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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

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>>43193635
Overall this is a huge step in the right direction, Anon! Sorry to hear about your family of course.. it seems like you have contingencies, which is great! I really hope you make some friends who can help you figure things out. Laser, to my understanding, can wait until hormones in principle but it will do you a lot of good to do it asap. Afaik body hair will thin on E so it will get easier but there is no disadvantage to starting early.
>>43194168
Oh! Welcome back, Anon! I am happy to hear from you, it's been a while! I'm elated to hear my advice did you some good, and I wanna congratulate you for having reached a milestone in your transition since we last talked. I'm happy to be there, and it is always a special kinda joy to hear back from people.. thank you! The sensory deprivation stuff is really cool by the way, I rarely hear of it!
>>43199576
>it's very tiring to deal with.
My grandma almost called the cops because I didn't call her in 4 days, can you imagine?
>>43200902
>>43235445
I'm glad you took the time to think it through, Anon. Sorry for having been a bit slow with my replies.
>maybe if I have enough income I probably be let of the hook.
A good start, yes.
>I hope so within the current week.
Oh, that soon? That is awesome! So I take it you have the chance to become/already are financially independent and can move out? Just to make sure I got it right.
>Maybe I will gather some time to type shit out.
Please, take all the time you need.
>Doesn't exist in South East Asia and I don't live in thailand
Ah fuck. Yes that changes a fair bit, usually in countries of that sort there are some tightly knit LGBT communities for survival reasons alone. Unfortunately I have no contacts to forward to people. It's actually something I have been thinking of for a long while..
>Thanks even though it took me a lot of time to reply.
Hey, it takes two, I appreciate you responding to my giga late responses much the same!

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>>43204432
>Maybe I'll make plans to go to an in-person meetup or two just to get used to it again.
A good call I believe, absolutely.
>>43205431
Wanna talk about it a little?
>>43206277
>I should've done more with my full-time studies, somehow.
Hm, what did you do? If you passed your exams and got all the formal quals out of it that you could in a timely manner, I would say you did enough. Though I might be a little unfair towards them, too.
>It's usually out of desperation but I won't deny it happens out of spite too.
It's a bucket of crabs sorta thing. But I am very eager to sweep a lot of nuance under the rug here, too.
>>43210567
I know I am late to the party, but I would like to hear from you. Even if it went poorly, now is a good time to reexamine your approach for the future.
>>43211966
>time to lock in and vanish for a bit and hopefully be back with some progress!
All the best!

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>>43201015
Curry's looking good! Making leek and mushroom risotto today with my darling.
>Stimmy Sticks
Noted by the way, thank you!
>>43201920
What's up, Anon?
>>43202314
Wholeheartedly agreed, one of the core messages of /sig/ has always been "you are not alone".
>>43203649
Thanks for the update, Anon! You're one of the few data points I have for this stuff so this is very educational for me.
>>43203670
If you wanna ease your mind, all you need is some basic infosec. Of course you would still eventually be exposed towards people you grow sufficiently close to but those people earned your trust to get to that point, right? I would start with a clean separation of work and leisure. If you wish to do youtube stuff professionally, then you should have it tied to a dedicated e-mail. Your discord does not need to be tied to your real identity at all. Besides, browser-based discord supports multi-accounting, but is of course otherwise not a secure platform in any sense.
It's good you're working on your independence, hope things are progressing well.

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>>43214322
Don't worry about late responses, Anon! I will always read and reply eventually, anyway. I am going to feel second hand relief when this bullcrap is finally over for you. It sounds like you were grossly mismanaged.
>I wish I had friends to see.
We're working on that right now, aren't we?
>Lots of little things like that in my life.
>This week I did send my resume to my friend who forwarded it to his boss.
Wishing you all the best on that front, Anon! Do keep me posted.
>Never. I just avoid them. So, I guess you're right.
Always remember that we as people almost never really judge ourselves in a way that is in any way consistent with how we judge others. Right now your insecurities make you project a very hostile internal monologue onto others. Other times you will judge yourself harshly for a perceived shortcoming you wouldn't even notice in anybody else.
>There are times when that happens. Especially when a conversation just bounces around in directions that are not as fun for me. On the other hand, there have been groups where numbers make a conversation sprightly and it's easy to let loose.
Oh, that is a useful thing to keep in mind. Primarily, if you wanna get better with social interactions and get closer to people? My #1 recommendation is to set the stage. I socialize well when I invite people for cooking, or have a coffee wit them, stuff like that. Doing things that I find comforting, setting up things to not be distracted/overstimulated etc..
As for eccentricity: You can imagine someone who maintains a self help general on a mongolian basket weaving forum to be a bit of an eccentric in his own right. Of course a lot of people wouldn't vibe with me, I made my peace with that much. But one thing that will do you well, that did me well, is to not think of awkwardness as a quality. It isn't. Awkwardness is simply a mood. And not always a shared one. It is something you can rig in your favor.

the night is young, don’t give out yet, bump

>>43265711
>You're one of the few data points I have for this stuff so this is very educational for me.
I'll get back on it on friday and see how I fare
Some of the stuff I'm reading recommends only taking it 2 or 3 times a week

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Still trying to arrange FFS, I don't know why surgeons don't have like good office staff who can at least reply to me. It's been a month since first consult and I just can't seem to push things through to getting a surgery date no matter how hard I try.
It's kind of idk, ironically sad that I'm the lowest paid engineer in the factory (which I knew signing on for the job anyway because I took it as a graduate level job) because it puts me economically more in line with a lot of our production staff than the other engineers. Even sadder that one of the other engineers (the main one I work with) seems to think I constantly need ego checking or having my competence questioning because I have a degree and actually read manuals.
>>43260061
>Oh, which one?
Pokemon Go : P, free excuse to go walk about because my poor Luxio has been waiting for me to walk enough to evolve it for like 3+ years ;-;
>The average person has no understanding of anything MH so any information at all will just be scary and unfamiliar to them.
Yea I mean I don't apply it to regular employers, just the particular one I'm trying to clear through it all for (MOD)
>wouldn't you still be in a deficit with 1600kcal?
Tried it before but it just never seems to achieve much, I don't really understand why because logically it should but alas. I tend to bounce between 1200-1500 anyway when I'm dieting.
Talked to my co-workers about rent and yeah it's p/much the same system all around.
>43193635
Hopefully it's gone/goes well nona. Idk what sigs answer to the wig question is but personally I avoid them irl because I'd be perpetually paranoid about if it looks natural enough and good ones are kinda pricy.~
With regards to laser, it depends if you'd ever be attached to having facial hair, personally I would start it asap (go to a good laser clinic, make sure it's not an IPL, the laser should be able to actually burn your face pretty much).
Restrooms my best advice is use the one you pass as.

Wasted 4+ hours trying to deradicalise a terf award!.
>>43267151
Oh my god
>>43193635
Please.

I have no idea how to set goals that aren't things like multi-billionaire, beautiful, world famous and smart. Anything else just feels that awful to me.

>>43265640
>>>not without having a place where you are unbothered at the very least.
>>I hope so within the current week.
>Oh, that soon? That is awesome! So I take it you have the chance to become/already are financially independent and can move out? Just to make sure I got it right.
Nope, it's just that my parents relented and allowed me to live separate but still in their neighborhood
>usually in countries of that sort there are some tightly knit LGBT communities for survival reasons alone.
yeah there are but they're not as useful as you've imagined. most of LGBT are underprivileged so most of us only can give mental support and I just, can't, take that kind of support anymore.

bump

After 5 days I finally mustered the will to shower. Even tho I already wanted to off myself from how bad it felt like 2 days ago. It didn't used to be so hard.

morning sig bump

ive never posted in this gen before, i guess ill start now with this

I feel like shit.

im fucked if i dont find psychiatrist for my stupid army shit in like 2 weeks
FUCK THIS COUNTRY UGH

I've been venting to Claude because I have no self respect and it said I could text all my gut spilling to 988 even if I don't actively want to kill myself?? Is this true?

I'll be replying to posts from the previous thread as soon as possible, most likely tomorrow though but I will try my best.

Despite my lack of sleep and the state of things, I am hopeful and dedicated to making things better.
I can handle things, I can move forward.

I'm gonna go make some food and then try to get into bed as soon as possible.

Best of luck, all.

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"Life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom."

life has been alright. i will be alright. even if i'm lonely rn it'll get better <3

>>43267162
>Wasted 4+ hours trying to deradicalise a terf award!.
I've given up arguing with ppl, I just call them a slur and move on.

>>43270328
Anything in particular going on?

Still fighting my depression, doing the bare minimum to not lose my job and take care of myself. Some decent news though, I got into a post-master's graduate certificate program at Johns Hopkins. Not sure if I'm going to accept the offer or not, because it's expensive.

I wish I was good looking.
I know it's vain and shitty but I want it.
I want a reason to be liked and appreciated.

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>>43274235
I can relate. But the way you feel doesn’t have to be vanity. A lot of people have their self-esteem, their very sense of self worth, tied up in how they feel about their appearance. And there’s a lot of stuff out in the world, like advertising, that’s trying to make us all insecure about our bodies because it’s good for business. It’s not just a problem that randomly comes up for some people on its own. A lot of effort and money is being spent on giving as many people body dysmorphia as possible.

Change what you can change about how you look. Figure out what you want. Go after it. And when you’re done, remember we’re capable of doing more with our time on this Earth than trying to look hot and creating shareholder value for the beauty industry.

Anyway, I hope somebody finds that helpful.

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Also, last night I finished reading my fourth graphic novel of the month, started reading number five today. This is my 13th consecutive day of reading something from my graphic novel hoard. I also prepared a batch of breakfast burritos today, and made strawberry sandos last night.

Lot of good things getting done lately.

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I am a man and thats ok!

How safe is it for me to get diagnosed for a developmental condition?

For the record, I am also a very flawed person but I also feel and observe there's something odd with me.

I'm tired.

>>43270951
>I can handle things, I can move forward
Remember to not burn yourself out nonny.

Hope you had a good rest!

>>43275599
So long as you want to be and are happy that way, there is nothing wrong with it. Men are nice.

Good night

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How the fuck do I quit smoking weed? I literally can't help but want to be stoned all day every day. Anyone have any tips? I don't want to quit drinking, cause it's not the same problem that weed is for me.

>>43265598
In the spirit of self improvement ive been wanting to donate more. What are good charities that support gay kids?

>>43277760
g'mornin'

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>>43275403
Great job. I should start reading a bit more too...I started reading Gormenghast during the summer (so 2 or so months ago) but haven't really kept up with it...

I need to drink more water, this weather isn't working for me.

>>43279377
I’ve been finishing books faster by making a point of reading every day, and I know having a comfortable place to read has helped. I installed a wall-mounted reading light next to the loveseat in my bedroom.

For me, it’s one of those things where enthusiasm isn’t as reliable as routine.

*paws at you* bwomp
*paws at you* bwomp
*paws at you* bwomp
*paws at you* bwomp

>>43281891
Thanks, I still need to catch up as soon as possible.
God I hate my life.

so much free time and yet i wasted it cause i have no choice and time is running out. I had months and di nothing
procrastination kills(im healthy dw)

I hate everything, I fucking hate hate hate hate

>>43280191
What do you mean the weather?

