>realized trans at 24>subconsciously repressed my whole life>memories of feeling trans but never having the words to describe it>I look like a 8/10 hot bisexual guy>feel top and bottom dysphoria>feel a need to be "femaled", not so much "feminized">I'm not crying that I need my female body parts tho>I don't like heterosexual sex and never tried because it seemed unnatural>I act "like a man" (if fucking being decisive is being a man ... but everyone can do that)>I don't care for male "social games">I partake in the sports talk, the dominance shit to pass (it does make me a bit uncomfortable tho)>cis priviledge is nice>big boss suit shit makes me feel cool>I like power>I think women, especially trans women, are kinda pathetic and weak due to the patriarchy.>Women and trans women just look more miserable>I kinda find their fate of being miserable whiny shits really contemptible>I decided that its not my duty to actualize as myself>No>its my duty to assert my dominance over weak trans women who need my big dick>I feel more happiness and comfort in that than "being myself">I'm gonna be a chaser and dominate and punish trans women instead>A sense of self is not a priority>Winning provides more inner peace than selfhoodIs my fate just going to end up being like Kristi Noem's husband? Am I avoiding actualizing as myself by actualizing as the type of man I wish can treat ME right and pretty and nice and beautiful and valid? Or is this the way? CharlieSheenRepping.I mean, I'm 24, its over - rather turn my geniune transexualism into cis male fetishry because the world sucks and being a loser is kinda lame.I like WINNING. Being a man is cool as fuck even if its not truly me. LIKE, WHO CARES IF YOU ARE "TRULLY YOU." - LIFE IS ABOUT GETTING BREAD AND WINNING!Don't transition if you've never felt the thrill of winning and dominating. It'll change how you feel about the necessity of sex change. The cis privledge and power is enough to stay as a man.
you will never be a real woman
>>43388259Yes, it is that bad. In every trans woman you fuck, you will see what you could have been. You will never be at peace with yourself. Then again, thinking that life is only about "winning" is peak toxic male behavior.
>>43388298Proof that I am malebrained and not a transfoid.
>>43388303Cope harder. ywnbam
>>43388259repping will literally rot your soul in the long runyou will indeed guaranteed end up a sissyboomer noem creature if you try to bottle it up, the pressure will just get worse and worse until you finally crack and get double-d bolt-ons at age fifty-ish and become doomed to be the eternal ogrehonmake your choice, acceptance and being yourself or a life of stress culminating in a mental break and social self-destruction
>>43388314The body is interchangeable. The body is economical. It is not meant to be a temple of selfhood. It is meant to be a tool for progress. Utilize your body to reach optimal gains and succeed. Winning provides more long term happiness than self-hood. A crackhead has more selfhood than a CEO, but you're telling me you prefer the crackhead's lifestyle because its, "being themselves." Lame. Is that cope or is that a fact?
>>43388259This is how you become a John 30. I'm not going to waste my breath telling you to troon out. You will give it up at last but at that point you will be trying to salvage the dregs. You will regret this.t. Knower who went through all of this.
>>43388328That's the only thing it keeps me going because if a detrans I would probably ended being a John reper that use plastic boobs to get off
>>43388328I feel valid Charlie Sheen maxxing. Men age better as well. The solution to repping till death is to maximize your sexual output. Kristi Noem's husband cracked because he was a "sexual" repressoid. He just needed more sex. If he was Charlie Sheen and sexed tf out, he wouldn't be getting fake tits. He'd grab real two tits - two pairs of them to be exact.No, I'm not gonna be an ogrehon, because 50+ men with a high paying job get pussy. Especially if you're looksmaxxed, bro. Like, why the fuck would I get bolt ons or whatever when honestly being a 50+ man is a good RPG build that can score me some good trans pussy in 30 years? "Acceptance and being yourself" HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA - what does that even mean? no. this is life. not a visual novel. we're apes. we're creatures. malebrains like myself like winning. so gay and effeminate. NOT GOOD.
