>>43375912
Take e for a month. At that point you will have some changes but all reversible if you get off e. If you enjoy it keep going.

>>43375947
forgot to mention that I'm already taking estrogen for over half a year, and the fear is still there

You WILL develop it because it happens to everyone, including cis women, during puberty. Having your body change is scary, but part of the process.

>>43375953
Ok than your just a retard. If you don't have dysphoria now your probably not going to become dysphoric later because e will just be doing more of what it's doing now.

>>43375947
honestly even just taking anti-androgens for a month can do a lot
when I started bicalutamide, I felt a bit off for 3 days and then suddenly started crying uncontrollably
all my sorrow leaked out of me, my plans to commit suicide vanished and I started to get better
just getting testosterone out of your brain and seeing how that makes you feel can have a big impact

>>43375967
I have been on e injections for 5 months and the only mental change is I like anal more and I cry more. Maybe I wasnt depressed or I'm faketrans but most of the mental changes people described didn't happen, my mentality only really shifted after I realized I was trans but I still don't think of myself as a woman.

>>43375912
U won’t

>>43375967
That's not what happened to me unfortunately. I haven't experienced any mental effects at all, which is also a big part of why I fear reverse dysphoria

>>43375994
Why do you think so?

>>43375912
reverse dysphoria is a psyop

>>43376130
not the person u replied to but: just statistics. the vast majorityy of people who start E do it bc they are actually trans. even the people who later detransition usually still want or secretly take estrogen.

>>43376352
I started E because I assumed I may be trans, but I don't trust my judgement

>>43375912
i dunno. I'm trying to power through it

bump

>>43379247
so i have the correct answer.

basically: you have to stop boymoding.

i was in the exact same position as u, thought it was all ROGD and i was an evil AGP and i should feel ashamed about being trans. during that whole period i was only out to 2 people irl.

then i desisted for a bit, and before i got back i basically decided i had to do an RLE test before i got back on. so i went to the trans support group in my city. immediately i saw an incredibly pretty passing girl talk about how SHE had impostor syndrome about being a real trans.

and then i was like ooooohh wait we are all like this. this is normal. anyways she invited me to the local trans social and blah blah etc etc. i'm full time and out now. and at this point it is incredibly obvious i am trans and this isnt just a larp or a cope or something. it's just the right move for me.

so, tldr: you have to actually go out there and be a woman in public. you will never get rid of the doubts if you stay an isolated hrt boymoder

>>43379333
That's something I definitely have to do, although ironically, the fear of actually finding out that transition isn't right for me by trying to girlmode is also making me very afraid of trying it out
Congrats on fully socially transitioning though. I hope you're doing well

>>43379521
i am doing a lot better! i hope the best for u too nona.
remember:
1. just take baby steps, no need to rush it or freak out about the future, focus on the now
2. you aren't an evil pervert. even if you do a full social transition and later detrans, that doesnt prove ur a pervert. the Blanchard shit they say on the board isnt even correct from Blanchard's perspective, it's just an intellectual veneer to justify bullying and transphobia

>>43379612
Thank you for the reassuring at kind words, and I'm really happy you're doing better.
I guess it's just pretty hard to focus on the now when what I'm doing right now is something which will have a huge impact on my future, and I'm specifically really scared of finding out later that this wasn't the right path for me

>>43375912
It took a year for me to realize I had reverse dysphoria and by then it was debilitating
It’s a real risk
im retarded tho so if u think ur genuinely trans prob less of a risk

>>43380012
Did you stop hrt?

>>43380552
not yet
kinda hard to just stop

>>43381160
called it lol

>>43375912
just keep ur penis

>>43381664
wdym called it I have genuine reverse dysphoria I just don’t know what to do about it stopping won’t solve it immediately