>>43286248
They probably mean it’s hot where they are and it’s making them dehydrated.

>>43266904
>>43265711
Okay yeah it worked after waiting a week
Tingles are back, energy is back, no tiredness
I'll keep it at 2–3 a week then

Turns out if I stop trying to leave my warmup shirt on over my compression layer when running, I don't heat up as much and have to tap out (who would have thought it). I kind of hate not having it on, though, like people can see my arms and it's hugging my body, and I just don't want people seeing that.
>>43272854
I just kinda wish people would listen. It's just kind of heartbreaking that people will just keep repeating themselves no matter what I say, what qualities I have, etc. All they can see is the "troon/tranny/etc" and just refuse to even listen off that value alone.
>>43278557
Bump, I don't know any off the top of my head, but I'd guess someone might.

Is it bad to feel jealousy of other people?

Good night

pg8

*paws at you* meow :3
*paws at you* meow :3
*paws at you* meow :3
*paws at you* meow :3

>>43289429
squeak squeak

>>43288320
Some people have a greater fate then we do. It is false to envy them, because it's a greater cross to carry. Our job is it to lighten the burden on their shoulders, so that they can do their work for our benefit & the benefit of all mankind. Otherwise, we are free to enjoy the Goodness, Truth and Beauty of this world.

bump

i need a milf gf

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>>43288320
Well, let me ask you this: How does being jealous of other people make your life better?

It’s true that life isn’t fair, and other people get things that we want for ourselves. But jealousy isn’t a one-way thing. A lot of people could be jealous of you. If you have food to eat whenever you’re hungry, access to clean water, a roof over your head, if you haven’t been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, if no one in your family was killed in a war, there are people in this world who could be jealous of you. It’s harder to be jealous of others when we don’t take our own good fortune for granted.

And it’s okay to feel jealous sometimes. It’s better to admit it to yourself than deny it because it’s a bad thing to do. But don’t hold onto that feeling of jealousy and convince yourself that your misfortune is especially important. That’s not going to help you feel better in the end.

>>43291195
but what about the delusions of grandieur for having dysphoria at such a cosmic level

Took a photo that shows just how utterly male my body is, yeah, maybe repping and finding a good death before 30 was the logical answer, but now I'm in too deep and can't do that.
I'd really like my brain to stop rn

>>43291195
if i could add onto this, as someone combatting jealousy of their own friends, there's a saying i like to remind myself of: what you see in others exists in you. usually if you're jealous of someone, there's more than just one reason. some of those are things you can't control, like their upbringing, or perhaps connectiond they may have. i usually get jealous of my friends' wealth within their families, and that's not something i can change in my life. but if there's things about them that are things you can also try, then try it. you won't be jealous if you're putting in the same effort.

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>>43291501
I think I know what you’re talking about, because it reminds me of how I’ve felt. So I’m going to talk about my experience on the chance it’s relevant to you. If it’s off base we can go from there, just keep that in mind.

So I’m a transwoman. And for a while I had delusions of grandeur. I’m thinking I’m going to be the greatest to ever do it. The sexiest and most gorgeous woman ever. That kind of ambition is a double-edged sword. It can give you the confidence to be transgender in a world that’s deeply hostile to being transgender. That can be really useful. You’ve got to have the audacity to go through the world chopped if you’re ever going to be tea.

But if you have your sense of self-worth tied up in being the hottest woman ever, and you see another woman anywhere that you think is more attractive than you, that ruins it. That’s when you need to cut yourself a little slack. You don’t need to be the greatest to have a right to exist, to be yourself.

Hope thar helps.

blegh I hate my inner monologue/interal discussions. I want to turn that shit off so bad. It's gotten better since I started retard meds but it's still super annoying

>>43292005
My brain never shuts up either.

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>>43291195
>How does being jealous of other people make your life better?
I guess it doesn't. If I were motivated by it I could at least justify it, but I'm not competitive like that. I wish I were tho.

> If you have food to eat whenever you’re hungry, access to clean water, a roof over your head, if you haven’t been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, if no one in your family was killed in a war, there are people in this world who could be jealous of you
I've though about it plenty, but these days it just makes the feelings worse. I wouldn't say I have it good, but I have it way better than many people, and yet I seem to accomplish much less than my opportunities should have allowed me to. I guess you could say it's a jealousy of the character of others.

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>>43293862
So you’re not jealous of things other people have that you can’t, you’re jealous of things other people have done that you could have done.

Now, I can relate to that too. I’ve accomplished a lot of things in the past couple of years that I’m well aware I could have done sooner. Just remember that making peace with the past is one process, and moving in the present like you wish you had before is another.

There’s that saying, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, and the second best time is now. Don’t let regret keep you from changing now. Better late than never.

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>>43294407
>So you’re not jealous of things other people have that you can’t, you’re jealous of things other people have done that you could have done.
Both I guess. Sometimes you think you could have done some things, but didn't try. Other times you tried, but couldn't do it, and you're left wondering if you just didn't try hard enough or wondering why you're unable to do it. Sometimes there are things you used to be able to do, so you feel you should be able to do them again, but for some reason you don't seem to be able to anymore.
And ofc there's a bit of this >>43291681 where you feel envious about things you know you couldn't have done much or anything about.

>There’s that saying, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, and the second best time is now. Don’t let regret keep you from changing now. Better late than never.
I guess that's why we're here after all! [spoiler]Even tho I've lost track of how many "today's the day things change" days I've had. [/spoiler]

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>>43295020
>Even tho I've lost track of how many "today's the day things change" days I've had.
What I’ve found is that motivation isn’t like a switch that you flip once and it stays on. It’s like a button you’ve got to keep pushing. You get more done if you just keep at it.

I wasted a lot of time and energy worrying about what I “should” be able to do instead of just continuing to try my best.

It’s not always a waste of time to evaluate whether things feel too hard of course. Doing that led to me being diagnosed with autism, ADHD, getting on an antidepressant.

But experience has taught me that it’s possible to deliberate on how to do something in a way that’s less effective than just trying to do it. Questions like >Shouldn’t this be easier?
>Am I capable of getting good enough?>Can I improve fast enough?
>Is it worth trying at all?

usually seem more constructive to ask than they actually are, and just keep you from sticking with something that you’re best off just continuing to practice at. Because it’s not about being the best, it’s about being our best selves.

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>>43295241
>I wasted a lot of time and energy worrying about what I “should” be able to do instead of just continuing to try my best.
>Because it’s not about being the best, it’s about being our best selves.
I guess I just wish my best was better than it is. At least good enough to feel like I'm accomplishing anything. Especially on things that don't feel like you can afford to fail at.

>Questions like
Those often start popping up as a result of frustration in my experience.

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>>43296413
It’s frustrating to not be good at something as quickly or as easily as you want to be, but that doesn’t mean you should give up.

I know that it’s embarrassing to be bad at something you want to do, and discouraging, and that sort of experience can be the stuff of very painful childhood memories. But you’ve got to let yourself do it badly so that one day you can do it well.

Learning how to cook was a really scary process for me at the beginning, but I’m glad I didn’t give up. Since I started I’ve learned so much, and now I love continuing to learn.

So has anyone else been working out lower body? How has your progress been going? I've been going to the gym for 6 month and have seen some progress, but not exactly reaching the ass goals I had in mind. Do we have any gym people who have achieved dumptruck status? Is it even possible or is it also genetics?

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>>43297207
>I've been going to the gym for 6 month and have seen some progress, but not exactly reaching the ass goals I had in mind
Everything related to the body is weird. I remember when I was younger and first started trying to take care of myself I killed myself squatting for maybe a year and it didn't give me many results. What gave me more results in terms of getting a nicer ass was dieting + going for long ass walks (6+ hours a day). Which in theory isn't supposed to give you a nice butt.

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>>43297823
Hmm, I don't think I could do that even If I wanted to. I alway see weightlifting fitness girls caked out of their mind. It's gotta be possible right? I guess I have heard some people are more receptive to weightlifting than others.

>>43298233
>that pic
w-wowzars

>>43298233
Don't take me wrong, working out is a real thing and it's far more predictable than other things. but I am not an expert so I'm just giving my experience as it is all I have.

Have you also been eating proper amounts of protein? Have you been increasing your sets/reps appropriately? The one that always scared me when working out alone is whether I'm having the right form.

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Tired, need to sleep again.
Will be back as soon as I can.

>>43260038
>Thanks, bun. I know my "attendance" has been flakey recently, but the support I receive from everyone ITT reminds me that I should stop being such a self conscious twit, I am doing a good job
You are doing a very good job, Siganon.
We appteciate it a lot.

>>43298857
I would like to think I am. I am definitely seeing progress. I was 115lb and now I'm 140lb. I guess I just feel my bone structure is incompatible with my goal.
>The one that always scared me when working out alone is whether I'm having the right form.
Yeah, I only use machines, because I'm scared of fucking up my back doing lifts.

i hate

Good night

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Well, it looks like the ADHD meds aren't working anymore. I've already built a tolerance. The circus is my head is coming back, I fall asleep all the time again, my internet addiction is taking over once more and nothing is fun because I'm always somewhere else with my thoughts. It was nice feeling like a normal person for a few weeks, going outside & doing stuff, not being so needy... I'm gonna talk to my psychiatrist about raising the dosage, but our appointment is in May. Maybe I'll call her on Monday and ask her on the phone. But I don't see why this wouldn't just happen again with a higher dosage.

>>43300846
call her again on Monday (meds stopping to work is a valid reason) and ask her what options there are - it may be that a different cocktail and/or coping skills might help
you deserve a normal life

>>43297823
squatz helps quads mainly, you want hip thrusts for brappa
>>43298233
notice how she has centaur-varbie quads howeverbeit
I'd still do squats or something else to ensure those muscles and connective tissue get the signals to stay healthy (especially during cuts), but you can focus the gainz progressions on exercises that give you the muscles you want the most (while taking care to not mess yourself up with imbalances ofc)

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>>43196704
This soothes me some to hear, thank you.

>>43216428
I've been cooking my chicken and cutting my vegetables in advance so I can make sandwiches at a moment's notice. It's quite helpful!

Thank you. It means a lot that there are people out there with an ear to listen, even if the music isn't very pleasing to hear.

>>43196377
Had an incident with a friend that involved alcohol, weed, and a really bad relapse. I don't think they were ready to see that part of me. They apologised after (it was their suggestion for us to drink and smoke in the first place) but I think the blame falls on me for the most part.

I managed to stabilise myself enough to do some reading today, since it's been a while. The hot water's been out at my place, so I've been a mess. My whole look is in shambles, so I've been forced to distract myself for the time being.

On passing, I think I'm trapped. I'm stuck in this paradox where I'm afraid I'll never pass, but I'm also afraid of the humiliation that comes with the effort it takes to get there. Too many times I've been humbled and it's broken my mental health to bits. Being alone really sucks but it's the only time I don't have to put on a charade of stability. I know the truth is that eventually I just need to stop having such a stick up my ass and let people see all of me, but it's historically gone bad. My whole life, I've been surrounded by people who are repulsed or amused by my poor mental health. I've seldom met people who can unflinchingly embrace of the worst of me and be seen with me without embarrassment. If I was more confident it wouldn't matter as much, but it's not so simple. The worst rejection I've faced in life has come from people whose approval I've needed most. I guess the lesson is that people are judgemental assholes sometimes. Alice Deejay was onto something with Better Off Alone.

