I lowkey enjoy being sad and romanticize my grim existence as a lonely unlovable troon freak, sometimes I find it pretty poetic and cope by listening to some dark music or watching depressive media and pretending like I'm some kind of decadent and a hero of a movie or a tragic realism novel character...Does anyone else do this? How retarded is that?If we can't avoid being depressed we still can at least enjoy the process in some way.
>>43291551I do this as cope and that's normal
I find it hard to believe that people who do this are actually depressed.
>>43291551>romanticizing depressionyou should read Cioran
>>43291617ty i'll give it a try
>>43291613idk i can barely get out of bed and i and I'm a neet who rarely leave the house for a long time and it's hard for me to laugh at anything people find funny
Why do you enjoy being depressed?My art gets worse my hobbies are less fun. I feel like I’m just sitting and wasting my time.
>>43291551me too bt not anymore realyits weird how people are more attracted to me when i am depressed
I have taken it a step further and rationalized my long term doomspiral as a moral good. I used to be an anxiety riddled mess who convinced themselves that the only reason my life was bad was because I wasn't a good enough person, wasn't perfect enough, just didn't try hard enough. To a point where I came to believe I MUST kill myself because being as depressed and anxious as I was and unable to get out of it was making people around me slightly sadder, and this alone meant I had become a net negative on the world and should be removed. But after the 2 people I cared about most betrayed me in horrific ways - one physically raping me, the other mentally raping me, back to back within a week - I entered a long dissassociative episode where I was able to step out of myself and assess who I was as if I was another person. What had previously drawn me to people was compassion, empathy, kindness, sincerity, and integrity. I realized that while all the people I had foolishly attached myself to had simply been faking having those traits, I had truly embodied them. This caused my ego to do a complete 180 and I now view myself as the best person in my life. But unfortunately, it has made me feel as though I will never meet anyone on that level. So I have given up in a different, much more thorough way, because I feel any effort I put in would simply be rewarding a world that is undeserving, and instead, if I am allowed to die in this state, it will be proof to me that my reluctance to put in that effort is justified. I had tried to do what I could to lift up people I felt were genuinely good, even when I could barely function myself. If the good that I have done, and would do, was not enough for anyone to give me a modicum of support, or even simply not work to make my life significantly more awful, then truly this world must not deserve it and I am morally obligated to keep myself from doing more good for it. Cruel and uncaring people do not deserve good things, after all.
I see life of every and each person as a scenario in a movie. Some movies are about people that achieved something, have a family etc. while others about depressed unlovable freaks that died by rope.That does not mean one movie is worse than the other, if anything, isn't a movie about a normie who lived a normal life boring as fuck?Sure, the tragic character has worse life but the story is way more interesting and only interesting stories are worthy of being experienced. I am a khhv and i am angry and sad about it but i have very unusual life and i don't know if i would trade it to become a normgroid who did normal things and then died of old age
>>43291551Since I slowly lost my few friends and my only purpose in recent years my life has been unacceptably unpleasant by every measurable metric. I see no reason why it's bad if I become a degenerate lunatic to fill the emptiness.
>>43293326i had a very similar experience. i saw myself as worthless and evil, but i have come to realize that i am one of the only people on this planet who actually gives a shit about others' feelings. i would have probably also fallen into the trap of seeing everyone else as 'undeserving', had i not done a lot of thinking on that topic prior to this happening and realized the concept of people deserving things is completely made up. so i try to be nice to everyone. it hurts when people are cruel to me, and it's not uncommon, but i keep soldiering on and trying not to kill myself.
>>43294005The concept of "deserving" things and morality in general is made up, but it isn't arbitrary. And not recognizing the purpose it serves and why its worth engaging in is a deeply nihilistic, antisocial, and enabling thing to do. The world is better if people aren't shitheels. People in general will have better lives. Treating people as if they were disposable is a "fuck you got mine" mindset. Ignoring cruelty, deciding that the idea of people "deserving" things is pointless, it all just further facilitates continued misery - for you and anyone you care about. Feeling detached from it all is at best smugly self serving and at worst hardcore copium where you want things to not be awful but have decided you have no responsibility or stake in making that happen. In essence, while evil, cruel and uncaring people exist, they only get to exist because people twist themselves in knots trying to justify their own inaction, like you have done. Philosophy has existed for thousands of years for people to come up with answers to these problems - and the near universal conclusion from so many different people is that the exact mindset you have taken up is explicitly why the world is in such a state that would lead you to being so miserable.
