I detransed now I hate my look so much I want to kms
>>43399296why did u detrans
>>43399296How much does it take for changes to reverseIs it over
>>43399326Cause I’m genuinely a retard who thought since I had stopped being dysphoric I could just be a normal dude. It was fine, I had my tranny thoughts in check by dreaming about being a woman etc, until a few weeks ago where I got more masculine and lost so many andro/fem features and now I hate myself and the E isn’t here yet and I just want to do a DIY orchi or a bullet in my head
>>43399296In which country does OP live? We can bring you E if you wish
>>43399296>>43399296Couldnt be in a more different boat. Was the most insecure and unhappy ive ever been while on hrt. I detransed, genuinely turned into a terramogger and even joined a frat. I always had the frame height and face to just be a high SMV man so i just went with it and my quality of life increase literally probably 100x. And im not even dysphoric, matter of fact I will genuinely start blasting T soon. And i get laid (and i promise this is not larp, only slightly embellished) Maybe consider you might just have had ROGD, and can leave that part of you behind? Goodluck bro
>>43399296>>43399342i passed on e but went off because I'm retarded and believed that a succubus was actually trying to possess me and had really strong hypnagogic hallucinations once that looked like mild psychedelic visuals when i woke up and it was so terrifying that i stopped then i started getting bad luck whenever i planned to do another injection after that and my ocd got so bad i ended up throwing out the vial i also ended up messing my hair up when i was sleep deprived and got forced to work a lot and ended up cutting it all off im very tired of this diy chemical castration for males should exist and it should be over the counter at least i wouldnt have re masculinized
>>43399296>>43399342many such cases
>>43400510im also stupid as fuck and prayed to a hindu god i grew up worshipping to help me transition and pass in exchange for being his lover in the afterlife and i have not been able to remember almost any of my dreams since then so i dont think i can ever transition or ill lose my freedom in the afterlife. fuck my life.
>>43399296i wanna detrans cause on hrt i just feel like a man with boobs but then i end up masculinising more and wanna sui so i always end up back on it. i hate this fucking cycle where i never become anything but just modulating my self hatred.
>>43399342>I took the pill that turns me into a girl and didn't feel dysphoric anymore I wonder what these could mean
>>43400510do u have magical ocd or schiz ive been thru smtng a little similar to what ur going thru and lowkey u have 2 treat the mental illness first so u don't do shit like this agajn
>>43400510Omg you literally believe that fucking shit and you still here, just fucking leave and never come back this this site ever
>>43400546i have very severe magical thinking ocd but i also have had a lot of serious negative spiritual/supernatural experiences (also see >>43400521) also my ocd has made me legitimately notice patterns like i cant drink black tea or have bamboo as my phone wallpaper because those things give me bad luck every time i do them. and when i drink a specific brand of matcha tea something bad specifically related to work happens to me. no one believes me but it legitimately happens every time even when i try to do the things anyway so exposure reponse prevention therapy for ocd doesnt make it stop happening. im pretty sure im also being targeted by that god i grew up worshipping because i got extremely bad luck when i left their religion and am still dealing with the problems that happened when it started. i also have black family members who might legit be doing black magic on me and have talked about it
>>43400560are you saying i should leave because this site is bad for me or you're hostile to me?
>>43400578im not suggesting this is the case for every occurrence cause i still believe in the supernatural but also some things i assumed were spiritual occurrences stopped happening when i got medicated so yk it could be smtng 2 look into but yeah that sucks.maybe order multiple e vials when u can just in case some bad luck sabotages 1 and put them in different places ? could also look into talismans? its difficult right cause on th one hand u dont want to encourage mental illness and trying to fight back against perceived spiritual stuff sometimes feeds into it but on the other hand u have to work w ur mental illness. idk wish i could give u more encouragement. my magical thinking ocd has mostly dissipated w time and now I have different themes which r worse desu but at least they feel grounded.