I will clean up tomorrow. Sometimes my best is only a little, and that's okay.

>>43260038
>Do you remember what flight attendants tell you before takeoff? "Put your own mask on first before helping others"
That's true.
I am in no condition to help anyone like this. Not for a long while, unfortunately.

>I can't shy away from my mistakes but can't demoralize myself either
>YES!! You got it!
I'll be taking all my self-reflection notes and trying to find solutions to whatever is wrong with me.

I'll just start making little rules and techniques for myself specifically.

pg7

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Friendly reminder, maybe only to myself, that the internet runs on your anger and misery. Any post that makes you angry, miserable or sad; any video that makes you question yourself, makes you unhappy and discontent is a successful one for its creator. You will think about it. You or someone else who feels the same will share it, if only to call it out. I really need to avoid that shit even more.

>>43303300
this. engagement bait does not have your best interests in mind and is usually effectively enemy action. treat it accordingly

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>>43303971
I don't like the word enemy. I'm tired of brother wars. I want to perceive the universal harmony.

>>43304249
those that seek to turn brother against brother and woman against man are the enemies. I seek real life interaction, away from algorithms, and experience more peace, harmony and empathy from my fellow humans

>>43304323
Me too, Anon... Me too.

>>43304441
that makes me happy. may there be more that choose the same path

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I. Am. Alive. Let's go.
>>43220527
>>43273872
Heya lain! I'm glad things are looking up for you, chores wise. Would you say you are building momentum overall, perhaps maintaining? Just trying to get a feel here. What exactly is that program for, out of curiosity?
>>43219981
>Fucking nothing has gone well for me in the past 2 years.
Wanna expand upon that? What's up, Anon?
>>43221178
I think it's actually very important a lot of people eventually go through the realization of "what I've experienced at home was not normal, and I don't have to condone it", if I'm making sense.
>>43222775
>has anyone here has success using hinge over grindr meeting other trans people?
I did hear of people finding success there but in general there is no consensus as far as I know and people just try every app. Communities would in general be better to find people through but those don't grow on trees.

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>>43223417
>She's just using me as an emotional crutch
She sounds immensely exploitative. One thing I am curious about is how fulfilled you are (emotionally, socially) without her. It sounds like she is taking advantage of you have few other people? As tough as it sounds but you might need to form new, healthier connections to let go of her for good. There is no room in your life for someone like that forever, and I think you know that, too. So I wouldn't focus on her, and instead think about other people around you.
>>43225591
>Glad to see you around again anon.
Thank you! I am a bit.. well, my attendance is fluctuating I admit but I plan on catching up with the thread in the coming days once more. Being a week behind is something I am not happy about.
>at least I'm not alone!
You definitely aren't!
>Also, I'm stealing that pic to be my desktop backround.
By all means, do!
As for job applications, one thing I personally advocate for usually is the social route. I am sure you know other people who are/were struggling, and perhaps people that eventually got in somewhere. Having insiders helps a great deal because it helps you figure out why the HR Karens do not bless you with their attention.
>>43226350
>idk if ill ever like myself but im really trying.
>sorry im a retard.
Hey Anon, I am happy you stopped repping! That's a win. It is not too late, you got most of your life ahead of you.
>>43234273
>I need to be better, please let me get better.
If there is anything you would like help with, do let me know, Anon! I'm rooting for you.
>>43237523
The relatives problem usually solves itself biologically, yes. But I would like to help you consider options beyond waiting it out. What are your circumstances like?

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>>43239600
>we're gonna stay in touch online and plan to meetup.
AWESOME! And you are right, there are essentially a couple hot spots in that line of work, wishing you and your friends all the best in that regard.
>worst case i get a friend best case we end up dating sounds good tbhdesu :D
Precisely!
>>43243255
>Do people like Qassemyar is he worth it
Can't tell you anything about FFS surgeons, sadly, but I am glad you are doing your best to build up momentum, depression hates a moving target after all.
>>43246634
>>43246769
I would strongly suggest to take a step back. Youth, being femme, all these things are not ENDS, they are MEANS to an end. There is of course self actualization in the mix but if you want to find meaning in these realizations you need to dig deeper and understand your regret beyond a level of what you could have been. I doubt you would have been happy being your ideal physical self in a 10 year coma and waking up the exact same way you are now. So clearly, it is not about BEING the thing. Distill the EXPERIENCES you actually crave down.
>>43247031
>I don't know how to fix it, willpower alone isn't cutting it and having to be careful 24/7 is hell
What draws you to porn? If it errs on the side of compulsive behavior it would be worth looking into professional help somewhere down the line.

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>>43248022
Your reply was plenty, sorry for taking so long, myself!
>I felt amazing last week, better than I've ever felt in my life.
What a wonderful thing to hear, I'm happy for you!
>My self-esteem is not strong enough to engage with someone yet
If you would like some gentle pointers to help you out of your shell, we can try, but I think there is no need to rush.
>I would have hyper-focused on it and turned it into something terrible, 100%
And that is a good outlook to have. In the end, you've got your entire life ahead of you either way!
>SALAMI TACTICS?
Yep! The idea is small, incremental changes in the right direction. Basically whittling a problem down by conquering it slice by slice (you could also say divide and conquer).
>- neurospicy
This is the trickiest one out of all of them, I think. A lot of it is having to self regulate in ways neurotypicals don't have to, and going through the chore of having to advocate for oneself at times, which fucking sucks. The other things are largely a matter of experience. Things like emotional immaturity and inferiority complex I could help you pick apart if youwanna.
>I've been crushing my comfort zone lately.
100%, you are doing your best coming out of your shell and it is a sight to behold! All of this is just to say I will gladly help you in whatever ways I can.
>I'm not quite ready I think, it's only been ~2 weeks.
No need to rush anything, naturally!
>>43253330
How many people do you have to share your hobbies *with*? It sounds like you are emulating the experience of geeking out with someone over a mutually enjoyed subject. Hobbies often become less enjoyable if you have nobody to share your interests with.
>>43255199
>dont give up on me please theres no one else
Heya Anon, I am not sure who you are talking to but please remember we are here to listen, ok?
>>43258491
>7. Get away from my abuser
I wish you nothing but the very best for all these but THAT ONE in particular, fucking hell..

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>>43259650
>I really need to get my shit together.
Do you know where to start?
>>43260090
>It's just that situps and crunches are not actually useful exercises and only exist to "build abs" but that doesn't actually improve core strength at all
Oh, I didn't know that! Hm, what do you think of the resources in the >>>/fit/76077351 sticky? A lot of it is weight lifting focused.
>>43262182
I agree with the other Anon, I am glad you are doing what is best for YOU, family be damned.
Wish you nothing but the very best for your transition, I assume you plan on emancipating yourself in the process, perhaps moving and becoming financially independent if you aren't already?
>>43263192
>Yeah I'm MTF, and off HRT because of money, most problems in life are economic after all!
I absolutely get it, and thank you for your well wishes, Anon? How much does HRT usually cos you, Anon? I assume you use DIY/vials?

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>>43264474
>I hate being mediocre at everything I do, no matter the effort.
What kinda things did you try thus far? And did you enjoy doing them?
>>43267092
Sadly I don't have much advice on the voice training front itself but I might be able to give you a few pointers on the subject of anxiety. Is it general social anxiety, or tied to a particular context/environment? Has it always been this bad or is it a new development? What have you tried in the past to address it?
>>43266904
>>43286856
Duly noted, no more than 2-3 times a week. Do you
>>43267427
Usually I start by helping people try to articulate things more in terms of means and ends. Money for example is something you use to get other things. Being beautiful or famous have aspects of self actualization as well as social implications. A good start would be: what would you buy? What kind of people would you have in your life, what things would you do? To what end? What would you enjoy about these things? What makes you yearn for them?

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>>43267151
>>43267162
>why surgeons don't have like good office staff who can at least reply to me.
I don't know how it is in other countries but it can make a hell of a lot of a difference if you can catch them via phone. A mail they can postpone reading indefinitely, a phone call they HAVE to take when it hits. This works for administrative bullshit too where I've been.
>seems to think I constantly need ego checking or having my competence questioning because I have a degree and actually read manuals.
Christ
>Pokemon Go
Ohh, haven't thought of it in years, cute!
>Tried it before but it just never seems to achieve much
Have you tried adding 0 deficit days to your schedule? You see, your metabolism actively fights you by reallocating the way it spends its calories in a day. For example, if you are more physically active it might postpone immune system functions or other non-critical upkeep, so caloric expenditure is sub-additive. Throwing your metabolism off by regularly having no deficit can break plateaus, it's a trick I used frequently, sometimes even giving up on a week of deficit to hard reset.
>Talked to my co-workers about rent and yeah it's p/much the same system all around.
That is fucked, knowing that you are paid the least out of your peers of course means that they won't have much in terms of advice to give you, either. So it is a matter of whether you plan on staying there long enough to climb up the ladder, or if you bail for a better paying job anyway. I mean iirc it's not the kinda gig you plan on keeping in perpetuity either way.
>Wasted 4+ hours trying to deradicalise a terf award!.
Commiserations, Navy. An acquaintance, family member?
>>43269090
I'm glad to hear, Anon.
>It didn't used to be so hard.
It sounds like depression, and depression hates a moving target. It sounds like you're deep into a spiral. Wanna tell me about your more general circumstances?

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>>43268205
Progress, at least. Will they have free access to your home? Like, spare keys and everything? Or will your right to privacy be actually respected? Also, will you legally own it? I am mostly trying to keep track your degree of emancipation.
>most of LGBT are underprivileged so most of us only can give mental support and I just, can't, take that kind of support anymore.
I get it, you need essentially something more practical than emotional right now?
>>43270019
Welcome, Anon! Quick heads-up, this general tends to be slow moving, and people will sometimes respond to you cross-thread. The archives are useful for that. Wanna tell me about your circumstances a little, the things you wanna change?
>>43229515
>>43270951
>It don't feel very young.
I get it, but besides my own circumstances you gotta keep in mind that you have twice that many years ahead of you still, bun. Life is long, longer than you feel.
>Doesn't neuroplasticity get harder to train at this age?
It's more complicated than that it seems, unless I am mistaken it is actually rather outdated info. You're getting lost thinking of these things, don't let them bog you down. There is sadly nothing to be gained there, and it will all seem trivial once you settled in.
>I'm gonna go make some food and then try to get into bed as soon as possible.
Good call by the way, what did you end up making?
>>43270419
>im fucked if i dont find psychiatrist for my stupid army shit in like 2 weeks
Ah shit, which country? Just so other people from it can chime in, perhaps?