Are you that Russian girl from that other thread
>>43291551I used to do that when I was depressed. Since then I was cured of it and I experienced true happiness. Currently I've lost that happiness somewhere and I wish I could have it back because I'm not sure if I can handle more depressive episodes. Life is really beautiful when you aren't thinking about demise every day...
>>43295341i can't think of anything more small-minded than believing the only way to reduce suffering in this world is to inflict it on others. if we are to make a sentient being suffer for the greater good, the word 'deserve' should never be uttered because it's not real. it exists only so that we can selectively turn off our empathy, which is exactly how suffering prevails. suffering is real, and suffering is what we should seek to minimize.
>>43293326don't kill yourself.live!
>>43298112It's small minded to think suffering can simply be stopped through acting in good faith. Awful people exist. They take advantage of everyone around them. Some of them kill or rape. Many of them only come to "regret" their actions because people get upset with them. If they are allowed to continue to act however they want without consequences - as you evidently think should be the case - they will simply continue to act as they do. Killing is not an ideal solution, and there are technically other options anyway. But the ethical nature of those other options is subject to widescale debate. The bottom line is SOMETHING needs to be done. Evidently not enough is. Your answer is that we should simply accept it. Mine is that we should do something about it. Only one of is will actually see any improvement from our actions, and no matter how much you want to plug your ears and close your eyes, we have all of human history to showcase who'll get the most done.
>>43298197do you think i believe we should let someone who commits a murder show up at the office the next day like nothing happened? you are making a hell of a lot of assumptions here, and you know what they say about those. if someone commits a murder, i think they should be kept away from the rest of society for some period of time for everyone's safety. like, duh. i further think we should strive to make those accommodations as comfortable as reasonably possible, though. i also really don't understand how you seem to have gotten it in your head that brutal crimes are the only sources of suffering. that is the tiniest, most microscopic tip of the iceberg. when i think of reducing suffering i don't think of scaring people out of rape, i think of the countless ways in which the systems that dominate our world must be entirely upended, and how systems that reduce suffering could be created and spread. many many other problems, like crime, will be vastly reduced if that comes to pass. and i am in fact quite interested in taking personal action toward those kinds of lofty goals and toward minimizing the suffering i inflict on others in my day-to-day.
>>43291551I wouldnt say I romanticize my depression, I just have it, I like sad music and depressive media because I can at least empathize with something.I hate being depressed, but after years going to psychiatrist and to therapy trying different kinds of medicine and nothing making me feel better, I just accepted I was made to be unhappy.
>>43298350I know what you mean because I used to have this exact mindset. I was going to school to become a therapist because there's both a massive shortage, and because so many people who HATED them and said they were all useless, ended up being the people I helped the most just by fuckin sitting and listening and being sincere with what I said instead of feeding them empty platitudes. The problem is no one fucking does this. No one cares. I made that my 'life goal' because I realized that was the case. You can point out every issue in every system ever, come up with perfect solutions, but unless you get people to give a fuck it will NEVER change, and they will only care when it starts to explicitly affect them. I also have a perfect personal anecdote for this. I alluded to it in my original post, but I'll be explicit here; my ex cheated on me. I was completely and utterly locked in for her, but she did it anyway. And not just with anyone. With a literal self admitted pedophile. Someone who would openly talk about how much they wanted to fuck middleschoolers and who was actively trying to groom one. AND she only hung out with them for TWO DAYS before she cheated on me. And even worse? Like I said, I had the same mindset you do now. Before I knew she was a pedo, that same girl was in the same places as me, talking about how miserable and depressed she was, threatening to kill herself, and one day almost killing herself on accident while cutting. I was the one who intervened when she was saying she was gonna kill herself. I was also the one that harassed her into going to the hospital instead of bleeding out in the street. My actions were objectively well intended, but I saved the life of a monster, and it didn't just destroy my life, but potentially others, because she went on to gloat about the situation and evidently feels ZERO remorse about anything she's done. And absolutely no one is going to do a god damn thing about it, not until it's far too late.