>>43388364have fun in twenty years lmao
>>43388342No I won't. I will transfem gay man the fuck out. Joking. In all seriousness, Charlie Sheen repping can actually re-wire your brain. Have you ever won anything in life? Like geniune question tranners, have any of you felt how good it feels to win, to dominate, to conquer as a man? If you felt it and feel good, you're cis. The trans shit is just frosting on your "identity." and not worth exploring imo. it doesn't make any sense to be a loser.
>>43388340False equivalency. Anyone can be authentic, but it takes the work of self-actualization, which many people such as yourself consciously avoid. Love yourself. Love your body. You are the only person you have to live with.>>43388364If I ever fucked a repper like you I would feel disgusted with myself.
>>43388385Conquering men as a woman feels infinitely better. I am a prize to be won.
>>43388387>You are the only person you have to live with.And how do you live with yourself? Like how do you survive? What drives you? You know what drives me?WINNING. That's all I've I cared about my whole life. And since its the only real thing I do care about, I will work to win the most. And a male body works in WINNING. And feels awesome to win as well even if the male body does not feel like it defines me. Life feels a video-game to me probably due to the disassociation of it all. And maybe transitioning would probably make me feel less like life is a video-game or more like I'm living a real life -But video-games are awesome.
>>43388403you will undergo srs at some point in your lifei have forseen this, it is inevitable, you cannot change it, no matter how hard you strive against itall you can change is when it happensdo with this information what you will
>>43388259i'm hrt repping and i hate myself
>>43388393Do you feel like a winner and conquerer when you are forced into indentured servitiude because the chud man you "won" you as his prize wants a clean house to a pristine tee?
>>43388408you are superior to op because you are at least on hrt
>>43388403Self-actualization. The drive to always be the best possible version of myself. That's winning to me.Video games are escapism. I play so much less since I started transition and I'm much better off for it. I'm living a life I actually enjoy and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
>>43388412no because i'm ugly and probably on my way to boomerhon and don't put any effort into my life
>>43388417still better than the schizodelusion op is trapped in
>>43388407no. surgery is a choice made by LOSERS who don't want want to find the pleasure of WINNING!Try being a crotchety finnicky woman publicist on a phone talking with tons of clients and doing meetings and shit - now think: that being a man, so much better, so much baller, right or wrong?
>>43388424i mean i repped for years and took years to stop dissociating enough to get on hrt
>>43388425take your pills alice
>>43388424How much money do you have and lower your tone if its sub 100,000 in assets.
Why is OP yapping about Charlie Sheen? Is he a confirmed repper?
>>43388441NO. I WON'T TAKE ESTRADIOL. I WON'T ANTI-ADROGENS. I WON'T BUCCAL MYSELF. I WON'T USE MY CRYPTO STASH FOR DIY, I'LL USE IT FOR COLLECTING ASSETS AND GETTING HIGH-TIER PUSSY AS A MAN!
>>43388456He's heading into the, "its Ma'am" Gamestop arc.
>>43388425the only choice you have is to do it sooner, the deadline cannot be removed or delayed, only made soonerthe clock only ticks one wayyou were warned
>>43388515oh no. honsage is telling me that "I've been warned." oooooooooo oh no. here's what's gonna happen: you'll be a beautiful trans woman cuddled with a based motherfucker like me in my penthouse in 2056 and you'll be protected and safe because I decided to Charlie Sheen max (not rep, MAX) and you ain't gonna be counting no clock, you darling little bitch.
>>43388529tick tock, little repper...
>>43388515also. very autistic behavior. get checked.
>>43388533I AM NOT A REPPER. I AM CHARLIE SHEEN, BISEXUAL AND BASED AND BIG!
>>43388535ok babe
>>43388548how would you feel if you were called a bad girl who needs punitive force-feminisation?