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This took a fair bit of energy but I definitely chipped away a fair bit at the posts I haven't gotten around to. Goodnight.
>>43270556
That sounds an awful lot like a hallucination, but at the same time, you can literally ask them: https://988lifeline.org/get-help
Either way, it might be a good idea to talk about the issues to need help with here, while you're at it. At least broad strokes.
>>43271216
What's up, Anon?
>>43272224
I'm rooting for you, Anon.
>>43274235
>I wish I was good looking.
>I want a reason to be liked and appreciated.
Hm, you can definitely have the latter! Tell me about your current relationships, Anon. Are you very isolated?
>>43275667
>How safe is it for me to get diagnosed for a developmental condition?
Would you be comfortable sharing with what kind? I see no reason to believe there is any risk to it.

>>43304734
>Do you
did you mean to ask something here

>>43305739
Yes, must have copy pasted a draft. I forgot the phrasing but how would you describe the overall benefit with/without them? If I remember correctly it helps you get started, right?

>>43305783
It helps with starting, and staves off mid-workout fatigue that makes one want to quit early. It also seems to greatly diminish soreness on subsequent days.

>>43260038
>It was a busy but pleasant time, yes. I also no longer live alone, which is a direct consequence of plans from my vacay coming to fruition!
That sounds very nice, I am glad to hear that things went very well :)

>>43265598
this image really annoys me because she has such a mean expression whilst wearing the most mid autistic fits I've ever seen

I think I actually feel worse seeing someone who draws things I like than seeing somebody who's prettier and more passing than me. Being ugly and non passing and artistically void of talent is just like the universe kicking me in the mouth twice.

Good night

when does this loneliness end? i have holed myself up in my room once again o(--( when will this end? i can't do this shit anymore.

>>43304790
>Progress, at least. Will they have free access to your home? Like, spare keys and everything?
The outermost perimeter keys are in all my hand (well at least, all of them that comes from the factory, if they don't surreptitiously cloned the keys), changing the cylinder is easy and cheap, and I might actually do that.
>Or will your right to privacy be actually respected?
See this quote: https://wiki.alopex.li/DitchingDiscord
>But I’m long past “trust but verify” and into “don’t bother trusting”. Remember when Google’s terms of service included “don’t be evil”? How long did that last? How well has that aged?

>Also, will you legally own it? I am mostly trying to keep track your degree of emancipation.
They own the land the room is on, and so the place as well.
>>most of LGBT are underprivileged so most of us only can give mental support and I just, can't, take that kind of support anymore.
>I get it, you need essentially something more practical than emotional right now?
Yeah but in my humble opinion, unless you managed to score a secret cabal member who happens to be a tranny, most average trannies cannot help. I am speaking from experience. Most people can't even help themselves.

Thank you /sig/anon for your service.

sleep bad

>>43304790
>I get it, but besides my own circumstances you gotta keep in mind that you have twice that many years ahead of you still, bun. Life is long, longer than you feel
I just keep getting the message that I missed the bus on living a good life. I don't even know if there is a feasible way to catch up on things.
I don't even want a family or a partner, but now it seems like baseline subsistence is a luxury.

It's like everywhere you go you need to ask permission to live, or to use money to cope with it all. My eggs are in three baskets: gamble on tech, gamble on TEFL work or gamble on blue-collar work. None of them have hatched yet.

>It's more complicated than that it seems, unless I am mistaken it is actually rather outdated info
I suppose that's a bit of a silver lining. It means I still get better by a little bit.

>You're getting lost thinking of these things, don't let them bog you down. There is sadly nothing to be gained there, and it will all seem trivial once you settled in
I guess it doesn't really matter. I should just focus on what can be done and cope with the rest.

>Good call by the way, what did you end up making?
Just some eggs and ramen.
Not the best meal but we are flat broke so it was a simple fix anyway.

Thank you, Siganon.

>>43304841
>Would you be comfortable sharing with what kind? I see no reason to believe there is any risk to it
It's going to sound inconsiderate but I am considering some sort of Autism.
The thing is, I can't be sure by self-diagnosing.

>I have been diagnosed for anxiety and depression in the past.
>But a counselor I spoke to often mentioned I have some symptom of ASD
>Before that I was considered for adhd or ocd (back when I was a neat germaphobe)
>One time when I was at a phycologist I heard him mumble 'asperges' in the middle of an explanation

It's very likely that I am a lazy, dysfunctional misanthrope but at this stage...I want to be sure of what's up with me.
Even if it just indicates that I am just a bad person at least I will know.

The best way for me to get over my ex has turned out to be as simple as just looking at her, what the fuck was I thinking?

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its the car life depooner back, am doing it. its great to hike outside as essentially a full time job. great views. but i still think of killing myself often for being a female. i hate everything abput it. my bf and i naturally walk at the same relative speed, autism speed, but him being a head taller, longer legs, outpaces me on the flattest paved sidewalk, and its not possible to sustainbly walk faster than autism speed. i hate that im short and can watch him take big steps over obstacles that i cant. i hate that i have to watch real men go shirtless but ill never. i hate my cycle, it always causes bad days of lethargy and intrusive thoughts to kill myself. its very patterned and consistently a hormonal issue. usuall i drink through it but he wont buy me any alcohol and we'rre in mormon country and liquor is triple price. without liquor resisting throwing myself into the fire etc is more difficult. i dont know,t here is a time where i drank lots of vodka, threw up, knocked the toilet seat over and then kept continuouslyrepeating, over voice chat call, "kill me", unresponsive to being talked to, so i am told beacue i blacked out. its easier on me but i think it seems harder when i am more vocal about it drunk. Myself i wouldnt do anything productive, rather sit and starve at that point, worse still bash my head and while it used to be a flat wall this time its a log with enough edge to make my forehead bleed. but its not fair if hes cooking and i do nothing. i know he doesnt understand it though. its terrible to not be the same per son every day and its problematic to be a weak babyfaced male who shows public affection or for him to be seen as gay.

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and starlink is rangebann and data is too. so tired of endless captcha then wait then cant post. took 15min for this? not even bad at it- just forced to wait. finally lonely enough to bother. havent got anyone else to talk to its depressing and i have no real money that i deserve and it makes me stress over spending anything. longstnading problem ive talked of before,here. hes insisting on payingfor all the gas and groceries and if i insisted i would just be spending my parents money. but for my own things like my worn out sandals ive gone months without replacing and just hike barefoot. hasslesome too because i worry the post office workers, everyone knows the worst or stupidest people are employed by the government for customer service. they might toss it out, or delay my package and id miss it etc.

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isnt it fucked i see pretty views near daily and also still think about suicide and vodka near daily. i feel imnot built for this world. hate i cant achieve anything like men can. that the drive is not really there or drowned by lethargy. even simple thing like gathering firewood, the thin female skin breaks easily, much less other thing like lifting full water tank is impossible. other time i was driven mad by wiggers blasting shit music. migh t as well get out the gun and fondle, deepthroat it jk

Bump

Goodnight, everybody.
7 or so hours of sleep, here I come.

I haven't felt proud or accomplished in months, but that'll change tomorrow.
I'm forcing myself to stay away from distractions.

Goodluck, all. Will post again as soon as possible.

>>43314574
wow I uh, I really feel bad for you even though frankly I cannot relate to your struggles ever.
t. AGP

Page 10 bump

>>43311500
sleep difficult

>>43320352
true

Good night

>>43314574
I've seen guys a head taller than you struggle with those things you mentioned. Don't beat yourself up so much.

>>43321669
for real fr

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>looking at libraries in my region because I need to go outside
>most of them are only open like 3 hours a day
>selection: worst goyslop normalfag literature you can imagine on any given subject
>events either targeted at old people, women or old women
this quirky chungus world hates me i hate being a redpilled esoteric basement dwelling chud but what has been seen cannot be unseen

>>43323482
same girl, same

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>>43324837
im so lonely
i just want to have a friendly face-to-face conversation with someone
its been so long

>>43325311
>>43323379
if you two are around hang out ez fix.

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bump
gnight self improvement gemeral, yagmi

Holy fuck I am tired.

>>43325518
Where? On Discord?

>>43327028
Thank you.

>>43312217
I did a RAD test today, will check the results tomorrow. Night.

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In the interest of self improvement I would like to urge EVERY TRANNER using HRT monopoly money (aka bitcoin) for DIY purchases to save up and buy BTC for the forseeable future. The current geopolitical clown show lead to a nice dip. We are around $60k/BTC, chances are it won't get much lower any time soon.

Bump. Didn't get much done today besides cleaning dishes. I'll work harder tomorrow.

>>43329035
I bought at 108k lol

I haven't really achieved anything lately but I am still trying. Not to sound too dramatic but just staying alive is my self-improvement until my depression improves. I see my psychiatrist Friday and she will bump my medication (lurasidone/Latuda). I'm on a starter dose now and will be in therapeutic range once it is bumped up, so maybe it will help.

>>43304633
>Heya lain! I'm glad things are looking up for you, chores wise. Would you say you are building momentum overall, perhaps maintaining? Just trying to get a feel here. What exactly is that program for, out of curiosity?
I missed this. It's a post-master's certificate in cybersecurity. There is some really niche, specialized coursework relevant to my job that no one else seems to offer. It would be a good opportunity but like I said, really expensive. I might wait and apply again next year.

My head is killing me.

Good night

>>43332968
Good morning

>>43329035
They're just gonna doomp eet if I buy

>>43328217
on discord or if you two are close enough maybe irl idk

i've tried to keep a diary for years, but i've consistently had this problem where i can't seem to get my thoughts organized enough to write AND actually sit down to write them. like i'm by the time i've got it together enough to put down on paper, whatever emotion it was that stirred me to write in the first place has evaporated and it just feels pointless. and despite having been a decent(?) writer back in school, my writing skills (grammar, vocabulary...) are totally shot so reading back anything i've written is mad demoralizing. not to mention my penmanship always sucked and i write very slow and my hand gets all cramped up embarrassingly fast. i end up only writing like one entry a month or so. if anyone found it after my death it would provide ZERO insight into the white hot swirling core of my internal world. which is lame

>>43333378
Journalling is surprisingly hard, but I've been able to stick to it a bit more frequently by using bullet journalling, where instead of writing down a detailed ranty entry I just write a bit of a knee-jerky 1 or 2 sentences long note that helps me vent a bit.

bump

>>43333129
I'd be fine with that.

Have a good middle of the week /sig/

>>43336923
You too, Anon.

I dont think therapy is something that can work for me.

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Will do another update either tomorrow or later on Friday.

Slow progress so far but I plan to catch up tomorrow and so on.

Take care, and be safe, everyone.

>>43333519
DESU yeah, I have stopped journalling
Now I should start small again.
Also page 10 bump

morning

>>43342480
No, it's night...

>>43342616
It's night time somewhere.

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>>43301813
Maomao poster here again.

My housemate has her boyfriend over, and I've overheard a lot of their conversations. It's sweet, but t's also reminded me of how wholly disconnected I am from the world. I also learned that she's writing a book, which made me feel a twinge of jealousy. It hurts a lot to see normalcy and know that your current life won't allow you to have it.

