Has anyone else boymoded for so long they don't really have any aspirations to be more than a girly boy thing anymore
>>43377446yea8 years of boymoding as of this monthgiven up completely but still get depressed sometimes when i realise i could be living if i had been given the right circumstances
that's satan whispering in ur ear. put on the fucking dress, shinji
>>43377446My idealized self is a tomboy/lazy fashion girl with long hair anyway so not much better than a boymoder.
>>43377446Me but I don't do it of fear of being clocked or anything I'm just lazy to think about styles n shit so all ended up using pants a t-shirt
>>43377446only 7 years here and post opi'm never going to girlmode i do not deserve it
>>43377446This is exactly why boymoding is bad actually, it blurs the lines and gets people comfortable never truly going for it.
>>43377446another cis man on hrt is forged
>>43378352ur still a moid thenhons are more female then u at least they live it
>>43378381that's okay then i don't aspire to be a woman
>>43377446yes
>>43378360beats being visibly trans
>>43378352>boymoder>post opHow does that even work? Did you show up to your surgery consultation in boy clothes using a boy name? Do you still use the men's room even though you have to sit to pee?
>>43380406a lot of people think i'm a girl for some reason and if it's convenient i don't bother correcting themi use the men's room usually
>>43380438>i use the men's room usuallyI don't understand how that's not way more humiliating than just coming out desu.
>>43380533i'm considered male so i should use the men's bathroom? i was born with a penis..i don't want to force my lifestyle on other people
>>43377446>>43377457>>43378352>>43378676this board is so insane. You are all so mentally ill and malebrained. If there is a thing like being trutrans then you are far from it>>43380554the level of self-shame and spinelessness oh my god get a fucking grip
>>43380624Malebrained and faketrans is anything I don’t like
>>43380624what am i supposed to doi'm not going to risk getting beat up or arrested just because i wish i could be female
>>43380624god forbid someone doesnt want to ruin their life forever and get hate crime'd
>>43380654ur not even 'faketrans' you just literally arent trans at all. do u not get it? u are A BOY. u live as A BOY. hons are 100% more trans than u by simple virtue of actually living as women.
>>43380624Okay and? Seethe and dilate.
>>43380692i trooned at 24 and dont get hatecrimed. knowing this board i bet ur fucking 19. just stop making excuses and PUT ON THE FUCKING DRESS
>>43380721nta but i'm 31 once you get older you'll realize how dangerous it is to present as a woman when amab
>>43380721lol im 90% sure you were trying to psyop me yesterday alreadyand im also 90% sure you're american or canadian or from some other globohomo country. you dont know what its like being me
>>43380701Sure. Doesn’t really make any difference to me
>>43380755i'm sorry for trying to 'psyop' u into doing the #1 thing that will let u achieve lasting happiness
>>43380554>i'm considered male so i should use the men's bathroom?You have a pussy and boobs. If people think you're male now they're just idiots.>i was born with a penis..You were also born a baby but you aren't one anymore?>i don't want to force my lifestyle on other peopleBeing trans isn't a lifestyle, it's a neurological condition. You're not forcing anything on anyone by using the female bathroom when you have female genitals, Nona.
>>43380813nothing canIWNBAW
>>43380721I started at 25 and unfortunately have a huge upper body and severe assault trauma.
>>43380721I'm not gonna embarrass myself
>>43380624seattle ameritroon almost realizes some of us live in russia and assorted shitholes
>>43377446I typically androgynymaxx with jeans or booty shorts and the most girly thing I've worn in recent memory being a denim midi skirt. Any time I've tried anything like a dress I spiral into how dysgenic my face is and wide my shoulders are and I'm ngmi and should just detroon already. Everyone says I look fine but they're retarted
>>43382331O wear jeans and a nondescript jacket
>>43380406NTA but I also am a boymoder post op and 10 years ffs. the only difference is I can't use the urinals and my bf can have sex without me having to fast. >>43380831FTMS have pussy and boobs.
>>43377446I actually had the reverse happenI planned on just boymoding and staying on HRT but I was gendered female so long I ended up getting stuck with it when I feel like a fraud. No one at job even thinks im trans
>>43377446boymoding for 8 years. post ffs.I plan to get srs in the future, but I completely gave up on being treated and perceived as a girl.my close friends still treats me as a girl which is nice at least.