>>43388548The plastic boobs are more cheap in black Friday btw :)
>>43388259please just love yourself for the love of God. you'll keep coming back to the dysphoria and euphoria. its a part of you. it just is. and that's ok. no-one here can love you. but you can make the "winning" choice to do so.yes, being trans is hard. yes, look at most of the threads here: people are "losers." But these same people you call "losers" laugh at sunshine, smile near a loved one and have beating hearts. That's a human right there - that's a sense of self. And you're suffocating yourself when you already are aware than most reppers.You're wrong that a sense of self is a priority over "winning." Accept that you are not cis and if you think that's losing, rethink your life. Its unhealthy not to others but to yourself. It sounds like you're trapped to avoid loving yourself.Loving yourself provides more inner peace than being cis - than being a fake self. If I was you, I'd love myself. I think you're funny, sweet, creative and really, really smart. Its okay. You're okay. You're a trans woman and that's okay.Good luck, OP. Take HRT ASAP.
>>43388615Trvth.
>>43388582OP here - ngl that's really fucking hot. but not force fem, but like HRT pump and like SRS. I've often imagined being rid entirely of ugly moidisms via a camp for like 5 years and working as a punished slut slave and a maid only to be released as a socialized woman passoid. if JD Vance wants to do that, I'll stop Charlie Sheen repping and self-report myself to punitive force-woman camps. Yes.
>>43388630good girl
>>43388615gay and lame. Eric Cartman maxxxing. its so much better being a chud - I love being nasty and chuddy to people for a sense of perverted gratification as a MAN. My personality as a TRANS WOMAN or whatever, would be too abrasive, too creepy and I'll get called a transbian AGP rapehon. No thanks. Its not "okay" you TV Glow plebbitstani - I'm trapped to WINNING.
>>43388633I'm not responding to this. You're purposefully triggering my AGP. This is why I am a WINNER, not a Charlie Sheen pussyboy. But a CHARLIE SHEEN MAN. I avoid your AGP "traps." Instead, I sheen-max, I fuck, I grind, and I love it when they scream my name, "thank you, oh thank you CHARLIE SHEEN."Only name I'm changing isn't for a woman name but for a MAN's name: new name, Charlie Sheen.Oh what Edna, you used to be Edward? Hot. Oh, yeah I had an old name, not because I'm trans - nah - because I'm trapped and addicted to WINNING.
I wish trans women didn't necessarily talk about it like this. I transitioned for 3 years before realizing I was an asexual nonbinary and stopping HRT. Trans women talking like this is the *only* trans experience stopped me from experimenting past being a trans woman myself for the longest time. Its no different than cis societal pressures, just inversed.OP, just try experimenting with your gender. It's literally the only way you will ever know if you were meant to be trans. You will be made uncomfortable and detransition if it truly isn't for you, or it will make you so happy you won't want to stop.Your soul won't "rot" not transitioning but repression of any sort certainly will, and the anxiety of not knowing what "could have been" will also drive you insane. Me personally? It put the issue to rest for good and I was able to happily stop taking HRT with a renewed outlook on myself, my identity, and the world around me.If you're meant to be a trans woman you will inevitably take hrt and remain on hrt; if you really could live your life out as a man happily, you will instead quickly realize hrt isn't for you, and the freeing of your mind of this baggage of worrying will literally fix you and allow you to be self actualized. That was my experience. The idea that "you must transition or you will ruin your life!!!!" Doesn't really feel real to me; but I certainly recommend anyone who would consider themselves trans in any capacity at least try experimenting with their gender identities and even transition.
