was anyone else homeschooled/unschooled? I was taken out of school after age 10 and had like no social contact. I never left the house more than a few times a year and it got more intense over time. I also had no education whatsoever except for self teaching a lot of math. I've met some other trans ppl with similar situations. I definitely find it subdues some of my social dysphoria because I had very little socialization at all. I had agoraphobia due to being a shut in like that. I utterly love that lifestyle, being a shut in, not having to get ready to go outside, stuff like that. I still find existing in society disturbing and unusual. I enjoy being chronically ill and kind of disabled and I am into caregiver/little stuff a lot. I often wonder if it comes from highly arrested development, but I also don't feel like I can like grow past it. I'm 25 and I don't think I'll outgrow it cause it is just a really permanent part of my brain to want that lifestyle back over anything else and also I feel permanently stunted. I like being stunted too, it feels nice when people treat me that way, I have never been "caught up" to my peers in terms of life capacities or any of that. I have like no social experience compared to my peers. I enjoy being stunted and especially when people fetishize me for it, it makes me feel good. I think 80+% of my sexuality and life desires come from being stunted by being kept as a shut in by my parents. Nothing makes me hornier than being encouraged and enabled to be less developed and to not grow up properly. Any relaters?
>>43375626Nona we are the exact same age and almost the same sorta situation there. Save the last part with turn ons.I don't know your whole story, but for me with only one parent, not even my bio parent, I feel incredibly lonely despite making a ton of friends. I call them friends, but most are just acquaintances I say hello to. I think in the past I've made a lot of terrible mistakes by trying to solve that with romantic interests. At this point the only real turn on that I have is just dreaming of being in an actual relationship.You can probably see where my minds at with what I started with. I try to not expect one, or expect anything anymore really. I find it to be quite healthy, and the only cure I've found so far is to just keep myself extremely busy. I've been late to every party, in the sense that im late to transitioning and late to moving forward with my life to begin with. I don't mind being late. I've been rather confident so far in what I'm doing, and I have supportive people. I may pass someday but I don't really care, I just want to feel in control of my life for a change. Im very positive most of the time and I think it's just a permanent cope I've developed. You've caught me at a bad time here is all. I really don't know what I'm doing. I can't connect to people. I try and Ive made some good friends, but I still feel lonely. I've grown comfortable with being by myself and I love myself and I'm still just alone. I wonder if it's because I act so confident and so self assured that I'm just ostracized from everyone else. All my cohorts are around 18-21 and they barely function as adults. I mean that's expected of a college, but I make the same choices as them and have the same no paying major choice and im just alone in that. Sometimes I fear I will just be on my own for the rest of my life until I die of heart failure from overworking myself. It's not really a fear though, it just seems sad.
>>43375816Forgive me for how long this is. I thought you'd understand considering the similarities. It's interesting that we are opposites to some extent, in that you keep inside a lot, and I go out and talk a lot. I think I keep hurting myself like that though, and eventually I'll just start being more quiet.I have a few of my own mental issues diagnosed. Honestly I can't even tell if they make a huge difference in my life compared to my peers, Im just developmentally stunted due to the circumstances.I hope you are doing well despite not knowing you, and I hope you find something that makes you brave and wish to pursue it like I have, that isn't just transition.If anything I found a calling before this trans stuff and this just happened in the middle of it, and perhaps it's just some sort of self sabotage. I don't want to think that, though, I feel very happy these days despite the bleak tone here.
>>43375626I was homeschooled from 1st grade to 6th. It was very isolating since i lived in the country. But when i did go to school i was like a god among mortals -- Everyone was so self conscious and afraid of eachother and easy to embarrass. I could tell elementary school traumatized them all the same way. They also all seemed kind of dull and uncurious/dumb. Then years went by and it never changed
>>43375853Forgot to mention i was straight manic from 6th grade -college from being excited to finally socialize. Its just now wearing off
its crazy how much homeschooling fucks up kids even if its only for a few years. honestly surprised how its legal to do with no reason in tons of countries
>>43376148Remembering the shit I had to endure in primary school I'd rather have been homeschooled
>>43376148As somebody who had a similar experience like OP's except it was my whole childhood into teenhood, same.My poor controlling sheltering boomer mom is still trying to string me along with her after using me and my siblings as punching bags to scream at when she was stressed out not too long ago.Luckily she's not alone, but the financial crippling manipulation she attempted on me was fucked up, and it was all just to get me to stay here and take care of her.It would be fucked up to do that to your children who should take care of you when they have the independence and tools to survive before that time comes, but if you give them none of that, do you expect it to go well for you? She has no understanding of the consequences.