>>43298439nta you're replying to btwso what drives the actions that you take now? or are you the depressionmaxxer
>>43298439>but unless you get people to give a fuck it will NEVER changemy greatest hope for my life is to get people to give a fuck.i am terribly sorry for what your girlfriend did to you. that matter is obviously very close to your heart, so i will not try to convince you of any merits of saving her. accepting the premise that she will go on to hurt children, all i would say is that she does not in that case 'deserve' death, to me. allowing her to take her life would rather be a necessary evil. i understand that's probably not an idea you're going to be especially open to, but i don't know... it makes me feel a little better sometimes. i have been hurt by many, including those close to me, and i try to see that they are ultimately just victims of countless systems whose existence they aren't even conscious of. at that point i can have empathy for them and try to let go of my hate, not just for their sake, but so that i can have peace.
>>43298637I used to be considered 'overly cynical'. A lot of people treated me poorly for it. The isolation made me try to force myself to stop doing it, even though 9/10 times the things I would predict came true without any possible way I could've tipped the scales. Turns out it doesn't really matter if you do that, people don't change their mind, and they also don't suddenly become more considerate or develop better reasoning skills. They will still do stupid or awful things regardless, and you don't even get to say "I told you so." I tried the 'soft' approach for years. I did not work, at all. Some of the people I tried to talk out of their shittiness adopted parts of what I taught them, but never actually addressed the main issues. The ex who cheated on me kept trying to tell me after the fact about how she convinced a server of chuds to stop being transphobic using some rhetoric I preached to her. As if I would give the remotest of shits after what she did. Every time after we talked she would bring up something like that. Same way she was 'a better person' that completely ignored what she did and why. So I'm not doing that dumb shit anymore. It will only work if someone already has the motivation to improve and the self awareness to pick out what their real problems are, and if they do, you probably don't need to tell them anything. Every once in awhile if I'm in a slightly less awful mood I will be straight with someone who's in a bad place and I can still talk them down that way. Otherwise I am just calling out people who claim to be trying to improve the world and picking out every way in which they're either completely full of shit, or actively working against themselves. It's absurdly common. I'd like to hope one day I meet someone who tries to fix shit WITHOUT hiding behind delusional positivity, but I don't think that person exists. That'd probably be the only person who could convince me that I should try anything else again.
>>43298814Ignorance is never an excuse. Especially if you live in the first world. We have near infinite resources. You can read about anything. You can get therapy for free if that would actually do anything for you. Any ignorance of any system that affects you is, ultimately, a choice. And I say this knowing full well there are plenty of systems that have affected me that I don't know jack shit about. But even above all that, it genuinely does not matter. You do not try to fuck children because of capitalism. You do not cheat on your partner because of transphobia. Those are not real things that happen. You do those things because you CHOOSE to do them. You can come up with a million and one reasons why you felt it was acceptable, or why you wanted to - you still MADE the choice. My ex made the choice to go hang out with someone she knew was sketchy. She made the choice to flirt with them and be vulnerable. She made the choice to fuck them. She made the choice to try to defend her actions and dismiss my emotions. She made the choice to act like she had no reason to apologize or anything she had to do to stay in my life. All of these things and more are HER CHOICE, not things she was forced to do by any one or any thing. And she isn't even the one who was the pedo. You CANNOT give people that excuse, because they will take it and run with it. "If you are kind to the cruel, you will ultimately be cruel to the kind." A high forgiveness society benefits most those who would take advantage of it. Etc. etc.You wanna talk about minimizing cruelty but your rhetoric is about refusing to enact cruelty for the sake of preventing far more down the line. It is simply cowardly, nothing more.
>>43291613i doubt people who hate their lives, want to kill themselves and struggle to do basic things because of mind fog or executive dysfunction aren't actually depressed and just larpidk man ppl romanticize their depression to cope
>>43291551i understand thisi like pretending i'm a cool character who hates his life and has a complex personality instead of accepting i'm a boring freak pooner who hates his life and acts like a dumbass asshole towards others
>>43298939i think your definition of system is too narrow. beliefs are systems, and belief very much can be the difference between whether or not you choose to hurt someone. i think if people understood certain truths, in particular that the individual is a delusion natural selection has led us to believe in, they would be much more likely to consider the feelings of those around them. maybe that's idealistic of me. obviously systems like capitalism must also be addressed, but i am primarily interested in belief because a belief system can be created and spread with minimal resources.