>>43400590just a hostile idiot dont pay attention >>43400616for instancee for a long time i was haunted by satan who was inside my head and then i got medicated for a separate illness which also worked for ocd and satan just entirely went away and then i could be trans bc people coul no longer read my thoughts that were being broadcast by satan so that turned out 2 be some extreme ocd bsone thing my psych told me is that if u think that smtng might be illogical it is prob ocd, i always found the concept of satan being in my head 2 be illogical but i still did the rituals in case but if u truly truly truly deeply think it is real and cannot be convinced it is not it could be something more mentally serious, although it would be difficult to convince u as such bc people w schiz sort of live in a different reality than most. if u find urself relating w the idea of a different reality it would be worth talking 2 a psych
>>43400616>some things i assumed were spiritual occurrences stopped happening when i got medicated i wont elaborate but bad things really did happen more before i was on meds. someone on /x/ had a good theory saying their "body's brain was broken from dmt and thus prone to demonic infections". i did have a very vivid nightmare about that same god also and felt such potent darkness that i dont think it was just my brain imagining the dream. but im on meds now and the stuff i cant do because they bring bad luck are the same. >could also look into talismans? maybe. i really hate this part about life because evil stuff really exists and can harm you but most people have enough comfort in their lives to never think about religion and spirituality and dismiss everything as "schizo" and dont know how fucking difficult it is to actually deal with shit like that. literally the only way to protect yourself is to know what youre doing with magic or be a part of an organized religion that can offer you protection or have a personal deity you can work with for help. i dont have any of those. i am basically the spiritual equivalent of like a medieval vagrant (as in compared to people who are nor vagrants and have a place to live) lol i just remembered once when i changed my pfp to casca on tumblr RIGHT AFTER i saw an ad on tumblr with a scary picture of one avatar (manifestation) of that god in a scary lion form from one of the stories of that religion. i think it is an evil and possessive deity. and that it happened because it was trying to tell me that im not allowed to feel my feminine self and that i belong to him. that was seriously terrifying. i fucking hate being human sometimes. im sure being a god is infinitely better, you're actually powerful enough to defend yourself and not be enslaved by other beings.
>>43400700yea fr its difficult 2 talk abt things w mental illness and spirituality ive had the same thing happen where ppl just dismiss everything i say as schiz bc i am schizo. its like bc u have a mental illness u r expected 2 be ok w being robbed of an entire dimension of the world or of valid concerns abt reality. my esoteric but normal friends can talk abt all this shit but when i say smtng like the vibes r off everyone rolls their eyes and then like nine time out of ten im right bc im sorta clairvoyant like that like ive actually saved their asses from bad events but nah im insane. whatever. for what its worth i think theres enough gods that transcend gender or r genderfluid that try 2 protect trannies but rn around the world theres energetically a lot of animus towards us that imo seems 2 be fucking us over cosmically so maybe this is just a shitty period of time 2 be in stay safe
>>43400657>just a hostile idiot dont pay attention thanks :') >just entirely went away one medication i took for ocd made all my ocd symptoms even intrusive thoughts go away completely but it made me so tired i couldnt even get up to pee so i had to stop taking it >if u think that smtng might be illogical it is prob ocd maybe but i literally have tried to do the things that cause me bad luck multiple times and it still happened anyway it feels like my reality is a video game with a bug in it >people w schiz sort of live in a different reality than most yeah, thats why i mentioned the "brain physically broken and prone to demonic infections" theory someone on /x/ said once. i had a bad lsd trip when i was 16 and smoked on it so i think i got brain damage because i had really severe anxiety and sleep issues after. i fucking hate reality i hate that so much evil and dangerous shit exist out there. someone on /x/ said its dangerous to commit suicide because "soul mercenaries" in the astral can sniff you out if you enter there in a vibration of fear or negative emotions and drag you to nightmare dimensions and thats so fucking terrifying because ive had so many bad dreams in recent times that just felt so disturbing, like a fucked up flash game from the 2000s or something. the nightmare i had about the hindu god was so potent and i felt such darkness and "disturbance" is the word i would use to describe it. it was like the feeling i got when i discovered sayonara wo oshiete but multiplied by a thousand
>>43400806have u looked into hppd? often known to cause dpdr, anxiety, and could also explain weird visuals. pscyhedelics r known 2 cause mental breaks in some so it wouldnt be 2 strange.i woudlnt trust everyone on /x/ desu a lot of them have stupid theories abt stuff that rlly arent corroborated by anything except trust me bro. plus theres sort of the effect of information overload, where u think ur doing urself a service by learning about everything bad or strange in the world but actually ur just locking urself into fear cycles. its a lot like people doomscrolling thru news sites like it sucks if there r soul mercenaries and it sucks if there r organ harvesters in bangladesh or whatever but learning abt that just adds 2 suffering w no real resolution like u cant rlly do anything except learn abt bad things my advice would be 2 limit time on /x/ and try 2 do things that bring u joy but i would also be a hypocrite given how much time i spend online.
