as an authentic part of yourself, and thus will praise you for rejecting it as if you fought off a demon, and not as if you cut off a part of yourself. You need to accept that. Any resentment you might feel that you don't get to be who you are WILL NEVER BE RECOGNIZED. Even that resentment will be taken as proof that you're selfish and held captive by a fetish. The second thing to do is ask, can you authentically see this as an addiction you will struggle your entire life with? Or is this a part of you? Because if it is a part of you, then you will never be totally loved in your life. And you must accept that. And I think if you do accept that, you must be prepared to pay the price. Can you love the people who ask that of you?
>>43234387>>43234595>>43234603>>43234620>>43234649This is all strongly how I feel now, I really feel like there is no escape from these thoughts. It’s been a tough year of suppressing. It is truly an everyday struggle. To the people saying hold on and push through it. Your family won’t understand or you’ll never find love. That is honestly terrifying to me but having these never ending thoughts feel more scary.I truly have contemplated suicide and have terrible thoughts because I feel like I’m going to ruin everyone’s life around me by transitioning. Like I’m selfish for wanting to transition.But on the flip side I feel like I can’t escape. I was told I was a feminine little kid. I only had friends with girls and liked Barbie’s, and my dad told me straight up from childhood essentially that he would hate to have a “gay son” and that being gay is bad from everyone else. My whole life I’ve felt like I’ve had to repress some part of me. And hide. Just to survive in social circles and now that I’ve done it so long I’m just who everyone else wants me to be.I looked in my google search history for evidence I knew sooner. And I looked up in 2017 “coming out to family as transgender” I’ve been low key for 9 years almost. And have been truly suffering for the past year.
reppers is a terrible idea. the thoughts wont go away, so there are two outcomes here:first, you rep forever. you will be miserable the whole time and your kids will notice. having a depressed dad isnt good for them.second, you crack under the pressure and john50. grats, now your kids have a tranny parent and probably divorced parents too judging from your girlfriends reaction.even if you completely ignore your own mental wellbeing, neither case is good for your kids. just take the pinkpill now, waiting wont fix anything
>>43236893It’s just like how do you cope with the uncertainty of what life has to offer. I think the only reason I’ve held on to this fake life is the certainty it brings. I know that transitioning will finally make me happy within but everything else is not guaranteed. Like although I’m suffering, on paper my life looks good. Everyone in my life loves me and I could start a family and know when I’m 75 I’ll probably be alright. But when I transition. Everything is thrown to the wind except my own happiness. I’m scared of getting old and being alone. I don’t know what’s worse
>>43234364You're going to have a mental breakdown at this rate.
>>43238483I feel like I’ve been on the verge of a mental breakdown for the past year
oh great another john50 optics nuke
>>43240760Better to ask for help now than later
>>43234364“who I really am” is such a dumb memeyou simply are who you chose to beand you should definitely choose having wonderful wife and family over being a pathetic trannyplease don’t throw your life away for gender bullshit
>>43243577gender's a performance and all but if you can bear living in the same skin you breathe in without making a change i don't think it is comparable to spiritualist finding your true self bullshitjohn50ism is avoidable
>>43238460trannies either die young or die aloneit’s an inherently isolating lifestyle
No. You should troon out now and ruin it all for the sake of your fetish. Obvious choice.
>>43234387Same age as blud, repped for 3 years actively. Just decided to troon out this year. Tbqh I'm not regretting it, but I'm kind of a loser, and I don't have the whole normie wife + kids thing going on.
>>43234629>>43234843>>43234913>>43243577My struggle then is how do I get over these thoughts that have consumed me in every aspect of my life. I live a depression daily. I want to just be happy, I don’t know if any of you have been through what I’m going through but my life has been a struggle, juggling these emotions. I’m only here because I have no one else to ask and it’s eating me alive
>>43234364dont stop repping its the worth thing you can do and trooning out will gigaruin your life you will cry yourself to sleep every night wishing you could go back to your old life beware
>>43234364Don't ruin your life for a fetish, seriously.
>>43234387tranny thoughts are easy to kill if you nuke your sex drive with something like finasteride
>>43234364keep repping lil one, get into drag or whatever but desu at that age it's overyou'll lose your wife and family over being a tranny, not worth it
>>43234364>>decides to stay together and not transition to live a happy normal life>I feel like I have to do the right thing for her and my family and friends. Get married, have kids, keep strong career. But I can’t escape my thoughts of “who I really am”you are a colossal retardi highly recommend you self-castrate with CaC and inject estradiol immediately before you make a mistake that you cannot fucking undo.>"i want kids"this is a womans way of saying she wants a future out of you, moron. you are being used.
>>43247483*CaCl
do you want to die a repper like the man who wrote "pink moon"? you're sacrificing yourself for someone else's benefit. only god will forgive you, but he will not reward you
>>43247284The thoughts are still entirely there even when my sex drive is gone, I don’t know if it was depression or what but I have had several months of zero sexual interest in anything in these thoughts were still entirely there
>>43234364Once you impregnate a woman a dark masculine energy begins to cloud your aura that will never go away. Even if you decide to transition later you will be spiritually male for the rest of your life and it will be impossible to pass because no matter what you look like other people will subconsciously pick up on the male energy vibrations you project.The only karmically clean path out of this is to dump your gf, get castrated and force yourself to get a boyfriend regardless of whether you like men or not. Otherwise you'll be doomed to reincarnate into a lower form of existence (an AGP).
