I hate this place, this board, and most of the people here even though most of them are quite literally fake and gay. Most of all i hate myself the most for always coming back even when i have no reason to do so and even after i was an idiot and fucked up horribly and hurt lot of people i care about because of this place. I won't say what it was because fuck you, but i'll say i did it.Honestly if it wouldn't hurt them even more i'd kill myself or transition. And i know what you cunts will say about that so don't fuckin' start.Hopefully i'm getting therapy soon but i'm not sure if it'll do me any good and it might just make me despise myself more. I keep having this thought. It's a dark room or an expanse, i'm not sure but it's always dark and there's a light shining down on us. There's an orchestra where the instruments and conductor are invisible but sometimes it a gramophone and they always play Shostakovich Waltz no.2. I'm in a full suit dancing with a faceless woman in a dress and she's faceless because i don't see it in the mirror but i can't stop thinking about it and among other things it scares me terribly. I just want answers anons, and i know this is the worst place to post something like this but i don't give a fuck anymore really.I need to go to bed soon.
>>43382605I'm rooting for you anon
I hope you sleep well, you deserve comfort.I won't have a good answer for you, but I doubt anyone will, I know I don't know you so it means nothing, but I believe in you.So it goes.
>>43382618I fucking wish. I've got ADHD among other mental disorders and i cant shut down. I've been on melatonin for years but i feel out of it's use and this is reminding me i should take it again. There's constant whizzing inside my head and i can't shut it off and because of said mental illnesses its sole purpose in existence is to make me hate myself. At least i'm not normal and indoctrinated like most of the cunts i have to be polite to because if i didn't everyone else in the room would hate me. Being fucked in the head is a large part of me and how i act ect but also it can be real fucking shit sometimes.