>>43291551i dont think its any more retarded than other forms of copei think theres also just a sincere element of familiarity and comfort to depression if youve been chronically depressed for years and years. after a certain point its all you really know anymore and it becomes increasingly difficult to legitimately find value in the worldcraving depression like that i think leads some to romanticize it, and frankly i dont think learning to enjoy suffering is that bad of a play, especially considering suffering is a core tenant of existence
>>43300186Familiarity is a good way to put it I feel. I associate depression a lot with winter, but I also love winter. I had a sort of creative fixation on the cold for awhile, specifically how when you were outside in really low temps, you'd eventually start to feel warm even in below freezing temps as a sign that you're probably about to get frostbite. Basically just the idea that, as long as you still feel the cold, you know you're still alive, and instead of just getting more cold as you do die, you actually get warmer and feel some comfort for once.
>>43300263>and instead of just getting more cold as you do die, you actually get warmer and feel some comfort for once.i really appreciate your perspective on this, unironically this is something i used to daydream about a lot years ago, for a while i seriously entertained the idea of just getting a train ticket from oslo to bergen and hopping off the train at one of the small town stops up in the mountains during the dead of winter and just waiting until the train was gone to walk off into the snowfigured if i made it far enough i wouldnt be able to find the way back before the cold really set it, and then the inevitable warmth as ive so heard it described. beautiful perspective you have
>>43300299Dunno if you're one for manga, but when I posted a short story I wrote that talked about this stuff someone suggest I read The Climber. It might not connect much at first but after a bit it takes a hard swerve into more contemplative stuff about anxiety and perseverance centered around mountain climbing. Anyways, glad you can appreciate how I see it. As another, much more insane suggestion, this is an album I would put on every time I went out for a walk the past few winters. Massive source of inspiration for my writing and I think it perfectly fits the vibe of walking in the snow. https://youtu.be/VgWKcPQgNJQ?si=vZ0YPVGnyn1nieyY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbhAzwrSjL0
>>43300323i cant say ive read much manga but ill give it a read at least on the grounds this fucking 6hr album you just linked is immediately tickling the right neurons in the back of my chud hind brain right off the first 15 minutes alonei think youre right about the vibes of walking in the snow for this. not snow, but when i was really actively suicidal for a year or so and really struggling to hold it together id go on literal 4 hour walks in the middle of the night through the morning around the east side of my city with some headphones on most nights, only thing that kept me sane. i really appreciate music you can contemplate (or ruminate if youre especially fucked and stuck in dogshit mental loops) shit with on a long walk. thanks for sharing this
>>43291613lets reduce itop thinks it's pretty, it's beautiful and noble to be depressed.does that sound healthy? i get the suspicion, but this really is a common problem. with lots of mental illness people tend to want to pretend their neurosis is some essential alchemy from which their unique character emerges. who would want to change that, or to try to change the circumstances around the pathology when it means a complete obliteration of the authentic self?they're wrong. but I can see why they think that way. suffering is not noble or beautiful, and it doesn't justify or enhance any part of a person.
>>43300426>they're wrong. but I can see why they think that way. suffering is not noble or beautiful, and it doesn't justify or enhance any part of a person.what makes it wrong? genuinely curious why you find this in error. do you not believe suffering to be a necessary and beautiful component of life that informs who are as much as any of other life experiences? i think adversity is necessary to affect sincere growth and realize who exactly you are and what exactly you value
Stop letting your worst impulses rule you. The only person you're getting revenge on is yourself.