>>43376148>its crazy how much homeschooling fucks up kids even if its only for a few years.yes everyone I know who was homeschooled myself incl. (op here) is like extremely mentally ill. >>43375853It does traumatize them, I feel like I kinda got the worst of both worlds where I was homeschooled until like 5th grade then pulled out. When i did reintegrate a bit at like 20 years old I felt like it was easy to be kind to people and talk to them though. Feels like being out in the world around people makes it hard to stay kind... >>43375845>I think I keep hurting myself like that though, and eventually I'll just start being more quiet.I have similar episodes or cycles, I have hyper socail outbursts at events or similar usually involving drinking, then I feel gross and disturbed :< is quite hard to beat the betterness of staying inside and being safe>I really don't know what I'm doing. I can't connect to people. I try and Ive made some good friends, but I still feel lonely. I've grown comfortable with being by myself and I love myself and I'm still just alone.I also can't connect with people even if I superficially make friends, it feels like anhedonia stuffs. I notioce recurring themes in this thread though of self image stuffs where people replying with similar experiences seem to tend between extremes of viewing ourselves as hyper-competent hyper-good or hyper-incompetent and stunted. I know I oscillate between that too
>>43375626I was homeschooled from 10 onwards too. I made friends with neighbors so I had a little bit of a social life because of that. I also started working at 15. Even still, I have a hard time waking up to an alarm and have difficulty in social situations and groups outside of work.
>>43375626>I still find existing in society disturbing and unusual.Same, op. I'm frequently alarmed by the savagery and exultant sociopathy on display, the unending joy with which those who pride themselves on being normal declare their hatred for freaks (anyone who didn't have a "normal" upbringing)>it feels nice when people treat me that wayI don't enjoy being seen as a lesser being, which is how my mom treated me all through my childhood. My education was the best of anyone I met at uni, but that didn't get me anywhere. It turns out that studying hard and being polite aren't worth anythingt. never went to public school>>43376148The homeschooling bit isn't the problem, it's that stupid parents are incapable of ensuring their children have adequate socialization. I didn't get that, but my homeschooled "friends" who probably never thought of me in the past decade did. It's surprisingly easy to tell when someone just tolerates you, and that was everyone I talked to growing up. That is the part that destroys people
>>43375626Are you interested in pursuing that more. Do you have anyone that can enable that.
>>43382164>Are you interested in pursuing that more. Do you have anyone that can enable that.yes to first question, not really to second, my family is well off enough to support me but doesnt like the idea of me not working so they thrust me from being a shut in to working crappy jobs on their whim; not really to second question, I have people that would like to but don't have the financial resources. i've considered seeking it out more especially after getting yelled at a lot lately in customer service, it has really made me just want to go back very hard >>43378932>It turns out that studying hard and being polite aren't worth anythingI didn't really let on about my education either, but I had a similar situation where I was very over-educated in terms of the material in courses or whatnot (i didnt have much to do all day other than mathematics, programming, or normal neet activities), but I just can't integrate economically, I really hate being in public or any of that. I drop out of everything, quit, or default on it, I just can't accommodate to living "properly" >>43378660>I have a hard time waking up to an alarm and have difficulty in social situationsI get panicked when it's morning. When I was a neet I liked to sleep during the day to avoid it
>>43382734If you have people you have in mind for that nevermind. If you do not see that as feasible with them and are open minded I can leave an alt account to talk to you on about this potentially, if you would like. I was going to do this for someone but they killed themselves so really it’s not all that much trouble for me as long as we get along.
>>43382835I would be interested in talking, although I'm pretty shy at first with talking
>>43382995Sure. practice110 is my discord.
>>43375626I totally relate, although I was not homeschooled. from age 15-19 I was really sick and barely did anything. I never really socialized in school, I would just pick a group of people and follow them around, pretending I was in their friend group.