>>43385582>but I completely gave up on being treated and perceived as a girl.Why though?
>>43385970because I never male fail on boymode, and when I try to girl mode, people look at me like if I was a freak
>>43380624Not wanting to embarrass myself isn't malebrained, once i pass ill girlmode
>>43377446every time i imagined passing one day i shut it down to not give myself false hopes that would eventually shatter spectacularly. instead, it's all fizzled away with my spirit.
>>43380831most people would say my pussy and boobs are fake
>>43377446i just prefer it, if i wore girls clothes that would feel gross, i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable and i wouldnt even enjoy it because they dont look good on me. so its fine
>>43377446yes I'm at 10 years hrt now, and I had ffs. I feel comfortable enough with how feminine I've become that I no longer want to kill myself every waking moment, but I don't think I could ever fully pass or not look ridiculous presenting fully female. I'm not out at work or to majority of my friends.I still feel a sense of pain and longing for what could have been when I see other trans people who are girlmoding, but I know that it's not something I can have
>>43380755I'm fucking live in a third world country and I a fucked gigahon and still use a dress a nothing happened besides people looking me weird stop being a pussy and put that dress your coward
>>43386982Everyone said and ended never doing it lol
>>43377446I lot of woman have been said the boymode for years I'm kinda scared me to ended up like that Soo how someone acquire honfidence
>>43380701Why would anyone want to be a hon?
>>43388321Living as women is better that living as man
>>43388336I dont suddenly become a woman by putting on a dress you people just dont get it or dont want to get it.
>>43388360If you don't want to trying living as yourself then be miserable man but don't come crying here years later for missing so many things because you were scared that people will looking you weird , and not people are not going tho hate crime unless you live in the most conservative place on the Earth a lot of people are more cowards that you give credit to lol
>>43388382Okay I wont cry I will just be more stoic and get through this
>>43388382I dont even know what it is that I am supposedly missing out on that I would get if I stopped boymoding. I have done it before and it didn't suddenly open doors for me anywhere, I did not feel like I became more a woman in any meaningful sense
>>43377446the true goal should just be getting to the point that people can't really tell and then just doing whatever you want. i boymode at work because i don't want my transness to hurt my source of income, but i girlmode all the time in my private life where potential consequences are lower. it's actually kind of nice not having to get dolled up every single day and getting to just be an ignored male when i want to. if you have a stable self-identity, there's a lot of advantages you can get from choosing your presenting gender at will.you do need to be a youngshit/have had ffs for this though
>>43387997Fake or not they are still boobs and a pussy. You shouldn't have to share spaces with men who'd probably rape you if they could.
>>43377446Been boymoding for about 5 or 6 years now, I’m pretty content to go for another 5 or 6. I think it partly comes down to personal preference, but I wonder if socially transitioning as a nonpasser is just overrated in general.
>>43388969dont you wish you were a woman? how do you cope?
I'm over two years HRT, and at this point, I've barely womanmoded. I've tried, and I really mean I've tried. Early HRT I did it a lot, and then a couple bad experiences robbed me of my confidence, and I've been spending time trying to get it back. If you do not girlmode, you are infinitely more likely to die at the hands of your own self-hatred than a hatecrime. I've had slurs yelled at me in public. I had someone throw a bottle at me once. I've had people openly mock me and belittle me for wearing just baggy tracksuit pants and a sweater. I will not try to mislead and say you are mistaken. The world is a cruel place, and even other trans people can be heartless to your plight. I know this well. But your own mind is infinitely more conniving and effective at bringing you down. Other people are mired in cowardice. The people who hatecrimed me would have done worse if they felt they could get away with it. The law, and even morality, serve as good deterrents for most. Your brain on the other hand, does not have that cowardice. It will call you every pejorative it can think of and set its aspirations solely on your perdition. Rise above your base fears. The longer you stay in this state, the more power your mind has over you. I don't know how you can gain confidence, and chances are you won't be confident. You'll be nervous and you'll make an easy target, but you do not owe others subjugation. You have to believe there is a chance that maybe, given enough time, changes, or surgery, that you will pass. If you cannot believe there is hope, then there is none. Perhaps that's the most important point here. Without hope, transitioning, and by extension your life, both become meaningless. Do not let things get to this point.
