Did anyone just suddenly realise they dont want to transition anymore? I just kinda realised im not ever gonna be a woman and I also dont really care or understand why I would want that? How could I be anything other than what I am. I feel like im just a chemically castrated man and thats disturbing and sad to me. I don't want to masculinise though, but maybe theres no choice.
Honestly the big wave of detransitioners just convinced me that I really am trutrans and that this was the only path for me. The fact that people think you could just "stop" is like literally not even a potential outcome in my delulu brain.
>>43376621good for you but any major decision is always gonna carry with it massive uncertainty for me, ive never been certain of anything.
>>43376600just hrt rep/boymode
>>43376659i do but its weird, and i dont look like a boy
>>43376621thisssss, this is so true lol
>>43376600>don't want to masculinise though>and i dont look like a boywhats the problem?
>>43376832sory i meant to reply to >>43376797
>>43376600yeah!For me it's just that I wanted to take estrogen but the transmeds got to me.
>>43376621>The fact that people think you could just "stop" is like literally not even a potential outcome in my delulu brain.yeah because you're weak
>>43376600This entire thing is a transhumanist response to the fear of aging and death. Middle aged guys pump themselves full of testosterone and tren. Middle aged women get fake tits and lip filler. You decided to go through a "second puberty" to be young again and you have regrets about what you became afterwards.
>>43376918it's not so bad to be weak if you aren't constantly fighting
>>43377018The path to enlightenment is defined by constant struggle. If you don't fight, you don't grow as a person.
>>43377080i don't really want to grow myself out of being a woman
>>43377137It's telling that you are afraid of that happening. Growth is the purpose of life.If you are meant to be a woman, you will of course stay a woman, but you might grow in other ways that you cannot foresee as of now. Ways that will benefit you and those around you greatly.
>>43377159>Growth is the purpose of life.cancers are growth too.
>>43376832i meant that i look uncanny, not that i look like a girl. sometimes i look at myself and i wonder what im trying to achieve. it doesnt really make me feel better, it just makes me feel not worse? i was gonna rope before i started hrt but now i dont know why im doing it.
>>43376991yeah but i never really liked the effects of testosterone at all, never wanted to be a masculine guy, the only masculine thing i ever wanted was a big dick. but other than that you're right. its a cope for not getting to be the person i wanted to be.
>>43377159i think ur right anon, whether i end up detrooning or not, it doesnt matter, not to me or to anyone who percieves me. this is just the journey i was supposed to make through life and maybe its best to just leave it at that.
>>43377265I think "the person you want to be" lives inside you. External changes to your body don't help towards realizing that.I was a slightly chubby awkward boy with bad hair when I was younger. No matter how much muscle I build or how good I get at styling my crew cut, I can't run from myself. If I was ten years younger, I might have considered trooning out. But the things a lot of people admire visually about MtFs comes from the fact that they're men anyway. It's a cruel irony, and I'm glad I'm not impressionable enough to care that deeply anymore.I'm very grateful that I was only exposed to the Internet enough in the late 2000s/early 2010s to get a mild bimbo fetish instead of full on AGP.
I've never really WANTED to transition, I just want to make the dysphoria go away, and all the evidence points toward transitioning being the only way to do that
>>43377159nta, but i think i'm at the point where i can look in the mirror and take pictures of myself and see clearly that no, i'm not meant to be a woman. and that echoes what my own parents and others around me have told me, too. it just feels soul-crushing because honestly i don't want to live a life where i'm existing or seen as anything else. i dont know how i could go forward with my life and not be completely sick with envy for women every day, and especially when it comes to being loved by a man as a woman is. i want this so, so much but ik i cant have it. but ill want it until i stop wanting anything at all
>>43376659that is basically transitioning making your body change
>>43376600i have a similar feeling but my reasoning is because of supernatural/spiritual problems, I'm pretty sure if i actually try to transition I'm just gonna be tortured by whatever beings and things are affecting my life from above. my dysphoria hasn't gone away either. im pretty sure I'm being tortured by a Hindu god i grew up worshipping because i stopped worshipping Him a few years ago and when i did i got a ton of problems out of nowhere that i never went through before and am still going through. fuck this world. >>43376621lol you're just lucky. you haven't been forced to experience things get out of your control if you think it's not an option to stop. you're like those naturally strong and brave people who call others "cowards" and look down on weak and timid people because you're just naturally strong and dont know what it's like to be defeated by something stronger than you. being able to transition is a privelege. some of us cant because of things that are beyond our control.
>>43376600I did in 1992 and my body still look like a woman. Saved me some money on meds and I don't have gender dysphoria on my medical records. Worked for me
>>43376600I just don't care about anything. No job. No prospects. No chance of passing. I just barely fit into the range of feminine male my bf is into. Detransing would just make me sadder or I'd quit hrt and go back to repping. It's not gonna get better so I might as well stay on hrt and honmode. At the very least it reveals who really accepts me vs who only accepts the idealized version of me