I've been trying to finalise a project I've had on hold for a while and I've made pretty good headway, but I have nerve damage in my left wrist which has been bad lately. Sometimes I have flare ups where it suddenly hurts and my tactile mobility is effectively halved. I was trying to type something earlier but my fingers turned to jelly and I got so upset I 'punched' the wall, but it was more of me just slamming my limp retarded fingers against it. The pain reminds me of what I've survived, and is a good warning not to attempt it again, but I still think about suicide all the time. Knowing you're sick doesn't stop you from being sick.

The last time I felt good about myself was July 2024. Now, I'm reduced to feeling guilt when I leave the house because no-one should have to see me. At what point did my insecurity become so egotistical and self-serving? P!ATD were onto something with New Perspective. I really want to become someone else, but the first part of becoming someone else is really putting effort into my transition, and even though I'm able to try some days, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to publicly open myself to ridicule like that. I take HRT, wear makeup, and sometimes dress androgynously, but I cannot go the full nine yards.

The lesson here is that self-hatred is retarded, and it can fester quickly. If you can stop it before it gets this bad, you should. Treat depression early. Love yourself. Rock bottom is closer than you think and worse you can imagine. DO not let yourself get to that point, you owe yourself that much.

Inb4 'you made a typo.' I'm sure I did.

Hello?

>>43345102
Hi, how's is it going?

>>43343594
>Inb4 'you made a typo.' I'm sure I did
same, I am always in a rush

I've been thinking a lot lately.

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I collected some replies, time to get crackin'.
>>43277831
>How the fuck do I quit smoking weed?
Well, what is the reason you smoke?
>>43280191
>I need to drink more water, this weather isn't working for me.
I don't know if you can relate but my main issues with drinking water were always 1) getting it (I don't like tap water), 2) remembering to drink it when I have it. I got myself a soda maker to convert tap into something I enjoy drinking and then made it a habit to always keep a bottle near me.
>>43284481
>so much free time and yet i wasted it cause i have no choice and time is running out. I had months and di nothing
Let's start simple: what is it you wanna do? We should start bringing some structure into this and work from there. Checklists, concrete goals. Think S.M.A.R.T. principle.
>>43287089
>>43291614
Have you considered wearing like, arm sleeves? Perhaps made of a thin, breathing material? It would fix the arm thing and allow for more flexible options for your outfit.
>Took a photo that shows just how utterly male my body is
It really fucking sucks how much is also just currently stalling your transition, which I am sure ain't helping with self perception. I'm sorry to hear that it's so rough, Navy.

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>>43284586
What's up, Anon?
>>43290855
Oh, that's a new one! I wonder if the femboy craving Anon is alright.
>>43292005
>blegh I hate my inner monologue/interal discussions.
Hm, this is usually the domain of stuff like CBT and the like. Have you ever looked into behavioral approaches? Automatic thoughts are something you kinda have to condition out of yourself.
>>43298925
>We appteciate it a lot.
Thank you, bun. Take all the time you need.
>>43300846
Calling her is a great idea, this is an urgent matter after all. I know I'm a little late, but I'd be glad if you updated us on your circumstances!

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>>43301813
>>43343594
Meal prep is an amazing tool, 100%.
>Thank you. It means a lot that there are people out there with an ear to listen
It is important for people to listen BECAUSE the things are painful, raw, difficult.
>Had an incident with a friend that involved alcohol, weed, and a really bad relapse.
>it was their suggestion for us to drink and smoke in the first place
I'm sorry to hear, scratch. I need to give you a bit of advice there, because if you had a history of substance abuse of any kind, even something socially acceptable as alcohol or weed, you need to be sufficiently open with friends about the fact that you don't feel safe around these things. Please do not see your fault in "giving in" or anything like that, these things don't work this way. What happened wasn't as much a matter of fault as it might feel, at least if I extrapolate what you said to similar events I experienced.
Glad to hear you got some reading in, by the way. As for the hot water: is there any sign of whoever is responsible fixing it soon?
>I've been surrounded by people who are repulsed or amused by my poor mental health.
From what I recall your past environment has been nothing short of abusive. One thing you will have to learn, which will sadly come with healing pains, is just HOW different people can be. You will have to let go of a lot of prior assumptions, because right now there is a canyon between what you are used to (especially on a subconscious level) and what is "normal".
>Sometimes my best is only a little, and that's okay.
A good outlook, by the way!
>how wholly disconnected I am from the world
Hm, can you articulate that in greater detail?
>I have nerve damage in my left wrist which has been bad lately
Have you been to the doctor with that? I know people who have to wear a wrist brace for a few days whenever their nerve damage acts up like that. Maybe you could use something of the sort too?
(1/2)

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>>43301813
>>43343594
(2/2)
>I'm also afraid of the humiliation that comes with the effort it takes to get there
>I'm strong enough to publicly open myself to ridicule like that
The crux with all this is, essentially, that doing it in public is too big a step to take all at once, right? What about at home, or in the company of people you are out to? Exposure therapy, if you will. Having to justify your existence to assholes outdoors is something that shouldn't be an issue to begin with but since we didn't choose the world we were born into I think it is a good idea to cut yourself plenty of slack and take things slowly when it is about having to deal with scary things. You are not stagnating from what I can tell, you are just hesitant to take too big a step without a safety net, it seems. What do you think of that perspective?
>>43301823
>I am in no condition to help anyone like this. Not for a long while, unfortunately.
And that is okay.
>I'll just start making little rules and techniques for myself specifically.
Goodie!
>>43305903
Duly noted, thank you!
>>43307030
My personal interpretation of the image is that she is angry at her past self/determined to let herself wear whatever the fuck she wants. One tumblrism that I find quite charming in the spirit of that is "you can do whatever you want, forever". But I get where you're coming from, she looks very sour.

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>>43309234
Oh I love this one!
>>43311131
>See this quote: https://wiki.alopex.li/DitchingDiscord
An interesting read, by the way. I only skimmed it but I disagree with the notion of Matrix being a good implementation of a bad idea; knowing element and having seen the server side and talked to people maintaining their own server? It's an over-opinionated implementation of an okay idea. Element has a ton of hard coded magic numbers that hinge more or less on "The (matrix.org) Server™"'s implementation of things, and thus both the "standard" client and server software are actively hostile towards federation. I have a lot of very spicy things to say about this kind of anti-social behavior, but ultimately it is obvious that the matrix.org devs see themselves as the owners of not just a standard, but the entire infrastructure. They don't care about multi-accounting, or their client playing nice with standard-compliant servers. So most clients don't support whatever niceties they bolted onto their server because that means emulating all of Element's quirks and exceptions 1:1. As a result, most people don't use other clients and everything seems janky and unpolished, all because they don't actually want anyone else to play with their toys. Matrix would be better off if matrix.org faced competition so serious they were forced to be compliant to their standards *exactly* as written and play nice with others. The org that makes the standard shouldn't be the one that implements it too, that is a recipe for political disaster.
To tie this back into the reason you quoted it: in other words, zero trust. And they maintain full ownership over everything.
>I might actually do that.
By all means do, fuck 'em.
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>>43311131
(2/2)
>Thank you /sig/anon for your service.
It is my pleasure, and I know my scope is very limited when it is about offering practical help. I try my best to practice a fair amount of humility in situations such as yours. It is a case that (in my experience) is usually solved more with a mixture of diplomacy, money, and sometimes Physical Fucking Violence. Not to fedpost but I have nothing but contempt for controlling families, and I have dragged loved ones out of ... situations myself in the past. Sorry, my vitriol is not necessarily helpful, but I hope it reflects where my personal investment comes from, and why I love doing what I do here. And why I want you to succeed.
>most average trannies cannot help. I am speaking from experience. Most people can't even help themselves.
I fully understand. Perhaps it is a good idea to take a step back and think what it would take to free yourself from the fuckery for good? Trying to see what the closest-to-realistic option is for you? I assume it would be along the lines of financial emancipation and then gtfo'ing, but I can't tell how realistic that is for you in the coming years.
>>43311122
>when does this loneliness end?
The good news is, it could be as little as a matter of weeks, depending on your environment and the amount of energy you have to pour into it. Are you generally socially isolated? Any friends, lost or estranged contacts? What are your interests?
>>43309971
I get why you feel miserable over seeing people "outperform" you, in a sense. It doesn't help to hear how universal a feeling that is even among people you would likely look up to. So I would like to pivot and ask you what kinda art you would like to make. For example, works from others you could point at and say "I would love to master their technique".

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>>43312016
>I just keep getting the message that I missed the bus on living a good life.
Not in the slightest, bun. I know it must be tiring to hear, but you gotta trust.
I don't want to seem unempathetic saying all this, I fully understand that you are not in a headspace where this is easy to believe. I advocate selective tunnel vision and ignoring certain things because it makes things easier for you in the long run. When you are in a better place it will be SO much easier to believe in things working out. As you said, a lot of it is (for now) coping.
>Just some eggs and ramen.
Oh nice, ever done ramen eggs? I do rec if you like 'em soft boiled, just takes a bit of prep to brine them in mirin and onions sauce over night. You can even reuse the brine for seasoning later, though you should use it up within a reasonable time frame.
>>43312217
>>43328442
Looking forward to hearing from you! In that case it really is for the best you get yourself checked, I believe.
>It's very likely that I am a lazy, dysfunctional misanthrope but at this stage
I can guarantee you though, "laziness" is never a useful label for self improvement, sadly. It is easier to reason in terms of mental energy (spoon theory comes to mind, as an easy to look up term for the mental image I am trying to convey).
>>43317099
>I haven't felt proud or accomplished in months, but that'll change tomorrow.
>I'm forcing myself to stay away from distractions.
Wishing you all the best, Anon. I'd love to hear what you've been up to by then!

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Mostly caught up, more to follow, but I need a break for now.
>>43314470
>43314528 (truncated because spam filter)
>>43314574
Oh, welcome back, Anon! Sorry to hear the connection is garbage. Thank you for sharing those lovely sights in spite of everything. I'd like to ask you: where are you two headed now? You gonna stay in pseudo-christian zealot hell, middle of nowhere?
>>43325311
Tell me more about your circumstances, you sound very isolated.. I'd love to help you find people to call friends, but I would need to know more about your circumstances.
>>43323482
>most of them are only open like 3 hours a day
>selection: worst goyslop normalfag literature you can imagine on any given subject
Jesus Christ. Disregarding contemporary lit, what kinda things do you enjoy reading? Anything that is popular that you still enjoy? For example the Discworld series when talking fantasy, particular philosophers you enjoy reading or are curious about, stuff like that.
>>43331464
Wishing you all the best, Anon! Glad you got around to cleaning though, that on its own is a win.

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>>43265598
i need put on 15-25lbs to look normal.

Been really struggling with appetite this week for some reason
I get hunger pains in the morning that make me too nauseated to eat, then I can eat a bit in the evening, and then late at night I can finally manage to gorge on food

Too tired to make a decent post tonight, going to bed and hoping tomorrow shall be better.
Sorry for the delay.