>>43389048I'm such a coward I don't think I could ever do it but at the same time a don't want to boymode for years like the other women is this thread :(
i've been boy/manmoding for the past 5 years and it's been kinda chill ngl. the trappings of womanhood are irrelevant to me. i'm trapped in a male cage. whether i put a hoodie or a dress on that cage won't make it any less of one. i won't have anything recognizable as boobs and i won't have a passing face and a female ribcage even if i wear a woman's shirt or a skirt or close-fitting jeans. it's agonizing seeing a man in the mirror but seeing a man in a dress in the mirror isn't any better.
>>43389018nta, but pretending to be a woman and failing is hardly any better than not pretending to be a woman. either way you are still not a woman. 10 years hrt and its still impossible for me to be a woman. failing at pretending to be a woman just causes more mental anguish
>>43389095We are all scared of the world and the ways it seeks to hurt us. I can't possibly imagine how badly you've been wounded in the past. But you're scared of ending up like the others in this thread, which means your sanity is intact. What do you think is scarier, aging in a body you hate, or facing social persecution for daring to be yourself? Seriously, think on it. I will tell you honestly, that social persecution is scarier for me. As someone who is already alone, I ought not to fear such lowly things, but I'm only human. I understand that rationale would suggest I avoid going outside, and yet, I am still plagued by thoughts of inadequacy in the home. I awaken to the mirror and my visage haunts me. I am afraid of my own imperfection, but I am more afraid of others seeing it. And yet, the thing I am most afraid of, is living a life dominated by this fear. I was once better off. I've known what it's like to live without fear, so why should I be eternally plagued by it? Is it possible that maybe one day, with enough persistence, I could return to my previous state? I believe so. But for that to happen, I need to be brave. Remember that bravery is not the absence of fear, but going forward in spite of it. When I womanmode, I end up crying. I become fearful, and anxious, and many people see this fear. But I have survived it. I was fortunate enough to live through that pain. Neither persecution or tears were able to rob me of my freedom. It is okay to cry, or be afraid. Such reactions are inevitable for most in your situation. But it is better to wail in the face of fear than to smile never having faced it at all. You are strong, and the fact that you've made this thread means that you already wish to change. The strength you seek is already within you. You just need to be brave enough to use it.
>>43389308>When I womanmode, I end up cryingyou are the first person to actually acknowledge this, sneedhons just act like once you start womanmoding you enter into a pure state of gender euphoria
>>43377446>Has anyone else boymoded for so long they don't really have any aspirations to be more than a girly boy thing anymorei'm an ffs manmoder, if i don't talk, i think most people assume i'm a weird and ugly woman, so i've recently taken it to mutemoding. i'd probably try girlmoding a bit more if it wasn't for my voice and i might try vfs soon as i think it practically forces you to use your girl voice, but even then, my body is just kinda not female at all>>43389224i kinda agree, women's clothes don't really look good on me so i've sort of given up on the idea for the time, i just roll with plausible deniability for the time being. it's like 30C right now and it's not even summer and i feel like my body doesn't stand up well to scrutiny of having large parts of it exposed, even in like a t-shirt>>43389308>aging in a body you hatenta but like, wearing different clothes won't make me hate my body less, when most other women wear more masculine or androgynous clothes, they look unambiguously female even from the back, and i basically have to settle for have an androgynous body at best, where face and hair can kinda push it over to the female side most of the time but not perfectly>>43388336yeah nona, that's what hons often don't get, they're not really living as a woman, they're at best, living as a third gender thing and at worst, others just perceive them as a crossdressing man>>43380438yeah that's what i do most of the time or just go to the disabled bathroom if it's in europe, but usually i just avoid public bathrooms entirely. when i'm in east asia, if i really have to go, i go to the male bathroom exclusively because it's illegal otherwise. i think the only time i used a female bathroom recently was in the netherlands because it wasn't very busy at the time and the male one was very busy.
