I used to post motivational shit here all the time. I successfully talked a lot of people out of their suicidal ideation or other self destructive thought process. But it's overwhelmingly apparent people only really value that kind of effort in the moment of need and otherwise don't care. It isn't something that makes people wanna be friends, let alone anything more. It won't lead to anyone offering you the same effort when you need it.I thought I would be fine with that but then the person I loved most destroyed me. Now any time I see someone in that kind of headspace I think of what I might've said in the past that would've worked, but it feels like a lie. Why would I try to convince people that things can get better if it's never happened for me and I have no reason to believe it ever will? I at least keep it to myself but otherwise I'm pretty numb to it.
You can't just give everything of yourself and expect them to respect you. I know it hurts but people don't value things freely given. I'm sorry anon and hope you find comfort.
gooda pessimistic outlook is the only true and honest way to look at life
>>43331958Problem is they don't value anything about me enough to put even a modicum of effort in when I don't give it away freely. It's nothing or nothing. It doesn't matter if I have something they supposedly want, they either take it for free and leave or simply shrug and move on, deciding any effort is too much.>>43331969I don't think pessimism is the ideal but I do think it is more truthful and less likely to cause actual harm than delusional optimism. I wanted to embody picrel. But for me to ever believe it I would need to have some proof that there was something worth the effort. I wanted to be able to say, yeah everything sucks. Yeah people are largely awful. But I have a reason that I keep working to fix those things, because it lets me know it CAN work, it CAN be worth it.But, nothing has worked, so how could I ever try to tell anyone it'll be worth it?
felt
>>43331933one less delusional idiot in the world, congrats on seeing the light OP
It sounds like your primary focus should indeed be your own life and your own happiness. Most of having good boundaries with other people is not offering themselves things that hurt you to give. Including your own time and attention. Saying no, no matter how much they need it or how guilty they try to make you. Saves oneself a lot of resentment and codependency. I was chronically suicidal from age 11-28, and a crisis hotline counselor from age 22-28. I only started being able to experience lasting contentment and weeks or months without being suicidal when I was approaching 30. Some of it was work on myself, and some of it was work on my environment, and some of it was coincidence. Horrible things have happened since then, but I still was able to recover eventually and go back to baseline. I hope that you can reach something similar OP.
i lived as the therapy fag for years break out of that cycle don't wear yourself thin for people who don't listen or try
>>43332077The thing that would make me happy is having anyone to share life with. I always default to the hypothetical of "if you were the last person on the planet, what would you do?" A lot of people give different answers but I think almost all of them are horribly short sighted and don't actually know what true isolation would do to them and how they probably would probably break before the month was up. I also just don't really know why I would wanna live in and put any other kind of effort into a world that's this cruel. There's all this art about people caring about others and being virtuous and making things better and it feels like it's all written by aliens, or some long lost civilization, and people only attach to it for pastiche now. It makes me feel like something fucked up and I got put in the wrong world.>>43332085I've stopped, but people say this about any relationship. Cut off people who don't respect your time or effort. What if that's everyone?If I had something else more worth putting that effort into, the answer would be obvious, but I don't.
>>43331933oligarchs at the world economic forum have confirmed in front of audiences that the entire Internet is mostly bots and has been for years. unless you're video chatting with these supposed people they're probably bots, and even if you are video chatting with them, they are probably bots. you know anyone can change voice and appearance on video completely and in real time, right? it doesn't even require a powerful setup.
>>43332208>"every single person online is a bot, even if they are showing you live video feed - its all fake">continues to post on a social media platform Fully engaging in this belief that the tech for creating fake people is so advanced that it's basically seamless and now you are lucky to run into a real person online requires an absurd amount of cognitive dissonance. If things are that bad then there isn't any point to anything - including trying to "warn" people about it. In fact if you believe it to be that bad then you have no reason to think I myself am not a bot. In the world you've put yourself in you have decided you will wander around and tell people it's all fake knowing full well that if you were right you would be telling to people who already know and are pretending for the sake of duping you.
>>43332187Not to dickride or even try to make you feel better but reading your posts itt makes me think you're a pretty interesting and can vocally articulate those thoughts outwards. High effort posters/people like you definitely do deserve some kind of respect for the value you share with others and I hope you get it. As a low frequency/effort person myself i dont think its anything to do with you personally. Its just life is so heavy and depressing that putting effort into anything is just never worth it so most of the time I don't even bother. Not sure how coherent my rambling was but yeah, hopefully you can keep going on or if not its just another person sorta checking out and realizing life really aint shit.