Take care for now, everyone.

bump

>>43347432
>The org that makes the standard shouldn't be the one that implements it too
I will reply to the rest of your post later on, I've not gotten myself too much time on my hands, and I should just post a reply to bump
DESU with the Matrix situation, a pool should be made and active development of other server implementation should be encouraged.
See the following links for a compelling reason:
https://clientdiversity.org/#why

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>>43317348
well, i guess that was a particularly bad day. usually, i distract myself thinking of food or small details. one of the few things i can enjoy, im almost forced to. i have a sensitive and gourmet taste and refuse to eat goyslop, like non negliglible quantities of seed oils or seeds, food dyes, artificial or "natural" flavors, suspicious preservatives, and especially anything with the cheap allergenic thickener gums are going to give me inflammation of the intestine. MSG (so instant ramen) eaten just before bed will make us pee in the middle of the night, very inconvienient. while not being a huge list it excludes a ridiculous amount of convienient processed food, and also celery which is intentionallly farmed high with nitrates. finding the traditional mirepoix no go i found onion+bellpepper+mushrooms make a good base. yet,am no expert on cooking. i took 3 seperate electives in school with a cooking aspect and they were all useless. mostly baked before. but cooking is also hard when you cannot have a big pantry or fridge or even spice collection.
that challenge is interestin and distracting. stuff like hard cheeses and bell peppers keep ok out of the fridge sometimes which is a big plus because on grocery day its stuffed full. in the arid desert i find i need minimum two gallons of milk which lasts us (mostly me) a week. im developing my theories and i think five cheeses cover about every culinary use, although actually having them is a different thing:
sharp/strong (melting?) cheese (cheddar,provolone)
creamy cheese (muenster, pepper jack)
spreadable cheese (cream,fromage blanc)
parmesan
snack cheese (swiss)

>>43347470
we are not staying anywhere yet, probably to meander to his home state in a few months. we are visiting the national parks, just happens there are 5 next to each other in this state. dont be rude to the religious fanatics, they have immense strength and make good root beer.

holy shit I need to get a grip, my life is in shambles

Why is trying to change so damn hard to do?

>>43353339
All necessary things take some pain.

>>43347385
>what is it you wanna do
I made my appointments and it’s going smoothly and I even found out I have plenty of time for everything needed.(diagnosis and then official hearing for it so I can be excerpt from conscriptions)
It’s just my stupid brain getting anxious
I’m doing well thanks for the concern
Rn Im just waiting for stuff to happen outside my control
Secondly I realise I need new clothes lol

Another mini-update for now:
>Procrastinated the whole week, no applications sent in due to confusion
>Only managed to perform an online 'psychological' test and to sell some devices for money
>Lack of sleep
>Constant anaylsis paralysis, I can't decide what career I need to persue or what kind of jobs will facilitate it
>Finances bad
>Family and parents are easy to anger
>Money still low
>I am beginning to realize how alon I am, and how unprepared I am to live that way
>Father wants to call me again asking about my plans, I have none, I have no dira where to go or what to focus on
>Followed up with one email today stating I could be considered for an online job, hopefully that will lead to something

I'm going to micro-dose my xanax for now, until I can fine something better.

I don't want to live with my dad but I can't seem to get a grip on my own discipline and responsibilities.

I don't know why it is so hard for me to just do what is necessary.

Its been years of struggle but I haven't changed into a respectful adult.

bump, I hate myself

so tired

I forgot about this thread again so heres my last post
>>43046078
at least I wasn't coming here in that time but I feel like shit today and wish I could just drop dead, I still can't ask anyone for help, can't do or try to do anything
I should've visited a hairdresser long time ago and ask her some tips but instead I'm paranoid about her just being bonkers and trying to correct me having long hair with scissors or telling me that I'm actually balding or smth idk also my mom might have unknowingly sold me the fear of me actual loosing hair
visit with my endo is in few days and I'm stressed out because of it in case she will not prescribe me more hrt for some made up reasons
I wish I would know how to be able to do stuff instead of panicking about everything all the time Im honestly feeling like a deer looking into incoming car's headlights
also some other stuff but I'm actively distracting myself now trying not to panic now and it may not be a good idea anyway

>>43347417
>And that is okay
I need to learn to accept this. For now.

>Goodie!
It's been helping a little bit at least.

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Hi /sig/! I have some updates on my self improvement projects.

First off, I’ve officially been reading every day for 21 straight days. I’m about to finish reading my sixth graphic novel of the month, and I think I’ll be able to finish reading one more in the last week of April.

I also bought new pads for my headphones because the lining on one of the old pads started to split. Cost me like $20 and my headphones feel brand new.

And I cooked a big batch of Spam fried rice last night.

And I’m going to be selling some stuff on eBay and putting what I earn into a savings account. Gonna start actively saving money again for the first time in too long.

>>43331585
My psychiatrist bumped my lurasidone. My goal is to take it consistently. I finish my master's in just a couple of weeks. Limping to the finish line.

Good night
I'm eating and drinking more fiber

>>43362881
good idea, that's a common problemo

>>43304655
>>43304700
>>43304721
>>43304759
>>43347432
>>43347446
Always nice to see you around /sig/anon, I hope things are going well over there. I'm not good at opening up or asking for help I think. But it helps a lot to have a place to shout my random vents into and know there's somebody who reads them. Passing by here over the years and seeing some recognizable people still around always makes me feel better.

>>43351223
wow I actually tried to journal something and I stopped when I realized it sounded exactly like my spitballing from years ago
what the hell I am doing
I did try:
[spoiler]
I just don’t know what to do like the chippie is still away, and I am just wasting my days waiting for him to install the windows and the door and then I can move in.
all my hopes and dreams lie six feet under, it is like that my efforts wor
[/spoiler]
I managed to spit out 52 words before I quit, I think I will continue living my life on pause and just waiting and keep waiting

>>43359944
>I’m about to finish reading my sixth graphic novel of the month, and I think I’ll be able to finish reading one more in the last week of April.
Great job! Wanna tell us about'em? Have you been enjoying them?

i have returned
i love twinks

Good morning

p9 bump

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>walked the dog
>cute girl smiled at me and said hi
poggers

>>43347396
>Thank you, bun. Take all the time you need
Thank you very much for all of the patience. It helps a lot.

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>>43363707
I’ve enjoyed pretty much all of what I’ve read this month, but even when I read a book I didn’t like, if nothing else that made it easier for me to decide to get rid of it. Part of why I’m trying to read through a lot of my books quickly is to make it easier to choose books to get rid of.

The Black Hood (Dark Circle) Vol. 1 & 2
A revamp of one of Archie’s superhero characters. I think they have to do something with them every few years to renew the rights, and they keep doing that just in case.

The Black Hood is a non-superpowered crime fighter in a medieval executioner’s hood. This new version of the character is a cop whose addiction to painkillers (and later, his desire to help people being failed by the system) leads him into a double life as a vigilante. It’s a plausible and complex story, unfortunately the second volume seems to wraps up its storyline way too fast, probably because the book wasn’t selling. 4/5

The Marvels Vols. 1 & 2
A Marvel superhero teamup story riffing on the trope of using made-up countries to comment on real life international conflicts, and musing on the emotional toll of victimization and the difference between justice and revenge. And the ensemble cast allowed the story to include multiple perspectives. 4/5

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>>43370473
Princess Gwenevere and the Jewel Riders Vol. 1 (Maverick)
A Sailor Moon-looking revamp of an obscure 90s toy and cartoon franchise. This is a middle grade graphic novel, but it’s not good. A simple story is one thing, this book left me with basic questions about what was going on. There are also no page numbers, no chapter breaks, and no table of contents. I don’t think the creators had the time they needed to do this right. 2/5

Superman: The Power Within (DC)
Superman dealing with a bunch of hippies who think he’s the Second Coming and some tech company CEOs who think he’s the Antichrist. I bought it for the Curt Swan art, which is gorgeous. The story is ambitious, but refuses to engage with the possibility that well-meaning people can cause actual harm. Also includes another story drawn by Curt Swan exploring the experiences of Arab-American immigrants that’s much better. 3/5

I think I improved a lot in 2026, thanks to this thread too.
>Got a job
>Had top surgery
>Did decent on my exams
>Moved out
>Fixed my apartment (besides washing machine that broke 3 weeks ago while I was packing for top)
>Quit porn
>Quit self harm (punching myself)
>Quit video games
>Quit fapping for sex
>Bought the ring for my partner, who said yes to my proposal to get married
>Started experimental treatments to boost my transition too
>I shower daily, brush my teeth, have a skincare routine (acne) in spite of my routine being full. In 2025, especially early on I was going unshowered for a week. Later on I started this process of getting my shit together.

Wild what person I was a year ago, but thanks this board and the thread. I lurk here, but I just wanted to say thank you.

We're all going to make it. I was a loser and a failure, I just randomly found one day the desire to change. I love you all.
Also somehow this board made me pick up reading again, so thanks for making me a nerd.

>>43347417
>And that is okay
I know its important to take things as they are and move forward.
But I really am ashamed of how incompetent I am.

>Goodie!
Sorry, I really screwed up this week, more that usual. Didn't do any of that really.

Sorry, I'll be mre positive after I get some work sleep.
Take care for now, everyone.

Self improvement is a waste of time I should just accept things as they are

I have gotta find a way to manage exam stress without excessive drinking.

Im a transfer student to a really difficult and competitive US Public university and I've been stressed about my grades all week. I've gotten drunk 12 times this week to cope with the stress of potentially failing a chem exam. This isn't sustainable.

What do you anons do?

>>43371267
please don't give me false hope. true despair is better than a false hope.

>>43373314
I usually try napping or sleeping more.

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Brutal honesty time, more for myself than for y'all.

The older I get, the more obvious it becomes how mid I am. I always had these weird delusions of being exceptional. I don't know why I think I am capable of that. None of the evidence ever pointed in that direction. I turned down every possible relationship, many friendships and multiple jobs because I was chasing an ill-defined ambition that changed every week. I pushed away everyone because I didn't want them to hinder me from... doing what, exactly? I am so convinced of my inherent superiority & intelligence, despite

>always having mid grades at best
>having no real passion for anything
>always giving up after a couple of months
>not having any impulse control or self-discipline whatsoever
>etc.

It's really amazing how many competent and intelligent people will just eat up a confident exterior. Or maybe they just don't say anything. One way or another, I somehow managed to always get my way and remain in that weird delusional bubble.
There's genuinely nothing I want in life except the admiration of anonymous masses. I don't actually enjoy anything. I am not even really /interested/ in anything. I've been rotting away for a year now, because I just don't see the point in doing anything. I feel like I should stop thinking about myself and finally do something for someone else, but at the same time I don't feel like forcing myself to give back to people I loathe, especially if I hate doing it. I literally just sit in my chair and look at the walls for hours some days.

I don't know. I'm probably just an asshole and now I'm getting the bill. Whatever.

I need some sinus pills.

I have to clean

>>43304679
>What draws you to porn?
I don't know, I assume it's just the feel-good hormones from it + a habit I've had and never seriously questioned since adolescence
>professional help
I can't trust anyone with that
on a positive note though, today will mark a week of not watching porn
I'm ashamed to say this might be the longest intentional break I've taken from it

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This might be relevant to artists in here

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Hopefully that one job opportunity I looked at manages to come through for me.

I really messed up my life a lot.

I won't give up, but the road doesn't seem very clear anymore.