>>43389344I acknowledge it because I have experienced it, over and over and over and over and over. It gets more manageable but it's very difficult, and even certain trans people will give you ire for it. Never let anyone belittle you or treat you as weak for showing emotion. Most of these people are projecting, or never had an awkward phase the way most of us do. >>43389386If you can get over to that female side, then that's more than I and some other people can do at the moment. Perhaps, (and I know this is often said by maladjusted people) the problem lies more in yourself and bolstering your own confidence? Of course, that is in no way a catch all, and dysphoria is a vicious poison. If confidence is something so difficult to find, surgery might be your only option. I cannot advise you beyond this as from the looks of things, you are further into your transition than I am. I only know that manmoding is suffocation and that I do not wish people to deal with the miserable repression I forced myself through.
>>43389386>yeah nona, that's what hons often don't get, they're not really living as a woman, they're at best, living as a third gender thing and at worst, others just perceive them as a crossdressing manThey still seems more happy that I could ever be I enby them so much I wish I didn't care how I'm i perceived the same way as them
>>43377446I did the opposite I transitioned early, was hyper fem until like 30 and then started dressing like a tomboy. I basically boymode but present as a woman and pass due to voice face and context clues
>>43389524Yeah I tried it too and being called a sir when I was dressed up nice is one of the most dysphoria triggering things. It literally just makes me feel worse to womanmode because I am reminded that other people see me as a crossdressing man. When I wear pants and I get called sir the pain is numbed greatly because I'm not trying and its how I expect to be called.
It's been interesting seeing the way everyone has sobered up from 2020 era identity politics to current year. I've seen a lot of people suddenly gain self awareness and detransition due to not passing. It's sad to see but not everyone is capable of coasting through life relying only on the people close to you to affirm your gender identity independent from the way you look and act and sound
>>43389637yeah maybe that's what i'm going for as well except my voice doesn't pass. i'm a man with tranny bangs and an ugly woman face, it's kinda brutal but at the same time it's provides some minor relief from dysphoria>>43389681>When I wear pants and I get called sir the pain is numbed greatly because I'm not trying and its how I expect to be calledthis is another reason i don't girlmode, it hurts a lot less if i get called "sir" in manmode. i always mentally prepare to get called a man and to be seen as a man by others, and operate under that assumption. there's usually no harm in that assumption being wrong and it's usually a pleasant surprise learning that someone thought of me as a woman all along. however, it's still soulcrushing to get misgendered though i don't think i've been misgendered this year aside from one instance in the netherlands where it was like 50/50 on whether i misheard a guy or not>>43389734i've never bought into the identity politics in the first place and been trooning since 2012 and this was always my attitude. generally, this has always been the attitude of the 4chan contingent group of trannies (i mean the actual imageboard users and not users of various spinoffs on reddit)
>>43388653one of them did that's part of the reason i'm not going to be a girlmoder
>>43389681I'm not claiming to bring a fix. You can't put a band-aid over a stab wound, I'm aware of that much. But is this really what you want? To spend the rest of your life as some half aware husk, walking around with neutered alertness so you don't succumb to melancholy the moment your presentation is challenged? I have been in psychiatric care many times for my own neurosis, to the point where close to a year of my life has been cumulatively spent in there. Many of these occasions were triggered by incidents where I experienced exactly what you described. If anyone knows how soul crushing such an experience is, it's me. But the people who call you 'sir' while you're in full womanmode are very deliberate. They are doing this to hurt you. They see your effort and they rebuke it, for they find it unsightly and harrowing. And your response to this, is to cave? It is to forfeit and accept rejection? You were placed on this planet with a spine, be compelled to use it. I am not saying to protest or to be disruptive. A certain GameStop employee in years past is a testament to why such tactics fail. But why would you let the ire of strangers fell your attempts at beauty? Do you look in the mirror and see an angel? Neither do I, although on some days, I am beholden to the most heavenly radiance. I would be a fool to let the opinions of strangers dash away my sensibility. If you cannot, even in stray moments, see beauty within yourself, perhaps the issue lies in your psychology. I cannot compel you to love yourself, but I do think you ought to insist upon yourself more care and patience, as if you were talking to another from the same womb. I leave you with this. Are you willing to risk everything in order to become a woman, even if passing may only be a conclusion guaranteed after years of suffering? Be patient with yourself. I am hoping things get better for you.