>>43388259This reads a lot like how i used to think, i just did it with cis women since i really wanted to be a parent. I genuinely thought i would be able to just take it to the grave without telling a soul, wishing i was a girl was my biggest shame. I didn't want to think about the implications too long, i was simply born as a boy and wishing to be something i could never be was useless. Better to use this to my advantage and be the best man i could be, i loved being close to women and making them feel good. Besides, feelings of dysphoria were fleeting, it just wasn't that important. Once i became an adult everything would surely fall in its place and i would just move on from this childish and frankly disgusting urge. Even though i internally acknowledged i would be happier with the physical changes of HRT at some point in my twenties i just kept wishing the urge would go away. I thought of myself as way too masculine to be able to make it. Besides, it would be an enormous hurdle for starting my own family.Repping for so long has slowly but steadily worn me down, once i was at the start of my thirties i started to understand that completely supressing this part of me was unsustainable. The once fleeting feelings of gender dysphoria had only grown stronger and more frequent with time, it started to take more and more mental energy to be able to cope. Because i used self loathing and disgust for transness as a repression tool it took me years to come to terms with what i had to do. I started HRT at 35 and the dissociative haze i considered normal since puberty was suddenly lifted. I still really struggle with the identity and social aspects of transition but I feel so much better on E and i never want to run on T ever again.If you genuinely have gender dysphoria and you're aware of it its only a matter of time. This is something biochemical and cannot be wished away. But everyone has their own path, i hope yours is shorter than mine
>>43388677OP here, very true. This is convincing me to just take HRT as an "experiment."What angers me is that yes I feel off about my chest, but I think "reverse dysphoria" like if I go too far on HRT, the cans are irreversible unless surgicical intervention. Doing a little bit of HRT without getting the cans just to experiment may not yield any significant conclusions. Isn't loving it so much just a placebo effect tho? Like "make me so happy I won't stop? Isn't that just placebo and not because of the estrogen?Like ofc if my mind was obessed with these trans thoughts ofc I would feel relieved I'm on E and yes I can imagine I would feel overjoyed and happy in taking E - and frankly, these words don't feel real when I type them, but finally match my internal selfso yeah ofc it'd feel great but isn't that all just placebo?still gonna SheenMax, but if I can experiment a bit, I wouldn't mind.
>>43388668I feel your just trolling a this point and already are in injections because only woman can be this unfunny
>>43388686OP here, when I talk about disassociation, I feel as if I'm just making it up. On paper, it sounds like me. But when I say it aloud or think about it further, I tend to talk myself out of it. Yes, I feel like I'm out of my body sometimes. Yes, I get heart palpatations and I feel massively uncomfortable when I start to think about how my existence is the only thing that centers me and keeps me alive - as in this particular feeling that you're the only living thing alive. Yes, I have a brain fog where I lose myself in "disassociative fog." I just think and thought I'm just really high IQ or some 'tism shit. I don't know.Therapy is very anti-Sheenmax. Thanks for sharing.
>>43388738fuck you.
>>43388677You raise some good points. Transition was right for me, but I also identify as some degree on nb these days. Everyone's journey looks different, but there's no shame in trying something just to see if it's for you.
>>43388760*of
>>43388722It's stupid but I fucked around with monotherapt Estradiol Enanthate while taking raloxofene to minimize breast growth. It didn't exactly work but I didn't really get full boobs. I eventually stopped these shenanigans anyways and just properly transitioned because cope in-between identities just led to me wanting to explore more, like "okay but what would it be like to just be a trans woman" once I was on the inevitable trans babycope of gnc vague identity.Experimenting continually led to me wondering more about myself before I eventually realized no, I really could can and would be happy as a man, just not really in the way society expects that. Heck, I wouldn't call myself cis: I identify as nonbinary or gender nonconforming. But you can break down that baggage of bullshit rigid societal norms without really having to take hrt I realized, and that's literally all I wanted and it made me happy.Wanting to "hide" being trans made it worse. Thats like, a form of repression, I think. I was a closeted trans person early on into transition, and it just isolates you from both cis and trans people. It's better to unashamedly be yourself, even if that doesn't mean you have to take hrt. I think this is where John50s go a bit insane: they realize this part of the missed experience of being young, that they never actually for to be their *genuine* self, and it breaks them and they go into sissy shit idk lmfao. I'm rambling at this point. But me taking hrt feels like it literally lifted this weight from my soul and I just feel fine now, seriously.You gotta stop pretending to be someone you're not. But don't let other people tell you how you're supposed to live. Repression *will* rot your soul, but like, not taking hrt? Not really in of itself, I think. I realized I'm better off a man and am happier for it.