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>>43347405
The weed and alcohol were a bad judgement call on my part. Seemed fun, and she wanted to, so we did. Hot water got fixed, and that shower was probably the best thing I've ever experienced lately.

It's not all terrible. There's good here and there, but I'd definitely say I've had a dark cloud over my life for a while.

>>Hm, can you articulate that in greater detail?
This gets it's own dedicated section because I have a lot to say.

I've always been in my own bubble for as long as I can remember. I've had friends, but our relationships have always been unconventional or mired in conflict. And even in those rare instances where I have normal, uncomplicated relationships with people, they never feel like anything. I should feel some sense of pleasure but it just feels like nothing. I get more joy from a good cheesecake or burger. The last time I felt real, intimate closeness with someone, was with my ex boyfriend whom I left in early 2024. I've had friends and flings since then, but they have seldom elicited the same feelings in me, and never to the same intensity. It's not really a romance thing, but that is something that comes into the equation.

In the past couple years, there's only one person I have met and befriended who I think wholly enjoyed my presence. She approached me after class once when I was still studying, and we hit it off from there. We would talk about our mental health, and random stupid shit. Only, her mental health was pretty manageable compared to mine. She tried hard to help me. Even made me a care package once after a really bad self harming incident, but ultimately she cut me out. The constant alcohol abuse and self harm reminded her of someone she'd lost, and she couldn't put herself through it again. I don't feel angry at her, but it does sting, knowing that my neurosis is the underlying thing that always makes people leave.

TLDR; my mental health is hard to deal with and I can often be apathetic.

>>43382264
This gets its own dedicated section* oh my fucking god typos screwed me again

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Had my dysphoria assessment with a psych, which was, well, something. 2-3 weeks for that to process. It kinda felt rushed through because they're trying to tick criteria when I went with the method of answering honestly to try and like work through some shit (idk ig that's a job for therapists, not psychs).
Grabbed like 5 books because I hadn't been in a bookstore in years and went a bit mad (mostly stuff about MENA/Africa in general), read through one (Another Day of Life - Ryszard Kapuściński) in Hyde Park. Currently reading Jok Madut Jok's Sudan: Race, Religion and Violence.
Got my 2km run under 10 min again (or proved I can do it - N.B. Started running after 30 min of 15/3 incline mill), it's a shit effort, but my cardio has felt pretty nuked, and I'm wondering if Cypro has something to do with it.
I've got another FFS consult on the 4th, where I'll push for a surgery date. I'm gonna be a little upset if I can't get it done before September, honestly.
>>43347385
>Have you considered wearing like, arm sleeves
I have a long-sleeved compression layer, but I'm kinda finding it stops air circulation while running, and I overheat (or did today). I've just been throwing an oversized hoodie on as soon as I go near a gym mirror desu. It's an okay solution for now ig.
But yeah, dysphoria pit, I wish there was more I could do - unfortunately, I cannot shrink my ribcage or shoulders in the gym.
>>43304759
>if you can catch them via phone
Honestly, yeah, but I struggle with phones at the best of times and my French is non existent : P
>Christ
Turns out that guy is quitting anyway, but that leaves me as the lowest-paid engineer being left on my own, accountable for the entire factory for 12 hours at a time *sigh* (I had a MH episode at work the other day over this).
>Have you tried adding 0 deficit days to your schedule
Done it (well probs overeaten) the last 4ish days, I might reset off the diet for a bit and go back at it again in a couple of weeks.

>>43382318
Honestly, the work thing gets to me because I am about £10-20,000 below the going rate for a factory maintenance engineer, and when I took the job, I made it super clear I was taking it as a uni graduate (on a graduate salary - hence the pay disparity) who wanted to learn more. But I feel like it's gotten into people's heads that I'm supposed to function like someone with a decade of experience, which I can't do when I've got 2 months of experience (at most) engineering on our production lines.
And like, I'll get through it, I can learn, but it's going to be hell mentally because there is always the pressure to get things running again right that instant, and I'm going to be sitting there trying to diagnose problems from like first principles.

And I hate being a flake and falling back on MH, but like I had to take myself outside the factory for 30-45 mins and sort of go fetal position in my car because I had a breakdown over a pretty silly mistake (and I ended up working 14 hours that day). Which, in part, was because 50% of my brain was worried about my dysphoria assessment - which bothers me again because I'm supposed to be more resilient than that.

I am pretty sure I have unresolved trauma.

Page 10 bump

>>43382988
What type? The first step is realizing where it comes from and why the trauma has persisted

Good night

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>>43370473
>Part of why I’m trying to read through a lot of my books quickly is to make it easier to choose books to get rid of.
I didn't appreciate this growing up, but this is one of the most satisfying parts of physical media. Being able to curate a library of only the stuff that really speaks to you. Board games helped me discover this since they take so much space.

>The Black Hood (Dark Circle) Vol. 1 & 2
I didn't know Archie did other stuff besides...Well, Archie and their spin-offs. Premise reminds me a bit of that shamalam movie from many years ago.

>The Marvels Vols. 1 & 2
>Superman: The Power Within (DC)
Sounds cute. Are you a fan of DC/Marvel stuff in general? Or have you gotten it into it lately? I feel like there's a bit of a "revival" going on (which I'm sure happens every once in a while) cuz a few of my friends have gotten into their stuff lately, and I see ppl post about it on Twitter. Maybe because Marvel Rivals came out?

>Princess Gwenevere and the Jewel Riders Vol. 1 (Maverick)
Sad it's not good, the art is quite cute, it's always heartbreaking when nice art isn't applied to an overall good product. I'm guessing you won't be keeping that one.

>>43265624
glados is so cute

>>43265598
Why does "looking and feeling good" make her so pissed off

been watching some femboy workouts recently

>>43387366
>I didn't know Archie did other stuff besides...Well, Archie and their spin-offs.
Yeah, they did superheroes like everyone else before Archie took off, and the Archie franchise is so steady they could afford to experiment a bit since then. I have a few other Archie books in my hoard. I also have some affection for actual Archie comics. There’s skill to drawing everything legibly with just a few lines, and since they only ever change the trends and the fashions, every issue is like a time capsule.

>Premise reminds me a bit of that shamalam movie from many years ago.
I assume you’re referring to Unbreakable, and yeah, it is like that. I should watch that movie again.

>Are you a fan of DC/Marvel stuff in general?
I’m into Marvel and DC stuff in general, but I pretty much always have been. I think Marvel Rivals is probably the big driver of Marvel fandom right now since the MCU fell off. I don’t play the game but I like the character designs. I saw that they added Devil Dinosaur to the game but now he’s a carnotaurus instead of a T. rex so he finally has devil horns.

And I like all kinds of comics. A new company recently started publishing Italian comics in English, and I’m excited to get my hands on some of those too.

It’s awkward liking comics because I feel like my transition goal is to look out of place at a comic convention, but that doesn’t mean I have to stop going to them.

And thanks for talking with me about my reading project!

>>43388789
she is a big girl

>>43265598
Starting the new week fairly decently:
>6 or 7 hours left to sleep
>Followed up with a possible job
>Reading over my psychological results
>More job searches planned for tomorrow

Baby steps for now, still need to work on an actual plan of action.

>>43265598
i'm about to start using low-dose oral meth to help me through my awful executive dysfunction. wish me luck, /sig/nons!

Bump
Got a good bit done today

>>43396200
nice

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>>43392862
>for you

>>43397793
she better be

I'm a bit annoyed... I'm spoiled and live together with my sister in a house owned by out family.

Anyway, she renovated the room above the TV room. I checked in on her work at some point and pointed out that the insulation can't have gaps the way she's done it.

She got annoyed by it, but I told her that it can't have any gaps because otherwise there'll be no noise absorption.

Now the floor and walls are up, and there's zero sound insulation. Partially closing a door reduces sound more than there's between the two floors.

I'm certain she'll get mad at a proposal to basically put up a 2nd thin roof in the room below for sound insulation.

I really should've bothered her more about it... Now the living room will be kind of unusable.

>>43265598
I got a job recently packing boxes but at least no more interviews

>>43399600
Congrats, proud of you.

It's scary to think how alone I really am in this world.

>>43400030
Now think about the fact that most people are like that.

Having friends is obliterating my time and schedules

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Weirdly hypersexual lately. Not sure why. Need to repress this harder.
>inb4 have sex incel
No. I have resolved to die a virgin out of spite

>>43404327
wouldn't it be "have sex, volcel"? That said, I hate that people pushed sex onto you.

I am incredibly tired, goodnight for now.

Bump

>>43407236
bwomp

>>43405163
>wouldn't it be "have sex, volcel"?
I mean I guess. I'm just kind of a mentalcel honestly
>I hate that people pushed sex onto you.
Eh, I mean they tried, both IRL and online. Just too broken tho I think

I would like to clean up tomorrow

>>43409487
That's a good idea.

>>43376203
im the exact same way. i feel u. i dont know what the hell im supposed to do about it, though. i get these moments of clarity, like right now, where i become aware of the delusions, but i cant figure out how to make any change during the periods of lucidity that doesnt get washed away by the next wave of delusion.

I wish I had a life.

after SRS in July I'm gonna looksmaxx and jobsearchmaxx. gotta get out of this shitty town.

I have a decent tech job but we don't use SQL because we're -special- so I gotta have some personal projects for that.

I'm starting invisalign soon so that's exciting. also need to gymmaxx after SRS to get a nice plump ass and step up my fashion game big time. maybe step up my skincare game a bit, def get a better hair routine, and start wearing makeup again.

but once I move I need to be an unbearably hot stealthoid with social skills. the social skills part is gonna be hard since I kinda know how to mask but not rly.

>personality traits i like in other people
Dependability. Just being there when the cards are down. The friend who helps you out no matter what if it is possible for then in any way. I wait for the day I am tested, hell maybe I already have been. I try to be dependable, to keep my plans with people and if it changes give them heads up. I try to ask how they feel every time I talk to my friends because I do care.

I do have anger issues.

>>43409487
Did a deep clean

>>43415158
Sounds good, glad you got to it.

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Little late tonight, more tomorrow.
>>43331585
>>43331601
>>43361139
>just staying alive is my self-improvement until my depression improves.
This is 100% justified and sensible, keeping up self care and basic survival is essential and beats out everything else in such a scenario. I am glad your dose was bumped up, and I hope it will help!
>It would be a good opportunity but like I said, really expensive. I might wait and apply again next year.
Thanks for clarifying! Hm, in that case I suppose the naive way one could economically estimate whether it is worth it would be to divide the cost by the difference in monthly income the thing makes. Waiting a year should be of little consequence though and much better for your mental rn.
>>43333378
Perfectionism is your enemy here. I suggest you try to do some stream of consciousness journaling for the beginning. Go by vibe, write down whatever you can, picrel is what I suppose you wanna achieve by recording emotions? What you need is bullet points, for now. You can describe feelings by anything. Shape, smells, colors, it really doesn't need to be literal or easy to understand. A scrapbook might help.
>not to mention my penmanship always sucked and i write very slow and my hand gets all cramped up embarrassingly fast.
Very important: do you happen to write with BIC style ballpoint pens? Or ballpoint pens in general? If so, toss the fuckers into a fire and get you can get an off-band LAMY style fountain pen for 20-30 bucks. It will force you not to stab the paper and help you uncramp your hand.
>>43337434
>I dont think therapy is something that can work for me.
What makes you think that, Anon?