>>43399342>>43400510
>>43400782>its like bc u have a mental illness u r expected 2 be ok w being robbed of an entire dimension of the world or of valid concerns abt reality. desu even believing in anything except for the most basic religious concepts like "bro do you think God is real or not" is already considered mental illness by most people. someone on /x/ a while ago said something related to astrology about how science and rationalism is the religion of this era and it makes sense. I'm also quite surprised at how many people even on places like this site act like you're screaming in public having a psychotic episode for sharing any idea or belief that isnt from mainstream religion. >for what its worth i think theres enough gods that transcend gender or r genderfluid that try 2 protect trannies thats good :) i hope so my main concern is that i WANT to transition but i tried to make a deal with that "god" and i dont want it to be applied if i transition. i want to transition without having to be his lover in the afterlife. so i want to figure out how to break whatever agreement or binding may have occured by my stupid action of trying to make a deal with him. and i dont want to convert to an Abrahamic or dharmic religion. i think everything is fate anyway. what i did was the result of circumstances that led to me doing that and those circumstances were also influenced by other circumstances and so on. i think that goes back infinitely. i actually used to really like Taoism and in the nightmare i had about that hindu god i panicked and called the name of a Chinese goddess in my mind and that part of the dream stopped right away. i found out later that apparently she was originally a Buddhist goddess though so i don't know what to say because i used to be a Buddhist but left because i had serious personal disagreements with multiple fundamental beliefs of the religion like there being no soul or eternal heavens and the goal of Buddhism being to erase your own existence.
>>43400880>have u looked into hppd? yeah i think i might have a more mild form of it. i also think estrogen might have triggered it in my brain cause i literally didnt even have visuals like that during the actual trip when i was 16. it was terrifying. it looked like there were small bubbles over everything like a Da Vinci painting. i also dont know if it could have just been increased visual snow from just waking up or a hypnagogic hallucination from just waking up. ive had visual snow my whole life >i woudlnt trust everyone on /x/ desu a lot of them have stupid theories abt stuff lol yeah tons of them even proselytize for the cult i grew up in, which is actually a fringe hindu cult that doesnt even have a proper/orthodox lineage apparently. hindu entities are dangerous to worship too cause i read someone on reddit say that one of their gods may cause you lots of problems and misfortune to force you to give up material things and another one is dangerous to worship because she is known for making her devotees ugly because she is jealous, and she also doesnt like her devotees having romantic relationships. >my advice would be 2 limit time on /x/ yup i stopped going there completely a few days ago cause i had an encounter with a transphobic homophobic /pol/ person. we should have our own /x/ general here but i dont really know how to format something like that because it's a broad subject
>>43400972>it looked like there were small bubbles over everything like a Da Vinci painting. wait no i meant like a Van Gogh painting.
>>43400972btw i meant that the person on reddit (who also i think is from India) said that a tantric guru in India who has no affiliation with the cult i grew up in, told them that.
>>43399477Whats ROGD? I tried to be normal but once I got real masculinisation I freaked (and I’m freaking out), sometimes I even want to self harm>>43400510Fr >>43400540I got ffs as well, HRT alone didn’t do anything. But after ffs I was good
>>43399296The character on the left is a transbian btw