Depression doesn't always feel sad, you can try looking at your productivity. If it has been trending upward since starting mones that is a good sign. If it has been trending downward that's bad and it may very well be the mones. However, if you've been getting significant backlash for your transition, like many trans women do, it might just be that and the hormones really are helping you. Perhaps a better litmus test is the opposite: taking t and if it makes you want to kys or makes you constantly panic over masculinization then stop immediately because zero cis men react to testosterone that way. But if you have been on e long enough to grow boobs, you can instead of risking that experiment with this instead. If you can touch them and look at them without feeling disgusted or frustrated or like you'd rather not touch/see them (all when not horny because if you're attracted to boobs it can mess with the results since arousal inhibits disgust) you can be fairly certain you've made the right choice. Some people do still have issues when they're nb, but that would be harder to figure out. Just know that e is less permanent than t. If you end up with boobs and they make you dysphoric you can remove them later when you're sure you don't want them anymore. Your pp and nads will recover too. That can't be said for further masculinizing yourself on t.
>>43381664
To be fair, when I'm off hrt long enough that the biochemical dysphoria kicks back in I find it difficult to get myself back on hrt. Depression fucks up your ability to get shit done, including the very shit you need done to stop having depression. Protip if you're actually trans don't stop hormones if you can help it. Unless you have somebody that'll bully you into taking your meds.
>>43382114
It'll help a lot actually even if you still have dysphoria from tits. Unless you're one of those where you basically want to be on one hormonal profile but have the traits of the other. In which case, sorry. That sucks.

>>43375912
Remember all the steps you've taken so far and observe how much better you feel as a result.

>>43382259
>If it has been trending downward that's bad and it may very well be the mones
That's part of the issue. I'm overall just doing worse and feeling horrible ever since I started hrt, but the thought of stopping is beyond horrifying

>>43382882
But how are your life circumstances? It's not uncommon for trans women to get so depressed on hormones not from the hormones but because of how society treats them that they detransition to go back in the closet for acceptance before eventually retransitioning or seeing no way out and 41%ing (there is a way out though if you can find a way to move somewhere less oppressive). Of course, if you don't think that's it... But then, what is so horrifying about stopping? Do you think t would be worse? Are you just afraid of being wrong and being ridiculed? Or is there some other reason you feel that way, if you can explain?

>>43383066
>But how are your life circumstances?
Overall really good luckily. Although, I haven't socially transitioned in any meaningful way, and if I'm honest, I'm very afraid of doing so

>But then, what is so horrifying about stopping? Do you think t would be worse?
While the effects of t do really scare and repulse me, I'm much more afraid of one day coming to the realization that stopping hrt and going back to being a man would be the best path for me.
I guess I'm just really afraid of being just a man both externally and internally

>>43375912
One injection basically. There are constantly MtTs here posting about how their first injection made them feel horrible, emotionally labile etc. instead of recognizing that as literally the #1 true and final 100% accuracy test proving non-transness, the death cult here convinces them to keep going.

>>43383234
That's just not true. A single injection won't really suffice for anything

>>43375912
i got reverse dysphoria. it's hot. i love being stuck as a woman.

>>43386428
not OP but how does that even work?
I trooned for the fetish (MEF), srs included. Had no dysphoria prior, still have no dysphoria. I just love the sexuality part.

>>43375912
last bump cause the fear is back

>>43375947
Damm I been it two months and the only chance that i have is my skin is more soft and my nipples hurt it when I touch them

>>43376571
You probably have dysphoria it's just that there's a lot of girls here and others social media that makes and hyperbole of the dysphoria and when people see it and don't relate to they think they don't have it but I could be simply that you don't have it as strong as the majority

>>43388777
I'm assuming so too, but it's very difficult for me to discern my own feelings in the first place. For example, I became consciously aware of my dysphoria a couple of years ago, and since then it's been steadily getting worse, but I can't actually really remember any clear dysphoria prior to it all. So was the moment where I "became aware" of my dysphoria actually just a very late onset? Or maybe it's not even dysphoria in the first place, and I can't tell cause I'm genuinely retarded and completely detached from my emotions? I also only truly know my narrow and subjective perspective, so maybe what I'm labeling as dysphoria is nothing like the real thing?
There's also the concern, that yeah I'm dysphoric, but that taking hrt will only make it worse. Being a man already makes me want to kill myself, but maybe I will feel even worse if I were a woman?
Nice trips btw

>>43388872
>Being a man already makes me want to kill myself
You kinda response yourself here I believe me I completely understand you knew when I was 20 and simply didn't do anything for 4 years and just started now and I don't know why I just simply do it, taking e it's not being easy every day I feel the doubt if I'm doing the right or not the only thing that keeps me going its that I know how I will look as a man when I grow older but I can't visualize the same if a grew older as a woman so I just decided to take the devil that don't know because I fear the devil that I know

>>43388993
I'm more or less in the same boat, if I understood your reply correctly. There's barely any punctuation (a singular comma)

>>43388872
this is just you neurotically overthinking it all

>>43375953
>>43376571
>>43379944
Im assuming these are all the same person (OP), in that case im really similar to u as well. I also started because i thought i might and was hoping it'd help me become more certain, and im also at over half a year now (close to 7 months rn). And i too dont really trust myself with anything this serious either and i also feel like its really hard not to think about it because im doing such a big thing and it would be awful if it turned out to be the wrong call.

