>be me 19yo straight guy>raised in rural Utah by Mormon parents >don't really believe in any of their weird culty bullshit so I decide to go to college out of state>always been interested in writing and really love reading fantasy, so plan to get a degree in english literature>my roomate is this stoner burnout musician named Greg>he's lke 6'3 but skinny as a twig>shaggy coded ass mf >we weirdly get along despite him being a bit of a libshit>he always listens to my autistic rants about my stories and gives good feedback>i listen to his weird experimental music>one day he comes home all smug and excited, talking about this girl he started dating>feel sick, like physically ill with cold sweats and a knot in my stomach>try to ignore it but it keeps coming back whenever he talks about her>eventually end up meeting her>she's genuinly one of the sweetest people I've ever met>fucking hate her more than i have ever hated anyone in my entire life>like genuinly no good reason at all i just fucking loathe her>do my best to hide it>afterwards i throw up in the bathroom>later that night I stalk her on social media>only makes me feel worse>have a dream where I'm her>in the dream, Greg and i go out on a date and he's being the lovable loser he always is>we go back to his place, and he strips off my clothes, tells me how beautiful i am, and carries me to the bed>just as he's about to fuck me, I wake up with tears in my eyes and the knot in my stomach>cry myself back to sleep wishing i was herAnons, please tell me this is some fucking obscure mental illness or some kind of prion disease. I really, really would prefer not to be a faggot, and especially not a tranny. But I can't stop imagining myself as his girlfriend. What can I do to fix my brain?
Well the good news is you're still straight.
>>43378139you have to become woke and trans now. it's the only fix and starting now makes it wayyyyy easier than starting later. i was the same way at your age and trust me it doesn't just go away it gets worse actually
>>43378261FUCK
>>43378139this got me hard mormanon
>>43378139yeah I think it's time to start Et.raggot who had similar feelings for college roommates after growing up a weird religious freak
>>43378139
>>43378786even if i become a woman he still wont want me. its not just looks, she out classes me as a human being. ive looked for valid reasons to hate her and found none.
you are suffering from a permanent mental illness, sorry you had to find out this way
>>43380198how do i make it hurt less?
>>43380347estrogen and therapy
>>43380584FUCK
>>43379925Okay, but what about if you find another guy in the future? What if he breaks up with her? What if he just ends up simply liking you more?
>>43380780I really can't see him ever leaving her. His eyes light up whenever he talks about her. As for finding somebody else, it's just hard for me to parse my own feelings. Like, I don't know if I want to be a girl because that's what I actually want for myself, or if that's what I think he would like. Like, I do have kind of feminine mannerisms and traits, and I've cross-dressed once or twice as a kid, and I liked how it felt, but idk. Idk if that's enough evidence to say that I'm definitively trans. ugh. Everything is scary and confusing all the time forever ;_;
>>43378139U r dangerous insano
>>43380920feminine mannerisms and cross-dressing has nothing to do with your transness.just take your mones for a month, see how you feel. you will never be 100% certain so just do it for a trial period and see if you'd want to carry on, no matter the outcome you'll learn something about yourself and remove that uncertainty
>>43378139go on a vacationeven if its only to the city or a park or another town over. college is a bubble and you can get lost in delusion. its a pressure cooker. since you have described this in a manner that sounds like sudden onset, you need a breath of fresh air to see if it shifts your perspective. it will be summer soon.
i think you subconsciously already know what you're thinking
>>43381351idek how to get hormones. what do i even tell the doctor?? "hello please give me estrogen i need it for soul searching reasons" like can i do diy? or is that dangerous? Idk, just the idea of other people knowing im even thinking about this makes me anxious as fuck
>>43381471diy is safe if it's available to you but it's worth getting started with the doctor so you can get a sex change and ffs faster
>>43378139The good news is you’re probably just bi.Unless you’ve never had a crush on a girl. Even then probably just gay.
>>43381419Probably. Idk. I've never been good at deciphering my own feelings.
>>43381471you are panicking. its nbd. if you are getting anxious thinking about it drop the subject go do something else and return to it later when you are more relaxed
>>43381514You’re getting pink pilled by assholes but confusing gay stuff with gender stuff after growing up in religious nonsense is really common. All you know for sure is that you have a crush on your roommate. No need to catastrophize it.
>>43381524thisyou don't have to figure out the details now. just know there is a solution to your confusion (hrt trial) and let that calm you. move on and come back to the topic when you are in a clearer headspace.
>>43381502Okay, well, those things are like. 400 trillion stages ahead of where I am rn, but I guess it's good to have the option. I'm just kinda paranoid about getting judged like crazy by the doctor. Do you have any idea how to find, like, a woke doctor or whatever?
>>43379925i promise it's better for you even if it doesn't result in you getting with him. he's worth it and you are worth it too.>>43380920it's enough to even wanna try it for fun. many people have transitioned over less.>>43381471if you live in america and you are in an informed concent state, you can go to your local planned parenthood and get started on a perscription. as for diy, buy from a reputable vendor, you won't die from messing up an injection and don't forget to get blood tests to see if your estrogen level is high enough. there are plenty of guides online. you've got this.
>>43381569okey ;_;
>>43381580>I'm just kinda paranoid about getting judged like crazy by the doctor. Do you have any idea how to find, like, a woke doctor or whatever?psychologists will usually have gender therapy listed if it's something they do, and they won't if it's not.
>>43381607thank u. I'm gonna write that down and look into it later. Rn i just want to drown my feelings in icecream and balatro
>>43381658good. you deserve break. it's very tough to try and think these thoughts when it felt like the whole world would hurt you for it. have a good one <3
>>43380920>go to college>immediately fall in love with the first deadbeat loser you meetwow OP, you really are a woman.
Hi please be my "straight" bf>t. Loser Twink