>>43332187i dont mean dont put in effort i mean dont put in effort for people who dont reciprocate or respondfocus your energy on yourself until you have a separate outlet for itaussie troon strung me along for a year by leeching off my support and letting hers lf get worse. i dont mean go misanthrope, i mean dont let that shit happen to you
>>43332280I've gotten similar compliments before and on some level I do appreciate the sentiment but all in all it just feels like picrel. >life is so heavy and depressing that putting effort into anything is just never worth it so most of the time I don't even bother.The problem is that if you lament the state of things you are chastised for not simply 'getting over it' and putting in 110% when no one else is. You can be the one to bridge the game by shouldering through your own apathy and people don't care. They will keep you around for brief moments of intrigue from whatever you spout off or for them to randomly ramble about their own things but it's purely transactional for them. It rarely feels that way for me. I don't know why I am apparently cursed to actually care about people and the things they value and others seem fine to just detach on a whim but that's how it is and it's torturous. >>43332287There are 2 problems with this. First is that, at a baseline, I do not want for much else. Theoretically, sitting in my room playing video games is 'enough' for me to not kill myself and wait to see what shows up. But nothing will in that state, and it isn't self sustaining. I could expand it to other hobbies, like writing, but it's just the same problem. Even if I concede and put in juuuust enough effort to make that lifestyle sustainable, that would not be enough. The 'separate outlet' would never come in the state. People will look at me as though I am completely without aspirations and therefor safe to ignore - but if I were to strive for my ambitions I would be told I am not owed anything and am just as likely to get nothing else out of it.The other issue is that subsistence is not valuable to me. Continuing to exist is only valuable as a prospect in-so-far as there exists a reason to believe it will lead to something. That carrot on the stick isn't there anymore.
>>43332355looking at your life like an investment like this is a sharp downward spirali know because ive been thereif you feel fundamentally unmotivated and incurious like then a therapist can help you more than i can
>>43332423>then a therapist can help you more than i canI was going to one and he told me therapy couldn't help me with the problems I had, and he's right. All suggestions I get seem to just boil down to "enact significant brain restructuring so you simply don't care about these problems". Which just feels like I would be joining in on the side that caused these problems to begin with.
>>43332438this may be rude op but do you have friends you trust
>>43332455Maybe one. But he's liable to off himself any given day. Everyone else has shown they are not someone I can trust either due to incompetence or being completely uncaring.
>>43332479i hate to say this op but you are the type of person im talking about when i said>"dont wear yourself thin for people who don't listen or try"and if you are trying, at least don't talk yourself out of every outlet of progress, ffs
>>43332492I've already heard that advice a thousand times and put it to practice. I barely talk to anyone anymore. I have like 5 people I periodically play games with but even that number used to be bigger before I realized some of the others were people who never made any effort to include me. There was 1 other person I thought I could trust a bit but she recently admitted she thinks that despite often finding a lot of my viewpoints relatable and me being one of the only people she could talk to about certain interests of hers, she still considered us "polar opposites" and "fundamentally incompatible" because I "don't see the beauty in the world". I'm not really sure what you mean by>don't talk yourself out of every outletI explained the logistical problem of "just focus on myself" and the only other suggestion I can glean is "try a therapist", which I also explained how that went. I dunno what else you want me to say.
>>43332355if you had the type of brain to play gacha games you wouldnt have the problem just hours of grinding to get the 1% golden ticket of a true lifelong companion. you wouldnt be kicked out of the superposition by the illusion of sameness
>>43332546I play gachaslop but I have never played one that didn't have a pity system, which fundamentally ruins the comparison because it means that with enough time and effort you WILL get the companion you want. This does not apply to real life.