>>43291551There are worse ways to cope with it, I guess. But the ultimate goal would be to escape it, not live with it.t. moid depressoid
>>43291551No i suffer, please love me someone i dont want to be alive
>>43302667drop disc
>>43302677maripaiva_kbut im not american
>>43291551I was like that in HS and college It's cringe and not really getting you anywhere
>>43293326>I had tried to do what I could to lift up people I felt were genuinely good, even when I could barely function myself. If the good that I have done, and would do, was not enough for anyone to give me a modicum of support, or even simply not work to make my life significantly more awful, then truly this world must not deserve it and I am morally obligated to keep myself from doing more good for it. Cruel and uncaring people do not deserve good things, after all.mood. this abusive husband of a country does not deserve me
>>43293326>I have taken it a step further and rationalized my long term doomspiral as a moral good.i struggle with thinking struggle leads to some kind of outcome when i know it doesnt. and im really passive and hate doing things and making decisions and just let stuff happen to me all the time. like i cant really look for jobs or anything i just have to wait for it to just fall in my lap which doesnt work. same with relationship. and im like but all this suffering why isnt the work doing anything? and its bc thats not how it works and i have to actually do things if i want things and i know it but its hard >>43294005>i have come to realize that i am one of the only people on this planet who actually gives a shitnot exactly me but i waffle from every1 is so dumb except me to everyone is a product of their circumstances and its not their fault they are dumb. pretty much landing on everyone is so dumb but its not their fault, and im dumb too but can predict the future unless it involves myself bc i have a blindspot for things too close. people used to come to me for advice and would be amazed by my perception and foresight and id just b like um its basic observation ur dumb as fk. its hard to make friends when you think everyone is an idiot because they actually are and i dont say that to give ups to myself but cynically in a way that makes me sad and dissapointed like i really cant relate to most people. its actually kinda like that at work right now im accidentally a suck up teachers pet for putting in the bare minimum while trying to slack off because everyone else is mind numbingly retarded to the point of being incapable and having basic reading and comprehension puts me lightyears ahead>>43298858>even though 9/10 times the things I would predict came trueyepsounds like we went through the same thing. at least im not really depressed anymore
>>43295350yesssh that's me
>>43302773oh shit i just hadn't realized that being depressed is cringewow my depression is cured thanks anon
>>43305329It's cringe to aesthetisize it and pretend like it's making you cool and unique
>>43305125>its bc thats not how it works and i have to actually do things if i want things and i know it but its hardyes. my own problem is that I did the things and got nothing. been over it a million times with hundreds of different people at this point, same suggestions of 'things to try' that I already did and got nothing out of. but theres never any new ideas. only "well you just have to keep trying". but I refuse a treadmill - or more accurately, a carrot on a stick that will never actually reward me.
>>43305352why thoIf you don't do that then u just sufferIf you do then u suffer lessIt's simple cope as people above said.
>>43305465I'd say the goal is to escape, not to cope
>>43305486I can't escape that, suffering is permanent while I'm alone.I can only embrace it somehow or just kms.
>>43306111Obsessing over depression is preventing you from fully investing in escaping loneliness.
>>43306165maybe you're right..
>>43306165how do you even begin to invest in that
>>43306934Idk.. feels like I'm broken now cuz I feel emotionally absent to normies trying to befriend me and easily lose interest to weird people I meet online.Your experience would vary obviously
>>43291757Maybe start by taking out the trash?
>>43291551I do this too I think it’s just a maladaptive coping mechanism unfortunately idk how to stop
>>43307119that's literally how i feel lately.. i can't connect with people i'm just too alienated for anyone.. this shit is so ass..
>>43308404
>>43308404It is, I'm just hoping I'll meet someone eventually, no by pure chance but via maximizing(somewhat) opportunities to meet people, where are you from btw?
>>43291551>dark musiclike?
>>43308614>where are you from btwrussia..
>>43308614>maximizing(somewhat) opportunities to meet peoplei guess that's wise.. open yourself to the world so there is a bigger chance to find exact same person
>>43308434ty for the advise that's literally me..
>>43308861And more precisely?
>>43308870Obviously it has to be more pre planned so you understand what source of meeting new people fits you more, not just blindly trying everything.Wdym exact same person? I can't say I disregard this idea, but there's definitely a broader pool of suitable people than judt outright identical.
>>43308914petersburg.. why do you asking tho?
>>43309191Cuz i live in Msc maybe? Nevermind It's 5am almost, you probably should have gone to bed already
>>43309026I know.. I already use boards mostly cuz I feel like they're the most suitable spaces for my type of people if you know what I mean..>Wdym exact sameI mean like about 90% similar in character.. I already found such person once but I lost them. I know it's too stupid to search for that, better to look for someone just suitable enough, you're right..
>>43309244looks like I've already met you in another thread before..
>>43309401Yeah.. I was acting kinda avoidant
>>43309447are you stalkering me....
>>43309664No, I've only kinda recognised you half through the dialogue
>>43309664And I think you responded to me first
>>43309689>>43309733nevermind