>>43388751I also thought it wasnt that bad at first, but i started to dissociate more and more as the years went on. The first weeks on HRT were wild, it felt like someone yanking the curtains open. I felt so energized that i could hardly sleep at first. While writing my previous post i kept thinking about how nobody could have convinced me to start HRT at your age (well, maybe my girlfriend at the time, we were very close).Your welcome, writing it all out felt pretty cathartic. If you have any questions id be happy to answer. Have you taken a look at repgen on the board? Reading their thoughts and recognizing myself in it was actually something that helped convince me that repping is futile and fundamentally very sad
>>43388785More importantly,I feel like specifically being a trans person around other trans people lifted the weight from my soul and I felt at peace. It made me both realize I needed to experience this or I genuinely would have gone insane when I got older, but also that I was fundamentally different and that that was okay too.It was less about taking hrt. That hardly even matters lol. But repressors repress their entire identity and don't even like go to queer spaces or anything, and then wonder why they're depressed. It's because you're some form of queer and need to express that. HRT really just gives you the confidence to express your identity by making you hotter in a femme fashion, and inspiring you to change other aspects of your life like your wardrobe and mannerisms too. It fundamentally causes a glow up if you transition right, but you also realize maybe that there's different paths you can go down too. That's what happened to me. I went in thinking I was a trans woman and through osmosis and being in that community I learned about other identities that I more closely related to, instead.
>>43388785> Wanting to "hide" being trans made it worse. Thats like, a form of repression, I think. I was a closeted trans person early on into transition, and it just isolates you from both cis and trans people. It's better to unashamedly be yourself, even if that doesn't mean you have to take hrt.Interesting perspective. I often think about how passing is both privilege and erasure, and what you said feels like a natural extension of that.I'm not visible everywhere I go, but I'm at my happiest when I'm my authentic self.
>>43388860Yeah this is why you absolutely just have to be around other trans people, or even just the queer community where people are less retarded human beings in general.That's the really hard part I think, because not all towns or even countries have community sadly; it seems almost universally a city thing. I implore people to explore options to find community first and foremost. Taking hrt in the middle of nowhere while rotting in your room won't turn your life around, actually.If you can, I recommend a lot of people apply for university student loans and look for queer spaces. The debt is unironically worth the escape from your small town hell if that's part of the problem.
>>43388834Here's the truth: I came out to my parents. They saw me as their "boy" that would "rule the world" and "become president." I am awaiting decisions for a part-time law school program which they said they would be happy to fund for. After coming out, they have not turned on me, but they made it abundantly clear that it won't kill them if I transitioned.I don't really a give a fuck because if being myself is to kill someone, then those mfers are losers.Regardless, I have a house under my name with my mother. I have a lot of savings from work that could help me move out. I have been planning in July once I know what law school I got into and which I can afford. I am currently unemployed because the law firm I worked at sucked ass. I have a good amount of experience and I can get another job.My goal has been to be a manmoder and take DIY HRT in mid-May. I live with my parents (only did to avoid being a rentoid) so I want to do stealth DIY E for a few months because trully I think its really lame to be a repper (hence the whole Sheen-maxing shit I pulled). I've planned it and put it on a Google Sheet. I made this thread just because I'm being lazy af and just want to relax for a bit.I'm thinking by the time July rolls around, I'll have a stable job of income, been doing stealth DIY for a few months and covertly get an apartment, I'll give my parents an ultimatum and see if they wanna fund my law school or not. I'd much prefer to live with parents if they are accepting just because "no rent." but absolutely fuck no if they're gonna be weird about me being me - and I think they will be so fuck em, likely. what I'm really waiting on is if they'll bankroll my law school.so, from all the stress from planning a move out, etc. being 24, losing "manhood." or whatever - yeah, "Sheenmaxxxing" sound pretty fun to goof off on.
>>43388919OP CORRECTION: it will kill them. as in, they said they will kill themselves.
>>43388856I do agree that repressing any important part of yourself is damaging in its own right but gender dysphoria is a biochemical problem. If you have tranny brain you'll never feel right on your natal hormone profile. My body didnt make enough estrogen on its own (bloodtests pre-HRT had unmeasurable E) and it caused incomplete masculinisation of my brain in the womb. I would have always felt off without E.
>>43388919Coping in your sissy chudcave on otokonoko pharmaceuticals won't fix your life
>>43388963Nothing will instantly fix your life. But at least it's a start.