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>>43347559
>i need put on 15-25lbs to look normal.
Would you like some help with a bit of a diet plan for you?
Would you be alright counting cals for a while?
>>43347933
Hmm.. have you been to the doc about the pains? It might be something medical acting up, have you had a history of ED/undereating?
>>43351223
I am glad you take your time with things, I was busy this weekend and have to pace myself too.
>DESU with the Matrix situation, a pool should be made and active development of other server implementation should be encouraged.
I absolutely agree, it's pretty much my own philosophy. It's very neat to have a resource like this to point people to though, thank you!
>>43352233
>dont be rude to the religious fanatics, they have immense strength and make good root beer.
Heh, I think you understand my point though. I would much rather see you safe, far away from them, and able to transition. Perhaps your bf would be comfy with it too in a better environment.
>>43352970
>holy shit I need to get a grip, my life is in shambles
Well we are here to try and help you get your shit together, Anon! You don't have to figure everything out on your own.

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More tomorrow, overdue bed-wise
>>43353339
>Why is trying to change so damn hard to do?
If our brains didn't have some resistance to change we would be in a constant state of near psychotic flux. /sig/ is in no small part about finding ways to make change easier.
>>43354839
>I made my appointments and it’s going smoothly and I even found out I have plenty of time for everything needed.
Great news overall, Anon!
>It’s just my stupid brain getting anxious
In a "change is scary" sorta way?
>Rn Im just waiting for stuff to happen outside my control
I know what that feels like.. I'm rooting for you. What kinda fits you wanna get?
>>43355248
>Constant anaylsis paralysis, I can't decide what career I need to persue or what kind of jobs will facilitate it
I think you might need some help flattening your decision tree into a checklist, bun.
>>43363635
It's my pleasure to be there for people, in any way I can. I don't wanna force you or anyone else to talk about anything they aren't comfy to share in a public space like this. Though, perhaps, if you ever see me talk to people about issues you relate to, never hesitate to ask for specifics where it might help you, okay?
>>43363655
>I stopped when I realized it sounded exactly like my spitballing from years ago
What's so bad about that? Like, do you find it cringe or is it another reason?

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Did some job applications.
Will be doing more tomorrow, in addition to following up with emails and phonecalls too.
I need to market myself better, and update my accounts.

I think I am fatiqued or something.

nighty night

>>43415937
>Hmm.. have you been to the doc about the pains? It might be something medical acting up, have you had a history of ED/undereating?
I'm fine now it was just an annoying cycle

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I hosted Mario party night with two friends. I also hosted a board game night with people from the art club. I go to. So I’m making progress with people. I feel like my art hasn’t progressed anywhere in a while, but I’m still trying and I’m still making it.

I tried to go on a few dates, but I think I have too much religious trauma to date somebody who is religious I don’t know why I’m trying today anyway it’s not like I’m normal enough for someone I need surgery first

>>43416570
Good night

>>43419721
mornin

so much weird pains

>>43421556
Are you the same anon that has been mentioning their aches a couple times?

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>>43370490
Yesterday I cooked this pearl couscous with sun dried tomatoes, sliced zucchini, chickpeas, spinach and corn. I cooked the couscous in chicken stock.

And I managed to read one more graphic novel this month, my seventh overall, Batman ‘89. It’s basically a Batman Forever fixfic that’s meant to be more in the style of the Batman movies Tim Burton directed. It’s written by Sam Hamm, who worked on the script of the first Tim Burton Batman movie.

It’s a really good AU Batman story, although I was left wondering if the Tim Burton Batman theming was just a fun gimmick or a bad sign of nostalgia encroaching further on pop culture. I guess that just makes it more like a Hollywood movie: Thinking about it too much spoils the fun.

Oh, and I finally got back to working with Blender. I’m following along with a YouTube tutorial. It’s a lot to take in but I’m definitely learning stuff.

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Alright, got a few.
>>43359100
Welcome back, Anon!
Thanks for digging your old post back up.
>I still can't ask anyone for help, can't do or try to do anything
If I re-read correctly the main points were that you had no doc near you/nobody to help you figure out depression and ADHD meds, with the latter being prohibitively expensive too. This combined with your boobs growing weird as you mentioned, having little support transition wise in general, and being very low energy. Def tell me how your endo appointment went.
>my mom might have unknowingly sold me the fear of me actual loosing hair
I have heard of finasteride for tranners, but I think >>>/lgbt/hrtgen has people with a better overview over your options there. Definitely ask them, checking it out myself there seems to already be a discussion on that subject.
>I wish I would know how to be able to do stuff instead of panicking about everything all the time Im honestly feeling like a deer looking into incoming car's headlights
Hm, terribly overwhelmed, too. Let me try break it down: are there any news on the psych meds front? What is the state of your room? How often do you leave it? Did I ever mention the book How to keep house while drowning (see resources)?
>>43364247
Welcome back, twink lover!
>>43371267
>I think I improved a lot in 2026, thanks to this thread too.
Holy shit, congrats, Anon! All around wonderful news. It's crazy how things can spiral upward rather than down, given the right conditions, right? Do you two have a set date for your wedding yet?
>Wild what person I was a year ago, but thanks this board and the thread. I lurk here, but I just wanted to say thank you.
Wishing you nothing but the very best, and think I am speaking for all of us when I say that helping one another is what /sig/ is for! I'm glad this little place I carved out helped you.
>>43372476
What are the things you wish to accept about yourself specifically then, in that spirit? I ask to understand your pov.

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>>43371981
>>43382219
>But I really am ashamed of how incompetent I am.
Shame is your enemy, sadly. Let the feeling pass through you but believe me that it is actively making you less productive to linger on it.
>Sorry, I really screwed up this week, more that usual.
>Sorry, I'll be mre positive after I get some work sleep.
All good, bun. I will happily wait for your updates.
>>43373314
>I have gotta find a way to manage exam stress without excessive drinking.
>What do you anons do?
Hi, Alina! There are several ways to cope with stress of this sort. What you want is, among other things, grounding. You need to also take note that alc, especially weening off, will fuck with your mental for a bit. Because it's numbing; the longer you stay drunk the less time you have to process things and calm yourself down and all feelings pile up to overwhelm you at once. This is part of what fucks you over. Having seen US academia from the inside, I think their approach is particularly destructive to mental health at, frankly, no observable benefit in quality (as in, students aren't better for having been squeezed dry and burnt out), but that isn't a helpful insight. What you need is twofold: grounding, things to center yourself with when emotions become difficult to bear, and soothing, things to calm you down and stop you from panicking/spiraling. One of the things I used to do/still do to deal with stress is performing small rituals. Making coffee (ofc, caffeine is not good for stress but I mean decaf is an option) is one of my go-tos. Making a pourover takes 3-5 minutes, and is a deliberate, conscious, decelerating act that ends in receiving a treat. Exercise can help too. Picrel might be interesting too if stress buildup is a major concern.
>>43379249
What is in need of cleaning, Anon?

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>>43376203
>I don't know. I'm probably just an asshole and now I'm getting the bill. Whatever.
Most of my time in this general I find that there is very little utility to the question of what we *are*, at least any time it can be replaced by things we *do*.
For example: "I *am* lazy": useless label with no actionable consequence.
"I don't *do* my chores": specific, tangible, practical problem. Leads to asking why, which for example can get you "I procrastinate because it is so much", etc. Verbs, not adjectives, matter usually. Back to the problem at hand: you like to be admired. You have pushed away a lot of people, and I assume you lack meaningful, engaging relationships at the moment?
Well, unless you wind up diagnosed with NPD for real (which I am in no way equipped to suggest, but if you or >>43410599 worry about the core issue being genuine delusions of grandeur having a pro look at you would be a good thing to do) it might be that forming deeper connections will make the people in question more interesting, their opinions more important than those of faceless nobodies, etc. Essentially, it would exploit the same emotional center as sunk cost does, but in a healthy way. Putting effort into someone makes you care about them more, if it is reciprocated. It is however tricky for me to give recommendations if no particular interest ever really spoke to you.
>>43380050
>I can't trust anyone with that
In what way? Do you worry about psychs taking advantage of it or something?
>I'm ashamed to say this might be the longest intentional break I've taken from it
Don't be, I would say that a ton of people masturbate several times a week, and it stands to reason that many of those that have access to porn will use it freely to help with that. You not doing it because you feel it got too much and subsequently cutting down on it has not a single facet to be ashamed of to it.
>>43399600
Oh, that's great news, congrats Anon!

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>>43382264
>>43382278
>The weed and alcohol were a bad judgement call on my part.
I understand, I come more from an addictive behavior pov. You see I myself come from a family line with addictive tendencies, and have for that reason never taken to alc, cigs, or anything because I knew I would fall off a cliff with it. Conversely I have loved ones with addiction problems and of course there is a degree of responsibility I find in making it easy for them not to be put in a position where they risk slipping. That is why I am saying it's not all on you, basically.
Glad the hot water is back online!
>they never feel like anything. I should feel some sense of pleasure but it just feels like nothing.
Do you feel like you are keeping those people at a distance? I think this connection, this mutual enjoyment you spoke of here
>In the past couple years, there's only one person I have met and befriended who I think wholly enjoyed my presence.
is precisely the thing you lack in other contacts, to give them meaning, to make it feel real. I suppose in this case the unmet need that underlies your disconnectedness is how to cultivate such relationships and where to find compatible people?
>>43382988
>I am pretty sure I have unresolved trauma.
Wanna talk about it?
>>43388789
The other day I couldn't help listen to Cara Mia Addio again.
>>43389779
I think she is mad at her past self, first and foremost. I kinda get how that feels, at least.

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>>43382318
>>43382441
>Had my dysphoria assessment with a psych, which was, well, something.
The mental image this conjures gives me second hand discomfort, I am glad it is dealt with.
>Currently reading Jok Madut Jok's Sudan: Race, Religion and Violence.
That one grabs my attention from the title alone, I must admit.
>I've got another FFS consult on the 4th, where I'll push for a surgery date.
Wishing you all the best there! Hope it works out.
>I have a long-sleeved compression layer,
I was thinking of arm warmers and the like, something more fashion oriented if you will. Those would be a looser fit and surely there are some made of a breathing material.
>Honestly, yeah, but I struggle with phones at the best of times and my French is non existent : P
Hah, I feel that. Sometimes when I expect a parcel I have to deal with French on the phone I am convinced is difficult to parse for a native speaker.
>Turns out that guy is quitting anyway,
>I'm supposed to function like someone with a decade of experience
I feel like there has been a kind of entitlement among employers in recent decades where nobody wants to actually teach their staff anything anymore. It's a relief that it sounds that you will manage overall but it sucks it has to be stressful like that. I hope that things get easier at least with time, especially when transition progress piles.
>>43390528
As in for or by femboys?
>>43393436
All the best, Anon. Hope it's okay to ask if it is automed or prescribed?