>>43377446Yeah.. Just got some binders recently as summer's coming up, even though my moobs are pretty small it gives me the confidence/assurance that people aren't clocking me like that.I live in a progressive area too, so it's not fear of getting hate crimed, I just don't like forcing people to play along with the trans game. I'd rather get gendered male than have someone clock me and think "Oh! this man has long hair and a skirt on, I should probably gender him female, I don't want any trouble from my boss/coworkers/friends/etc"Atp I'm thinking of getting my hair cut short too, I don't feel that I look very good with long hair, especially without bangs (if you have bangs ur not boymoding btw ur honmoding), and I malefail too much so short hair would probably help with that
>>43390799>I'd rather get gendered male than have someone clock me and think "Oh! this man has long hair and a skirt on, I should probably gender him female, I don't want any trouble from my boss/coworkers/friends/etc"basedI cut my hair short for work (I was in a physical job) I really like it for a while but growing it back was horrible. I think there is something to be said about masc things baking you look more fem.
>>43390799>Yeah.. Just got some binders recently as summer's coming up, even though my moobs are pretty small it gives me the confidence/assurance that people aren't clocking me like that.don't wear a binder, you'll mess up your boobs, at worst, people will assume that you're a man with gyno. i also manmode but i wear a shirt >if you have bangs ur not boymoding btw ur honmodingdamn, that's a bit of a brutal trvthnuke, so if i have tranny bangs, are people just gendering me female out of pity even if i dress masculine otherwise?>I malefail too much so short hair would probably help with thatwell, if you kind of pass, why even bother with binders?
>>43391017oh i didn't finish typing, what i meant to say was that i wear a shirt that kind of makes my boobs not obvious at all
>>43391017>damn, that's a bit of a brutal trvthnuke, so if i have tranny bangs, are people just gendering me female out of pity even if i dress masculine otherwise?No just you probably fucking pass fine omg leave this fucking site your thinking about it to much
>>43380624>just be a vacuous entitled idiot like me!! me me me me me!We're all like AMaBYou were taught to be an obnoxious homo fairy
can anyone recommend some good binders? mine dont work anymore think they got too stretched out or smth
>>43386326>>43388237What do you look like bc I can't imagine it's that bad post ffs unless you havent voice trained. Like there's cishons that never get gendered male.
>>43391017>don't wear a binder, you'll mess up your boobsI really don't give a gaf tbqh. Also anecdotally I have heard from ftms that pre T, binding didn't really do much to their chest over time>if i have tranny bangs, are people just gendering me female out of pityIt really depends on your location, but if you're in a progressive city where a lot of people know about/see trannies regularly then yeah if they see a tranny haircut they'll drop a pity she/her>well, if you kind of pass, why even bother with binders?i don't kindof pass, people just clock me lmao
>>43391700Spectrum outfitters or underworks is what I've heard from my ftm friends
>>43392044>but if you're in a progressive city where a lot of people know about/see trannies regularly then yeah if they see a tranny haircut they'll drop a pity she/heri'm a white troon in taiwan, asians seem to be really bad at clocking white people in general because i've not gotten clocked here at all and the last time i got misgendered was actually in the netherlands (i think i got misgendered, but i'm not even 100% sure because i may have misheard). it's funny how white people tend to say that asians pass better, but i think that works both ways because they sort of expect white women to be bigger. i was actually really anxious about being clocked here all the time but it just seems to not be the case at all. i've spoken to some other white troons who live in east asia or sea and they've all sort of said the same thing, it's kinda unreal
>>43392132Oh yea, if you're a racial minority or whatever its smmm easier. Exactly like how azn troons can mostly pass to white people but still get clocked by other asians all the time
>>43377446Do Boymoders genuinely think no one knows?Saw two boymoders in target and clocked them instantly.
>>43392202yea, because you are a 4chan /tttt/ user, and probably tranny
>>43391856my face isn't that bad in isolation but I'm very tall and broad shouldered so it cancels out
>>43391856I look like a boy with gyno basically
>>43392202many people call me a girl even though i'm not one so it's really just about not forcing it on other people