>>43234364even if you transition there's nothing short of surgery that will prevent you from getting her pregnant. HRT will suppress sperm production but as long as you've got your testes they can be brought back to lifewhich leads to the real question: can she accept you, marry you, as a woman? If she can, you've found a keeper. If she can't, she'll always represent a barrier preventing you from living as your true self and you'll resent her
>>43247504nick drake was a repper?
>>43234364he fell for the repmeme
cant speak for you obviously but the #1 thing ive never been even slightly conflicted or repressed about before any sex or gender stuff is that i absolutely do not want to be a father. when i was in a similar situation i crashed it into the ground no survivors on purpose without hesitation
>>43234364>Be me out bi dude (age 23)>run into an old friend (bi f) at Acen>she is there with her trans fwb>she splits with fwb and we start seeing each other>know shes gonna be cool with me being very not straight so go for it>she enjoys having an extremely bi faggy acting boyfriend>twink death happened a year earlier (22) so I was trying to cope as a normal dude.>shit gets bad by 27 but our relationship is going well>be 28 about to get married and rolling on molly>answer a question she asks about what I would do if my future son wanted to wear a dress >answer very honestly snd she realizes I am trans>deny it>get married a few months later>realize I've made a horrible mistake offer to anull the marriage and pay her rent for a year>she decides couples counseling, therapy for me and we will try to work it out>we work it out while I'm pursuing HRT.>Decide this is our only chance at being mom's so the plan is for me to knock her up and then start HRT>34 now, daughter is 3 and she has only ever known me as mom, relationship with my wife is good, our family is more or less fine with itI will stay my starting point was an almost totally bald head so it took me a while to look less like an eyesore3+ years of HRT, fin and minox have almost completely fixed my hairlineI unironically get hit on more in a month now that I did the entirety of my 20s
>>43234364>ooh im going to sacrifice who i am to stay together with my whore cissoid wife who literally doesnt even love me, but only who she wants me to bedo people reallyalso>im gonna do THE RIGHT THING and get married and have childrenhow is that the right thing to do? according to what universal moral is it wrong to not breed or sign a legal paper of co-ownership of property? normies are mental
>>43249994>I will stay my starting point was an almost totally bald head so it took me a while to look less like an eyesorehow the fuck can trannies let this happen to themselves? i was literally on the brink of suicide when i noticed a palm-size sparse spot on my scalp>3+ years of HRT, fin and minox have almost completely fixed my hairlinehow? i STILL have that palm-size sparse spot
>>43250054>Started balding at 19> all my money until 22 was tied up in school payment plans after my university hiked rates leading to my scholarship not covering it22-25 too poor to move out because shitty job and student loans26-27 moved out but too poor for medical care 27 start working as a union maintenance worker finally have healthcare, enough money to live, afford meds and pay off my student loans28 Covid throws me wife out of work, our car got totalled and a bunch of other bad shit30 delayed by gatekeepingA month before 31 finally start HRTAnon when youre living in a ghetto and poor as fuck there are bigger things on your mind than maybe fixing your hair if it works outI didnt even get to start HRT until a month before 31
>>43249994do you still take fin and minox? will you be taking them for life?
>>43250524Yeah I dont care
>>43249196>>43249994>>43250008She 100% doesn’t want to be with a tranny, she made that very clear. Nothing against trans people just not her cup of tea
>>43247284I'm the person you replied to. I don't have a sex drive, I am on dutasteride, and I still have tranny thoughts. My tranny thoughts are not sexually motivated.
>>43253348so give her up. she doesnt want you, she wants her imagination.
>>43253348then why is she with you? a make believe man
>>43234707So.... a feeling
>>43249994>unironically get hit on more in a month now that I did the entirety of my 20sGet hit on by who?
>>43234364take your HRT, retardhttps://www.avitale.com/essays-details/?name=the-gender-variant-phenomenon--a-developmental-review-5
Hey OP. I'm basically in the same boat as you, wife wants a kid, I don't know where my gender identity is at, past 30, depression is a constant.Please, please please go to therapy. Literally everyone should have a therapist and you aren't an exception. You deserve to have someone to take to about this that isn't 4chan
>>43249434I'm curious too first time I'm hearing that theory
>>43254002>>43234364OP genuinely read through this paper, at least the "Middle Age" and "Older Adult" sections. This is the future you are choosing if you rep. It's not to late to change things.
>>43234364I'm iterally you nona, except i took the pink pill at 30, already had a gf for 5 years and everything. Now 31, a year on HRT, and there is finally true light, beauty, and happiness in my life. It's not easy, not easy at all, you're judged, stared at, avoided, misunderstood, but the light is so bright that you'll never wanna go back in that dark cave. As life goes on, all that you've achieved, all the success you've had, it will all mean nothing, overshadowed by the thought of "what could have been".You only live once nona...
>>43234364if she loves you, she will be with you when you transition my bf (now gf) broke up with me because she thought i wouldn't love her when she transitioned. i only love her more now and think of her every dayjust do it nona. and if she leaves you, she was never the one for you. it's funny i see this post today, as my timed write prompt in class today was:"can you supress your inner desires for familial pressures?"and everybody overwhelming answered "No!"