>>43332355>vivianwhy do trannies pick names like this? guarantee this person is 18-35, vivian is a boomer name
>>43332560it also doesnt apply to life because things arent as straight forward as flipping a coin (i have poor knowledge on gacha games as you can tell) and seeing what turns up. sucks!i think if you were someone with severe trauma towards interacting with other people my suggestion would be different it would be like what these anons here are saying about keeping to yourself and healing. but since keeping to yourself only reminds you of inevitability of your situation the obvious answer is to keep looking for that type of person. to keep you in the superposition of the question "will i find what i am looking for or not?", the goal to prevent this superposition and others from collapsingi kept reading the thread and you said this was also a problem since theres no evidenceyou have a smart mind, but you dont know everythingmaybe there is something you need to try different, maybe something isnt as clear as you think it is, maybe you are not interacting with people in a way that enables you to find this person, maybe there are more things to figure out about this that you wouldnt have considered before, maybe a new framing or abstractionyou can use your intellect (and not get fooled by it) to create simulations of what things would look like if they could feasibly work out to help motivate you. because we are trapped in projections from the outside world, we may need to recreate our own
>>43332888>my suggestion would be different it would be like what these anons here are saying about keeping to yourself and healing. but since keeping to yourself only reminds you of inevitability of your situation the obvious answer is to keep looking for that type of person.I agree fully, but there's still 1 big problem. I'm tempted to make another gacha analogy because it'd be funny to me but making it obtuse wouldn't really help here. The thing is, I don't know where to look anymore. I feel like I've exhausted all the options that make sense - to the point I even tried here. It's pretty obvious to me that, for a variety of reasons, what I am looking for is extremely rare. The usual answer people have is to just explore your hobbies and people will come, but that's not actually very likely in my case. The right people might exist but most likely they aren't broadcasting themselves in any way. They might barely even leave their rooms. The only option that's left is to just try things at random but with how infrequently that 'hits', I'm back at the original problem of having to take every opportunity that shows up and hoping it works instead of vetting and deciding they aren't worth my time. >you have a smart mind, but you dont know everythingThis and all the rest I feel I do get. It's just like, how am I gonna get advice on how to find the right kind of specific person, unless the person telling me IS that kind of person, or properly understands what I'm looking for and has found someone like that themselves? Feels like I'm asking for directions and no one actually knows where anything is and all the answers I get are people mishearing me.>create simulations of what things would look like if they could feasibly work outI had a vision of my idyllic life that's actually feasible. Unfortunately it's just hopelessly intertwined with my ex now and I have to just mentally scratch her out, but if there isn't anyone to replace her it doesn't motivate much.
>>43331933would a blowjob cheer you up dear
>>43331933Are you interested in talking to anyone new. I never really find anyone who puts the same amount of effort into conversation, though I will warn I can be conventionally boring and will spam you with questions. I am assuming your notion of effort here is including being engaged in conversation.
>>43331933and so your personality ends up becoming closer to the same people you despise, morphing into them until someday, you meet a person similar to who you once were. In the state you are in, unable to relate to the abandoned self, you inflict the same impact on them, producing yet another hollow iteration of a human being in your image.See what the world does to you anon?now laugh
>>43331933I love you tho.
would you know that I myself am a deeply emotional, caring person corrupted by the world around me and thus constantly fighting my emotions and trying my best to resist evil in the world?Do you know what I've went through?What I've done for others in an attempt to establish a genuine connection, make true friends?No, and you dont fucking care at all, I could die tomorrow and you wouldn't fucking care although we share the same charakter traits. It is a mad world OP and no one comes to save you. That task is up to you.t. mentally ill non-schizo neet in his 20s trying his best to not lose hope
>>43331933You have learnt the greatest lesson of all: love is unrewarded, while pain is sweet. You should turn your love into hate and make the same people you’d have once helped fall even deeply into despair, break them until they are nothing but a shell of their pitiful former self.
>>43332438>I was going to one and he told me therapy couldn't help me with the problems I had, and he's right.lmao therapyfags never have a real response to this
OP, you have no idea what I have been through either and you are too busy ruminating on your past to get to know me. Fuck you, OP.>>43335699trvke
dishonest people don't respect that people can recognize untruths
>>43335155>Are you interested in talking to anyone new.I talk to new people semi-regularly. Not as much as I used to because it's harder to feel like anyone has much in common with me.>I am assuming your notion of effort here is including being engaged in conversation.Well yes but it's also a lot more than that. >>43335699>presumptions based on nothing>>43335865>presumptions based on nothingYou are upset I don't possess some form of literal clairvoyance. If you have never expressed these things, how would I know? If you have, how do you know I wasn't someone who responded? You don't. These are the exact kinds of things I used to keep constantly on the lookout for. And the people I helped most were the ones I convinced I really did care - because I did.>>43335713Trying to ruin others arbitrarily disgusts me. I could romanticize revenge, but that would only work on people with souls who actually care about things, not any of the amoral, solipsistic people that have harmed me most.>>43335795They don't and it shows that they don't actually understand what therapy is for or why it works on the things it does.>>43335894If this is meant to be a dig towards me, the one universal praise I get is on me sincerity, and people have frequently gotten upset at my unwillingness to lie. So, this is just more>presumptions based on nothingBut also magical thinking, because it also assumes "honest" people have liedar. Even if this wasn't meant to be a dig at me I would still take issue with this part - even when I am as honest as could be, to the point it is actively detrimental to my life, I don't suddenly gain the magical ability to know whenever someone else is lying.