>>43388919Seems like you have a concrete plan, its good that you're taking your fate in your own hands. Its admirable that you're not waiting to hit rock bottom, i really repped until i couldnt anymore.It must feel like big emotional burden to get such a reaction from your parents, even in a completely accepting environment coming out is tough. I hope theyll be able to come around.One way or another trying E will probably give you some clarity. I waited for an official script so i could freeze sperm beforehand, there was no way i would be able to soothe my conscience if i wouldnt have done that.
>>43388963I don't have a chudcave. I have chudLAND. ChudACRES. wtf is that Japanese shit you recommending.And I am not a sissy, I'm a cissy. I'm a cismaxxxing Sheen beamer boy who's WINNING.
>>43389007I'm currently just going to hour long drives nowadays just to find a place to freeze my sperm. I love myself, but jfc its made funny that I deadass got a Sheenmaxed personality and I'm just driving around bumfuck meaning sperm specialists because trans.
>>43388259No matter how cool what I did as a dude was it always felt hollow. My friends were just getting something out of it I wasn’t. I didn’t recognize myself in the pictures we took. I transitioned at 24, and turned it turned out ok. 27 now with a bf and two cats. It’s all about how you weigh time. Anything a person does closes doors. You have one chance to tour the circus. Think about which rides you want to go on and decide from there. There are some attractions for only either men or women.Read Ecclesiastes.
>>43389008Why are you doing diy? Any informed consent near you?Your parents don't have access to your adult medical records.Do diy and asap talk to a doctor.
>>43388259>>43388340OP you just gave me the answer I’ve been looking for, I repped longer than you and my brain hasn’t been broken this badly so I must not be trans after all. Thank you
>>43389060there is informed consent near me. I don't trust registering myself as transgender with a facility that can be easily tracked by the government.yes, a government can subpoena 4chan data and my Google Account data can be shared with the government as well - but there's a plausible deniability to it. on medical records, its on paper clearly that I am transgender, yes please Israelitech put me on a watchlist. I am in the United States.Additionally, the wait-times and the negotiating with other people about who I am sounds like a waste of time to me.DIY is my preferred way. I'm gonna rent a PO box and ship it there. Plus, post-move out, I'm thinking of just sticking with DIY indefinitely.Its less a logical choice DIY > informed consent and more personal, I don't want to be dependent or reliant on other bodies. Yes, technically you do that with foreign companies as well (pay crypto, deliver on time), but there's more gravitas and personal responsibility to DIY. I do get the blood-work checked. I do it myself. Its my burden, not some medical establishment that would sell me out in a heartbeat.
>>43389086SHEENMAX VRO! WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!
>>43389102How are you going to bloodtest? Is your plan seriously hrt alone forever? Never surgeries? What if a complication happens? You will also inevitably get other sickness or bloodtests and it will come up btw, like, if you ever need an ambulance and they draw blood theyre either going to obviously clock you, or think you have a different medical issue and send you down a wrong treatment path. I had something like that vaguely happen to me.What is your endgoal? Trans women when your parents pass away? Like what's the plan here longterm? Diy is actually less sustainable than being a state sponsored and approved tranny, and imo the government seems to take you more seriously for trans stuff when push inevitably comes to shove if you have a paper trail of being "trans", so to speak.
>>43389236Hm. I think you're right. Temporarily, DIY - but in the long-term. That last bit about "wrong treatment path" sounds horrifying. I do desire SRS point blank because Sheen-shit aside, I am a trans woman. I'd get it from a medical professional than a backalley in Vancouver.I think my DIY attraction is influenced by the internalized transphobia I have to kill. I don't want to be clocked and I've logically computed that to, "this is my burden I myself will always have to fulfill." But that's difficult mentality that works sustainably when you're trans. Just talking long term - yes - remove the brainworm that I will DIY it indefinitely. I need to be clocked. I have to sit in those uncomfrtoable medical offices and stand in line and deal with being Othered. I can't run away with it with a DIY cope. Still, DIY temporarily for now though.
>>43388668charlie is a unisex name...
I rep but I take anti androgens and I also got electrolysis. I get to be happy knowing I won’t masculinize so it’s not too bad. The social consequences of being a tranny outweigh the social benefits of being a man.