Altho im honestly not entirely sure how to help lol. Ive been mostly fine the past week or so, but i think i was just busy + my endo appointment is coming up so stopping right now is out of the question anyways (i dont wanna endanger my access to E (even if i stop id want a stash of it to be able to restart immediately if i wanted to) and i also dont wanna fuck up my levels for the blood test)

But what kind helps me sometimes is what >>43382412 said. Like even if i get anxious af over like breast growth (since its the hardest to revers + what im most scared i might end up disliking when it progresses more), i also need to remind myself that sometimes im really happy with the growth i already got and love it. Or that previously i kinda hated my face & never looked in mirrors, and now i think its much better and i started taking pics of myself lol. Or how much nicer the soft skin feels, like it literally kinda makes me feel better in my own skin/about myself...

For now im just hoping that its mostly just what >>43375955 said and ill eventually get used to it, and its just scary because im bad with change. I might try stopping E for a bit after the endo appointment, mostly in the hopes that i realize that i do feel worse on T. Early on i was sure of that, but now idk anymore cuz its been so long. But honestly i might also not and just keep going, idk yet.

Overall: uuuuh idk, sorry for the wall of text, but mayb its a lil helpful at least, hopefully, idk.

>>43389940
You very clearly don't want to stop and are just afraid

>>43386428
same, i hate myself so i may as well take estrogen to destroy the man that i am and be a hideous freak

>>43390635
Idk, i can sometimes get very afraid of breast growth.

But whether that is because i might actually dislike it, because its just a big change i gotta get used to, because its irreversible, because it could out me/force me to girlmode/stop my manmoding or because its honest to god (reverse) dysphoria idk yet :C.

>>43391065
Im a lil like that too. Altho for me its less self-hate or MEF but more like "Nice now my body is as fucked up in terms of gender as my brain" (In like a slightly self deprecating/jokey way, but somehow also vaguely serious)

>>43391276
I think it's normal to be afraid to some extent. Even >>43375955 in this thread mentions this

>>43375912
just force yourself to troon out and see, no way around it
i got some reverse dysphoria and it's not that bad, remember transition is just you doing shit to yourself consensually that nobody else gives a shit about until you come out, most of the shit that makes natural puberty traumatizing just isn't there anymore

>>43375953
>>43393306
nvm i didnt bother scrolling before replying, you have ocd which i am qualified to diagnose from a single post i prescribe you clomipramine and cock and ball torture

>>43393396
I've considered it before, but I have no other compulsions and or obsessions, so I've dismissed that possibility in the past. Although, I'm still worried that I may have had transitioned because of untreated ocd, even if what's actually scaring me is just the thought that I'm a cis man

>>43393159
Idk its not just afraid i think there is genuinely a non zero chance that i will dislike having breasts. I think, but then again other times im super happy about what i already got, and it could just be that i will get used to them and then feel neutral about them most of the time and then sometimes positive. Idk.

And like what is a "normal" extent? Ive been worrying about ts now for like 4-5 months :c. I was only completely fine and didnt care about it for like the first 2 1/2 ish months of HRT. Is that already abnormal enough to be worried?

But yeah mostly i just hope that >>43375955 is right in my case and i get over it. Which ig there are some signs for, like if i stopped E right now, i think id LIKE still having my breasts lol, cuz it means im not quite male + they are just kinda nice n soft and sometimes i like em.

But somehow that still doesnt stop me from worrying that i will dislike them when they get bigger than they are now :C.


Mostly im just upset i have to think about this at all. If i was more cis i wouldnt have even tried, and if i was more trans i wouldnt worry about this. And if i was just AFAB i wouldnt have to worry about it because having tits would just be "normal" and "expected" and "thats just your body".

Idk in some way it feels a lot less like "just my body" since im actively choosing to do this shit instead of just having it happen to me. Its weird and i hate that i have to deal with it. Like how tf are u supposed to practice body neutrality or w/e while actively modifying it, you cant, bc u gotta pay attention to whether u like the changes or not.

Idk i went completely off topic, whatever, im tired, gn.

>>43394169
If you weren't on meds yourself but somebody was secretly dosing you in your sleep, so you had no responsibility or blame for how your body was developing female characteristics, and you lived somewhere that nobody could or would judge you for it, would you then be happy with them? ignoring how creepy a situation like that would be lmao