>>43337337you are too far up your own ass is what I think, just one more "presumption based on nothing," for you to dismiss so eloquently
>>43331933>>43332187>The thing that would make me happy is having anyone to share life with.This my goal too, ultimately. But I don't think I'll ever achieve it.
>>43337382You have already started the chain of this being an infinite back and forth of "well YOU just think you know everything!" Even trying to explain why I think you're full of it or why these kinds of statements mean nothing to me would be met with functionally the same response. You entered the conversation entirely in bad faith, I have no clue what else it is you think this would lead to.
>>43337480You are so right bestie. I wonder how other people ever get past this insurmountable roadblock of communication. Any ideas?
You have already rejected step one so evidently it is insurmountable. Not going to bother with more (you)'s.
damn, I really wanted that you
>>43331933thank you for doing what you do
>>43337337What else would someone need to have in common. Also what more is it.
>>43337757>What else would someone need to have in common.It's basically just about having other things to talk about. Mutual high effort in convos over these kinds of mental health problems or complaining about SOCIETY or whatever is all well and good but if it's all you talk about it starts to feel disconnected and tiring, and when I talk about my hobbies I tend to put the same amount of thought into it, which seems a lot harder to find someone else willing to engage with. >Also what more is it.Some of the above but I really just mean someone going to the lengths I have for others. Some of this is more feasible for a random person to do, but I haven't really met someone with the right kind of neurosis', and the upper end is, well. I moved in with and took care of one of my exes for 7 years. I was spinning a dozen different plates and trying to get things lined up so my next partner could move in with me instead of having to live with their abusive mom or sleeping on their friends floor. Everyone jumps at the chance to point out this is an unrealistic demand, that only gets more unrealistic every day I get older, but it doesn't change the fact that's what 'meeting my effort' would look like.
>>43337933I see. I don’t particularly care to talk about mental health or society unless the other person finds it compelling, I mostly ask questions. What sort of hobbies do you have and how do you put thought into them to that degree. I would not say that is unrealistic, it just depends on your social pull I would say, not that I understand social interactions. I am a random 4chan autist. I’m not sure what exactly you mean by similar neuroses. You can write out more than a few sentences in a row so conversationally that puts you above most people I try to speak to these days conversationally.
>>43338101>What sort of hobbies do you have and how do you put thought into them to that degree.Pretentious dissection of different kinds of art, both on the creative end and on how things were actually implementation. Also a bit on the "result" beyond the piece itself. This is probably making it sound more snooty than it is in practice but I dunno how else to describe it.>it just depends on your social pull I would say,It does and the whole point of the thread is really to just lament that even though I have stuck my neck out for others, and put in a bunch of effort for people based off of my belief they were good people trying to help others, evidently they did not feel the same drive to help me even if they did in fact view me as helpful and good. For the most part it was clearly a case of wanting me around for the benefits but having no intent to ever offer the same kinds of things to me. >I’m not sure what exactly you mean by similar neuroses. The specific drive I had to sit around here and motivation post and talk people out of doomspirals. Some people do that but to very different extents and in very different ways.
>>43338296That makes sense, very above my head, though. It is rather sad, isn’t it. Reciprocation isn’t really a factor in human interactions from what I have seen. I try to formally implement it in my interactions but even I am very biased. I think most people posting like that here have decent friend groups and just want attention.
>>43338466Yeah it's a very rare thing, contingent on a bunch of factors. Even if you connect heavily with someone it doesn't mean anything will come of it. They might have 1 or 2 small things that make them reluctant or completely unwilling to consider it to begin with and it's often not very feasible to argue who is "in the wrong". A lot of times no one is, but doesn't make the scenario any less upsetting.
>>43338566That makes sense I suppose. Do you keep track of how many times you have tried. I can talk to you if you would like interaction or anything, but I almost never connect with others and I don’t understand art. That is about all I can do, though.
The internet is made of lies.
